The Best 80 Learning Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Learning jokes. There are some learning learner jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these learning learning chinese puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Learning Jokes and Puns
In honor of September 19th, what are your best pirate jokes?
September 19th is international talk like a pirate day, and I would love to hear all of your guys best pirate jokes. Here is mine:
Why do pirates have trouble learning the alphabet?
Because they spend years at Sea!
The elementary class was learning about addition...
The teacher asks little Johnny, "If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "No, let's try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more."
Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "Let's try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?"
Johnny says, "Six."
The teacher says, "Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny again says, "Seven."
The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, "Why do you keep saying seven?!"
Johnny says, "Because... I've already got a cat!"
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
I've been programming for ten years, but I keep learning new things. For example:
for (int i = 0; true; i++) {
// this is a for example
}
When Chewbacca was learning his bowcaster skills he accidentally shot himself in the foot...
Wookie error.
A man decides he wants to learn to play bass.
He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. The next lesson the instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replies "I can't make the next lesson, I have a gig."
What happened when Sean Connery tried learning 3d modelling?
He made a mesh.
Susan taught all the toddlers a new song during Sunday school.
While learning "Must Jesus Bear the Cross Alone", the children stumbled when coming to the line "The consecrated cross I'll bear." After a bit of practice, everyone seemed to have gotten the hang of it and class was let out.
The following Sunday, a concerned mother came up to Susan and asked why her daughter was so focused on a constipated, cross-eyed bear.
Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...
To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
It's good that we aren't hearing about priests in the news lately.
It seems that kids these days are finally learning how to keep a secret.
I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...
...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"
You can explore learning geography reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean learning things we learn from our mother dad jokes. There are also learning puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
John learning Math
Teacher was teaching math to 5 yr old John.
Teacher: What is 5 - 5?
John: *Keeps Quiet*
Teacher: If you have 5 burgers and I take 5 burgers from you, what will you be left with?
John: French Fries.
Losing my virginity was a lot like learning to ride my bike
My dad was behind me the whole way.
Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...
To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)
Two old friends meet in bar...
[translated from Turkish]
-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!
-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while
-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?
-Mais biensur !
-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!
-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.
-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.
Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?
-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.
-Oh cool! Thx!
-Mais de rien !
-oh! stfu already...
Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?
- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)
[probably not the best written joke :/]
As a Lesbian, I feel like I wasted my time learning to cook.
All my partner and I do is eat out.
I started studying art history.
I'm really learning a lot. This painter named 'Renaissance' is just amazing.
A class is learning about probability..
Teacher: If I toss a penny, what are the chances that I get a head?
Girl: For a penny? Not very bright.
If you ever need help learning C++, I can give you some pointers.
And you can keep me as a reference.
Learning to ride a bike is like losing your virginity...
No matter how many years go by, you never forget the feeling of your dads hands on your shoulders as he pushes.
I wanted to open up a summer camp for kids with learning disabilities
apparently people think calling it a concentration camp is wrong
I'm learning about imaginary numbers...
I can finally plot my sex life.
In Flint, Michigan, students have no difficulty learning A — G and P — Z.
The problem's H to O.
I'm upset. I'm two years into engineering school and...
I haven't even started learning how to drive a train
I'm learning how to play the neurotic guitar.
It's a lot like an acoustic guitar but it's a little more high strung.
My German Teacher Wrote This On The Board This Morning
"When I was learning English, my tutor said that if we have trouble learning ' lead ' and ' lead ' just remember that ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' and ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' "
I loved this one.
I just finished reading the fifth book in this great series.
It's called the "Learning to Count" trilogy.
I've started learning Arabic
So I know when to start running.
Rule #1 for learning english
Their our know rules!
I am learning so much from my children.
As every great man learns from his mistakes.
Little Johnny was learning about punctuation
The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.
She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.
He asked: Why are periods so important?
The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?
Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself
I was amazed
As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.
Learning to pick locks
really opened a lot of doors for me
A young was boy learning to count and said the wrong number
He didn't mean two
What do you call it when a kid teaches their parents?
Learning from your mistakes.
Why couldn't the pirate finish learning the alphabet?
He got lost at sea
I don't see the point in learning Braille.
But I can feel it.
What's worst about learning you have Alzheimer's?
It doesn't just happen once
Did you hear about the schoolkid who went blind learning about the alphabet?
He never got to C.
Roy Moore is learning guitar chords
and he's starting with A Minor
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
It's actually quite hard to learn how to make tea...
There's a *steep* learning curve.
A machine learning algorithm walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What would you like to drink?"
The algorithm replies, "What's everyone else having?"
Did you hear of the guy who could literally master any craft, provided he masturbated before learning it?
He was jack off all trades.
A teacher was going over the history syllabus.
The teacher says to the class "We will be learning about history for the next 6 months. Each month I will teach a different decade. We will cover the 1940s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 2000-2010".
A student puts her hand up and asks "what about the '90s?". The teacher replies saying "only 90s kids remember the 90s".
