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Lazy Jokes

164 lazy jokes and hilarious lazy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lazy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

From Montenegro's "I am lazy" man to idle jokes, this article explores the many types of "lazy jokes" that can help lighten any mood. With tips on downvoting those jokes that don't quite hit the mark, readers can find the perfect lazy joke for any occasion.

Funniest Lazy Short Jokes

Short lazy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lazy humour may include short slack jokes also.

  1. A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.
  2. I dated a girl with a lazy eye once. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
  3. If laziness was an Olympic sport. I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
  4. A toast Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
    The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."
  5. I just broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.
  6. So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye... It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.
  7. I used to date a girl with a lazy eye... but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side.
  8. I once dated a girl with a lazy eye, It was going well for a few months until I realized she was seeing someone else.
  9. I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her. She was seeing somebody on the side.
  10. If laziness was an Olympic sport I would've placed 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the winners' stairs

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Lazy One Liners

Which lazy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lazy? I can suggest the ones about idle and weak.

  1. I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy It's not like I did anything
  2. Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words Lazy
  3. My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy
  4. Lazy people fact #4564321564 You were too lazy to read that number.
  5. My teacher asked me to describe myself in 5 words... Lazy
  6. My laziness is like the number 8. Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
  7. Describe yourself in 3 words: 1. Lazy
  8. My brother asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy
  9. there's no need to be angry at lazy people they didn't do anything.
  10. Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.
  11. Facts About Lazy People #389479305784 You were too lazy to read that number
  12. Don't be mad at lazy people. They didn't do anything.
  13. What do you call a fat kid with 3 teeth and a lazy eye? Names.
  14. Why can't people with a lazy eye be teachers? They can't control their pupils!
  15. The interviewer asked me, Describe yourself in three words. Lazy.

I Am Lazy Jokes

Here is a list of funny i am lazy jokes and even better i am lazy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was dating a girl with a lazy eye. Unfortunately I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else on the side.
  • The scientific term for lazy eye is atchaphoria. One eye is looking atcha and the other is looking phoria.
  • I was dating a girl with a lazy eye. Had to dump her tho. She was seeing someone on the side.
  • I once dated a girl with a lazy eye. We broke up because she was seeing someone else the entire time.
  • If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be? Lazy.
  • Why are people so angry at lazy people? We haven't done anything???
  • I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
  • It's not my fault that I'm lazy. It walks in the family.
  • If laziness was an olympic sport... I'd do my best to come in fourth, so I didn't have to climb onto the podium.
  • During an interview, the interviewer told me to describe myself using 3 adjectives. My response was... "Lazy."

So Lazy Jokes

Here is a list of funny so lazy jokes and even better so lazy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My gf told me I should not say anything about her friend's right lazy eye When I met her friend I complimented her on how athletic her left eye was
  • What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato.
  • What's with the hate towards lazy people? They haven't done anything!
  • I entered a laziness competition and placed first. I got atrophy.
  • Doctor gave me 3 months to live... I'm so lazy I missed the deadline, that was 4 months ago.
  • What do you call a country full of lazy people? A procrastination
  • Why did the man break up with his girlfriend who had a lazy eye? Because she was seeing somebody on the side.
  • Thought of starting an origami business but too lazy to do all the paperwork involved.
  • Why is there so much hate for lazy people? I mean, they didn't even do anything.
  • Describe yourself in three words. Lazy.
Lazy joke, Describe yourself in three words.

Lazy Eye Jokes

Here is a list of funny lazy eye jokes and even better lazy eye puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I used to date a girl with a lazy eye I broke up with her though, cos I'm pretty sure she was seeing someone on the side.
    Credit to /u/MoreMajorSins for this awesome dad joke!
  • Why was the lazy-eyed man a horrible teacher? Because he couldn't control his pupils.
  • Why should you never date someone with a lazy-eye? Because you never know if they're seeing someone else.
  • I dated a girl with a lazy eye once... caught her seeing someone on the side though.
  • My girlfriend recently developed a lazy eye. I think she started seeing people on the side.
  • I dumped my girlfriend who had a lazy eye I thought she was seeing someone on the side.
  • I used to date someone with a lazy eye. It didn't work out, turns out she was seeing someone else on the side.
  • I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye. Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side.
  • I just spoke to my lazy eye surgeon. I wish he was more energetic.
  • I dumped my lazy eyed g/f I think she was seeing someone else

