Lazy Jokes

Following is our collection of lighten humor and slack one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Lazy puns for adults, dirty btw jokes or clean sleepy gags for kids.

There is an abundance of lazily jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 71 funniest jokes on lazy. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any yo mama so lazy witze you can hear about lazy.

The Best jokes about Lazy

I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy

It's not like I did anything

Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words

Lazy

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

Lazy

Lazy people fact #4564321564

You were too lazy to read that number.

A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.


I dated a girl with a lazy eye once.

Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

My teacher asked me to describe myself in 5 words...

Lazy

A toast

Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."

Jim was lazy, but boy was he clever.

A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.

The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."

To which Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"

Describe yourself in 3 words:

1. Lazy

I just broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye.

Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.


So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye...

It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.

My brother asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

Lazy

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye...

but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side.

Somebody said today that I'm lazy.

I nearly answered him.

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye,

It was going well for a few months until I realized she was seeing someone else.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her.

She was seeing somebody on the side.

Facts About Lazy People #389479305784

You were too lazy to read that number

Don't be mad at lazy people.

They didn't do anything.


What do you call a fat kid with 3 teeth and a lazy eye?

Names.

Marriage

Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.

Unfortunately I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else on the side.

The scientific term for lazy eye is atchaphoria.

One eye is looking atcha and the other is looking phoria.

Why can't people with a lazy eye be teachers?

They can't control their pupils!

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye.

Had to dump her tho. She was seeing someone on the side.

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.

But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the funeral, Emily".ο»Ώ

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye.

We broke up because she was seeing someone else the entire time.

Why are people so angry at lazy people?

We haven't done anything???

It's not my fault that I'm lazy.

It walks in the family.

During an interview, the interviewer told me to describe myself using 3 adjectives. My response was...

"Lazy."

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato.

My gf told me I should not say anything about her friend's right lazy eye

When I met her friend I complimented her on how athletic her left eye was

What do you call a country full of lazy people?

A procrastination

Doctor gave me 3 months to live...

I'm so lazy I missed the deadline, that was 4 months ago.

Why did the man break up with his girlfriend who had a lazy eye?

Because she was seeing somebody on the side.

Thought of starting an origami business but too lazy to do all the paperwork involved.

Lazy vultures

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."

"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"

"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

Describe yourself in three words.

Lazy.

If I had to describe myself in 3 words

lazy

Why do everyone hate lazy people

I mean we didn't do anything

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

I can descirbe myself in just two words.

Lazy.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye

I broke up with her though, cos I'm pretty sure she was seeing someone on the side.

Credit to /u/MoreMajorSins for this awesome dad joke!

Why was the lazy-eyed man a horrible teacher?

Because he couldn't control his pupils.

Someone called me lazy today, I almost replied

What do you call a lazy lizard?

A procrastigator.

Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman

Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman are walking along the beach together, when they come upon a lamp in the sand. Being familiar with such clichΓ©s, they picked up the lamp, rubbed it, and lo and behold a genie appeared before them.

"For releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you both one wish each."

Paddy Englishman goes first, and thinks silently for a moment:

"Well, genie, I love my country, and I'm sick of it being ruined by lazy immigrants who do nothing but live off of state benefits and handouts. I wish all the immigrants were gone from my country, and that it was just us English that lived there. Furthermore, I want a giant wall built around the coast and borders of England so nobody else can get in."

"Done" says the genie, and **poof** Paddy Englishman is back in England with the rest of his compatriots

"Genie," says Paddy Irishman, "tell me more of this giant wall surrounding England"

"Well, it's over a mile high and half a mile thick. Nothing can get in or out." the genie replied

Paddy Irishman thought for a moment, then looked to the genie and said:

"Fill it with water."

I told my doctor that I was unable to do all the things around the house that I used to do.

The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but found nothing wrong with me. When the examination was completed, I said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just very lazy." "Okay," I said , "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

I dated a girl with a lazy eye once...

caught her seeing someone on the side though.

