Leaning Jokes
100 leaning jokes and hilarious leaning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leaning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Leaning Short Jokes
Short leaning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leaning humour may include short leans jokes also.
- What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma. - What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!
A cow with no legs?
Ground beef!
A cow with 2 legs?
YO MAMA - Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start." So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."
- Einstein is on a train leaving New York. He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"
- The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza. Now they'll have the time as well as the inclination.
- What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom. - Sometimes, I will squat to the floor, hug my legs, and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
- An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:
Where were you on the night of October to April? - Sometimes I put my head in between my both my legs and lean forward... ...because that's how I roll
- A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"
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Leaning One Liners
Which leaning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leaning? I can suggest the ones about ledge and lifting.
- Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
- Why does the Leaning Tower of pisa lean? Because it's Italic.
- "Talk dirty to me!"she begged. "Alright," he said leaning closer, "Volkswagon diesel!"
- Beer doesn't make you fat It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets, etc.
- If you see someone doing a crossword Lean over and tell them seven up is Lemon-lime
- Why is the leaning tower of Pisa in Italy? It's Italicized
- Why is the tower of Pisa leaning? Cause it has better reflexes than the twin towers.
- Sometimes I like to grab my ankles and lean forward But that's just how I roll.
- Why do the Pakistanis love lean cows? Because they are moo-slim.
- what do you call a cow with two legs? lean beef.
- Opportunity only knocks once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
- Beer makes you lean On walls, toilet, and refrigerators
- Since I lost weight I've stopped giving money to the homeless. Lean and mean.
- They asked me not to lean over the edge of that tower in Paris. Eiffel.
- Why is the tower of Pisa leaning? Becouse she was faster then the Twin Towers.
Left Leaning Jokes
Here is a list of funny left leaning jokes and even better left leaning puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Just finished building an Ikea shelf. I'm going to name it Joe. It's a bit shakey and leans slightly to the left.
- Why are there no chairs in the Democratic National Headquarters? Because everyone is left leaning.
- Did you hear about the Doctor who fell down the well? He was taking a break at work and leaned too far over a well and fell right in! Guess he should have tended to the sick and left the well alone.
- What kind of meat comes from an animal whose left legs are shorter than their right legs? Lean.
- politics When it comes to politics I tend to lean towards the left. But when it comes to alcohol, I tend to lean on things that aren't even there.
- I just took a political stance quiz, and found out that I am 52% liberal and 48% conservative. That's not the only part of me that leans slightly to the left.
- What do you call clusters of falling ice crystals with left-leaning views? Liberal snowflakes.
- Political opinions are like d**....... Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
- Why did Stalin ally himself with h**...? He thought they had the same political leanings. After all, three reichs should make a left.
- When passing wind, f**... if you will, in a sitting position, are you left cheek dominate or right cheek dominate? In otherwords, which way do you lean?
Leaning Tower Jokes
Here is a list of funny leaning tower jokes and even better leaning tower puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL that the leaning tower of Pisa collapsed after 848 years. After an official investigation it was discovered not enough tourists have been holding it up since the start of the pandemic.
- We Finally Know Why The Leaning Tower Of Pisa Is Leaning. The graphic designer pressed the *ITALICS* key on accident.
- What's the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers? The Leaning Tower of Pisa had substantially faster reflexes.
- The Leaning Tower of Pisa is a good representation of all Italians Not straight.
- What is the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers? Better reflexes.
- Did you know the leaning tower of Pisa has been available for purchase? It always seems to have had a listing.
- Apparently The Leaning Tower of Pisa is going to be turned into a clock tower. After all, there's no point having the inclination if you don't have the time.
- Why did they never put a clock on the leaning tower of Pisa? They never had the inclination or the time.
- What did Big Ben say to the Leaning Tower of Pisa? 'I've got the time, if you've got the inclination...'
- Chuck Norris once leaned on the Tower of Pisa...
