Leak Jokes

86 leak jokes and hilarious leak puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leak that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article will provide you with a range of hilarious jokes about different types of leaks, from water, gas and roof leaks to oil, memory, and plumbing leaks. We'll also look at some amusing jokes about a lifeboat that had been sunk and a blowout that had a disastrous result. So let's get ready to have a good laugh about 'Leak Jokes'!

Funniest Leak Short Jokes

Short leak jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leak humour may include short sneak jokes also.

  1. That CIA surveillance leak sure is scary I hope my Roomba doesn't start gathering dirt on me
  2. I went into the kitchen this morning and noticed the trash was leaking Or crying as she calls it.
  3. As a plumber's assistant, I'm always being ordered around... "Stop that dripping, plug that leak, for God's sake... turn off the water works!" It's not my fault, I'm just an emotional guy.
  4. So I checked into a low class hotel I called the frontdesk and told him "I got a leak in my sink," he said "go ahead."
  5. H. Clinton and D. Trump are in a boat, the boat springs a leak, who is saved? The United States of America
  6. A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."
  7. I once worked in a helium factory It wasn't a very nice job, because of the leaks, but the owner was very sympathetic and we all spoke highly of her.
  8. Facebook will reveal what information about you was leaked in recent years. Just log in and fill out this quiz on our new app.
  9. My company put me up in the cheapest hotel... I called down to the front desk and said "I've got a leak in my sink."
    They said "Go ahead."
  10. It's strange that we don't hear more concern from the flat earthers about Antarctica melting You'd think they would be worried about the ice wall springing a leak and draining the ocean.

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Leak One Liners

Which leak one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leak? I can suggest the ones about flood and spilled.

  1. Leaked NASA documents show the Moon landing was done in a Studio. On the moon.
  2. Donald Trump's menu from Walter Reed has been leaked He's eating just desserts
  3. What do you call 4 Mexicans in a boat with a terrible leak? Cuatro sinko
  4. Why did the boat know it had a leak? That sinking feeling...
  5. What is Hillary Clinton's least favorite vegetable? Leaks
  6. What is a pirates least favorite vegetable Leaks
  7. I saw leaked footage of Finding Dory yesterday Bruce the shark is now called Caitlyn.
  8. My car leaks so much oil that the U.S Army just invaded my driveway.
  9. Finally they named the book about the Titan Submarine.
    20,000 Leaks Under the Sea
  10. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a leak? Because their entire species is extinct.
  11. Best Buy's Martin Luther King Day sale leaked 50% off all black speakers
  12. The pipes that my plumber installed are leaking... Clearly, he didn't give a flux.
  13. What keeps the ocean from leaking out ? The seals.
  14. Murphy–Snowden Law of Fluid Dynamics Everything leaks out eventually.
  15. The title for Fast and Furious 10 was just leaked Fast 10: your seatbelts

Water Leak Jokes

Here is a list of funny water leak jokes and even better water leak puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why I am leaving this sub Water leaked into it and I need to get out before it sinks
  • The Doc Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. 
    Doctor: Drink this glass of water. 
    Patient: Will it make me better? 
    Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks. 
  • Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor."
    Doctor: "Are you thirsty?"
    Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my t**... leaks."

Oil Leak Jokes

Here is a list of funny oil leak jokes and even better oil leak puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • jaguar just announced an XK-E Concept car they will show at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year. They had been working on it for 10 years but they only recently figured out how to make it leak oil
  • What do a gay dolphin and a car that leaks oil have in common? Chances are, both have blown a seal
  • Why don't the British make computers? They can't figure out how to make them leak oil.
  • My Prius had an oil leak Had to pay for a t**... to stop it up
Leak joke, My Prius had an oil leak

Gas Leak Jokes

Here is a list of funny gas leak jokes and even better gas leak puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was filling up my car and fuel leaked onto the ground in the shape of "HA." Guess someone knew I needed some laughing gas.
  • A technician is called to inspect q gas leak at an anesthesiologist's office Upon arrival, he said: "Huh, this smells like chlorofor".
  • Why are Jews afraid of gas leaks? Because it costs money
Leak joke, Why are Jews afraid of gas leaks?