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?

A pouch potato!

My son said, "Thanks for giving me tips on how to be less lazy."

I said, "It's the least I could do."

God calls in an Albanian, a Grecian, and a Serbian for a quick reckoning.

God has realized that things aren't going so well in the general vicinity of the Balkans so he calls up an Albanian, a Grecian, and a Serbian to convince them to change their ways.
First he calls in the Grecian and says to them, "Your people have become so lazy in recent years! You're ruining everything I gave you! If you don't clean up your act, I'm going to push this here button and rain judgment on all of you." The Grecian runs out crying and afraid for the future of their people.
The Serbian is called in and God says, "Your people have been really aggressive and racist in recent years! You're ruining everything I gave you! If you don't clean up your act, I'm going to push this here button and rain judgment on all of you." The Serbian runs out fuming and angered about the future of their people.
The Albanian is finally called in and God says, "Your people are such thieves! You're stealing everything I gave to everyone else! If you don't clean up your act, I'm going to push this here button and rain judgment on all of you." The Albanian comes out smiling and the Grecian and Serbian ask them, "Didn't God say he would rain judgment on your people? Why are you smiling?"
To which the Albanian replies, "Yeah of course he did! But don't tell anyone that I've stolen his button."

My girlfriend recently developed a lazy eye.

I think she started seeing people on the side.

10 things for my new years resolution:

1. Stop being lazy.

I dumped my girlfriend who had a lazy eye

I thought she was seeing someone on the side.

My grandfather told me that teenagers have become so lazy because of technology.

"They're not the only ones," I said, looking at his mobility scooter.

I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye.

Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side.

When the Saxons landed in England...

...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.

One group headed West and Wessex was born.

A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.

Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.

Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again

An old rich Corsican is about to die

According to the tradition, the most lazy son inherits all wealth
"Come here, Paul", morigan says
The eldest one comes to him
"Yes, father"
"Imagine you see 500 francs and the wind blows it away. What will you do?"
"I won't do nothing. Why should I tire if there's no need?"
"Good boy. Good boy"
"Come here, Michelle", tycoon tells the second one to come
"Yes,father"
"Imagine that a naked passionate woman want to embrace you. What will you do?
"I won't make a movement. I don't want to get exhausted if there's no need"
"Good boy, good boy"
Finally, dying corsican addresses the third son
"Come here, Fransisco"
"No, you come to me"
Sorry for grammar, English isn't my native language

I used to date someone with a lazy eye.

It didn't work out, turns out she was seeing someone else on the side.

I just spoke to my lazy eye surgeon.

I wish he was more energetic.

Because of my cake here are a few physics jokes...

1.) Two kittens are on a roof which one falls off first?

The one with the lowest mew.

2.) what happens to electrons and they lose all the energy?

They become Bohred

3.) People call me lazy but I am just overflowing with potential energy.

4.) Did you hear about the man that was cooled absolute zero?

He is 0k now.

5.) I hear Chemistry jokes periodically, but Physics jokes have more potential.

6.) My Chemistry teacher threw Sodium Chlorite at me, is that considered a salt?


7.) βˆšβˆ’1 2Β³ Ξ£ Ο€

It was very delicious.

Hope you enjoyed them.

what does a lazy geologist have?

a sedimentary lifestyle

A friend of mine told me a lazy eye can be sexy

but then she started looking at me funny.

Why are you guys getting so mad at lazy people?

Theyre not doing anything

Interviewer: How would you describe yourself in five words?

Me: Lazy

What do you call a lazy baker?

A loafer...

If I had a dollar for everytime someone over 50 said my generation was lazy.

I could finally afford to pay someone for original jokes.

What does santa do with a lazy reindeer?

Sleighs 'em

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

How lazy are you?

Lazy person fact #4523974903

You were too lazy to read that number.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes