The Best 50 Leaders Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Leaders jokes. There are some leaders leader jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these leaders executives puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Leaders Jokes and Puns
If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?
Because they don't have access to black magic.
So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
2 Iranian Religious Leaders
...are discussing some of the finer points of sharia law. The first exclaims after a silent minute of intense googling, "Huh, I guess you were right!"
The second says "Ayatoldyah!"
If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then...
... you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily.
Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?
Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty
How do you cure aids?
You put it into world leaders.
Note - This is an old joke I've heard when I was a kid, but seeing how Jimmy Carter was cured by a drug that was just released recently, it feels like a sad reality.
What do you call it when somebody kills a perfect circle of religious leaders?
A 360 No-Pope
Arthur Guinness
The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a bud, the Ceo of Miller gets a Miller, the head of coors orders a coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn, he orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. "Nah" Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer,then neither will I.
Donald Trump is said to have lack of foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent time meeting with foreign leaders around the world.
Ms. Sweden, Ms. Argentina...
Donald Trump had a record amount of religious leaders participate in his inaugural ceremony including: a priest, a deacon, and....
one hundred million people saying "god help us"
Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....
If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.
You can explore leaders opposition reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean leaders countries dad jokes. There are also leaders puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Old Cold War joke
A Russian and an American are talking about their countries. The American said, " we have the most freedom in the world, I can march into the White House bang on the president's desk and say sir I do not like how this country is being run." The Russian replied," I can do that too, I can march into the Kremlin, go up to our leaders desk and say sir I do not like how the US government is being run."
There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders
I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.
On a high traffic road...
"Excuse me sir, could I have a moment"
Guy, driving a car "Yes, how can I help you?"
"There's a terrorist attack recently, and they have held hostage many of our country's leaders. They demand 1 billion by the end of today or they will shower our leaders with gasoline and burn them"
"oh, ok then. How much do other people usually gave you?"
"1 litre"
Out of all the enemy leaders during World War II, who could run with the most speed?
Mussolini, because he was the fascist
I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like!
[Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.
The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.
It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
I believe we should take care of our world leaders. They should not be lame, sick, or unsightly. With that in mind, I went to Russia to see if I could help but they turned me away.
No Putin tended.
Hitler was the hand sanitizer of world leaders
He tried to kill 99.9%
What do you call a home improvement store for tyrannical leaders?
Home Despot.
Leaders show the way....
Indians are *MODIfied*
Brits are *disMAYed*
Americans are *TRUMPed*
And the French are *Macarooned*
And Canadian are *Justified*
While Russians just stay _*Put in*_..!!
Did you know that the best leaders are born and bred in the capital of Taiwan?
They all have Taipei personalities.
(Ukrainian joke). Leaders of three countries discuss their economies and taxes.
US President says: we tax our people at roughly 30%, and what they do with the rest, is not of my business
UK prime minister says: we tax our people at 50%, and what they do with the rest is none of my business.
Ukrainian president says: we tax our people at 130%, and where they get the rest, is none of my business
This is a joke from the 1990s.
When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.
Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.
One man pulled out a letter, cleared his throat, and read,
"C, eh."
The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,
"N, eh."
This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,
"D, eh."
What did the leaders of China and N. Korea order for lunch at their meeting
Kim-Xi
How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
At the height of the Cold War...
At the height of the Cold War, a landmark summit was convened with leaders from every province within the Soviet Union. The representatives arrived very early but the meeting was still delayed. Why?
They were all Russian, but one was Stalin
Note: made this up after being inspired by a recent joke on here.
What do you call someone that draws Mongol leaders for a living?
A Khan Artist
Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20-story building.
During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.
First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."
Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."
Putin explained that he was only joking, and let Ivan out.
Then Kim Jong-Un called his guard Lee, and told him to jump. Lee started running toward the window.
Putin grabbed him and said, "Are you crazy? You will die if you jump!"
Struggling, Lee replied, "Let me go! I have a wife and a son!"
World Leaders
President Macron, Theresa May and Angela Merkel meet for a summit at the North Sea.
Gazing over the water, May says, "We have a submarine that can stay underwater for 10 days." Macron responds, "That's nothing, our submarines can stay underwater for 30 days!" Merkel looks quite ashamed and shies away, when suddenly a U-Boot surfaces, the hatch opens and the commander looks out: "Heil Hitler, we need Diesel!"
People are afraid of female world leaders
Because they think every month she will lead her menstruate into war.
Why do quantum computers make terrible community leaders?
Because you can never be sure of their true values.
Why do Muslim Leaders tell their followers that they'll get 72 virgins in Heaven?
Because 69 looks too obviously a joke.
A girl in my sister's class insisted that if all world leaders were women, there wouldn't be any war...
...One boy piped up, "There wouldn't be any war, just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other!"
Recent studies have shown that...
Recent studies have shown that both genders reply differently to certain questions.
For example, if you ask a woman "Why do women make better leaders than men?", they'll usually reply "Because women have better leadership."
But if you ask men the same question...
"Because a man will do anything to get a woman to shut up."
At an ecumenical round-table discussion, various religious leaders tried to answer the question "When does life start?"
"At conception," said the Catholic priest.
"No, no," said the Presbyterian minister. "It begins at birth."
"It's in between," said the Baptist. "Life begins at 12 weeks when the fetus develops a functional heartbeat."
"I disagree with all of you," said the rabbi. "Life begins when your last child leaves home and takes the dog with him."
How did ISIS rebrand itself after the death of all its leaders?
It changed its name to
WASWAS
Telemarketers don't have managers
They have ring leaders
Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolates
So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.
The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"
The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"
The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"
The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"
The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"
The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"
A very very Very old joke :)
If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?
I guess it's because they don't have access to black magic...
I tried to get the Russian government to throw all of their old leaders in the Grand Canyon but they refused.
Nobody understands my Tzar Chasm...
Oldy repurposed
Trump was feeling the pressure of the office and stood before the protraits of our greatest leaders.
Looking at Washington, the Donald said:
"George, you were the first. Can you give me some advise?"
A ghostly voice replied
"Tell the truth"
Trump knew that wouldn't work, so next went to Jefferson.
" Tom, you wrote the constitution. Do you have any words for me?"
Another voice said "Be for the people"
As he had always placed himself before everyone, Trump moved on.
He stood before Lincoln and asked " Abe, you are one of the greatest. Can you advise me?"
A new voice drifted by saying
"Go to the Theater"
Aliens come to earth...
They meet with all the world leaders. Eventually it's the Pope's turn to chat to them. He asks the one alien, Greetings alien, what do you think of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
The alien exclaims, Ah, JC! He's my boy! We have a massive party when he visits us once a year!
He visits you once a year? The Pope asks in astonishment. He hasn't been to earth in more than two millennia! How did you manage that?!
Well, when he first came to our planet we gave him a box of our finest chocolates. What did you guys do?
Today our leaders closed of the southern border preventing people from coming to our country for a better life a better education and much needed health care!
As a Canadian I am outraged!
1980s European leaders Mitterrand, Brezhnev and Thatcher were flying around Europe in a helicopter, trying to recognize cities without seeing them.
Thatcher went first. She stuck her ear out the window and stated: "I can hear Big Ben chime. This is London!"
Next was Mitterrand. He stuck his nose out and stated: "I can smell fresh baguette. This is Paris!"
Last was Brezhnev. He stuck his hand out and yelped: "What... hey! Somebody stole my watch! This is Moscow."
What's the difference between cults and the Church of Scientology?
Cults have charismatic leaders.
TIL that Tibetan leaders can issue special forgiveness to buxom country music singers
It's known as the Dalai Pardon
What do you call a Russian leaders coffin?
A czarcophahus
Why can't engines remain government leaders?
Once the first revolution begins there's always thousands more.
Old soviet joke
The new soviet leader has just taken power.
The former leaders says to him 'I have left you two letters. When you get into problems open the first letter. If you still have problems open the second letter .
About 1 year into his leadership things are going badly for the new guy. He then remembers the words of the former leader and opens the first letter, which reads 'blame all your problems on me'. The new guy does this and everything is fine for a little while.
But sadly things go from bad to worse, so he opens the second letter, which reads 'sit down and write two letters'.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the leaders leadership jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working leaders foreign leaders piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.