Lays Jokes
127 lays jokes and hilarious lays puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lays that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you love Lays Potato Chips? Get a laugh from the funniest Lays Jokes! From pulls to fowl lifts, read hilarious puns that will have everyone in stitches. Check out the collection now for an evening of laughs!
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Funniest Lays Short Jokes
Short lays jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lays humour may include short leans jokes also.
- Give a man an egg and he'll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you're taking science too far.
- My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.
- What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.
- Interviewer: Is the glass half empty or half full? Applicant: It's completely full.
Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory. - A bag of Frito Lays and a bra are the same... Once you open them you realize there's only half of what you thought inside
- Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end You'll go to prison for a very long time.
- My pet snake just lays around and won't move I think he's suffering from a reptile dysfunction
- Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers? They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.
- The saddest joke I've heard My wife ran off with my best friend...
Now, when I throw the stick, it just lays there.
- What do men ànd hardwood flooring have in common? Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!
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Lays One Liners
Which lays one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lays? I can suggest the ones about laying and ling.
- The price of oil has dropped so far that... Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.
- Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff.
- What is Yoda's last name? Lay Hee Hoo
- Where does a socialist bird lay its eggs? In a communest
- How to get laid?? 1. Lay on bed.
2. Wait two hours.
3. Lay becomes past tense. - Politician (noun): Someone who will lay down your life for his country.
- What do you get when a chicken lays its eggs on the top of a hill? Egg rolls.
- TIL there is a rooster that lays eggs. The breed is Himalayan.
- Girl, can I be your derivative? Because I want to lay on your curves at one point.
- What do you call a quadriplegic laying on the floor? Matt.
- Did you hear about the turban-wearing rapper? He was laying down some Sikh beats.
- What sound do French chickens make when they lay eggs? OEUF!
- What breed of roosters lay eggs Himalayan.
- I don't usually lay down I'm not gonna lie
- Why do chickens lay eggs? To confuse philosophers.
Lays Egg Jokes
Here is a list of funny lays egg jokes and even better lays egg puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A chicken and an egg are laying in bed... When the chicken sits up, lights a cigar and says " Well I guess that answers that question."
- A chicken and an egg lay in bed smoking cigarettes. The egg says, "well, that answers that old question."
- What does an evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs
- Asked a hen how many eggs it lays daily? It said: two eggs
I said: Oh strange!
It said: what's strange? the fact that I lay two eggs?
I said: no, the fact that you talk - What do you call it when all the hens in the coup resign the same day from their jobs laying eggs? chicken tenders.
- What do you give to a female fish that has trouble laying her eggs? a SEA-section
- You Know It's Hot When ... Cows are giving evaporated milk ...
Chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs ...
Catfish are already fried when caught ...
Jehovah Witnesses start telemarketing ... - What kind of eggs do evil hens lay? Deviled eggs!
- A chicken and an egg are laying in bed together The egg is smoking a cigarette. It turns to the chicken and says " I guess that answers that question"
- What did the French ostrich say after laying a 4lb egg? Big oeuf
Lays Chips Jokes
Here is a list of funny lays chips jokes and even better lays chips puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a male potato chip mate with a female potato chip? He Lay's on her.
- I know for a fact corporations are trying to put chips in our bodies Lay's and Ruffles are buy one get one free at the grocery store
- My father always complained about his firing from Lay's after being caught stealing produce. He always did have a huge chip on his shoulder.
- Remember past mistakes and never trust the voters to make good decisions... Southern Biscuits and Gravy was actually a finalist in the Lay's Chip Contest
- What do a bag of Lay's potato chips and the Milky Way have in common? They're both mostly empty space.
- Why did the potato go to the chip factory? It was trying to get Lay-ed
- What's the difference between Lay's and the Pfizer vaccine? The Pfizer vaccine has at least one chip in it.
- What did the corn chip say to the light bulb? Are you turned on? Because I'm Frito Lay
- Your mom is like a bag of chips... Frito Lay
- Yo' Mama is like a bag of chips: Fri-to-lay.
Lays Potato Chips Jokes
Here is a list of funny lays potato chips jokes and even better lays potato chips puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A male potato chip steps up to the bar and buys a drink. He sees two female potato chips sitting nearby. He says to the one female potato chip, "Excuse me. Are you Herr's or Frito Lay?"
- What brand of potato chip do Matadors prefer? "Oh Lays"
- A boy potato chip asks a girl potato chip "are you Wise or are you Frito-Lay?"
- The founder of the Lays potato chip company came to Hawaii the other day. As a welcoming gift, we gave him leis.
- Why should you eat potato chips? Cause you might get Lay'ed
- A potato chip walks into a club... He sees a nice looking corn chip sitting at the bar. He goes up to her and asks " Are you frito-lay?" She says "No, 50 dollars."
- What did the potato chip say to the battery?
If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay. - If I were making a new planet... Its atmosphere would be Lay's Potato Chips.
- My friend brags about having s**... with potato chips He keeps on telling me how many lays he's had.
- What do m**... and Lay's potato chips have in common? It's hard to stop with just one.
From Under the Dome (the book).
Gather Around for Fun Lays Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about lays you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pile jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lays pranks.
By legalizing Cannabis and same-s**... marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:
**"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!
The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.
"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."
- Leviticus 20:13 ESV
r**... Birth control
A r**... took his daughter to the Gynocologist.
They waited in the Doctor's office when finally the Doctor came in and asked the father: "Well, what are we here for today"?
The father answered: "to get my daughter on birth control, Doc".
"Well, is your daughter s**... active?", asked the Doctor.
"No", answered the r**..., "she just lays there like her mother".
A guy is sitting in a bar when a great looking woman comes over to him.
He's really excited, but it immediately comes clear that she is a h**.... She says, "Hey, handsome. Want to play a game? Here is how it works. I'll do absolutely anything you want for three hundred dollars, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy thinks for a minute. Then he pulls his wallet out of his pocket, lays three hundred dollar bills on the bar, and says, "Paint my house."
Blonde at the doctor's office
A gorgeous blonde pays a visit to a gynecologist. She undresses and lays down waiting for the doc. The doc enters the room and he's mesmerized by her beauty, totally loses his mind, and soon, starts having s**... with her.
She's quiet and not responsive, and the doc asks: You do realize what I'm doing, right?
She says: Of course, taking out my h**....
A man goes to see his doctor.
Man: Doc, I need to get some birth control for my daughter.
Doctor: Is she s**... active?
Man: No. She just lays there like her mother.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but it just lays there while Ray J does all the work.
Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.
What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?
Doug.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps?
Skip.
What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a quadriplegic inside of your mail box?
Bill.
What does an insomniac agnostic dyslexic do?
Lays awake in bed all night, debating whether or not there really is a dog.
A guy meets a h**... in a bar
She says to him, "this is your lucky night. I've got a special going, for $300 i'll do absolutely anything you can think of but the catch is you have to be able to say it in 3 words or less."
The guy replies, "thats a great deal" then slowly lays out 3 &100 dollar notes and says "Paint... My... House."
My friend told me this gem the other day
A man walks into a doctor's office with his 8 year-old daughter. Looking at the nurse he asks "Excuse me, miss? I need to see someone about getting my daughter on birth control."
The nurse replies, "My god! Your daughter is s**... active?"
"Nah, she just lays there like her Mom."
Man walks into a pharmacy . . .
. . . and asks the pharmacist for birth control for his twelve-year old daughter. The pharmacist looks shocked and asks incredulously, "Your TWELVE year-old daughter is s**... active?!" The man responds emphatically, "Hmmph, I wish! She mostly just lays there and cries."
An old ugly wife is looking in the mirror...
Listing all the things wrong with her old flabby hairy body while her husband lays on the bed watching an ocean documentary on TV.
"I'm disgusting, aren't I?"
He doesn't respond.
"Hey! Answer me! I look like a whale, don't I!?"
He responds, "No! Absolutely not, you don't look anything like a whale, my dear..."
