JokoJokes

Leap Seconds Jokes

14 leap seconds jokes and hilarious leap seconds puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leap seconds that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Leap Seconds Short Jokes

Short leap seconds jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leap seconds humour may include short leap year jokes also.

  1. We should add a leap second to December 31st 2020 Just to make people watching the live clock think for a split second that the year will never end

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Leap Seconds One Liners

Which leap seconds one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leap seconds? I can suggest the ones about leap and seconds.

  1. 2016 is almost coming to an end Surprise MFs. I have a leap second added to me.
  2. What is Tigger's favorite day? Leap Day, but Spring Forward is a close second.

Cheerful Leap Seconds Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about leap seconds you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thirty seconds jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leap seconds pranks.

Two men break out of a mental institution.

Two men steal flashlights and break out of a mental institution. They find themselves on the roof of the building with orderlies closing in. The men look and see there is an adjacent roof they might be able to jump onto. The first man runs and leaps over the gap, landing on the roof of the next building.
"Come on, jump!" He urges.
The second man replies, "I can't! I'm too scared!"
The first man yells, "I'll shine my flashlight across the roofs and you can walk on the light to me!"
"I'm not a fool!" Exclaims the second man. "You'll turn the light off when I'm half way across!"

A Physicist and an Engineer take turns shooting at a deer.

An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each takes a turn to try and bag it.
The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.
The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineer's pad and a book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.
The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!"

An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting.

They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.
The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.
The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineering pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready. He takes aim and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.
The statistician triumphantly leaps in the air shouting, We got it!

Two men escape an asylum

Two men are in a mental asylum. One day they decide to escape and find there way on the roof. On the roof, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops that stretch away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend did not dare make the leap. His friend was afraid of falling. So then, the first guy got an idea. He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' But the second guy just shakes his head. He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'

A woman is lying in bed with her lover

"You should leave, my husband can come back home any minute now."
"Don't worry, whenever we hear the doorbell ring I will jump out of the window."
"Are you crazy? It's 11th floor."
"Everything is arranged. I asked my friends to stretch out and hold a big canvas for me to jump on."
Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Without a second thought, the lover quickly jumps out of the bed and leaps through the window. The woman stands up and opens the door where she sees an impatient man standing.
"I'm sorry, mam. Could you tell Bill that we c**... find the canvas?"

Two Lunatics Escape The Asylum.

there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum and one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' But the second guy just shakes his head. He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'

Three Cats in a Triathalon

So, there are three cats competing in a triathlon. One is an English cat, named "One Two Three", one is German and named "Eins Zwei Drei", and the last is French and named "Un Deuz t**...". They're all very dedicated and have been training for this event since they were kittens.
When the race starts Un Deuz t**... leaps out front. He is sleek and nimble and leads for the running portion of the event. However, when they get on bicycles Eins Zwei Drei finishes first due to superior German engineering.
When they reach the pool for the swimming portion all cats jump in without hesitation. One Two Three finishes first, as he had been practicing swimming in the English Channel. Eins Zwei Drei comes out second. Hours pass, and the French Cat never exits.
Un Deuz t**... Quatre Cinq.

A Puerto Rican and a white guy were standing on a tenement roof.

The white guy turned to the Puerto Rican and said, "The updrafts on the side of the building are terrific. Watch." The white guy jumped off the side of the building, fell to within a meter of the sidewalk and floated back up, landing on his feet on top of the building.
The Puerto Rican was so impressed he decided to try it. He took a flying leap off the side and a few seconds later splattered all over the sidewalk below.
Two cops were watching from across the street. One shook his head and said to the other, "Boy, that Clark Kent sure hates Puerto Ricans."

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...and one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape. So, like, they get up to the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight. Stretching away to freedom. Now the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend dare not make the leap. You see he's afraid of falling. So then the first guy has an idea. He says "Hey! I have a flashlight with me. I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" But the second guy just shakes his head. He says "What do you think I am? CRAZY? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"