Leader Jokes
164 leader jokes and hilarious leader puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leader that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best leader jokes, perfect for the team leader, worship leader, scout leader, or president. These jokes are guaranteed to bring laughter and joy to any gathering, and will even lighten the mood at spiritual or gang meetings.
Quick Jump To
- Short Leader Jokes
- Leader One Liners
- Leader Kim Jokes
- Follow The Leader Jokes
- Supreme Leader Jokes
- Religious Leader Jokes
- Team Leader Jokes
- More Leader Jokes
Funniest Leader Short Jokes
Short leader jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leader humour may include short leading jokes also.
- What's the difference between North Korea and the US? North Koreans can't tell if their leader is seriously dead. Americans can't tell if their leader is dead serious.
- Someone got 25 years in prison for saying Putin was an idiot 5 years for insulting the leader and 20 years for revealing state secrets.
- Let's discuss who the most hated world leader is as of now I think Putin just Trump-ed all of his competitors
- The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot. It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
- Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
- BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery. They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
- I have a massive crush on a world leader, my wife thinks I'm joking... ...but it's Trudeau
-
Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?
Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas. - If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then... ... you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily.
- Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country Because if he is, something's gone wrong with the Canadian legal system
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Leader One Liners
Which leader one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leader? I can suggest the ones about leads and chairman.
- What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? About one U.S Leader.
- What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US leader.
- Did you know there was a cult for visually impaired? They follow their leader blindly
- If aliens really landed in America "Take me to your leader"
"... you sure?" - Police pulled McConnell over when they heard he was a minority leader.
- What do you call a gay fascist leader? A Dicktaker
- Once the North Korean leader dies, who will take his place? His next of Kim
- Why did it Take so long For Russia to abolish Communism? The Leader was Stalin
- Why do ions make good leaders? Because they always take charge.
- Who is the leader of the corn army? The kernal.
- Why does Russia have so much natural gas? Because their leader is always Putin
- What do you call the leader of a team of arborists? The Branch Manager
- Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party? Chairman Meow
- What civil rights leader sold the most sponges? Martin Loofa King
- What do you call the leader of Amazon Cooking? Chef Bezos.
Leader Kim Jokes
Here is a list of funny leader kim jokes and even better leader kim puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- North Korea's leader has been suspiciously absent, arousing concerns from his followers who all wonder... ...Is Kim Jong ill?
- Who is the Supreme leader of House Techno Music? Kim Jong Untz-untz-untz-untz
- What's the difference between Kim Jong Un and Hillary Clinton? One is called "The Great Leader" and the other, "Great Deleter"
- BREAKING NEWS: The leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, is brain-dead following an invasive medical procedure. Officials praise the regime for finding common grounds with the US.
- What did the leaders of China and N. Korea order for lunch at their meeting Kim-Xi
- Thanks to Kim Jong-un.... Donald Trump is only the second most brain dead world leader...
- North Korean doctors when giving their leader a CPR be like : Kim Jong Un.. *Dos.. Tres...*
- Why does hypebeasts love Kim Jung-Un? He's their Supreme leader
- Apparently Kim Jong un is Brain dead Which makes north Korea, the UK and USA all with brain dead leaders
- What's the difference between Santa Clause, Kim Jong Un, and 34 ounces of printer ink? One's a deer leader, one is a Dear Leader, and the other is a dear liter.
Follow The Leader Jokes
Here is a list of funny follow the leader jokes and even better follow the leader puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've been training my dog to alert me when he smells people who follow a creepy pseudo-religious leader who makes them believe that their salvation lies in giving him money. It's sniffacult work.
- What did the ISIS leader gift to all his followers? The Samsung Note 7
- Why do Muslim Leaders tell their followers that they'll get 72 virgins in Heaven? Because 69 looks too obviously a joke.
- Why shouldn't you follow female leader? because she's "Miss Leading"
- Oh, is that like, you guys' big leader? The one you all follow and take orders from? An Anarchist told me I should read Schwarz.
Supreme Leader Jokes
Here is a list of funny supreme leader jokes and even better supreme leader puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a fat North Korean? Supreme Leader.
- Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved "supreme leader". Now they are demanding 1 billion or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate whatever you can.
P.S. I ve donated 5 litres. - Kylo Ren and Supreme Leader Snoke go to a restaurant. Why did Snoke get his meal before Kylo Ren? Because he made the First Order!
- Why does North Korea catch the biggest fish? They have a Supreme Leader
- In N.Korea, how can you tell the difference between a supreme cheater and a supreme leader? One fell on ice, the other will ice the one who fell!
- In a world where people are dictated by their expensive clothing... One man rose above them all.
He was the Supreme Leader. - What do Kim Jong-un and James Jebbia have in common? They are both supreme leaders
- Supreme Leader Snoke couldn't decide if he liked Rey or Kylo more. He was split between them.
- Who is the supreme religious leader of the corns? Pope corn!
- What do the leaders of North Korea wear? Supreme.
Religious Leader Jokes
Here is a list of funny religious leader jokes and even better religious leader puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call it when somebody kills a perfect circle of religious leaders? A 360 No-Pope
- There is going to be a battle royal between religious leaders I would put $20 on the Dalai Lama if I were a Tibetan man.
- Donald Trump had a record amount of religious leaders participate in his inaugural ceremony including: a priest, a deacon, and.... one hundred million people saying "god help us"
- What do you call the religious leader of law enforcement? the popope.
Team Leader Jokes
Here is a list of funny team leader jokes and even better team leader puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A government worker complains... - With my new team leader, it's impossible to sleep at work.
- Why? Does he watch you?
- No, he snores.
(I thought it was at least good for a chuckle...) - What is the leader of the debate team called? The Master Debater
- What's every SWAT team leader's favourite chess move? C4
Rib-Tickling Leader Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about leader you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean master jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leader pranks.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Lone Survivor
The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone,with a huge pile of bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked. He says "You can't judge me for this, I had to survive." The rescue leader says "But, Christ, man ... your plane went down two days ago!"
African Roulette
Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.
The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."
The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.
The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform o**... s**... on you."
The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.
As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."
So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
A man goes up to the leader of a circus
A man goes up to the circus, and says to the leader of the circus "I can do great bird impressions." The leader of the circus says "That's nothing special, lots of people can do great bird impressions, so get out of here"
The man says "ok" and flies away.
"Now then" said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot.....
"I would like to know two things: First: why did you revolt? Second: how did you get out of our cell?" One of the three men stepped forward "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful". "I see. And the cell, what did you use to break the bars?" "Toast" replied the leader,
A North Korean soldier runs across the DMZ and yells to the US Army "Kim Jong Un is an idiot!" and gets thrown in a labor camp for 16 years by the government.
1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and the other 15 for revealing a state secret.
THREE RELIGIOUS TRUTHS IN AMERICA, WE CANNOT ESCAPE:
1) Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists AND MORMONS do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at h**....
A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp.
1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.
Small Head
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had s**... with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have s**... with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
Kylie Jenner Walks into a restaurant
Kylie Jenner walks into a restaurant where she has made a reservation. The waiter greets her politely, and says, "Right this way Mrs. Jenner" and begins leader her to her table. "Please," she says, "Mrs. Jenner is my father. Call me Kylie.
A reporter from North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer...
A reporter from a North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer, "Would you give your mansion to the supreme leader if you had one?"
The farmer answers, "Yes, of course I would!"
"If you had one million dollar, would you give it to the supreme leader, too?"
"Yes, absolutely!"
"How about five cows, would you give them to the supreme leader?"
The farmer hesitates, then answers, "No..."
The reporter is confused, "you would give a mansion and one million dollar to the supreme leader, why would you not give only five cows? Is it because you think cows can't match the highness of the supreme leader?"
"Well, yes... and also I really do have five cows..."
A European m**... goes to an African tribe...
... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.
However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The m**... looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "
In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"
A Lack of Recognition
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the spiritual leader of their churches.
Baptists do not recognize each other in liquor stores or gentlemen's clubs.
What is President Clinton's favourite game?
s**... the leader.
What's a sharks favorite game?
s**... the leader.
*This joke has been brought to you by my 8 year old's math homework.*
It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to h**....
It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to h**.... h**... was a decorated war hero and qualified leader.
How many North Koreans does it take to change a light bulb?
One, only **Glorious Leader** gets access to light bulbs
After being hit by an airstrike from the Turkish air force, a Syrian leader was quoted as saying...
"As God is my witness, I thought the Turkish couldn't fly..."
Fidel Castro just died, Cubans can be finally happy that their country will be ruled by the young generation led by a much younger leader.
His 85 year old brother!
I'm glad we finally have a strong leader
I mean Putin has how many years of experience? The states are in good Russian hands.
What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a c**...?
Putin on the Ritz.
Why I Joined the Air Force
The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.
A rabbi is on his deathbed...
...and a friend asks him if he has any last requests. The Rabbi asks his friend to find him a Catholic priest, so that he might convert.
Confused, his friend asks, "Rabbi, why? You have been a great teacher and leader of your followers, and you have led a good and honorable Jewish life. Why would you want to become a Catholic now, before you die?"
He says, "Eh, better one of them than one of us."
No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, Sir, is this snake poisonous?
The scout leader says, No, that snake's not poisonous at all.
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
The scout leader says, But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys.
I hope aliens don't land in the USA and say "take me to your leader"
How embarrassing would that be
An alien asked me to take him to my leader...
...so do I take him to the president, my wife, or my cat???
Girl about to jump of a bridge.....
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing?
I'm going to commit s**..., she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. He asked Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a b**...? So, she does and it was a long, deep and slow b**....
After she's finished, the biker says, Wow! That was the best b**... I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing s**...?
My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl.....
My best joke.
During the second world war there was a camp leader who out of the kindness of his heart rescued 160 Jewish people and provided them with warmth, shelter, bottles of water and loaves and loaves of bread. You think this was a kind gesture? You should of seen h**...; he made 6 million Jews toast!
Why does Google like Israel?
