layer Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious layer puns

My great Grandpa Randy was a brick layer...

He said, "I was a brick layer for 20 years and no one called me 'Randy the brick layer.'

Then I farmed for 25 year and no one called me 'Randy the farmer.'

But you fuck just one goat.


I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment

The plot thickened


My wife has been keeping secrets from me.

I just built a fence and put down some paving. Turns out not only is she a master carpenter she's also an expert brick layer. If only I had known earlier I could have sought her advice before I did the work. It would have saved me from making all the obvious mistakes she pointed out after the work was done.


The ladder to success

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.

Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud.

She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.

She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.

She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed caught the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.

Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.

Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"

The biker answers, "I'm Cess".


A joke about the pope

So one day I get lost in this forest and some how I find myself in this cave that goes down to hell. When I get to the bottom layer I see all these clocks ticking at different intervals and I ask Satan about them, "each clock has a name next to it," he said, "and whenever the clock ticks it means the person sins."
So I look at each clock, I find my best friends clock, I see my parents clocks, my family's clocks, but there was one thing bugging me. "Satan," I said, "where is the Popes clock?"
Satan looks at me with a friendly laugh like I just said something funny. he says, "we keep it in the kitchen as a fan."


I firmly believe in taking care of one's body...

That's why I protect mine in a thick layer of fat.


I love my 6-pack so much I protect it with a layer of fat.


A Generous Lawyer

One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass?"

The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford anything to eat."

So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."

The guys says, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."

The lawyer replied, "You're going to love it there... the grass is a foot tall!"


For sale: Thick layer of dust

As seen on TV.


I like my women like I like my drain pipes.

Covered in a thin layer of PVC and attached to a wall.


These days my boss has been getting on my nerves. See I'm a brick layer and he is always yelling to layer the bricks faster and faster...

These days everyone wants instant stratification.


My abs are so perfect...

...that i keep them safe and sound under a protective layer of beer belly.


A man walks into a bar with a giant microphone.

A man walks into a bar with a giant microphone. He sits it down next to him on a stool and asks the bartender for a drink.

"Yeah, I'll get ya a drink champ. But first ya gatta tell me about the... uh..." The bartender says, gesturing towards the microphone.

"Oh yeah, sure" the man replied calmly, " I stole God's Microphone."

"I don't believe you." said the bartender, laughing him off.

"Alright then. Here. I'll show you." He said as he brushed off a thick layer of dust and turned it on.

He then cleared his throat and declared, in a very deep, God like voice,

"Go fuck yourself."

The voice boomed and seemed to emanate from everywhere, the ground, the ceiling, the very air itself reverberated the mans message.

The bartender and everyone in the bar stood speechless.

After a moment a extremely startled priest runs into the bar.

"Did'ja just hear that?" asked the bartender.

"Sure did!" the priest exclaimed, grabbing a patrons drink and downing it,

"But that's nothing compared to what the nuns are doing!"


A man goes to the psychiatrists wearing nothing but a layer of saran wrap.

When the man asked the Doctor to give him a diagnosis, the Doctor replied: "Well, clearly I can see your nuts."


A special needs school added a fresh layer of blacktop to their parking lot.

I asked my dad if they re-paved the whole parking lot.

Dad: No, they just retard it.


What's the difference between Yo Yo Ma and Yo Mama?

One is a famous cello player

The other is a heinous fellow layer


Not quite heaven

A skydiver jumps out of the plane, and passes through a layer of heavy winds where he is blown way off course. He crashes into a tree, and is knocked unconscious. When he awakes, he is surrounded by a number of beautiful, naked women. In the distance he sees a sign that says heaven.

Thinking to himself that he must have died, he says aloud, heaven is more beautiful than I imagined, then he hears a voice behind him. He turns to see a older naked male who says to him, "This isn't heaven, this is Heavenly Shores Nudist Camp, and you're not a member."


An Irishman catches his son doing blow.

He said, " If I catch you doing that again, I'll rub your fucking nose in it."

Just a joke from one of my favorite movies: Layer Cake.


My lovely six pack

I love my six pack so much that I protect it with a layer of fat


Do you know why there was a thick layer of dust at the end of the stairs?

Because it was the ground floor.


What is the cheesiest line you ever said to anyone?

Me: Double cheese margherita with cheese burst crust and triple layer extra cheese.


I want to be a brick layer,

I'm shittin bricks left and right.haha


Earth is flat

Because the ozone layer is punctured.


How is the layer of fat around a woman's vagina called?



I love my six pack.

Which is why I protect it with a thick layer of fat.


I like my 6 pack so much....

I protected it in a layer of fat


What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer.


Everybody knows the best sex lubricant...

Is a good thin layer of shit.


Found this on Craigslist

Found this on Craigslist:

For Sale: Thick layer of dust. As seen on TV.


When the UPS guy asked if I wanted the feathers under a birds exterior layer delivered to me,

I responded with ELO's ninth track on the album discovery


My Father was a brick layer before he was sent to prison.

To this day he still isn't a free mason.


Where does one male satellite platonically make out with another male satellite?

The brozone layer


Yo momma is like the stratosphere

She's a layer with a big "ozone hole"


In what layers can you find Kevin Spacey in Minecraft?

16 and below


What did the cop say to the cold felon?

You're gonna want to layer up


What are the most funny Layer jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Layer? Well, here are the best Layer dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Layer pick up lines to share with friends.

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