Leaps Jokes
36 leaps jokes and hilarious leaps puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leaps that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Leaps Short Jokes
Short leaps jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leaps humour may include short jump lead jokes also.
- Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
- Late one night in the USSR there is a knock at the door. Everyone leaps out of bed. Papa goes shakily to the door.
'It's all right,' he says, coming back. 'The building's on fire.' - When you have a pet rock Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Training my pet rock
Friend: That's dumb
Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hits him in the face*
Me: No Rocky, No! - We should add a leap second to December 31st 2020 Just to make people watching the live clock think for a split second that the year will never end
- Why was Sir Lancelot too tired to jump over the moat? He didn't get a good knight's leap.
Wakka wakka! - I told my daughter to be sensible before her eighteenth birthday party. She said, "You are only eighteen once!"
I said, "No...you're eighteen 365 times, unless it's a leap year." - 2020 is a unique leap year... It has 29 days in February.
300 days in March.
And 5 years in April. - I'm looking for a girl who loves Leap Day Cuz that means she appreciates things which only come once every four years
- Science is progressing in leaps and bounds. In 20 years... ...we'll definitely have better smartphones.
- When neil Armstrong landed on the moon and said "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" What he really said was..." there's no way a cow can jump over this!"
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Leaps One Liners
Which leaps one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leaps? I can suggest the ones about leap seconds and leap year.
- With next year having a leap day... which day will my Office 365 not work?
- You know why the iPhone X is the biggest leap forward ever? Because they skipped 9.
- Only one in four frogs is a leap frog...
- What do you call a frog making leaps and bounds? Frogress
(just made this up) - Can a ninja scale a wall in a single leap? Shuriken.
- A suicidal bee is about to leap. To bee or not to bee.
- What do you call a French pole vaulter? A Leap Frog
- During what year do most suicides occur? Leap Year
- If a leap year has 366 days, what do you call a year with 365 days? A light year
- Where is the best place to eat on a leap day? IHOP
- 2016 is almost coming to an end Surprise MFs. I have a leap second added to me.
- I've been practicing my parkour skills... I've come leaps and bounds.
- Why did the Chinese kangaroo turn red? Because it was making a Great Leap Forward.
- A tree frog doesn't hop nor jump it leafs(leaps but it's supposed to be leaves so...)
- What is Tigger's favorite day? Leap Day, but Spring Forward is a close second.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Leaps Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about leaps you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hurdles jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leaps pranks.
Three legged pig
A man is driving through the country to see a farmer about a sale.
after awhile he turns into the front gate of the property.. before he can get out of the car to open the gate.. a three legged pig leaps up and undoes the latch - opens the gate for him.
He is amazed as he stops to close the gate again but notices the three legged pig quickly close and latch the gate behind him.
As he drives on to the next gate the pig runs at speed past his car - by the time he gets there the gate is wide open - the pig closes it behind him again.
He arrives at the homestead and the pig has already sped past him and in sitting on the lower step.
He asks the farmer 'what's the story with this three legged pig? he opened the gates and ran like lightning to get in front of me - it's only got three legs - amazing!'
Farmer replies - 'Good pig like that.., you would be mad to eat 'im all at once'
A man enters a pet shop...
...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie.
''You're a kind lady, so I'll grant you one wish,'' the genie tells her.''See this cat? I'd rather have a strong, handsome man,'' she says.The genie agrees and – p**...! – the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.''Do you have anything to say before we make love?'' she asks.''Yes,'' he says. ''I bet you wish you hadn't had me neutered last week.''
A Londoner is walking his dog...
...When he passes a policeman. As he walks past, the dog leaps up and bites the copper's hat off, and tears it to pieces.
"Oi!" the policeman says, "You gonna let your dog get away with that?!"
"Ah, he's just a bleedin' dog! Leave it out!" the Londoner replies.
"I don't like your attitude!" the policeman says.
"It wasn't my 'at he chewed, it was YOUR 'at he chewed!"
A man decides to visit Germany with his dog for 2 weeks.
He wishes to experience German culture during the winter. So, he visits an ice rink. As soon as the man steps foot on the ice, the dog darts forward, excited about his new surroundings. The dog proceeds to fall through a thinner patch of ice. The man leaps forward to save his dog, but another man dives in and pulls the dog to safety. The German man explains he is a nearby resident who saw what was about to happen. The other man, realizing his dog will need help as soon as he can get asks,
"Are you a vet?"
The German man replies, "Vet? I am soaking!"
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a glass of red wine. The bartender's therapy dog leaps to his feet, races across the room, runs down the stairs to the wine cellar and within moments returns with a lovely bottle of cabernet savignon in his jaws which he drops gently at the bartender's feet. "Wow, that dog is amazing," the guy says. "What kind is it?" "Oh, he's nothing special," the bartender replies. "Just a bordeaux collie."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Child walks in on parents in c**...