Before she could get out an "aww thanks", he says "Have you *seen* how stunningly beautiful those creatures are!?!"
Tom Jones' Disease
A Man goes to the Doctor and lays out his problems. He says whenever he sees a cat he yells "What's New, p**...?"
If he sees a woman while on the street, he exclaims "She's A Lady!" which is really driving his wife crazy.
And speaking of his wife he keeps calling her Delilah, when her name is Susan!
The doctor says "Considering your symptoms, it sounds like you have Tom Jones' Disease"
"Tom Jones' Disease? I've never heard of that! Is it rare?"
"It's not unusual"
A man from Oklahoma takes his daughter to the gynecologist...
He tells the doctor that he'd like to put her on birth-control pills. The doctor asks him how old she is.
"She's thirteen." the man says.
The doctor is somewhat startled, "That's seems a bit young, is she s**... active?"
The man replies, "Naw... she jus' lays there like 'er mother."
A Jew is on his deathbed.
Summoning his last strength, he says: "Is my wife Sarah here with me?" And she says "Yes, I am here." He then says :"Are my children here with me?" And they reply "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he smiles and says:"Is my father and siblings here with me?" And they too tell him that they are here. So the Jew lays quietly for a while and replies "Then who is the light on for in the kitchen?"
A Man Goes Into A Pharmacy
And asks for birth control for his wife and seven year old daugher.
The pharmacist, shocked, exclaims "You're seven year old daughter is s**... active?!"
And the man just shrugs and says "Nah, she just lays there"
Another jewish gag
An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into the guys kind eyes and says "Eh...I make a living"
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
I walked into the pharmacist's office and asked for condoms for my 12 year old son.
The pharmacist asked "is your son s**... active?" I replied with "no he just lays there and cries."
If a rooster lays an egg on a triangular roof, which side does it roll down?
Neither! Roosters don't lay eggs!
A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...
and spots a speeder.
He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."
The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."
What's brown, black and blue and lays at the bottom of a ditch?
A brunette that's told one too many blonde jokes.
Man in a pasture face down
A man lays face down in the pasture with a backpack on his back and flies buzzing around him.
Question: Whats in his backpack?
Answer: Parachute
A woman was 9 months pregnant...
...and she didn't wanna go to the hospital no matter what. One day she is walking up the stairs inside her home when her water breaks, she then lays down Right there and gives birth with the assistance of her husband. Once the baby is born the mother is holding her baby and says to her husband "I don't think this is yours..." He looks at her confused and asks "what do you mean?", she looks him in the eyes and says "because it's a step-child"
A guy meets a s**... worker in a bar.
She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.' The guy replies, 'Hey, why not?' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint…my….house.'
Just three words . . .
A middle-aged man meets a h**... in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $100 as long as you can say it in just three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"
He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $100 on the bar, and says slowly, "Paint . . . my . . . house."
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms.
He approaches the desk and says to the pharmacist "excuse me, do you have non latex? I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter but she's allergic to latex"
The pharmacist replies "yeah they should be right over.... wait.. did you say 12 year old daughter? .. your 12 year old daughter is s**... active?"
The man says "eh, not really. She just kind of lays there like her mother."
Einstein quietly lays in bed next to a obviously disappointed partner..
After a few minutes of awkward silence he turns to her and says, "You see, it was fast to you..."
An old man sets up three beds in his room...
and lays out three chairs. One day, a friend comes over and the old man serves three bowls of porridge.
The friend asks "Why do you have all this random stuff in your room?"
and the old man replies "Well, it worked for the 3 bears!"
A robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, and lays down some cash.
The bartender says, "we don't serve robots." The robot replies, "oh, but some day you will."
Junk foods are so versatile!
A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election!
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms...
The pharmacist looks at him and asked him if his wife had stopped taking her birth control pills.
"No, these are for my daughter", the man answered
"Oh, is your daughter s**... active?" Asked the pharmacist.
"No, she just lays there, just like her mom"
A man brings home flowers to his wife
A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.
Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"
His wife replies "For the flowers of course"
He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"
A guy walks into the bar and looks the bartender in the eye and says "I need 10 shots"
The bartender lays them out and the man takes all 10 shots back to back.
In shock the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink like that before."
The man replies, "You'd drink like that too if you had what I had."
Sounding concerned, the bartender asks "Oh I'm sorry to hear that, what do you have?"
Man quickly says "2 bucks" and ran out of the bar.
So Jesus walked into a hotel...
Walks up to the registration desk, lays down a few nails and says "can you put me up for the weekend? "
A guy is approached by a h**... in a bar. She says, "This
A guy is approached by a h**... in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint...my...house."
Chocolate, icecream, cookies, mars bars, doritos, popcorn, milky ways, kit kats and lays!
i wrote this joke to reach a wider audience.
A man brings his 12 year old daughter to the doctor.
He tells the doctor he needs birth control for his daughter.
Raising his eyebrows the doctor replies "Is your daughter s**... active?"
The man replies, "s**... active? No. She usually just lays there and cries."
Horse race
A man has a racehorse who never won a race.
Man in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
By legalizing Cannabis and same-s**... marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:
"A man who lays with another man should be s**...." [Leviticus 20:13]
What sound does a French hen make when it lays an egg?
Oeuf.
One for the Mathematicians
Some engineers are trying to measure the height of a flagpole.
They only have a measuring tape, and they have not been able to slide the tape up the pole.
A mathematician asks what they are doing, and they explain.
The solution is easy, she says. She pulls the pole out of the ground, lays it down, and measures it.
After she leaves, one of the engineers says,
That is so typical! We tell a mathematician we need the height – and she gives us the length!
An Arkansas man takes his 12 year-old daughter to the doctor to get her on birth control
The doctor then asks the man, Your 12 year-old daughter is s**... active!?
The man replies, No, she's like her mother. She just lays there.
I thought air was free.
That was until I bought a bag of lays
A guy picks up a h**...
She says, This is your lucky night. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300.00. as long as you can say it in three words.
The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300.00 on the table and says slowly.
Paint…my….house.
Old number 51628
A man is taking his giraffe for a walk downtown. He gets tired and stops at a bar. As the man sits down the giraffe goes and lays down in the corner.
The bartender says to the man: Hey! You can't just leave that lyin' around!
Man: It's not a lion. It's a giraffe.
Three men are sitting by the pool on vacation.
One of the men says: "Last night I had s**... with my wife three times, and in the morning she said that was the best s**... we've had"
One of the other men proclaims: "We'll yesterday I had s**... with my wife 5 times and do you know what she had to say this morning?"
The two other men shook their heads.
"That I was the best she has ever had!"
The first man coofs and says to the third guy: "well how many times did you bang your wife?"
The third man says "once!"
The two other men laugh and one of them asks:
"Well what did your wife tell you in the morning then?"
The third man lays back and says:
"Don't stop!"
Europe lays there like a p**....
England is finished but won't pull out.
Anything you want!
A guy meets a s**... worker in a bar. She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300 as long as you can say it in three words.' The guy replies, 'Hey, why not?' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint…my….house.'
2 Native American animal trackers sit on their horses.
One gets down, lays his ear to the ground and after a moment he says "Buffalo come."
His friend asks "How you know?"
Then he stands up and touches the side of his face, "Sticky."
A man in his 60s h**... to a brothel
... constantly shaking from his Parkinson's.
He tells the madam I want 5 girls.
The madam says are you sure? 5 girls might kill you. But the man is adamant and soon enough he's in a room with 5 girls.
Shaking from every joint as he lays on the bed, he tells 2 girls: you two, hold down my arms.
Then he tells 2 more girls: you two, hold down my legs.
Finally, the last one, you get on top.
Now, you 4, let go!
By legalizing Cannabis and same-s**... marriage we finally interpreted the Bible correctly:
**"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Two men are playing a round of golf.
The third tee is close to a road, and just as one of the players is about to tee off he sees a f**... cortège driving slowly by. He breaks his shot, lays down his club, takes off his cap and bows his head as the procession passes.