Leaning Tower Of Pisa Jokes
Here is a list of funny leaning tower of pisa jokes and even better leaning tower of pisa puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They're going to put a clock on the leaning tower of Pisa... That way, it'll have both the time and the inclination.
- What is common between Hillary and the Leaning Tower of Pisa? They are both Crooked. (Allegedly).
- What's the most impressive part of the Leaning Tower of Pisa?
- Why does the Tower Of Pisa lean? To avoid planes
Cheerful Leaning Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about leaning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leaning pranks.
Cough Medicine
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
Timpani joke..
Q: Why do you keep leaning over and putting your ear on the timpani?
A: There's a little man inside telling me what and when to play
Drunk...
A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.
After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.
He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the matter, mate?"
The grumpy guy scowls at the drunk and says, "Argh - piston broke!"
"Yeah - so am I!" replies the drunk and lurches off...
c**... advice
The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
He asks the clerk:
"What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxative."
The pharmacist said:
"You can't treat a cough with a laxative!"
The clerk responded, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough!
The new CEO
On a tour of the facilities, the new CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, 'How much money money do you make a week?'
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, 'I make $400 a week. Why?'
The CEO said, 'Wait right here.' He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, 'Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back.'
Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, 'Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?'
From across the room a voice said, 'That was the pizza delivery guy.'
A guy was leaning against the outer wall of a bank when a police officer walked by.
"What do you think you're doing?" the officer said.
"I'm holding up the bank," the guy said.
"Very funny. Now move along."
So he shuffled off, and the bank wall crumbled to the ground.
What do you call a guy who's laying down in front of a door?...Matt. What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?... Bob. What do you call a guy leaning against a wall?...Art. What do you call a gal who you owe money to that you set on fire?...
.........................................................................................
.
.....
..BERNADETTE!!!!!!
3 Nuns
Three nuns were on vacation and travelling in a bus. Sister Veronica was chatting with Sister Frances who was sitting next to her. Across the aisle was Sister Trudy. Sister Trudy was very hard of hearing and was leaning across the aisle and trying to hear what the other two sisters were talking about.
Sister Veronica said, "When I was in Hawaii last year, they had the hugest bananas I ever saw. They were humungous! This long!" she said as she held her hands a foot apart, "and this wide!" she said as she held her hands in a circle. "I had trouble eating one!" she said as she motioned biting down on a banana.
Sister Trudy was leaning further in the aisle, trying to tune in to the conversation of the other two nuns.
Sister Frances then said, "When I was in Florida last year, they had the hugest oranges I have ever seen." She held her palms upturned as if to hold two large oranges. "They were this big!"
Sister Trudy could no longer stand it and shouted out, "Father who????!!!"
A chemist comes back from his lunch break.
He finds his assistant busy behind the counter, and a man twitching while leaning against the wall. "What's going on?" he asks. The assistant tells him that the man came in for some cough syrup. "Well, did you give it to him?" asks the chemist. "No, we didn't have any," replies the assistant.
"So what *have* you given him?" asks the chemist. "Laxatives," replies the assistant. The chemists stares at the assistant, then the man, then back again.
And the assistant says, "Well, he doesn't want to cough now."
Two idiots, Bill and Carl, were digging a ditch.
Two idiots, Bill and Carl, were digging a ditch. As they sweated, they noticed their supervisor leaning on a fence, enjoying his coffee. "How come he's up there and we're down here?" asked Bill.
"I dunno, go ask him!".
Bill climbed out and marched over to the supervisor. "Hows come you're up here sipping coffee and we're slaving away?"
The supervisor looked at him. "Bill, let me show you. I'll put my hand on this post, and you try to smash it with your shovel, ok?"
Bill took a mighty swing, but the super moved his hand and Bill hit the post, nearly jarring the shovel out of his hands.
"That's why I'm up here and you're down there. Now back to work!"
Bill climbed back down. "What did he say?" asked Carl.
"I'll show you." Bill looked around for a post, but seeing none in the ditch, put his hand on his face. "OK, try to hit my hand with your shovel..."
A pharmacist walked into his shop....
.... to find a man leaning against the wall.
"What's wrong with him?", he asked his assistant.
"He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any
so I gave him an entire box of laxatives."
"You idiot" said the chemist, "You can't treat a cough with laxatives."
"Of course you can" the assistant replied,
"Look at him........he daren't cough now!!"
A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.
One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"
And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."
A man was walking down the street when he heard a distant voice say, "Climb the ladder to success."
The man then noticed a ladder leaning up against the building to his right. Again, he heard the voice: "Climb the ladder to success." The man shrugged and began to climb. The voice kept repeating itself and grew louder as the man approached the top. "Climb the ladder to success." Finally, the man reached the top of the building, where he found a fully n**... man. "Hi, I'm Sess."
Why are black man's palms white?
Because they are always leaning against cop cars.
A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall
He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'
Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'
The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'
The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'
What will Kayne West's political leaning be if he runs for President?
West wing
Perry was busy building a defensive palisade around the Musketeer compound, but it was leaning over badly.
Suddenly Porthos spots the enemy and yells 'Attack! Perry, REPOST!'
As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.
As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.
The stallion said, "I spent the whole night trying to take off her pajamas."
Excuse me, there's a large rat in your restroom.
Me: Excuse me, there's a large rat in your restroom.
Starbucks Employee: I'm sorry, what was that?
Me, leaning in: I said there's a large rat in your restroom.
Starbucks Employee: I'm sorry dear, I didn't quite get that.
People In the Store: *Look at me like I'm an idiot*
Me: *sigh* There's a *VENTI* rat in your restroom!
So theres a rich arabian prince driving through a foreign country and he's passing through some farmland and sees a farmer leaning on a post so he decides to stop and have a chat.
Is this your land? He asks the farmer. Yep, from that post down to the river. Responds the farmer. The prince smiles and says, on my land i can get in my car and drive the whole day and not see the other side! And the farmer says:
Yeah i had a car like that once.
Who Came First
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face.
The egg, looking very hacked off, grabs the quilt, rolls over and says, "Well, we finally answered THAT question!"
There's a technique that pianists use to bring emotion to their playing by leaning on only one buttock.
To be honest, I think that technique sounds pretty half-arsed to me.
A Walmart pharmacist walks in to relieve her co-worker and sees a man leaning against the shelves.
She asks her co-worker , "What's with that guy over there leaning against the shelves?" He says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. We're out of cough syrup, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative."
"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
"Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
An international student was leaning English the other day
Student: Teacher, when do you use 'not' and when do you use 'no'?
Teacher: I do not know.
Student: ?!??
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so s**... I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa and Big Ben never married...
One lacked the time while the other lacked the inclination.
My wife and I are expecting a baby, and we want to give it a unique name that no one would ever think to use.
We're leaning towards "Bixby" if it's a boy, and "Cortana" if it's a girl
A man in the 80's was talking to his best friend when the conversation turned to their wifes.
"You know Jim, you ever tried spicying things up?"
"Whatd'ya mean Tom"
Leaning over to his ear, Tom whispered, "You know, like trying the other hole"
"Why of course not!" Jim exclaimed. "She might get pregnant!"
In a house, leaning against a pole, my friend asked if I was dating it.
I said yes and she's very supportive.
A guy with a face mask is leaning up against the outer wall of a Wells Fargo bank.
A police officer comes and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm holding up this bank," the man says.
"Very funny. Now move along."
The man walks away, and the bank falls down.
A man is driving down a country road when he finds himself hopelessly lost.
He pulls over when he sees a farmer leaning up against a fence next to a dog. The man walks up to the farmer and asks him for directions, and the farmer kindly shows him on his way. Before he leaves, the man asks, "excuse me, does your dog bite?"
The farmer says "no he don't bite."
The man goes to pet the dog, and the dog growls and takes a big chunk out of the man's hand, biting down hard with his teeth.
The man pulls back and yells "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite?"
The farmer says "That ain't my dog."
During Sunday service, a pastor announces he is doing a children's sermon this week and invites all the kids to come to the front.
One little girl was wearing a lovely pink dress. As she sat down, the pastor complimented it and asked if it was her Easter Dress.
Leaning right into the pastor's clip-on microphone, she replied, "Yes, but my mama calls it her b**...-to-Iron dress.
A man walked up to me in the gym.
"Hey," he said, leaning into my ear, "what's your secret?"
"I s**... with the door open," I replied.
My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.
I went to visit him for the first time. As we're discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.
As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to straighten him up again.
As she walked away, I asked:
Me: So gramps, how do you like living here so far?
A tear starts running down his face as he gets this wistful look in his eyes.
Grandpa: it's not too bad. I just wish they would let me f**....
A pharmacist walks back into his shop after taking a break.
He finds a man leaning against a wall and asks his assistant What's wrong with him?
He came in for some cough syrup , explains the assistant, but I couldn't find any so I gave him laxatives instead.
What! exclaims the pharmacist, horrified. You can't treat a cough with laxatives!
Of course you can. , the assistant says. Look at him, he's far too scared to cough.
A parking warden was being buried.
As they lowered the coffin into the ground there was a frantic b**... from inside and shouts of I'M NOT DEAD! I'M NOT DEAD!
"Ah sorry mate" says the priest, leaning forward to the coffin. "It's too late, I've started filling in the paperwork"
A group of politicians are flying over Italy...
The mayor from Pisa exclaims "We're flying over Pisa!"
"How can you tell?" the others ask.
"Look, you can see the Leaning Tower!"
Later, a Roman parliamentarian shouts "We're flying over beautiful Roma!"
How can you tell?" the others ask.
"Look, you can see the Coliseum!"
After a while, the mayor of Naples cries "At last! We're flying over Napoli!"
"How can you tell?" the others ask.
"Look," he replied, "all your watches have been stolen!"
Control system theory joke
As Polish airline is flying into New York City, the captain announces over the address system, for those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Statue of Liberty out your window.
Immediately everyone in the seats on the left crowded into the right side, leaning over the other passengers to try to see out the window. Because of the sudden shift in weight, the pilot lost control, and the plane crashed, killing everyone aboard.
The official report said that the accident was due to instability caused by poles in the right half plane.
An old man is put into a nursing home by his daughter...
He sits in the common lounge room and leans to the left.
A nurse aide runs over and stops him from falling from his chair and straitens him up.
A few minutes later He starts leaning to the right - but again a nurse aide runs over and straitens him up.
Later, his daughter calls in to see how he is settling.
I quite like this place he says but they don't let you f**......
Pharmacy
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once. " "Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough. "
A chemist finds a man leaning against the wall of his shop.
'What's wrong with him?' says the chemist.
His assistant replies, 'He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any, so I gave him laxatives'
'Idiot!' says the chemist. 'You can't treat a cough with laxatives'
'Of course you can' the assistant replies. ' Look at him, he's too afraid to cough'
Grandpa's 100th birthday party was not a huge success.
The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he started tilting forward. This time his other son caught him and tied a pillow around his waist.
A few minutes later, his grandson arrived. He said, Hey, Grandpa! How's life treating you?
Terrible, he said. They won't let me f**....
A chemist walks into the store he owns...
and he sees a man, leaning up against a wall near the counter.
"What's wrong with him?" he asks his assistant.
"He needed a bottle of cough syrup," explains the assistant, "but I couldn't find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead."
"WHAT?" bellows the chemist. "You can't treat a cough with laxatives!!!"
"Of course you can," replies the assistant, pointing at the man. "Look at him! He's FAR too scared to cough!"