Because Israel's leader is Not In Yahoo.
There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery...
The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"
North Korea wants nuclear weapons so bad, even their leader is a nuke
Little boy and Fat Man
A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm
Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God, the farmer excitedly tells his leader.
But God does not exist, replies Stalin.
Exactly, says the farmer. Neither do the potatoes.
Why was the soviet union so ineffective?
Because it's leader was **Stall**in' but it's people were **Rush**an.
There are three truths in religion:
1) Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2) Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
3) Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
I hope NK doesn't name their bombs after their leader...
We've already seen what one Fat Man can do to Japan.
Leaders show the way....
Indians are *MODIfied*
Brits are *disMAYed*
Americans are *TRUMPed*
And the French are *Macarooned*
And Canadian are *Justified*
While Russians just stay _*Put in*_..!!
Did you know that the best leaders are born and bred in the capital of Taiwan?
They all have Taipei personalities.
I was talking to a North Korean about freedom
I told him, "You know what's the best thing about freedom? If I ever see President Trump, I can shout, 'Hey Mr. President, you're an a**...!'"
The North Korean answered, "I have that freedom too. If I ever see President Kim, I can shout, 'Hey Supreme Leader, Donald Trump is an a**...!'"
Ancient Rome conquered many lands. The leader of the time decided to tour...
He made it to England where he encountered a type of weather he had never seen before. As the frozen rain fell he asked "what is this?!"
The commander replied "Hail, Cesar".
Cesar replied "Hail! Now, what is this weather?"
...
...
"It's horrible."
"Agree."
So, you're the leader of a country who wants access to the Eastern Mediterranean, Balkans and Middle East, but you're not able to get it?
Oh, Crimea river.
In the onion kingdom, the red onions ruled over all other onions. The red onion King was a well respected ruler. However, one fateful day, the spring onions rebelled.
As the red onion King was thrown from his dais, he turned to the leader of the rebellion. "You'll never truly be King! You're nothing but a shallot-on!"
Why's the leader of Russia always late?
Is trick question. If Comerad Stalin appears late, it is only because we were early. All glory to mother Russia.
Final Memories
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
No leader or government should establish communism in their country...
...after all, in history, there have been so many red flags.
Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.
The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"
h**... was a pretty good leader
He killed a dictator that killed and tortured millions of people that then ended WW2
A politicians promise
A politician visited a village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in this village.
Do I know you?
Four Great Truths About Religion:
Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.
\- Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
\- Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
\- Born-Again Christians do not recognize each other at s**... clubs.
An English kid and Russian kid were examining a beehive together.
English kid: See that one? We call that the Queen because it is the leader of the hive, just like the Queen is the leader of our country.
Russian kid: We call it the czar.
English kid: Well that's a little bee czar.
A man has a booth at a fair with a talking cat...
A woman walks up and asks, "Can your cat really talk?"
The man turns to the cat and asks, "Which leader is attributed to the most deaths in human history?"
The cat says, "Mao."
The woman, who is annoyed by this ruse, walks away.
The cat turns to the man and asks, "Should I have said Genghis Khan?"
A politician visited a village in India..
A politician visited an Indian village and asked what their needs were.
We have 2 basic needs sir, replied the villager.
Firstly, we have a hospital, but there's no doctor.
On hearing this, the politician whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the next day. He then asked about the second problem.
Secondly sir, there is no cellphone coverage anywhere in the village.
A party of adventurers walk into a tavern
fully armed and sit down at a table. The bartender comes over and asks, "Hey, why do you guys have your weapons ready?"
The party leader replies, "Mimics."
The bartender laughs.
The party laughs.
The table laughs.
"I'm not throwing away my shot"
Alexander Hamilton, leader of the pro-vaccine movement 1780.
How do hydrogen atoms find a new leader?
They hold an *electron*.
An alien lands today...Nov. 4, 2020
Alien: Take me to your leader
Me: Your going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.
It was on this day in 1978 that cult leader Jim Jones carried out a mass m**.../s**... of over 900 of his followers in Jonestown, Guyana. Horrifying. There's a joke about it but it's wildly innappriopriate.
And anyway, the punchline's too long.
A big city doctor visits an indigenous tribe of only men,
He asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
The leader of the tribe says "Since you're our guest you get to go first.".
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey.
15 min pass, then one of the tribeman in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
So this dude dies and goes to heaven...
... as he's approaching the pearly gates, St Peter says to him. "Ok, it's like this. You don't get into heaven just for being good anymore. You have to have done something really great. Can you think of anything that might qualify you?"
The man says. "Well, I once saw a group of really mean bikies harassing a little old lady. So I went up to the leader, I spat in his face, I kicked over his bike and I insulted his girlfriend!"
St Peter says, "That's terrific! When did you do that?"
"Oh, about 30 seconds ago."
I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.
It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.
An alien landed on my farm and asked me to take them to your leader.
Can we wait a month? I asked for the sake of humanity.
This one is from my 9yo, Have you heard about the leader of the fat club?
I've heard he's wiiiiidely appreciated.
What do you call the leader of Australia?
The Kingaroo
