Lead Lined Jokes

15 lead lined jokes and hilarious lead lined puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lead lined that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lead Lined Short Jokes

Short lead lined jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lead lined humour may include short lead jokes also.

  1. Everybody knows Rudolph the Red Nose leads Santa's sled team... ...but few know that Bruno the Brown Nose is the second in line.
    He can run as fast as Rudolph, but he isn't as quick to stop.
  2. The new Alien movie is being reshot with a different male lead Because then the catch line would have been "In Spacey no-one can hear you scream"
  3. Do you know what's over 100m long and eats only potatoes ? A line leading to a butcher's shop in the Communist Bloc.
  4. Jerusalem by Don McLean I think the song could be greatly improved if at the line: All roads lead to you, the singer shakes a fist and yells out Take that, Rome!
  5. Did you hear about Whitney Houston's f**...? The line leading to the coffin stretched into the street. A few people showed up too.

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Howlingly Hilarious Lead Lined Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about lead lined you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lead poisoning jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lead lined pranks.

I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."

So here goes:
Walk forwards.
Turn left.

A man sees a f**... procession...

... with nearly one hundred men following a man and his dog behind the two hearse's. The man goes up to the lead man and asks what happened. He is answered, "My dog killed my wife and her mother." With a slight grin, the man covers his mouth and says, "You think you might be able to lend me that dog?" To which he is answered, "Get in line."

A magnet walks into an elemental singles bar and tries a pickup line on a pretty slab of metal.

"Is your name *Beryllium*? 'Cause you can alka-***lie*** next to *my* earth metal!"
The slab of ***lead*** says "Nah. You don't *attract* me."
Ba dum TSS!

Life hacks from Secretary Stalin, don't dress for the job you want. Use the job you have to create a totalitarian dictatorship to crush your enemies.

*this joke exists because I found out Stalin's title during his reign was Secretary. During the power struggles his opponents wanted to give him a menial job to side line him. But he realized he controlled who got invitations to meeting, what was on the agenda, and when they should happen. Leading to his total d**... of the communist party as a dictator.

Men's Room, Men's Rules

A long line leading to the ladies' room greeted my friend's wife. Since desperate times call for desperate measures, my friend took her 
into the empty men's room, then stood guard. When she exited a few minutes later, a man waiting his turn called out, I hope you remembered to put up the toilet seat.

Lame search

Guy dies of heart attack and goes straight to the line that leads to the gates of heaven. When in there, the guy immediately behind him asks him: hey, what did you die of? He says: oh, I got earlier from work at home, saw some man's clothes in my house, thought my wife was cheating on me and started searching around the house for her lover, couldn't find him, got really stressed out in the process, had a heart attack and ended up here. To which the other guy says: dude, had you looked in the fridge we'd both be alive now.

3 Men Awaiting Execution

The first man sits in the electric chair: I believe in God, and I know that I will not be harmed since this is a wrongful sentencing -- nothing happens and the man lives on.
Next in line for execution is a lawyer. He is shortly sat down and attached to the chair. "I believe in Justice and law..." despite his failed negotiations he was released.
Last in line was an engineer who promptly saw the two misconducted trials. He blurted out "you have to connect the two leads over there to complete the circu..." and swiftly thereafter he was executed.

A man saw an unusual f**... procession

At the head of the procession was a man leading a labrador on a leash, following 2 slowly moving hearses. He cannot contain his curiosity and walks alongside the man at the head of the procession to offer his condolences.
"Sorry for your loss, who's in the hearse in front?"
"My wife"
"How did she die, if you dont mind my asking?"
"See this dog?" Says the bereaved man pointing to his labrador, It attacked and killed her."
"Dear me, who's in the second hearse?"
"My mother in law, she was trying to shield my wife from the dog and it attacked and killed her too."
They walk on for a little while longer in silence, when he asks
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."

God calls the Pope one day...

The Pope was working at his desk when the phone rings."Hello, this is the Pope."
He immediately recognized the voice at the other end of the line. "My son, this is Jesus Christ. I have called you to give you some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I have returned to the Earth to lead the faithful to Heaven."
The Pope was ecstatic! He said, "My Lord,what could possibly be bad news on this wonderful day?"
Jesus replied, "I'm calling from Salt Lake City."

Best/worst joke I've ever come up with on my own

True story: I was at a bar with a group of friends a few summers back. We were all working in research labs at the time, and 2 girls both named Amy happened to be assigned to the same project which lead to their schedules being nearly identical. You rarely saw one without the other. Someone brought this up after we'd all had a few drinks, and one of the Amy's said something along the lines of "yeah, we're always together; we're practically joined at the hip." This is turn resulted in me saying, "I guess you could say you're si-Amys." Then I went home.