Leash Jokes

83 leash jokes and hilarious leash puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leash that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funny jokes about everything from collars and straps to the infamous off-the-leash pooch! Whether you're looking for something lighthearted to make you chuckle or a gag that could help bite the leash of boredom, this collection of jokes is sure to get you laughing.

Funniest Leash Short Jokes

Short leash jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leash humour may include short collar jokes also.

  1. How does a blind skydiver know when he's getting close to the ground? The leash goes slack.
  2. How did the blind skydiver know he was about to hit the ground? He felt the slack in his dog's leash.
  3. How does a blind parachuter know he's getting close to the ground? The leash on his guide dog goes slack.
  4. Blind person goes skydiving. How do they know when they'll hit the ground ? There's less tension in the dog's leash.
  5. Local police canine unit got all their leashes stolen today. However, the case had to be closed due to the police having no leads.
  6. A crazy guy went inside a police station A crazy guy went inside a police station and stole all the K-9 units' leashes. Police says they have no leads
  7. A blind man is swinging his dog around on its leash like a helicopter. A shocked onlooker asks "What are you doing?" The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around."
  8. A blind person walks into a bar, picks up her guide dog by the leash and starts swinging it above her head. The bartender asks what she's doing, and the blind girl responds: "I'm just looking around"
  9. How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground? The feel the leash go slack!
    (heard this one while listening to some irish tunes)
  10. How did the blind skydiver know when he was getting close to the ground? The leash on his guide dog went limp.

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Leash One Liners

Which leash one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leash? I can suggest the ones about rope and fence.

  1. How does the blind skydiver know he's about to land? The dog leash slackens.
  2. How a blind skydiver knows he's going to land? Guide dogs leash gets loose
  3. How does a blind parachutist know when to pull his rip-chord? The leash goes slack...
  4. How can a blind skydiver tell when he's about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
  5. To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I'm sorry that I asked if he was a rescue
  6. How do blind sky divers know when to pull the rip cord? When the leash goes slack.
  7. What do you call an Arab riding a camel with a goat on a leash? Bisexual.
  8. How does a blind person know when to open their parachute? When their leash goes slack.
  9. What do you call a dog without a leash It's called a dog
  10. I was gonna make a joke about my dog being a freak on a leash... But it was too korny
  11. What do you call a pig on a leash? Pulled Pork
  12. How does a blind parachutist know when he's approaching the ground? The leash goes slack!
  13. Everybody hates on child leashes..... But a child leash could have saved harambi
  14. Did you hear about the man that rented his dog? It was leashed.
  15. How do you walk a chicken on a leash? You pullet.

Off The Leash Jokes

Here is a list of funny off the leash jokes and even better off the leash puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do the blind know when they're reaching the ground on a parachute jump? The leash goes slack
  • To the lady at Tesco who had her kid on a leash... I'm sorry I asked if he was a rescue, and very thankful you didn't sicc him on me.
  • A blind man stands in a store whirling a dog around his head with the leash. A saleswoman asks May I help you, sir? Nah, just looking around.
  • Please give me an advice... Our kid found a collar and a leash in our bedroom. how to explain to him that we are not buying him a dog?
  • A man walks into a restaurant with an alligator on a leash. He asks the waiter, "Do you serve children here?"
    "Of course."
    "Then I'll have pasta and my alligator will have some children."
  • What do you do then your woman is out of the kitchen? You go tighten the leash.
    sorry gals..
    What is the difference between women and batteries?
    Batteries have a plus side..
    I'm done..
  • An angry man is walking through the bazaar with a bear on a leash And he yells: Where's the guy that sold me a ''hamster'' last week?!
  • Why couldn't the dog sell his house? Because he couldn't get out of his leash.
  • When does a blind man know that his parachute didn't open? When the leash to his seeing eye dog goes slack.
  • I like my women like I like my dogs With fur not hair, on my leash, and frothy at the mouth
Leash joke, I like my women like I like my dogs

Howlingly Hilarious Leash Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about leash you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog collars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leash pranks.

Blind Man

A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden he starts swinging the dog around in the air by its leash.
One of the store clerks run up to him and yells, "What are you doing!?"
The blind man replies," I'm just taking a look around."

A blind man walks into a department store...

He takes the leash of his seeing-eye dog and starts swinging the poor dog around above his head.
"Um... Sir? Can I help you?" asks the salesperson.
"No thanks," replies the blind man. "I'm just looking around."

A blind man walks into Walmart...

A blind man walks into Walmart with his seeing-eye dog and makes his way to the center of the store.
Suddenly, the man picks up his dog and , like a lasso, begins to hurl the dog around over his head by its leash.
The manager, quite confused and a little concered for the dog flying around in the air, quickly runs over to the blind man.
"Sir! Is there something I can help you with?"

"Nope, just looking around."

An Irishman walks into a bar, carrying a penguin under his right arm....

A crocodile on a leash in his left hand, and a parrot on his shoulder. He walks up to the bartender and says "I'll have three pints of Guinness please".
The bartender looks at the Irishman.
Looks at the penguin.
Looks at the crocodile.
Looks at the parrot.
Looks back to the Irishman and says,
"What's all this supposed to be then? Some kind of joke?"

Joke my Grandpa told me. Pastors have the best jokes.

A blind man walks in to a store with his dog. He walks to the center of the store and starts to swing his dog around by the leash.
The store owner tries to stop the man "what do you think you are doing?"
The blindman replies "Just taking a look around."

The bull

A farmer is driving his tractor through his field when he spots his neighbor's five year old walking an enormous bull with a leash.
"Hey sweety! Where are ya headin' with that big bull?"
"Hiya Mr. Johnson! Imma takin' it to Maynard's t'mount his cows."
"Good, good... but cantya daddy go instead?"
"Naw, Mr. Johnson... the bull has t'go."

