The Best 53 Lbs Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Lbs jokes. There are some lbs weight jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lbs mil puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Lbs Jokes and Puns

Why did Ben Shapiro go on a diet?

To destroy the lbs.

I told my wife I lost 10 lbs in one hour

"No way. That's impossible!" she said.

"Trust me," I said, "I have no idea where our baby is."

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup.

It was Won Ton.

My wife wanted to get into "role play" to spice things up in the bedroom

I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.

I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.

After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.

"I wanted to lose 10 lbs. this year....

only 13 lbs. to go!"


I lost 189 lbs in one week.

By getting a divorce.

Weight losers

The girl's husband was getting a bit tubby round the middle, so she decided to tempt him to do something about it.

"Honey," she said, "if you lose 20 lbs, I'll do a sexy striptease for you."

Cruelly, he replied, "And if you lose 20 lbs, I'll watch."

A standard elevator can hold 1700 lbs

or 5 Tinder matches...

I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today.

To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.

How do you make a few lbs of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

Super bowl tickets

A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats plus airfare, accommodation, etc., but he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.

Β 

Β 

If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church, in New York City, at 5 p.m. Her name's Louise. She's 5' 6", about 120 lbs., good cook, makes $130,000 a year! She will be the one in the white dress."

*this was forwarded to me by my dad just now, never heard before, thought was worthwhile for a chuckle.

You can explore lbs nipple reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lbs weigh dad jokes. There are also lbs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


BodyBuilder and a Blonde

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!'
He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.'
He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was

So my cousin screwed up bigtime

My cousin has two tickets for the 2017 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.

If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at St. Joseph Church, in Warwick, RI at 3 p.m. Her name is Amanda. She's 5'2, about 130 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

A woman was shopping for turkey at her grocery store. She finds a 12 lbs one and a 13 pound one, frustrated she asked a shop worker, "Do these get any bigger?"

The worker replied, "No, they're all dead."

250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury

No, I'm not fat. I'm just not on the right planet.

Lost 160 lbs recently...

Finally signed the divorce papers

What's the difference between a spitter and a swallower?

10 lbs of pressure on the back of the head.

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2018 Super bowl.

Both box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.Β  If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St Christopher's Church, in Baldwin at 3pm. Her name is Ashley, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too.....She'll be the one in the white dress.

Why are Republicans overweight?

So they can own the lbs.


The most patient man in the world is 500 lbs!

That's a lot of wait!

What weighs more, 200 lbs of bricks, or 200 lbs of feathers?

200 lbs of feathers,

Because 200 lbs of bricks are just that, 200 lbs of feathers you have to carry the weight of what you did to all those birds.

I got rid of 300 unnecessary lbs after 6 months.

The divorce papers are finalized today.

Difference between GF & WIFE

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

Why did the Trumper go on a diet?

To own the lbs!

I lost 20 lbs in a month...

Those drug lords are gonna kill me.

How did Mary know that Jesus weighed 7 lbs 6 oz?

Because there was a weigh in the manger.

My wife and I lost 100 lbs combined.

She lost 120 lbs.

My New Year's Resolution was to lose 30 lbs. by the end of summer

I've only got 40 lbs. to go

I don't get why women are complaining that Plan B doesn't work if you're over 180 lbs

If she's over 180 lbs, she's already Plan B!

My 5 year old daughter was a preemie, she was born 6 weeks early, and was 3 lbs even when she was born.

A couple days later, my fiance said that she is definitely my daughter, I asked her why she said that, and she responded with, cause she came early.

My wife and I started dieting together and we have a combined weight loss of 60 Lbs!

My wife is down 80 Lbs.

True story

Not sure where to post this.

About 6 months ago, my now 5 year old daughter came into mine and my fiance's room, and started screaming saying she was missing her thumb. It took me a minute to realize what was going on.

A little backstory, my 5 year old daughter was born about 6 weeks early, and weighed 3 lbs even, she was and is also missing her thumb on her right hand.

This girl is going to have a very twisted sense of humor, just like me.

My psychic is 500 lbs and morbidly obese.

They're a four-chin teller.

My new girlfriend thinks I'm a player because I told her I slept with a ton of women..

I didn't tell her they were each 500 lbs

How do you make 5 lbs of fat attractive?

Put a nipple on it.

Doctors hate this one easy trick to lose 15 lbs fast!

The flu.

They told me that cameras add 10 lbs...

...so I stopped eating cameras.

My resolution last year was to lose 25 lbs.

Anyone know how I can lose 50lbs in an hour and fifteen minutes?

I reeled in a 6 foot 1 inch catfish

That weighed 280 lbs on Tinder

I know how to lose over 20 lbs instantly

but it costs an arm and a leg

What can make 5 lbs of fat look good?

Nipples.

What's the fastest way to lose 130 lbs of dead weight?

Divorce

TIL I'm hung like a baby.

7 lbs. 9 oz.

I heard that for his role in the Baywatch movie Dwayne Johnson dropped down to 238 lbs from 260 lbs so he could look more ripped than 'big'.

I guess that would make him a metamorphic Rock.

Anyone heard of the guy who gained 300 lbs just by drinking sweet tea?

I've heard he's a man-a-tea now.

A man looking at himself in the mirror exclaims to his wife "Check out these 200 lbs. of pure dynamite!"

To which she replies without hesitation: "Yeah too bad the fuse is too short..."

What's heavier 10 lbs of bricks or 10 pounds of feathers

The 10 pounds of feathers is heavier. Because you have to carry the burden of what you did to those poor birds.
You monster!

50% of a woman's magazine is telling you to accept yourself - you're beautiful just the way you are!

The other 50% is telling you how to lose 5 lbs in a week.

Redd Foxx Classics (not too dirty)

- "What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."

- "I've realized the importance of black. If you want to know how important black is, go to Las Vegas and get some white chips and get some black chips. You could have 70 lbs of white chips and can't get out of town. You get 2 lbs of black chips, you can go to Madrid."

- "We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with."

The only thing worse than the freshman 15...

...Is the freshman 9 lbs., 3 oz.

What do you call 2,000 lbs of steaming broth?

Won ton soup

I lost 10 lbs a week!! My secret???

Turns out I'm diabetic...

I lost the 120 lbs that were weighing me down really fast with one simple trick

Divorce.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lbs gram jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lbs ton piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes