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Learning To Drive Jokes

50 learning to drive jokes and hilarious learning to drive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about learning to drive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Learning To Drive Short Jokes

Short learning to drive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The learning to drive humour may include short driving lessons jokes also.

  1. I was surprised to learn my kid failed the road driving test... ...she Tweeted three times that it seem to be going well.
  2. Why did the Siamese twins move to England? So the other one could learn to drive.
    Courtesy of the movie "Man on the Moon".
  3. I'm upset. I'm two years into engineering school and... I haven't even started learning how to drive a train
  4. Remember, men, when your wife declares her intention to learn how to drive, Don't stand in her way.
  5. My Dog is always chasing people in cars I'm not gonna stop him, but I'm just confused about how he learned to drive
  6. I just learned that half of Asian-Americans have cataracts. The other half drive a Rincoln.
  7. If your friend wants to learn to drive.. ..don't stand in the way.
    Brought to you by my fortune cookie 🥠
  8. People are always asking me, "When are you going to learn to drive?" I don't think they feel very safe in my taxi.
  9. I hit every traffic light coming home from work today. I should probably learn how to drive better.
  10. When I was learning to drive, my parents told me I should never be on a highway where the flow of traffic was going more that 80mph. Then I moved to Florida.

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Learning To Drive One Liners

Which learning to drive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with learning to drive? I can suggest the ones about driving lesson and driving school.

  1. I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift. But I couldn't find a manual.
  2. When a bmw owner learns to drive... What kind of car do they switch to?
  3. I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn't find a manual.
  4. When I was a teenager, I had to learn how to drive a stick. We couldn't afford a car.
  5. Joseph never learned how to drive a stick shift. He kept Stalin.
  6. I tried to learn how to drive a stick shift but I couldn't locate the manual.
  7. Why can't Albert Einstein drive? Because he never learned.
  8. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
  9. Why did Vincent never learn to drive? He didn't know how to make the van Gogh..
  10. What do you call someone who is learning to drive trains? A train driver
  11. s**... is like learning how to drive Both times it's in the parking lot with your dad

Learning To Drive Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about learning to drive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean driving test jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make learning to drive pranks.

A man and his wife are driving home one night...

when a cop pulls them over. As they're sitting there waiting, the man realizes he doesn't have his seat belt on and nonchalantly puts it on before the cop walks up.
"Do you know why I pulled you over" the cop asks.
"No officer" the man replies.
"You were driving without a seat belt."
"You must be mistaken officer, I had my seat belt on, see!"
They go back and forth about whether the seat belt was on for a few minutes, getting gradually more heated.
The cop then leans down and says to the woman "Was this man driving without his seat belt?" The woman replies "Officer, after forty years of marriage to this man, I have learned one thing. Never argue with him when he's drunk!"

The Lumberjack Joke

Two lumberjacks, Bob and Screwball, are working in a mill. All is well until Screwball accidentally leans too far forward and gets his arm chopped off. Bob says "Oh no!", puts the decapitated arm in a plastic grocery bag and drives to the nearest hospital.
The next day, Bob shows up for work at the mill as usual, expecting to have to work twice as hard since Screwball is gone. But when he opens the door, Screwball's right there, arm totally healed, working away as if nothing happened. Bob keeps his confusion to himself and the day goes on as normal.
Screwball, the idiot he is, hasn't learned his lesson, and carelessly leans too forward again. This time, his leg gets chopped off. Bob quickly puts the dismembered leg in a bag and rushes off to the hospital.
Bob goes into work the next morning not knowing what to think. Trusty old Screwball is working away, as if his leg was never gone. Bob is no longer worried. Screwball does the same thing he did the two previous days, leans too far forward, and gets his head chopped off. Bob does what is fairly standard procedure by now - he puts his head in a bag and drives to the hospital.
After a little while, Bob decides to visit his friend. He asks a nurse about him, and the nurse says, "Oh, that guy? He would have made it, but some idiot put his head in a bag and he suffocated to death."

After a bad day on the course, a golfer goes to an old golf pro for some advice...

The old golf pro watches a few swings and the golfer says, "Well, what should I do?"
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."
The golfer went back out to the links. He took the old man's advice on his first swing and POW, he hits the ball 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the afternoon, the golfer is crushing tee drives right down the center.
The ecstatic man goes back home and tells his wife all about the new technique he learned. Now the wife, being an avid golfer, want's to talk to the old golf pro, as well.
The next day, the wife also asks the old golf pro for advice. The old golf pro watched her swing and says, "No, no, no. You're gripping the club way too hard".
"What should I do?" asked the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's manhood", said the old pro.
The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing and THUMP... The ball skipped off of the tee box and rolled about 15 feet down the fairway.
"You know, that was a lot better than I expected!" the old pro said. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands."

This kid passed his driving test . . . .

This kid passed his driving test and said to his dad:
"How about me borrowing the family car dad?"
His dad said:
"You get your grades up to a B, read your Bible a little more and get your hair cut then we'll talk about you borrowing the car."
A month or so later his dad said:
"Congratulations, your grades are up to a B, plus I've noticed you reading your Bible a lot more but you still haven't cut your hair, so no car I'm afraid."
"But dad," the kid said, "in reading my Bible, I have learned that Samson wore his hair long, so did John The Baptist and probably Jesus did too."
"Very true" said his dad, "but did you notice they walked everywhere."

Polish Tanks

Question: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
Answer: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.

First joke I ever learned

An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.
"Thank goodness you're home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!"
He responds, "*A* Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!"

This was my go to joke when I was 5-ish

A woman is walking on the road and sees a man pushing his motorcycle up the street. This happens every day for the next three or so days and she finally decides to go up to the man and ask:
-"why is it that I see you pushing this bike up the street everyday?"
-"Well... you see, I just recently bought this bike and before I can drive it, I need to make sure it learns the directions to my house"
As you can probably guess I wasn't very good at the art of humour, so that pretty much explains why I never had friends as a child.

A Wife new to Learning driving.. Awesome Joke!

A wife just learned how to drive, and today is excited about her first time driving to work in her new car.
A bit later, her husband woke up and turn on the local news, which was talking about a crazy car driving in an insanely fast speed in the opposite direction of the traffic. The husband started to get a little worried, so he called his wife on the cell, "Sweetie are you okay?".
Wife: "Honey, ya I am fine - just driving to work. What's the matter?!"
Him: "Oh nothing, never mind, it is just that the local news was talking about one car driving opposite to the traffic so I was calling to make sure you are okay!"
Her: "No I am fine.. And ya.. tell me about it.. it is not just one car, it is all the cars.. and it has been driving me nuts this morning!!!"

Driver

" I'm very sorry to learn that your wife ran away with your driver " said the friend to the old man.
" oh, don't worry, I can drive "

Bob and Jim in Paris

Two Americans, Bob and Jim, are on vacation in Paris. They're walking down the street, when a car pulls up, slamming on the brakes. The driver leans out.
"Parlez vous Francais?"
Bob looks at Jim and shrugs.
"Habla Español?"
The two men just stare.
"Parli Italiano?"
No answer. The man throws his hands up and then drives away.
They walk on a bit farther, and then Bob says to Jim, "You know, we should learn another language."
"Why?" Jim asks. "That guy knew three languages and it didn't do him any good!"

Languages

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen? he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.
Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais? he tries. The two continue to stare. Parlare Italiano? No response.
Hablan ustedes Espanol? Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says,
Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.
Why? says the other. That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.

Literally or figuratively.

Two guys were walking down the street

Suddenly, A car comes outta nowhere and runs them over.
One of them died, and the other guy survived, so he gets up and starts complaining to the car's driver.
"What's wrong with you? learn to drive a car j**..."
the driver says "What are you complaining about? your friend here died and he's not saying a word"

A police officer said to a motorist, "What were you doing? Your car was zigzagging like crazy!" "I'm learning to drive."

"Without an instructor in the car?"
"Oh, yes. It's an online course."

A Father goes to the toy store to buy a doll for his daughter

"It's my daughter's birthday and I want to buy her a barbie."
the toy salesman replies "well, you came to the right place. We have 'barbie goes to the beach' for 30 dollars, 'barbie super party funhouse' for 20 dollars, 'barbie learns to drive' that comes with a toy car and 'divorced barbie' for 100 dollars.
"why is divorced barbie so expensive" the father ponders aloud.
"because she comes with ken's house, car, and kids

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen where 2 Englishmen are waiting

Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.The two Englishmen just stare at him."Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare."Parlare Italiano?" No response."Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Maybe we should learn a foreign language....""Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

You would think that I would eventually learn

That not everyone is grateful when you try to help them. I was driving the other day and saw an old guy trying to cross the road. I pulled over, turned on my blinkers and went to assist the fellow. This guy turned around, and came after me, and tried to bite me. Snapping turtles are a h**... of a lot faster when they are mad.
*True story from a couple years ago*

Poland just ordered 6,000 septic tanks

The defense minister is reported to have said "Once our soldiers learn how to drive them, our enemies will be in deep s**...."