Learning German Jokes

25 learning german jokes and hilarious learning german puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about learning german that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Learning German Short Jokes

Short learning german jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The learning german humour may include short learning french jokes also.

  1. What is the first thing French soldiers learn, when joining the military ? The phrase "I surrender" in german
  2. I've learned that restaurants in denmark would rather serve five Germans than one American. Something about five customers being better than one.

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Learning German One Liners

Which learning german one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with learning german? I can suggest the ones about learning english and german language.

  1. German pronouns are hard to learn They're a real du Sie.
  2. What's the first thing they learn in the French army? To say "I surrender!", in German.
  3. Today I learned the German word for 'Brazier' *Schtopemfromfloppin*
  4. I've been learning German for a week.. Let's just say it's been mein kampf

Learning German Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about learning german you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean language learning jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make learning german pranks.

Bob was struggling in the bedroom because he couldn't last as long as his wife.

He thought that maybe if he learned some French it would help.
But it didn't.
Then he tried learning German.
That didn't help either.
He tried Spanish, Portuguese, even Sweedish. Nothing worked.
Finally, he gave up. "It doesn't matter what language I learn," he said to his wife. "They all have one thing in common."
"What's that?" She asked.
"D comes before V."

I translated a German joke and hope it's still funny

A man is treated by a psychiatrist because he thinks that he is a mouse. After some weeks of psychiatric counseling he is finally healed and has learned, that he isn't a mouse.
As the man in walks out of the psychiatrists office he sees a cat on the street and runs back to the psychiatrist and screams: "I'm scared! There's a cat on the street!"
The psychiatrist replies "I thought you know now, that you are not a mouse."
The man answers "Yes, I know that, but does the cat know this too?"

Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...

And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.

A French man and a German sit at a bar

The French man says to the German, In France, we have fun by going to the park, eating bread with cheese, and mocking tourists. What is it that you Germans do for fun? The German replied, In Germany we ride the autobahn, visit historical sites, and learn about the world. Pah! , the French man says, you Germans do not know what fun is. The German replied, The last time we had fun, the Americans had to save you.

My German Teacher Wrote This On The Board This Morning

"When I was learning English, my tutor said that if we have trouble learning ' lead ' and ' lead ' just remember that ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' and ' lead ' sounds like ' read ' "
I loved this one.

A bookseller in German-occupied Copenhagen came up with a new idea to help sell books...

He displayed a book and poster in his shop window saying "English In 50 Hours, Learn English Before The Tommies Arrive."
He was immediately ordered by the n**... to remove it.
On the next day he put up a new book and poster in the same window that said "German In 50 Hours, Learn German Before Our Friends The Germans Depart."

Problems of language ( sorry for bad english)

Two Hungaryan policeman stops a car. The driver cant speak hungaryan so he tries to speak in english. The two policeman cant understan it and they just looking at the guy. Then the driver speaks to them in german, french, and a bunch of other languages. The policemen let him go. Then one of them says: Shouldnt we learn any languages? The other says: Why sould we? That guy knows so many languages but they still useless.

I learned German sausage-making from a guy who was really into Eastern philosophy.

He was always going on and on about how in order to make great sausage, you had to understand the sausage. You had to BE the sausage.
That guy was the *wurst*.

Joke I heard while in Hungary

Two cops are standing by the street side in New York City. A foreigner approaches them looking slightly panicked.
"Parlez vous Francais?" He asks them. The cops, not knowing a word of French merely shrug their shoulders at the man.
Frustrated, he asks them, "Ustedes hablan español?" Again, the cops merely shrug.
The foreigner continues with the same result with Dutch, Russian, and German. Eventually, he leaves, knowing that there's no hope for him to communicate with the officers.
"I keep telling you we should learn more languages!" says one cop to the other.
"Why?" he responds. "That man knows five, and it didn't get him anywhere."

While on a vacation in a foreign country, a man begins to drown in a lake

Suddenly, he sees two people walking by. He realises that he doesn't know the language.
"Help! Help!" he screams in English, to no reaction.
"Hilfe! Hilfe", he tries German. No reaction either.
" Socorro! Socorro!" he tries Spanish.
The people do nothing, so he drowns. As both passerby are walking away, one turns to another and says: "What do you think... should we learn another language?"
"Why? This guy spoke three languages and it didn't help him a bit"

A college girl from Wisconsin wants to learn about her heritage...

So she decides to take a month long trip around Germany. Now, as a college student, she's dead broke so she hits on a plan to make some spending cash.
A month later, she's back in Wisconsin and her mother says So Gertrude, how did you like the fatherland?
I loved it , Gertrude gushed. I learned so much about German culture. Once, I had a Frankfurter, a Hamburger and a Berliner all at the same time!
Gosh! , says her mother. You must have been stuffed! Could you even walk after that?!
Not for days , says Gertrude, but it was worth it, the money from the video paid for my food for the whole trip!

A man went to a German food stand

A young man went to a German food stand to order a bratwurst. As he gets his order, both ends of the sausage were missing. It was nonetheless the best bratwurst he has ever tasted so he decides to ask why the ends were missing and if it improves the taste somehow.
The cook answered that just does it because that's how he learned it from his grandmother. Furthermore he told the man that if he wants to know more he can always visit his grandmother and ask her if there is something to it.
The man then went to the grandmother's home to ask her his question. She was baffled and asked if her grandson still has the old small frying pan.

A Dutch anti-German joke (and the first foreign joke i ever learned!)

There's still a lot of ill feeling against the Germans in Holland. With that in mind, this is a joke a Dutch friend told me.
Walking around Amsterdam one day, a Dutchie sees a man down on his knees scooping up water from the canal with his hand to drink.
He shouts to the man (in Dutch) "Don't drink that, you will be sick!!!)
The man responds (in German) "Was hast du gesagt??" (What are you saying?)
The Dutch man responds (in German) "Use both hands! It's much better!"

I dumb joke my grandfather learned when he was a prisoner of war.

In a German prison camp, there isn't much to do. A new prisoner shows up, his name is Bill. One of the veteran prisoners, Jack, introduces himself to Bill. They talk, and eventually Jack asks what the prisoners do for fun.
Then a soldier yells, "15!"
Everyone is laughing hysterically.
Then another prisoner yells, "3!"
The laughter is deafening.
Bill asks Jack why these guys are laughing. Jack says that have been using the same jokes for so long that they save time by just assigning numbers to them.
Then a soldier yells, "7!"
Every other prisoner groans.
"Why didn't they laugh at that one?"
"Some people just can't phrase 'em right."

The foreign tourist

Hank and Frank are walking down the street. A flustered-looking guy comes up to them and asks,
"Parlez-vous français?" (Do you speak French?)
They stare at him. He tries again,
"Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" (Do you speak German?)
They shrug.
"Hablas español?" (Do you speak Spanish?)
"Parli italiano?" (Do you speak Italian?)
They shrug again, the man gives up and leaves.
Hank says, "maybe we should learn a foreign language."
Frank notes, "that guy knew 4 and look what good it did him."