She got knocked up, but she got down again.
Britain is in the lead, but America has a Trump card.
I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".
"Is that your real name?", she asked.
I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."
...towels
Credits:dads
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
"Read" is pronounced like "lead", while "read" is pronounced like "lead".
Start a war.
Both lead to unintended obesity.
Fuck me I'm easily lead
but in Flint the water will be lead.
but it wooden whistle.
So I bought a steel whistle,
but it steel wooden whistle.
So I bought a lead whistle,
but it steel wooden lead me whistle.
So I bought a copper whistle,
but the copper steel wooden lead me whistle.
So I bought a tin whistle,
now I can whistle.
So here goes:
Walk forwards.
Turn left.
Pasteurization.
The Police still have no lead.
... and upon reaching a corner, we saw six men beating up someone. I was going to turn and lead my wife away from the crime happening before us, but suddenly she exlaimed
"Oh my god it's mom! Quick quick! Go and help!"
I turned to her and said
"Nah. I think 6's enough."
...but it wooden whistle.
So I bought a steel whistle. And it steel wooden whistle.
Then I bought a lead whistle. It steel wooden lead me whistle.
Finally, I bought a tin whistle. Now I can whistle.
We buried him with a heavy heart.
So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.
The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"
A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.
He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"
Hitler blew an 11 country lead during World War 2
He tried to make himself a Pb&J sandwich
One day, I went to the store, and I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle.
So I went to the store again, and I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.
After a lot of frustration, I went to the store again and I bought a lead whistle.
I was really mad at this point. It steel wooden lead me whistle!
Something about women screaming makes me rock hard.
If you ever think English is not a shit language, just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme, but read and lead don't rhyme and neither do read and lead.
...that could lead to some funny shit
The king of Spain lowers his trousers and the audience gasps, then cries "Viva Espana!" The king of France does the same, and his is even bigger. The audience shouts, "Vive La France!" The king of England disrobes, and after a moment of stunned silence, the audience yells, "God save the Queen!"
So I went to that store again and got a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle.
Frustrated, I went to that store one last time and bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle!
Wedding rings
I bought a wooden whistle...
But it wooden whistle
So I bought a steel whistle...
But it steel wooden whistle
Then I bought a lead whistle...
But it steel wooden lead me whistle!
Silver yells " au, get outta here! "
I got the lead role!
...so powerful that if you are detected to be lying, it you immediately drop dead.
They bring around three test subjects. The first one, an Irishman, is hooked to the machine. He says, "I think I don't drink" and the next moment, he's dead. Next, it's the Asian's turn. She says, "I think I'm a good driver" and what do you know! She too is killed instantly. Then the blonde walks up and confidently begins,"I think—" and drops dead.
Is trick question. If Comerad Stalin appears late, it is only because we were early. All glory to mother Russia.
... with nearly one hundred men following a man and his dog behind the two hearse's. The man goes up to the lead man and asks what happened. He is answered, "My dog killed my wife and her mother." With a slight grin, the man covers his mouth and says, "You think you might be able to lend me that dog?" To which he is answered, "Get in line."
She gave me a cheeky wink and said, "Blowjob, $20?"
I said, "Yeah, alright," and lead her into the alley.
I soon realised my mistake when she handed me two $10 notes and started pulling up her skirt.
They can't find the right key and don't know when to come in.
You can actually negotiate with a terrorist.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Lead? Well, here are the best Lead dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Lead pick up lines to share with friends.