Lazy Day Jokes
24 lazy day jokes and hilarious lazy day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about lazy day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lazy Day Short Jokes
Short lazy day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lazy day humour may include short lazy people jokes also.
- I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
- My wife and kids say I'm lazy because all I do is sit in my lounge chair all day. I'm half inclined to agree with them.
- Hear about the teacher with two lazy eyes? Didn't last more then a day, couldn't control his pupils.
- People call me lazy because I sleep 13 hours a day But to be fair, Jesus slept for three days straight and that started a religion.
- I'm ginger, my birthday is on April fools day, I was born during a thunder storm, and I have a lazy eye... If anything, my life is a joke..
- During rainy days, I and my lazy dog are competing who sleeps the deepest and the longest. I am the underdog in this fight.
- I'm currently suffering from laziness So I'm gonna try and sleep it off for the next few days.
- Having a bit of a lazy day... sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online.
My boss doesn't look amused - I don't go to the gym on Sunday because of my religion... I don't go the other 6 days because I'm lazy.
- How do you know if your dog likes to be lazy and get high all day? He won't try to find a job.
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Lazy Day One Liners
Which lazy day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lazy day? I can suggest the ones about laid back and lazy eye.
- It's my first cake day ;) i wanted to make a meme but got lazy
- Lazy day BUT have to work Today I dont feel like doing anything ...........
Lazy Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about lazy day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lazy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lazy day pranks.
Husband tired of His lazy wife sitting all day on the couch told Her: If You keep doing this you will lose your w**... for being too lazy.
Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her c**... and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?
Wife: I lost my w**... like You said
Husband: did it hurt?
Wife: didn't feel anything but it hurt like h**... when I put it back in.
My wife is kind of lazy
We were watching an item on the news yesterday, about a wheelchair-bound quadriplegic who could play the (specially adapted) flute beautifully.
"Oh my god." She said, tears welling in her eyes, "I'd love to be able to do that."
"What, play the flute?" I asked.
"No, sit down all day."
Laziest Of All
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.
I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you, he
announced. Will the laziest man please put his hand up?
Nine hands went up.
Why didn't you put your hand up? he asked the tenth man.
Too much trouble, came the reply.
My son, 9 years old told me these jokes on different days and I wrote them all down as he told them.
What did the the dancer say when he found proof:
he found evi-dance
What did the lazy person buy at the store?
A Nap-kin
What is a goldfishes favorite story?
Goldilocks
What did the musician say when he was safe?
I'm safe and SOUND.
What do butts like to push best?
b**...
What dinosaur make the best music?
Rap-tors
What does pizza hate to get?
Pizzeria
I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker. To get the crowd on their feet. To feel optimistic about the day ahead, or even the life ahead. To make them feel like all their dreams are within arms reach with just a little hard work and the willingness to be something more than just who you are
Im Justin too lazy to get up.
Quick before it starts...
A man comes home after a terrible day of golf, his worst ever. He plops down on the couch in front of the television and tells his wife, Get me a beer before it starts.
The wife sighs and gets him a beer and slams it down text to him. He looks at her from the couch and says, Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute...
The wife is furious. She yells at him, You've been out golfing all day! Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore...
The man sighs and says, It's started...
BEFORE IT STARTS
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, the man says, "Get me another beer before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him, "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob." The man sighs and says, "It's started…"
Russian prisoners
Three guys find themselves in the same cell in a Soviet prison. They ask each other what their crimes were.
The first guy says that he used to report 15 minutes late to work everyday. He was charged with laziness and thrown in jail.
The second guy says that he used to report 15 minutes early to work everyday. He was accused of being a spy and thrown in jail.
They look at the third guy who says, "I used to arrive exactly on time at work every day."
"What sort of a crime is that?" the other two ask.
"I was accused of owning an American watch."
In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a v**.... She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a v**..., lived as a v**..., died as a v**...." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."
In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a v**.... She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a v**..., lived as a v**..., died as a v**...." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."