'Wow' says his friend, 'That was very respectful.'
'I suppose so' says the first man, 'Mind you, I was married to her for 40 years.'
What's Irish and lays out on your lawn all night after your St. Patrick's Day party?
Patty O'furniture
By legalizing Cannabis and same-s**... marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:
"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."
Jane is on her honeymoon with Tarzan.
He lays stiff in bed awkwardly staring at the roof of the treehouse. "Have you ever had s**...?" She asks, he stands up and points out the window, "when Tarzan h**..., Tarzan poke hole in tree."
She walks over to him and says "Just do the same, pretend i'm the tree." He nods, and swiftly kicks her between the legs. "w**... was that?" She shrieks in pain.. "Tarzan always check for squirrels"
Farming experiment
A poultry farmer walks into a bar and orders a white wine spritzer. "Hey Bob," the bartender says. "How's your chicken cross-breeding experiment going this week?" "Pretty good," the farmer replies. "I crossed a chicken with a duck. Now I have a chicken that lays down."
An old Jew is on his deathbed.
A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."
He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."
And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here.
So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"
A guy runs into a bar says to the bartender
"Quick! Give me 50 shots of your best whiskey!"
The bartender lays out 50 shot glasses and fills them with the best whiskey he has.
The man pounds them down, one immediately after another.
After the last glass, the bartender says "Wow! I've never seen anyone take that many shots at once!"
The man says "You'd do the same thing if you had what I have."
The bartender says "What do you have?"
The man says "Twenty-five cents."
A guy rushes into a bar out of breath and manages to excitedly utter to the bartender "Gimme 6 shots of whiskey quick"!
The bartender says "What's the hurry?" as he lays out the six shots. The guy starts downing the shots as fast as the bartender is filling them. As he is gulping down the last shot, he utters "Well you would drink fast too if you had what I have". The bartender says "well geez mister what do you have"? and the guy says "2 dollars".
A joke I read somewhere.
A man walks into a bar and lays down a dead giraffe.
Bartender asks "What's that lyin' there?"
Man responds "That's not a lion. That's a giraffe."
Superstition
I was trimming my nails when my Grandfather said with a sigh "You should not cut your nails on Thursdays".
I had never adhered to these superstition but out of curiosity I asked, "What happens when I cut my nails on Thursday?"
He explained, "You see the weekend starts tomorrow Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It's difficult to open the beer cans and the Lays packs without the nails."
Moral: Some superstitions do have a scientific basis!
All in a night's work
A guy meets a s**... worker in a bar. She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.' The guy replies, 'Hey, why not?' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint…my….house.'
An old joke in my native language.
In a country, all the idiots lived together in a big town. One day, their leader dies. He had two children. Both of them were eligible to be the leader. They were quite confused who should be their leader. So, they visit a saint for advice.
The saint says: "Whoever will answer my question correctly will be the king of idiots..
..and the question is: **If a rooster sits on a tower, and lays an egg, in which direction will the egg fall?**"
What lays at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
A nervous wreck
My wife just lays in bed all day
She's atrophy wife
The Bible says it's ok to be gay if you've been smoking m**...
Leviticus 20:13 "A man who lays with another man should be s**..."
There was this guy on the road
There was this guy on the road who was found painted grey with a white push bike symbol painted on. He said he lays down on roads to camouflage himself waiting for people to ride their bikes over him because he enjoyed the feeling.
This guy was a real cycle path.
So, these two engineers are trying to determine the height of a flagpole...
...A blonde woman wearing a tool belt and hardhat comes walking by, notices the engineers with their problem and goes over to help. She loosens the bolts at the base of the pole, lays it down on its side, then takes her tape measure and runs it down the side of the pole.
"26 feet 6 inches" She says to the two perplexed engineers, and then walks off.
One engineer looks at the other and says, "Typical blonde. We want the height and she gives us the length!"
I started a new exercise routine this week
I do 100 crunches in the morning and again in the evening
My favourites are Doritos cheese supreme and Lays original
An elderly Jewish man is on his deathbed.
Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here." He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here. So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"