I asked my father what it was like learning Braille, but he didn't want to tell me.
I didn't realize it was such a touchy subject.
My Dad told me he's good at learning from his mistakes
He said "You teach me something new everyday."
Did you hear about the guy that kept trying to commit suicide?
I think he was learning the ropes, but couldn't get the hang of it...
When learning how to fly
its important to maintain a positive altitude.
What's it like to be drunk?
A boy was riding home from school with his dad. He had just started learning about alcohol and drinking in his health class.
"Dad, when you're drinking how do you know you're drunk?"
"Well son, when you're drunk your speech is slurred and your vision gets worse and worse. A drunk person would see 4 cars in front of us and not 2."
"But Dad, there's only 1 car in front of us!"
What do you call a learning environment that specialises in teaching nuts?
m**acadamia**
My daughter was having problems with her G string and didn't want her daddy's help sorting it out.
Good thing I'm learning violin too and could help.
I'm learning how to make clown shoes...
It's no small feat.
A boy is sitting in class learning about logarithms
The teacher asks the class, "how do we change bases?"
The boy excitedly raises his hand and says, "ask her nicely"
In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word contagious . Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.
- Susan?
- I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!
- Very good. What about you, Johnny?
- Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it's gonna take the contagious!
I've always wanted to be a train engineer. I spent 15 years in engineering school, 10 years learning about train history, and 5 years learning how to operate a train.
I really thought I would've been trained by now.
Little Johnny was in math class
The class was learning subtraction with big numbers today, and the teacher decided to use money as the unit of measurement. Johnny hadn't been paying much attention, so the teacher called on him, "Little Johnny, if you start with $1000 and gave $150 to Lucy, $150 to Suzy and $200 to Brittany, what would you have?"
"Well I'd have $500 left over after a very expensive Orgy, sir"
My friend said he's learning bass guitar...
...Something about this sounds fishy.
Calculus has a steep learning curve...
But at least you know exactly how steep the learning curve is!
My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He can't say 'please' which I think is poor for four
My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
Bob Seger sits in a park with a tired-eyed old man. He's learning how to play chess.
After going over the layout and setup of the board, the old man begins a lesson on to the movement of the individual pieces.
Queens move in all directions, any distance. Kings are the same but with only one space. He didn't understand the knight, though.
Two in one direction, then one to the side.
Hm, funny how the knight moves.
A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, Two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight...
Three plus seven, that son of a bitch is ten."
Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four.
Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
During lockdown my next door neighbours 4 year old started learning Spanish.
He still can't say 'Please' though, which is poor for four.
Who the heck cares about learning the Roman Numeral system?
I for one...
Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus
Lying in the hospital bed his face still white with shock, he finally got the courage to ask shakily and in a quiet voice, How many people is a brazillion?"
A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.
What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to hell? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."
I wasted my life
I fear I've wasted my life. I spent years and years learning Latin, Spanish, Mandarin, and Swahili but it turns out I just misheard my uncle when I though he told me "girls love a cunning linguist".
Interviewer : What's your biggest strength?
Me : I'm good at Machine Learning
Interviewer : Okay, what's 21+17
Me : It's 5
Interviewer : Not even close. It's 38
Me : It's 20
Interviewer : I said it's 38
Me : It's 35
Interviewer : It's still 38....
Me : It's 38
Interviewer : Hired!
Parents should be cautious about having there kids do virtual learning...
The internet has a lot of PDF files.
My daughter has been learning Spanish for a year now but still can't say please
Which I think is poor for four
My 4 year old sister has been learning Spanish.
But she still doesn't know how to say "please", which I think is poor for four
We were learning trigonometry in math
I asked the teacher for help
He told me, "You must be soh cahnfused right now."
My friend next to me told him, "That was a toapnotch joke, sir."
I've been learning lockpicking for a year now.
And Honestly it has opened a lot of doors for me.
I'm thinking about learning how to make mirrors
It's something I could really see myself doing
Recently I've been learning how to draw optical illusions so I can surprise my girlfriend with one on her birthday.
Unfortunately she walked in and caught me practicing the other day.
Her: "What's that!"
Me: "I can explain...it's not what it looks like!"
A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I was interested in taking part in a marathon.
I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought "damn, I might actually win this".
My parents asked my why i was suddenly learning a foreign language?
I told them, "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition "
Four teachers are talking in the staffroom
The English teacher said: "I had a particularly dim pupil today ask me what came after 'F', I made sure be kind when I told him it was 'G'"
The music teacher replied with "I think I taught the same boy, he must've been confused when I told him that naturally F sharp came after F."
The computer science teacher chimed in with "Interestingly I told him that 1 came after F since we're learning hex at the moment"
The PE teacher after quietly listening in sheepishly admits "I told him it's okay, you can always train to teach gym".
Learning to read Braille with my index finger hasn't been easy so far
In fact, it's been a pretty bumpy ride
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the learning abcs jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working learning learn abcs piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.