Mummy and Daddy are having s**... and their beautiful child walks in. Flustered, Mummy leaps off the bed (and off her husband) and wittingly tries to console what she thinks is her scarred son.
son: mummy, what's going on?
mum: oh son! I was just helping your daddy to flatten his belly
son: but why mummy? there's no point. the nanny just comes and blows it back up again.
Pavlov walks into a cafe...
...and orders a breakfast. "Sure," the lady says. "I'll let you know when it's ready." After a little while, she places his tray on the counter and rings the bell. Pavlov leaps up and exclaims, "Oh my gosh, I have to feed the dogs!"
A man walks in to a bar and hangs his hat and coat on a peg
There's a dog sat in the corner which leaps up grabs the hat and rips it to pieces.
The man turns to the owner of the dog and says: Your dog's just ruined my hat
Dog owner: So what, I couldn't care less.
Man: I don't like your attitude!
Dog owner: It's not my attitude, it's your hat he chewed.
Well, you know what Monty Python always say...
A man sees his friend looking rather melancholy and tries to cheer her up. After listening to her woes he says to her "Well, you know what Monty Python always say..."
She rolls her eyes "Always look on the bright side of life?"
"No." He leaps to his feet, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A newly-wed couple were lying in bed...
A newly-wed couple were lying in bed.
Suddenly the wife wakes up screaming, MY HUSBAND IS HOME!
The n**... husband leaps out the window.
Two men break out of a mental institution.
Two men steal flashlights and break out of a mental institution. They find themselves on the roof of the building with orderlies closing in. The men look and see there is an adjacent roof they might be able to jump onto. The first man runs and leaps over the gap, landing on the roof of the next building.
"Come on, jump!" He urges.
The second man replies, "I can't! I'm too scared!"
The first man yells, "I'll shine my flashlight across the roofs and you can walk on the light to me!"
"I'm not a fool!" Exclaims the second man. "You'll turn the light off when I'm half way across!"
A taxi driver speeds through a red light without even looking
And the passenger says, "whoa, what are you doing?! That was a red!"
The driver replies, "don't worry about it. My cousin, he does it all the time."
The passenger sits back until the driver blows through another red. He practically leaps out of his seat, "what are you doing?! You'll get us killed!"
The driver waves him off, "nonsense. My cousin, he does it all the time."
Then they come to a green light and the driver slams on the brakes and creeps into the intersection before taking off again. Now the passenger is livid.
"What was that?! That light was green!"
The driver nods and then shrugs before replying.
"My cousin. He mighta been coming."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Cats in a Triathalon
So, there are three cats competing in a triathlon. One is an English cat, named "One Two Three", one is German and named "Eins Zwei Drei", and the last is French and named "Un Deuz t**...". They're all very dedicated and have been training for this event since they were kittens.
When the race starts Un Deuz t**... leaps out front. He is sleek and nimble and leads for the running portion of the event. However, when they get on bicycles Eins Zwei Drei finishes first due to superior German engineering.
When they reach the pool for the swimming portion all cats jump in without hesitation. One Two Three finishes first, as he had been practicing swimming in the English Channel. Eins Zwei Drei comes out second. Hours pass, and the French Cat never exits.
Un Deuz t**... Quatre Cinq.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
this is for my country
Four guys climb the highest observation point in the world. A white guy, black, jew, and german.
Theyr reach the very top and the german leans over the edge and is taken aback by the view.
Suddenly he shouts out "THIS IS FOR MY COUNTRY!" And leaps to his death.
Feeling a sudden urge of patriotism the jew leans over the edge and shouts "THIS IS FOR MY COUNTRY!!!" and leaps to his death.
Scared from witnesing two apparent suicides the black guy leans over the edge to check if the two had survived the fall.
"THIS IS FOR MY COUNTRY!!!' Shouts the white man and pushes the black guy over the edge and proceeds to walk back down.
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician
An engineer wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Panicking, he leaps out of bed in only his robe and slippers, kicks over the wastebasket, and stomps out the flames, spreading ash and cinders all over his bedroom.
A physicist wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. A bit startled, he hurries to the kitchen and returns with a large dinner plate. He places the plate over the wastebasket and waits for the fire to extinguish.
A mathematician wakes up one night and sees a fire in his wastebasket. Coolly, he sits down at his desk with a pen and paper and scribbles some formulas. He scratches out his work, then lights a cigarette and sits back to consider. Suddenly thoughtful, he looks at the glass of water sitting on his desk. He takes one last drag from his cig, then drops it in the glass and watches it go out. "Aha!" he exclaims, "a solution exists!" and then returns to bed.
