Laziness Jokes
46 laziness jokes and hilarious laziness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about laziness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Why settle for being productive when you can be lazy? These jokes are for those of us who would rather do nothing than something.
Funniest Laziness Short Jokes
Short laziness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The laziness humour may include short lazy people jokes also.
- I dated a girl with a lazy eye once. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
- If laziness was an Olympic sport. I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
- A toast Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread." - I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her. She was seeing somebody on the side.
- The scientific term for lazy eye is atchaphoria. One eye is looking atcha and the other is looking phoria.
- I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
- My gf told me I should not say anything about her friend's right lazy eye When I met her friend I complimented her on how athletic her left eye was
- Doctor gave me 3 months to live... I'm so lazy I missed the deadline, that was 4 months ago.
- Why was the lazy-eyed man a horrible teacher? Because he couldn't control his pupils.
- Why should you never date someone with a lazy-eye? Because you never know if they're seeing someone else.
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Laziness One Liners
Which laziness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with laziness? I can suggest the ones about i am lazy and so lazy.
- I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy It's not like I did anything
- Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words Lazy
- My laziness is like the number 8. Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
- Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.
- Don't be mad at lazy people. They didn't do anything.
- If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be? Lazy.
- Why are people so angry at lazy people? We haven't done anything???
- It's not my fault that I'm lazy. It walks in the family.
- What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato.
- What's with the hate towards lazy people? They haven't done anything!
- I entered a laziness competition and placed first. I got atrophy.
- Thought of starting an origami business but too lazy to do all the paperwork involved.
- I just broke up with my lazy gym buddy. Didn't work out.
- I can descirbe myself in just two words. Lazy.
- My boss asked me to describe myself in 3 words... I said "Quite lazy."
Height Of Laziness Jokes
Here is a list of funny height of laziness jokes and even better height of laziness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
Cheerful Fun Laziness Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about laziness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lazy eye jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make laziness pranks.
Jim was lazy, but boy was he clever.
A difficult customer walked into the shop that Jim didn't want to deal with, so he grabbed a mop and pretended to clean up a mess.
The manager came over and asked him what he was doing. After telling him that he was cleaning, the manager said, "It doesn't look messy here."
To which Jim replied, "Why, thank you!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
there's no need to be angry at lazy people
they didn't do anything.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a fat kid with 3 teeth and a lazy eye?
Names.
Marriage
Husband asking the wife:
-Darling, do you want to come with me to the gym?
*-Are you saying I'm fat??*
-No, I was just thinking that we should maybe...
*-Are you saying I'm lazy??*
-No, no! Calm down, I didn't say that..
*-Why, you think I'm hysterical??*
-No, I wasn't saying that..
*-So you are calling me a liar now??*
-God no! You know what, I go alone then.
*-Wait a minute! Why do you want to go alone!?*
So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..
His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.
She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?
Son: Ok
Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.
Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.
But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the f**..., Emily".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a country full of lazy people?
So I was at my local store...
So I was at my local store and watched the bag packer bring an old ladies groceries out to her car. When I got to the checkout I said, "can you carry my groceries out to my car?". The bag packer said, "sure sir, why not".
We traveled across the car park and when we arrived at my car I said, "you know, I probably could have carried my own groceries to my car but I'm kind of lazy"
He said, "I kind of gathered that sir, here's your snickers"
Lazy vultures
Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."