A guy goes skydiving...

and there's a blind guy on the plane going up with him. The blind guy has a seeing eye dog with him and a really really long leash. As they're going up the guy asks him, "Why bring the dog with you?"
The blind guys says, "He jumps first to let me know when to pull my c**...."
"How does he do that?" the man asked.
"The leash goes slack"

Hillary Clinton walks into a bar...

Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.
The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"
Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."
The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."

A blind man goes into a department store.

A blind man goes into a department store with his seeing eye dog. He walks it to the middle of the store and starts swinging the dog in the air by his leash over his head. Alarmed, the manager of the store runs over to the man and asks, "Excuse me sir, can I help you with something?" "No thanks, I'm just looking around."

A blind man walks into a convenience store with his service dog

He heads down an aisle and pauses, his faithful Golden Retriever by his side. With a grunt he picks the dog up by the leash and starts swinging him in circles over his head.
*Wooosh wooosh wooosh*
Bags of chips are flying around and candy bars are falling to the floor, along with a clamorous noise.
The frustrated store clerk yells at the man. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"
"I'm just looking around."

A man was walking along the street with a brick on a leash, when ...

A man was walking along the street with a brick on a leash, when a lady came up to him and said: "What's your dog's name?". The man replied: "It's not a dog lady, it's a brick on a leash!". The woman walked away shaking her head. When she was gone, the man turned to the brick and said: "We sure fooled her, didn't we rover?"

A blind man was walking downtown and he stumbled upon the fish market.....

As he enters the market with his seeing eye dog all of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are
you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.

When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his c**.... He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .

When does a blind skydiver know when the ground is close?

The leash goes slack.

A Married Couple Go to A Pet Shop.

The person on the floor greets them and says, "Hello, welcome to our pet shop! How can I help you?" The wife responds, "Could you find me a pet leash?" The sales floor person responds, "Sure! Right this way!" And the husband replies, "Don't forget one for the dog!"

Blind man walks with his dog into a convenience store.

He lifts his dog by the leash and starts swinging it over his head.
Store manager runs over and ask "can I help you with anything!"
Blind man says "no thanks, I'm just looking around."

A blind man walks into a convenient store with his seeing-eye dog

And he's walking around when all of the sudden, he picks his dog up by the leash and starts swinging it around, knocking everything over.
The cashier runs over and starts yelling
"Sir! Sir! What the h**... are you doing!?"
The blind guy puts his dog down and says
"Oh, I'm just looking around."

A blind man and his guide dog walk into a bar

The man just stands there for a few seconds, then suddenly, he starts swinging his guide dog around by his leash.
The bartender, shocked, asks the man: what the h**... are you doing with that dog?
The blind man replied: I'm just looking around

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

What would a sadistic Sean Connery s**... shop be called?

Lash But Not Leash

The big duck

A man at an airport see a guy with a giant duck on leash
He asks : "Wow, where did you find this ?"
"Well, i found a magic lamp with a genie that granted me one wish, i can let you try it"
So the other guy grabs the lamp and starts to rub it
A genie come out : "I grant you one wish"
" incredible, I wish for a billion !"
Suddenly, a pillion appeared.
"But this is not what i asked for !"
And the other guy says "You really think i asked for a big duck ?"

A lady walks in to her psychiatrist's office with a duck on a leash...

The doctor takes a look and says, "How can I help you, ma'am?"
"Thank you, doctor. But, it's not me, it's my husband. He thinks he's a duck."

A fool is walking down the street, dragging a brick on a leash behind him.

A cop sees him and says to himself: "I'll make fun of him."
He walks up to him and says: "Gee, you've got a nice dog!"
The fool replies, "Are you crazy? That's a brick!"
The angry cop walks away.
The fool turns to the brick and says, "We got him, didn't we, Rex?"

I saw a man with a penguin on a leash

I saw a man walking with a penguin on a leash
I said to him "That penguin is a wild animal. You need to take it to the zoo."
The man thought for a moment and said "You are absolutely right. I'll take him now."
The next day I saw the man again. He was still walking the penguin on a lead.
I said "I thought you were taking that penguin to the zoo?"
He replied "I did, he loved it. Now we're going to the movies."

Only Batman can protect the pig

A guy walks into a bar with a pig dressed all in black on a leash and orders a beer. "Um, what's with the dressed up pig?" the bartender asks. "It's my pet pig. He's dressed all in black for his own safety. This way no one can bully or harrass him," the guy tells the bartender. "Because Batman is sworn to protect goth ham."

I was walking my dog through the neighborhood when his leash broke, he ran off, and headed straight into a Chinese restaurant.

I ran inside and found him in the kitchen. To my horror, he was peeing on all the cookware! The cooks were yelling at him angrily, so I stepped in and said, "Please don't be mad at him. I'm the one who said he needed to go on a wok."

Was seeing a girl who had "I'm a dog person" on their dating profile.

I found it strange that she never introduced me to her dog though so I thought it might have died and never brought it up.
Around our 6 month anniversary she asked if we could spice things up. I said sure.
I was on the bed waiting and she came in on all fours wearing a wolf fursuit and a leash in her mouth.
I wonder what she is up to sometimes.

Mark went for a walk in the park.

As he strolled up the path he heard someone shout, "Mark!"
He stopped and turned his head, and heard it again. "Mark!"
There was nobody around except for an old man on a bench with his dog, so he walked closer.
"Mark! Mark!" said the dog, tugging on its leash in the man's hands.
Mark was taken aback. "You.. you know my name?! ..and can ***talk***?"
"Oh?" the man lifted his head. "I'm sorry, she can't pronounce her B's".

Leash joke, How does a blind skydiver know when he's getting close to the ground?

jokes about leash