The Best 75 Lazy Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lazy jokes. There are some lazy slack jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lazy sleepy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lazy Jokes and Puns
10 things for my new years resolution:
1. Stop being lazy.
So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye...
It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.
What do you call a fat kid with 3 teeth and a lazy eye?
Names.
I dated a girl with a lazy eye once.
Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
When the Saxons landed in England...
...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.
One group headed West and Wessex was born.
A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.
Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.
Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again
A toast
Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."
I dated a girl with a lazy eye once...
caught her seeing someone on the side though.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye...
but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side.
My gf told me I should not say anything about her friend's right lazy eye
When I met her friend I complimented her on how athletic her left eye was
It's not my fault that I'm lazy.
It walks in the family.
Why was the lazy-eyed man a horrible teacher?
Because he couldn't control his pupils.
You can explore lazy lighten reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lazy btw dad jokes. There are also lazy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Lazy vultures
Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."
Lazy person fact #4523974903
You were too lazy to read that number.
What do you call a lazy lizard?
A procrastigator.
Someone called me lazy today, I almost replied
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her.
She was seeing somebody on the side.
Lazy people fact #4564321564
You were too lazy to read that number.
Describe yourself in 3 words:
1. Lazy
I just broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye.
Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.
Describe yourself in three words.
Lazy.
A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.
I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.
Unfortunately I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else on the side.
I was told by the vet that i had to put my cat down...
So i went home to it and said "You're fat and lazy."
Thought of starting an origami business but too lazy to do all the paperwork involved.
What does santa do with a lazy reindeer?
Sleighs 'em
Marriage
Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
Why did the man break up with his girlfriend who had a lazy eye?
Because she was seeing somebody on the side.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
I broke up with her though, cos I'm pretty sure she was seeing someone on the side.
Credit to /u/MoreMajorSins for this awesome dad joke!
I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye.
Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side.
I once dated a girl with a lazy eye,
It was going well for a few months until I realized she was seeing someone else.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
Lazy
My grandfather told me that teenagers have become so lazy because of technology.
"They're not the only ones," I said, looking at his mobility scooter.
What do you call a lazy baker?
A loafer...
Doctor gave me 3 months to live...
I'm so lazy I missed the deadline, that was 4 months ago.
I dumped my girlfriend who had a lazy eye
I thought she was seeing someone on the side.
Somebody said today that I'm lazy.
I nearly answered him.
My brother asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
Lazy
The scientific term for lazy eye is atchaphoria.
One eye is looking atcha and the other is looking phoria.
Jim was lazy, but boy was he clever.
A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.
The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."
To which Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"
I just spoke to my lazy eye surgeon.
I wish he was more energetic.
A friend of mine told me a lazy eye can be sexy
but then she started looking at me funny.
When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.
But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the funeral, Emily".
I used to date someone with a lazy eye.
It didn't work out, turns out she was seeing someone else on the side.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.
Had to dump her tho. She was seeing someone on the side.
what does a lazy geologist have?
a sedimentary lifestyle
Facts About Lazy People #389479305784
You were too lazy to read that number
During an interview, the interviewer told me to describe myself using 3 adjectives. My response was...
"Lazy."
My son said, "Thanks for giving me tips on how to be less lazy."
I said, "It's the least I could do."
Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words
Lazy
Why are you guys getting so mad at lazy people?
Theyre not doing anything
What do you call a country full of lazy people?
A procrastination
Why can't people with a lazy eye be teachers?
They can't control their pupils!
I can descirbe myself in just two words.
Lazy.
I told my doctor that I was unable to do all the things around the house that I used to do.
The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but found nothing wrong with me. When the examination was completed, I said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just very lazy." "Okay," I said , "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
My girlfriend recently developed a lazy eye.
I think she started seeing people on the side.
My teacher asked me to describe myself in 5 words...
Lazy
If I had a dollar for everytime someone over 50 said my generation was lazy.
I could finally afford to pay someone for original jokes.
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself in five words?
Me: Lazy
I once dated a girl with a lazy eye.
We broke up because she was seeing someone else the entire time.
Why are people so angry at lazy people?
We haven't done anything???
I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy
It's not like I did anything
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato!
If I had to describe myself in 3 words
lazy
Don't be mad at lazy people.
They didn't do anything.
Why do everyone hate lazy people
I mean we didn't do anything
So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..
His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.
She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?
Son: Ok
Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.
Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds
What do you call a lazy space explorer?
A procrastronaut
I just broke up with my lazy gym buddy.
Didn't work out.
My son, 9 years old told me these jokes on different days and I wrote them all down as he told them.
What did the the dancer say when he found proof:
he found evi-dance
What did the lazy person buy at the store?
A Nap-kin
What is a goldfishes favorite story?
Goldilocks
What did the musician say when he was safe?
I'm safe and SOUND.
What do butts like to push best?
Buttons
What dinosaur make the best music?
Rap-tors
What does pizza hate to get?
Pizzeria
Mother Russia
In Soviet Russia, if you arrive to work late, you're shot for being lazy and leeching off the work of your peers.
If you arrive to work early, you are shot for trying to show up the work of peers and appear better than them.
If you arrive to work on time, you are shot for having a foreign watch.
Remember that every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person
Stay lazy, my friends
I learned not to be mad at lazy people.
Because they didn't do anything.
Husband tired of His lazy wife sitting all day on the couch told Her: If You keep doing this you will lose your womb for being too lazy.
Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her crotch and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?
Wife: I lost my womb like You said
Husband: did it hurt?
Wife: didn't feel anything but it hurt like hell when I put it back in.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lazy lazily jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lazy yo mama so lazy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.