Amusing & Witty Leak Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about leak you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean leek jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leak pranks.

This morning I had a leak in my shower...

Wait, WHOAH, that didn't sound right. Talk about a double entendre.
What I meant to say was this morning I *peed* in my shower...

An American woman is hiking through Germany...

She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"

How do you know when you're staying in a h**... hotel?

When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."

They say that a leaked s**... tape can launch a celebrity's career...

But my m**... video hasn't even landed me a job interview.

What do you call a sinking ship from BP's Mexico division?

A Pedro leak.

A little boy sees his father emerging from the shower...

... and wide-eyed, asks "What is that?" His flustered father answers "Well, son, that's my nerve." Later that day the boy is playing in his neighbor's yard and takes a leak in her bushes. She spots the boy in the act and hollers "You've got a lot of nerve!" The boy replies, "If you think that's a lot, you should see my dad..."

The NSA is bracing itself for what could be the single largest data leak in history. Rumors are circulating about the possibility of thousands of whistleblowers stepping forward in unison across the Northeast in the next few days.

CNN reports, "This time tomorrow, there will be thousands of Edward's snowed in."

Two wires at sea

Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety.
The other was stranded.

Two Texans taking a leak off the GW Bridge on a December night

Man, it's cold.
Yeah, deep too!

An American girl goes on vacation to Berlin

While walking through town one night, she sees a drunk guy openly taking a leak up against a wall.
Disgusted, she loudly proclaims, "g**...!"
The man turns with a proud smile on his face and says, "Danke!"

My dad was literally trying to kill me when he brought me my first car.

It had all sort of problems gas leak, worn tires but mostly it was cheap so that he could use the rest of his money to put a hit on me.

I heard there was a video leak from the set of a new Michael Bay movie...

It's being filmed at some port in China.

It's leaked that Caitlyn Jenner is winning the "woman of the year" award.

Oh so now they're implying that men are better at being women than women are.

Called the front desk of our motel and told him "I've gotta leak in the sink."

He said "That's OK, just rinse it out when you're done."

Whistleblower reveals that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam.

FBI is still looking for the leak.

What's the most insecure soup for an online security professional?

Leak (leek) soup!

Why do we let women and children off a sinking ship first?

So the men can plug the leak, sail away, and start better lives.

My mechanic thinks i'm in denial over my brake fluid leak.

But he's wrong; I can stop any time i want.

New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree

it was actually brought down by Russian hackers

I'm in a hotel room and call down to the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in the sink..."

The guy answers, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..."
- H. Youngman

The president, a business man, and a national security leak walk into a bar...

... and order a drink. The bartender pours one beer and says, "Here you go, Mr Trump."

Kool-Aid Man runs a 5k with a leak...

Punch line ensues.

Which one is different from the other three and why - a fridge, a washing machine, a tv or a woman?

Most people say it's the tv because it's the only one that doesn't belong in the kitchen but they are sexist. It's the tv because it's the only one that doesn't leak when it's fudked.

I am having a leak at the u**..., and the guy next to me says: My god! It's like a stove pipe!

— Yeah! I answer, it's big, eh?
— No! It's dirty!

I figured out who the leak is in the White House

It's Trump himself.
Just tell him how great he is and ask for details of the awesome things he's done, he'll tell you every time.

The Bison.

My son and I were hiking one day when a bison charged towards him as he was taking a leak. I shouted Bison but it was already too late and he died. My wife tried to console me and said Atleast you were able to say goodbye .

One day Donald Trump's n**... will leak...

And he'll do a press conference where he will announce: FAKE NUUUUDES

I tried to call the president of Russia, but he was away from his desk.

He was probably taking a leak, or maybe he was Putin.

I can usually hit the toilet when I take a leak standing up...

But when I've been drinking, it's sit or miss.

Working from home in this weather makes me want to leak classified information...

Cause I'm snowed in.

Hamlet has to pee [Hamleak]

Quick little blurb I wrote in class:
To pee, or not to pee, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention.
Or to take arm against a see of u**... and by opposing relive it.
To go-to pee,
No more; and by a leak we say to end the headache and the thousand visceral shocks that u**... is heir to: 'tis a consummation devoutly to be p**...'d.

What's the difference between Snowden and snowmen?

The D
And snowmen won't leak the topsecret documents.

An Egyptian man was sailing down a river

When his boat started to leak. He kept on rowing further down the river, whilst more and more water started to pour in. The man ignored the problem and just continued to sail down the river. Eventually his boat was nearly fully submerged and it quickly started to sink. The man refused to come to terms with his situation and just kept trying to row down the river.
He was in de Nile

I was working on sealing a leak in a crack in my foundation when a friend told me I should look for one at the s**... shop...

...At first I was skeptical but I gave it a try and I must say, I was quite disappointed because it was everything but plugs.

As an old man, I understand how batteries feel

because we both leak after a period of time.

Robert died...

He was working on the local brewery and fell inside the beer tank, drowning. It is believed he didn't suffer as footage shows him leaving the tank twice to take a leak.

I was in the middle of a lake in a canoe with my girl friend last week when suddenly the boat sprung a leak. We had to decide whether to try and get the boat back to shore or abandon ship.

We had a real row v. wade debate that day.

I'd to rush to restroom one day

I'd to rush to restroom one day. I was taking a leak and my manager walks by and asks "how is it going"? I looked down and turned to him and said "yellow and fast"

What's R Kelly's favorite game?

Hide and Leak

2 bikers going for a ride...

They decided to stop for a leak off the side of a bridge. As they're doing their business, one biker says "jeez, the water's cold". The other one says "jeez, the bottoms rough...".

An American, a Frenchman and an Italian go hiking in the Alps...

An American, a Frenchman and an Italian go hiking together in the Alps.
On the hike the three keep trying to find similarities between them, but always end getting into arguments.
After a ways, the Frenchman and the Italian decide to take a quick break to take a leak. As they both leave the trail, the American calls after them Hey, I know something you both have in common!
Cos'è quello, what's that..?! Replies the Italian over his shoulder.
C'est Quoi? Replies the Frenchman from the other side of the trail.
The American shouts out European!

I was taking a leak and used my stream to kill a fly

Better be the last time I see one of those b**... on my rommate's toothbrush

Little Johnny took a leak with his classmate in the school loo.

His classmate noticed that after peeing, Johnny didn't wash his hands. He then proceeded to ask:

"Johnny, why do you not wash your hands after peeing?"

"Is there a need to do so?"

"Yes! My mum taught me to wash after peeing, to wash off pee in my hands."

"Well, I think your mom is s**... for that matter."

"How come, Johnny?"

"My mum never taught me to pee on my hands!"

The WHO now says Covid-19 first spread through dog u**...

It was a lab leak!

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go upto a tree and take a leak:
* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your shoes, enlarged prostate.
* If you can't smell it, COVID 19.

Three old men are lounging in chairs on the beach in the French Riviera.

One of them says, "I had a business but it burned to the ground. With the insurance money I was able to retire here."
Another said, "Well that's a coincidence. I had a business that had a gas leak and blew up and the insurance money allowed me to retire here."
The third guy said, "You're not gonna believe this but I had a business and it was destroyed by a flood and I was able to retire here with the insurance settlement."
After a pause, the first guy asked the third guy, "So who do you call to arrange a flood?"

Leak joke, Leaked NASA documents show the Moon landing was done in a Studio.

jokes about leak