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Laxatives Jokes

42 laxatives jokes and hilarious laxatives puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about laxatives that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Laxatives Short Jokes

Short laxatives jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The laxatives humour may include short enema jokes also.

  1. Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time. But if you do, you will sleep like a baby.
  2. I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives I will start a religious movement anytime now
  3. Just got this in a text from my dad. "I've just combined laxative and alaphabet soup... I call it letter rip!"
  4. I tried to buy some cough syrup earlier, but apparently you need photographic ID. Anyhow, I solved the problem.
    I bought a huge box of laxatives and took them all - now I'm far too scared to cough.
  5. Never take viagara and a laxative at the same time. You won't know if you're coming or going.
  6. I made a concoction with half part laxatives and 4 parts alphabet soup... I call it Letter Rip.
  7. The Purge... My brother said he would be able to survive "The Purge" if it were real. I put a few laxatives in his coffee we'll see about that...
  8. I'm going to invent a super laxative for the military. I think I'll call it Dishonorable Discharge.
  9. What do laxatives and gentrification have in common? Both tend to displace brown populations.
  10. The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication. I said "I guess I'll have to make doo with that".

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Laxatives One Liners

Which laxatives one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with laxatives? I can suggest the ones about constipation and diarrhea.

  1. What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water? A religious movement.
  2. What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives? Letter rip!
  3. I asked for the cheapest contraceptive. They gave me a laxative.
  4. Why do politicians take laxatives? So that they can speak more fluently!
  5. Today I'm combining Alphabet Soup & laxatives… I call it Letter Rip.
  6. I ate some alphabet soup and some laxatives for lunch I'm about to have a vowel movement
  7. What's the shitiest drug to overdose on? Laxatives
  8. What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives? Expellianus.
  9. I just invented a new soup. Its alphabet soup mixed with laxative. I call it Letter Rip.
  10. What do you call a going out of business sale for a laxative store? Liquidation.
  11. How does a Trumpie become a smooth talker? Takes a laxative.
  12. What happened to the Marine that took a laxative? He was relieved of doodie.
  13. A spy put laxatives into a jihadist water supply The results were explosive
  14. Apple came out with a new laxative. They're calling it the iBM.
  15. Why was the watchman prescribed laxatives? To help him pass the time.

Laxatives joke, Why was the watchman prescribed laxatives?

Fun-Filled Laxatives Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about laxatives you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bowel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make laxatives pranks.

I sold some baby laxative to a j**... and told him it was c**......!!

The next day he told me that was the best s**... he ever had!!

A chemist walks into the store he owns...

and he sees a man, leaning up against a wall near the counter.
"What's wrong with him?" he asks his assistant.
"He needed a bottle of cough syrup," explains the assistant, "but I couldn't find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead."
"WHAT?" bellows the chemist. "You can't treat a cough with laxatives!!!"
"Of course you can," replies the assistant, pointing at the man. "Look at him! He's FAR too scared to cough!"

Cough Medicine

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Lunch theif

At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.

A chemist finds a man leaning against the wall of his shop.

'What's wrong with him?' says the chemist.
His assistant replies, 'He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any, so I gave him laxatives'
'Idiot!' says the chemist. 'You can't treat a cough with laxatives'
'Of course you can' the assistant replies. ' Look at him, he's too afraid to cough'

A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall

He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'
Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'
The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'
The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'

A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor

A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor. (Russian Joke)
P: "Doc, I just can't fall asleep. Thousands of thoughts enter my mind and I stay awake through the night."
Doc: "here take (MiraLax - or alternative strong laxative) and it should help you"
P:" will this help me fall asleep?
Doc: "No, but you will only have one thing on your mind"
Sorry, translated this from Russian, may not be as funny in English

c**... advice

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
He asks the clerk:
"What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxative."
The pharmacist said:
"You can't treat a cough with a laxative!"
The clerk responded, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough!

Mary nursery rhyme

Mary had a little watch,
she swallowed it one day.
Then Mary took a laxative
to pass the time away.
Well, time went on and time went on,
and time still wouldn't pass.
So, if you want to know what time it is,
just look up Mary's ^brother ^in ^Omaha. ^He's ^got ^a ^Rolex.

A mother of a boy walks into the school nurse's office to pick up her son...

She sees her son standing nervously off to one side of the office. His mother walks over to the nurse's desk to sign him out of school. She queries the nurse:
"What was he complaining of? He seems fine!"
The nurse responds: "He had a terrible cough when he came in."
The mother, suspecting her son is faking it, asks the nurse: "Well, what did you give him to make him so much better all of a sudden?"
"I gave him a laxative," replied the nurse.
"A laxative?!" the mother exclaims.
"Yep. Look at him; he's afraid to cough."

Pharmacy

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once. " "Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough. "

A man comes to a doctor and says...

— Help me, please, I can't fall asleep. Every time I go to bed there are a million thoughts in my head...
— I see, — replies the doctor, — I'll prescribe you a laxative.
— Will it help me fall asleep?
— Probably not but there sure will be only one thought on your mind.

What do you call a l**... that doubles as a laxative?

Easy Come, Easy Go

A Pharmacist goes out for lunch

A pharmacist goes out for lunch and leaves his assistant to tend the customers. An hour passes and he returns and sees a man sitting awkwardly. He asks his assistant about the man and his assistant told him the man came in with a bad cough and that he had given him a powerful laxative. The pharmacist yelled "laxatives aren't for coughs!" The assistant replied, oh yea? He hasn't coughed anymore, He's scared to.

Outside the pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching into a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle just standing there, frozen.

The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?
Assistant replies: Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help.
Pharmacist says: He seems to be fine now.
Assistant replies: Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!

A pharmacist walks back into his shop after taking a break.

He finds a man leaning against a wall and asks his assistant What's wrong with him?
He came in for some cough syrup , explains the assistant, but I couldn't find any so I gave him laxatives instead.
What! exclaims the pharmacist, horrified. You can't treat a cough with laxatives!
Of course you can. , the assistant says. Look at him, he's far too scared to cough.

Laxatives joke, A pharmacist walks back into his shop after taking a break.