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Lean Jokes

110 lean jokes and hilarious lean puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lean that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Do you know the meaning behind lean jokes? We've got the scoop on the lean manufacturing, lean six sigma, lean on me, lean beef, sits, leaps, and scrawny jokes. Find out what makes these acronyms so funny and why you need to learn some lean jokes for your next gathering.

Funniest Lean Short Jokes

Short lean jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lean humour may include short isle jokes also.

  1. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.
    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Yo momma.
  2. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!
    A cow with no legs?
    Ground beef!
    A cow with 2 legs?
    YO MAMA
  3. Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start." So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."
  4. Einstein is on a train leaving New York. He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"
  5. The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza. Now they'll have the time as well as the inclination.
  6. What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
    What do you call a cow with one leg?
    Steak.
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Your mom.
  7. Sometimes, I will squat to the floor, hug my legs, and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
  8. An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:
    Where were you on the night of October to April?
  9. Sometimes I put my head in between my both my legs and lean forward... ...because that's how I roll
  10. A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"

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Lean One Liners

Which lean one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lean? I can suggest the ones about ling and ledge.

  1. Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
  2. Why does the Leaning Tower of pisa lean? Because it's Italic.
  3. "Talk dirty to me!"she begged. "Alright," he said leaning closer, "Volkswagon diesel!"
  4. Beer doesn't make you fat It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets, etc.
  5. If you see someone doing a crossword Lean over and tell them seven up is Lemon-lime
  6. Why is the leaning tower of Pisa in Italy? It's Italicized
  7. Why is the tower of Pisa leaning? Cause it has better reflexes than the twin towers.
  8. Sometimes I like to grab my ankles and lean forward But that's just how I roll.
  9. Why do the Pakistanis love lean cows? Because they are moo-slim.
  10. what do you call a cow with two legs? lean beef.
  11. Opportunity only knocks once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
  12. Beer makes you lean On walls, toilet, and refrigerators
  13. Since I lost weight I've stopped giving money to the homeless. Lean and mean.
  14. They asked me not to lean over the edge of that tower in Paris. Eiffel.
  15. Why is the tower of Pisa leaning? Becouse she was faster then the Twin Towers.

Lean Beef Jokes

Here is a list of funny lean beef jokes and even better lean beef puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef. how about a cow with three legs? lean beef. but what do you call a cow with 2 legs? your mom.
  • A cow with no legs is ground beef. A cow with 3 legs is lean beef. But what do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your Mom
  • What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef…
    What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
    Lean Beef…
    What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
    Steak…
    What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
    Your Mom
  • Cow Joke * What do you call a cow with no legs - Ground Beef
    * What do you call a cow with three legs - Lean Beef
    * What do you call a cow with two legs - your mother
  • What's a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
    What's a cow with 3 legs?
    Lean beef.
    Now, what's a cow with 2 legs?
    >!Your Mom!<
  • What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
    What do you call a cow with three legs?
    Lean beef.
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Your mum.
  • Labelling cows What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
    What about one with 3 legs? That's lean beef.
    What about one with 2 legs? That's just you.
  • What do you call a cow... ...with 2 legs?
    Lean Beef.
    ...with no legs?
    Ground beef.
    ...with no legs burried halfway in the dirt?
    Steak.
  • Cow jokes What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake
    What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef
    What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef
  • What do you call a cow with its front legs missing Lean beef

Lean On Me Jokes

Here is a list of funny lean on me jokes and even better lean on me puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My buddy Joe has lost a lot of weight on the new dolly parton diet. It's made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean.
  • My friend Joe recently started the Dolly Parton diet It's really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Jo lean, Joe leeeaaaannn
  • Sometimes I squat on the floor and put my arms around my knees and lean forward because that's how I roll
  • She dimmed the lights. She leaned in. She looked straight into my eyes. I kissed her.
    And now I am arrested by the police for misbehaving with the optician.
  • Two little boys are at a wedding when one leans over to other and asks: "How many wives are we allowed to have?"
    His friend answered "Sixteen. Four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer!"
  • My brother Joe started the Dolly Parton diet. It really made Joe lean Joe lean Joe lean Joe lean
  • I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She leaned over and whispered, "They're right behind you. . ."
  • I sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers, the wife leans in and says: You spoil those dogs ....
  • Just saw a poor girl crying in the library, devastated about something. So I pulled up a chair, leaned in and said "You can shut up or go outside, I've got an exam tomorrow".
  • I'm not trying to say that the customer service in my bank is bad... But when i went in the other day, and asked the clerk to check my balance... she leaned over and pushed me.
Lean joke, I'm not trying to say that the customer service in my bank is bad...

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Lean Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about lean you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lazy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lean pranks.

Sometimes when I'm alone in my room

I squat down, grab hold of my ankles and lean forward. Coz that's how I roll.

A 1-2-3 punch of cow jokes

**What do you call a cow with 2 legs?**
*Lean beef.*
**What do you call a cow with no legs?**
*Ground beef.*
**What do you call a m**... cow?**
*Beef strokinoff.*

A construction site worker told his boss

"Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?" to which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"

Sometimes I squat...

...and pull my legs up to my chest and lean forward.
Why?
That's how I roll.

What do you call a cow...?

What do you call a cow that's missing a leg? Lean Beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow that's m**...? Beef Strokin-Off

So i stole this joke from I Love Lucy, So a woman walks into a restaurant

The woman says to the waiter, "Two pork chops, and make them lean." And the waiter says, "Yes, ma'am. Which way?"

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

(my girlfriend who's a high school teacher heard this from a student the other day)
Q: What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
A: Lean Beef
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground Beef
Q: What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
A: Your mom

I like to squat down, wrap my arms around my knees, and lean forward.

That's how I roll...

Animals missing legs.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It Doesn't matter, it is not going to come anyways.
What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take him for a drag.
What do you call a cat with no legs?
General Tso's chicken
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a cow with no front legs?
Lean beef

Being football fans ... Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean to the south ?

Because Minnesota blows & Chicago s**...

Jokes told by my tour guide while rafting.

* Why doesn't anyone tell knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
* What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
* What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
* What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
A steak.

Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean west?

Minnesota s**....

An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...

An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."
The husband is mad, but forgives her, and asks, "but which cheapskate gave you the nickel?"
She replies, "They all did."
Credit goes to u/umm_umm_

Sometimes I like to sit on the floor, bring my knees up to my chest and then lean forward.

But that's just how I roll.

Why do all the trees in Kansas lean south?

Because Oklahoma s**....

Whenever I'm down I just...

put my head between my legs and lean forward cus thats how I roll

AN OLD f**...

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice -- except they won't let you f**...."

Alabama college kid visiting Boston

So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"

Cow tipping.

If you succeed in tipping a cow only part way, such that only one of its feet is till on the ground, you have created lean beef. Such a feat is well done. Naturally, being outside, the cow is unstable. When it falls over, it becomes ground beef.

Political opinions are like d**.......

Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.

Grandma's Apple Pie

An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers "Johnny, I smell your grandma's apple pie. Looks like she took it of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It's my favorite."
Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later he comes back empty handed and says "Sorry, grandpa, but grandma says its for after the f**...."

A chef lost one of his legs in a kitchen accident...

... now all he cooks is Lean Cuisine.

Three cats live at the football stadium

It was lean pickings one winter but eventually they managed to catch a mouse and are discussing how they will divide it up.
The first cat says "as we live at the football stadium let's divide it by team. I support Liverpool so I will eat it's Liver
"Great idea" says the second cat "I support Hartlepool. I will eat the heart
The third cat says "I support Arsenal, I'm not that hungry thanks"

Hilarious cow jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
- tri-tip
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
- lean beef
What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
- steak
What do you call a cow with no legs?
- ground beef
What do you call a cow who works out?
- shredded beef
What do you call a m**... cow?
- beef stroganoff
Why does the milk stool only have three legs?
- because the cow has the udder

The Leaning Tower of Pisa and Big Ben never married...

One lacked the time while the other lacked the inclination.








Jokes from my Nana: what do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak.
What do you call a cow with four legs? A cow.
Thanks Nana.

Two old ladies were attending a church service

And about half way through one says:
"I just did a silent f**..., what do you think I should do?"
The other woman proceeds to lean over slowly and say:
"Put some new batteries in your b**... hearing aids!"

I don't know if you ever tuck your knees under your chin and lean forward as far as you can, but I do it all the time.

It's how I roll.

On date nights, I lean over to my girlfriend, and in a sugary voice I say: null, nada, nix, naught, zilch, zero

Because she likes it when I whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.
...w/ 1 leg? Stake.
...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.
...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.
...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you d**....
...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.
...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.
...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.
...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.
I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with long legs?
High steaks.
What do you call a cow in an elevator?
Raising the steaks.

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...

It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!

Me: Thanks for always being there for me. *leans in for a kiss*

Liquor store clerk: Sir, please just pay for your stuff and leave.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Stake
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!

Apparently most people lean slightly forward when they nod their head.

Must say, I'm inclined to agree.

LeAnn Rimes put out a double CD - one was her greatest hits, and the other was her biggest flops.

It was the best of Rimes, it was the worst of Rimes.

My friend Joe recently started the Dolly Parton Diet...

And to my surprise, it works! It ACTUALLY made Joe lean!

The Dolly Parton Diet

A guy walks into a bar and orders a light beer. "How's your New Year's diet coming along?" the bartender asks. "It's going okay, but I'm not losing as much as my buddy Joe. He went on that new Dolly Parton diet," the guy says. "It's made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean."

My friend Joe…

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet. It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean.

So my mom is getting her foot cut off today.. (really)

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot.
I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Sometimes I like to kneel on the floor, tuck my head into my chest, and lean forward.

You might not like it, but that's just how I roll.

Grandpa's 100th birthday party was not a huge success.

The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he started tilting forward. This time his other son caught him and tied a pillow around his waist.
A few minutes later, his grandson arrived. He said, Hey, Grandpa! How's life treating you?
Terrible, he said. They won't let me f**....

My friend Joe went on a Dolly Parton-diet

It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean.

What do you call a cow with three legs?

What do you call a cow with **three** legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with **no** legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with **two** legs? Your mom.

Lean joke, My friend Joe recently started the Dolly Parton diet

jokes about lean