Lazy People Jokes

Here is a list of funny lazy people jokes and even better lazy people puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why do everyone hate lazy people I mean we didn't do anything
  • What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
  • whats the best exercise for lazy people? diddly squats
  • Why are you guys getting so mad at lazy people? Theyre not doing anything
  • People keep pushing me around and calling me lazy... I don't care what they say though this wheelchair is the best thing I ever bought!
  • Lazy people fact #2048290320389220192842991 You were too lazy to read that number.
  • I once had a girlfriend who had a lazy eye... I had to dump her because she was seeing other people.
  • What kind of work out do lazy people do? Diddly-squats
  • Lazy People Fact #5812672793 You were too lazy to read that number
  • A recent worldwide survey showed... A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 7,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.
Lazy joke, A recent worldwide survey showed...

Happy Lazy Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about lazy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lazy pranks.

The average person has s**... 90 times a year.

Man this going to be an epic new years eve!

God created everyone to be different on the outside.......

But then He got to China and became lazy.

When the Saxons landed in England...

...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.
One group headed West and Wessex was born.
A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.
Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.
Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again

What is a lazy persons favourite exercise routine?

Diddly squat.

Lazy vultures

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

Lazy person fact #4523974903

You were too lazy to read that number.

What do you call a lazy lizard?

A procrastigator.

Someone called me lazy today, I almost replied

What, me? Lazy?

Don't get me started.

My wife is kind of lazy

We were watching an item on the news yesterday, about a wheelchair-bound quadriplegic who could play the (specially adapted) flute beautifully.
"Oh my god." She said, tears welling in her eyes, "I'd love to be able to do that."
"What, play the flute?" I asked.
"No, sit down all day."

I was told by the vet that i had to put my cat down...

So i went home to it and said "You're fat and lazy."

What does santa do with a lazy reindeer?

sleigh 'em

Marriage

Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*

My grandfather told me that teenagers have become so lazy because of technology.

"They're not the only ones," I said, looking at his mobility scooter.

What do you call a lazy baker?

A loafer...

Today I was in the elevator with a guy who only rode to the second floor. He couldn't even bother to take one flight of stairs?

How lazy. That's probably how he got to be in a wheelchair.

Jim was lazy, but boy was he clever.

A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.
The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."
To which Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"

A friend of mine told me a lazy eye can be s**...

but then she started looking at me funny.

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.

But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the f**..., Emily".

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

How lazy are you?

My favourite word is "lazy".

Don't ask me to explain why.

what does a lazy geologist have?

a sedimentary lifestyle

If I had a pound for every time someone called me lazy

I'd have enough money to not need a job

My wife and kids say I'm lazy because all I do is sit in my lounge chair all day.

I'm half inclined to agree with them.

What do you call a lazy person who is nice?

A sweet potato.

My son said, "Thanks for giving me tips on how to be less lazy."

I said, "It's the least I could do."

I can descirbe myself in just two words.

Lazy.

I told my doctor that I was unable to do all the things around the house that I used to do.

The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but found nothing wrong with me. When the examination was completed, I said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just very lazy." "Okay," I said , "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

If I had a dollar for everytime someone over 50 said my generation was lazy.

I could finally afford to pay someone for original jokes.

Interviewer: How would you describe yourself in five words?

Me: Lazy

My wife is leaving me because I'm too lazy. "Pack your bags and go," she said..

"You pack them." I replied.

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato!

If I had to describe myself in 3 words

lazy

Thanks to COVID-19, this is the first year I've not been able to run the London Marathon owing to lockdown.

Every other year it's been because I'm overweight, can't run, and am too lazy to even try.

Lazy joke, Thanks to COVID-19, this is the first year I've not been able to run the London Marathon owing to lo

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