Leaps Jokes

36 leaps jokes and hilarious leaps puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leaps that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Leaps Short Jokes

Short leaps jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leaps humour may include short jumps jokes also.

  1. Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
  2. Elon Musk lands on Mars and steps out of his spaceship "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
  3. Late one night in the USSR there is a knock at the door. Everyone leaps out of bed. Papa goes shakily to the door.

    'It's all right,' he says, coming back. 'The building's on fire.'
  4. When you have a pet rock Friend: What are you doing?
    Me: Training my pet rock
    Friend: That's dumb
    Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hits him in the face*
    Me: No Rocky, No!
  5. A Physics student is standing on the roof of a building preparing to leap to his death.... His professor calls out to him, "Stop! You have so much potential!"
  6. We should add a leap second to December 31st 2020 Just to make people watching the live clock think for a split second that the year will never end
  7. Why was Sir Lancelot too tired to jump over the moat? He didn't get a good knight's leap.
    Wakka wakka!
  8. I told my daughter to be sensible before her eighteenth birthday party. She said, "You are only eighteen once!"
    I said, "'re eighteen 365 times, unless it's a leap year."
  9. 2020 is a unique leap year... It has 29 days in February.
    300 days in March.
    And 5 years in April.
  10. I'm looking for a girl who loves Leap Day Cuz that means she appreciates things which only come once every four years

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Leaps One Liners

Which leaps one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leaps? I can suggest the ones about hopping and hopped.

  1. One small step for man, one giant leap for midgets.
  2. With next year having a leap day... which day will my Office 365 not work?
  3. You know why the iPhone X is the biggest leap forward ever? Because they skipped 9.
  4. Why did we leap from 2k to 4k resolution? Because 3k is racist.
  5. Only one in four frogs is a leap frog...
  6. What do you call a frog making leaps and bounds? Frogress
    (just made this up)
  7. Can a ninja scale a wall in a single leap? Shuriken.
  8. A suicidal bee is about to leap. To bee or not to bee.
  9. What do you call a French pole vaulter? A Leap Frog
  10. How does a one-legged Chinese man walk? He takes a great leap forward.
  11. During what year do most suicides occur? Leap Year
  12. If a leap year has 366 days, what do you call a year with 365 days? A light year
  13. Where is the best place to eat on a leap day? IHOP
  14. 2016 is almost coming to an end Surprise MFs. I have a leap second added to me.
  15. I've been practicing my parkour skills... I've come leaps and bounds.

Leaps joke, I've been practicing my parkour skills...

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Leaps Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about leaps you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bounces jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leaps pranks.

A man wins the lottery...

A man wins the lottery, jumps in to his car and goes home in a hurry, screeching in to his driveway. He leaps out and runs in to his house and yells to his wife upstairs "I've won the lottery! I've won the lottery! Quick, pack up your suitcase, I've won the lottery!" His wife is yells down "Woohoo! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The husband replies "I don't care, just get out!"

Three legged pig

A man is driving through the country to see a farmer about a sale.
after awhile he turns into the front gate of the property.. before he can get out of the car to open the gate.. a three legged pig leaps up and undoes the latch - opens the gate for him.
He is amazed as he stops to close the gate again but notices the three legged pig quickly close and latch the gate behind him.
As he drives on to the next gate the pig runs at speed past his car - by the time he gets there the gate is wide open - the pig closes it behind him again.
He arrives at the homestead and the pig has already sped past him and in sitting on the lower step.
He asks the farmer 'what's the story with this three legged pig? he opened the gates and ran like lightning to get in front of me - it's only got three legs - amazing!'
Farmer replies - 'Good pig like that.., you would be mad to eat 'im all at once'

A man enters a pet shop...

...and wants to buy a polar bear. The shop assistant takes the man to the bear's cage and says: "The polar bear is absolutely tamed, but whatever you do, don't touch his nose."
The man goes home with his new pet and everything is OK. Until the man can't no longer withstand: "I have to try what happens, when I touch his nose!" So he touches the nose and the polar bear leaps towards him and chases the man throughout the house.
Finally the man runs out of breath and the polar bear catches him. With his paw the bear taps the man's shoulder and says: "You are it!"

A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie.

''You're a kind lady, so I'll grant you one wish,'' the genie tells her.''See this cat? I'd rather have a strong, handsome man,'' she says.The genie agrees and – p**...! – the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.''Do you have anything to say before we make love?'' she asks.''Yes,'' he says. ''I bet you wish you hadn't had me neutered last week.''

A plane is about to c**......

A plane is going down and about to c**... when a woman suddenly leaps from her seat and screams,"If I'm going to die, I want to feel like a woman before I do!" She rips all her clothes off and screams,"Who here is man enough to make me feel like a true woman?"
A man stands up and calmly says OK. He unbuttons his shirt, takes it off, hands it to her and says,"Here. Iron this."

A Londoner is walking his dog...

...When he passes a policeman. As he walks past, the dog leaps up and bites the copper's hat off, and tears it to pieces.
"Oi!" the policeman says, "You gonna let your dog get away with that?!"
"Ah, he's just a bleedin' dog! Leave it out!" the Londoner replies.
"I don't like your attitude!" the policeman says.
"It wasn't my 'at he chewed, it was YOUR 'at he chewed!"

A man decides to visit Germany with his dog for 2 weeks.

He wishes to experience German culture during the winter. So, he visits an ice rink. As soon as the man steps foot on the ice, the dog darts forward, excited about his new surroundings. The dog proceeds to fall through a thinner patch of ice. The man leaps forward to save his dog, but another man dives in and pulls the dog to safety. The German man explains he is a nearby resident who saw what was about to happen. The other man, realizing his dog will need help as soon as he can get asks,
"Are you a vet?"
The German man replies, "Vet? I am soaking!"

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a glass of red wine. The bartender's therapy dog leaps to his feet, races across the room, runs down the stairs to the wine cellar and within moments returns with a lovely bottle of cabernet savignon in his jaws which he drops gently at the bartender's feet. "Wow, that dog is amazing," the guy says. "What kind is it?" "Oh, he's nothing special," the bartender replies. "Just a bordeaux collie."

Child walks in on parents in c**...

Mummy and Daddy are having s**... and their beautiful child walks in. Flustered, Mummy leaps off the bed (and off her husband) and wittingly tries to console what she thinks is her scarred son.

son: mummy, what's going on?
mum: oh son! I was just helping your daddy to flatten his belly
son: but why mummy? there's no point. the nanny just comes and blows it back up again.

Pavlov walks into a cafe...

...and orders a breakfast. "Sure," the lady says. "I'll let you know when it's ready." After a little while, she places his tray on the counter and rings the bell. Pavlov leaps up and exclaims, "Oh my gosh, I have to feed the dogs!"

Spartacus and his wife are enjoying a nice dinner with friends when

Out of nowhere a lion leaps onto the table and swallows his wife whole!
Horrified, his friends shout "Spartacus, your wife was just eaten by a lion! Why didn't you do something?"
Shocked Spartacus says "Do something? I was gladiator."

A man walks in to a bar and hangs his hat and coat on a peg

There's a dog sat in the corner which leaps up grabs the hat and rips it to pieces.
The man turns to the owner of the dog and says: Your dog's just ruined my hat
Dog owner: So what, I couldn't care less.
Man: I don't like your attitude!
Dog owner: It's not my attitude, it's your hat he chewed.

A man is on trial for armed robbery...

The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clear his t**... and announces, Not guilty. The defendant leaps to his feet. Awesome! he shouts. Does that mean I get to keep the money?

A servant runs into the kings room

The servant out of breath proclaims "Sir the peasants are revolting"
The king worried leaps to the window only to see a few peasants walking calmly down the road. Confused he turns back to the servant and inquires on what he meant.
The servant with a hand to his stomach replies "have you seen what they are wearing?"

Science is progressing in leaps and bounds. In 20 years...

...we'll definitely have better smartphones.

Well, you know what Monty Python always say...

A man sees his friend looking rather melancholy and tries to cheer her up. After listening to her woes he says to her "Well, you know what Monty Python always say..."
She rolls her eyes "Always look on the bright side of life?"

A newly-wed couple were lying in bed...

A newly-wed couple were lying in bed.
Suddenly the wife wakes up screaming, MY HUSBAND IS HOME!
The n**... husband leaps out the window.

Leaps joke, I've been practicing my parkour skills...