Laxatives Jokes
42 laxatives jokes and hilarious laxatives puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about laxatives that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Laxatives Short Jokes
Short laxatives jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The laxatives humour may include short enema jokes also.
- Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time. But if you do, you will sleep like a baby.
- I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives I will start a religious movement anytime now
- Just got this in a text from my dad. "I've just combined laxative and alaphabet soup... I call it letter rip!"
- Never take viagara and a laxative at the same time. You won't know if you're coming or going.
- The Purge... My brother said he would be able to survive "The Purge" if it were real. I put a few laxatives in his coffee we'll see about that...
- I'm going to invent a super laxative for the military. I think I'll call it Dishonorable Discharge.
- What do laxatives and gentrification have in common? Both tend to displace brown populations.
- The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication. I said "I guess I'll have to make doo with that".
- Doctor to assistant: I said to give the patient something for his cough! Why did you give him a laxative?! Assistant: Well he's not coughing anymore, is he?
Doctor: ..I guess he wouldn't dare.. - What did the cliffhanger say when he took a laxative? "Can't...hold...on...much...longer!"
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Laxatives One Liners
Which laxatives one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with laxatives? I can suggest the ones about constipation and diarrhea.
- What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water? A religious movement.
- What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives? Letter rip!
- I asked for the cheapest contraceptive. They gave me a laxative.
- Why do politicians take laxatives? So that they can speak more fluently!
- What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives? Expellianus.
- What do you call a going out of business sale for a laxative store? Liquidation.
- How does a Trumpie become a smooth talker? Takes a laxative.
- What happened to the Marine that took a laxative? He was relieved of doodie.
- A spy put laxatives into a jihadist water supply The results were explosive
- Apple came out with a new laxative. They're calling it the iBM.
- Why was the watchman prescribed laxatives? To help him pass the time.
- Why is a fruit tree like a laxative? They both make a mango!
- What is a good pill to take when you need to relax? A laxative.
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Celebrities are now being hired to endorse laxatives. Someone call William Shatner.
Fun-Filled Laxatives Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about laxatives you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bowel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make laxatives pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I sold some baby laxative to a j**... and told him it was c**......!!
The next day he told me that was the best s**... he ever had!!
A chemist walks into the store he owns...
and he sees a man, leaning up against a wall near the counter.
"What's wrong with him?" he asks his assistant.
"He needed a bottle of cough syrup," explains the assistant, "but I couldn't find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead."
"WHAT?" bellows the chemist. "You can't treat a cough with laxatives!!!"
"Of course you can," replies the assistant, pointing at the man. "Look at him! He's FAR too scared to cough!"
Lunch theif
At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A chemist finds a man leaning against the wall of his shop.
'What's wrong with him?' says the chemist.
His assistant replies, 'He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any, so I gave him laxatives'
'Idiot!' says the chemist. 'You can't treat a cough with laxatives'
'Of course you can' the assistant replies. ' Look at him, he's too afraid to cough'
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor. (Russian Joke)
P: "Doc, I just can't fall asleep. Thousands of thoughts enter my mind and I stay awake through the night."
Doc: "here take (MiraLax - or alternative strong laxative) and it should help you"
P:" will this help me fall asleep?
Doc: "No, but you will only have one thing on your mind"
Sorry, translated this from Russian, may not be as funny in English
Mary nursery rhyme
Mary had a little watch,
she swallowed it one day.
Then Mary took a laxative
to pass the time away.
Well, time went on and time went on,
and time still wouldn't pass.
So, if you want to know what time it is,
just look up Mary's ^brother ^in ^Omaha. ^He's ^got ^a ^Rolex.
A mother of a boy walks into the school nurse's office to pick up her son...
She sees her son standing nervously off to one side of the office. His mother walks over to the nurse's desk to sign him out of school. She queries the nurse:
"What was he complaining of? He seems fine!"
The nurse responds: "He had a terrible cough when he came in."
The mother, suspecting her son is faking it, asks the nurse: "Well, what did you give him to make him so much better all of a sudden?"
"I gave him a laxative," replied the nurse.
"A laxative?!" the mother exclaims.
"Yep. Look at him; he's afraid to cough."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to buy some cough syrup earlier, but apparently you need photographic ID.
Anyhow, I solved the problem.
I bought a huge box of laxatives and took them all - now I'm far too scared to cough.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pharmacy
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once. " "Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough. "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a l**... that doubles as a laxative?
Easy Come, Easy Go
Outside the pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching into a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle just standing there, frozen.
The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: What's the matter with that guy? Wasn't he in here earlier?
Assistant replies: Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help.
Pharmacist says: He seems to be fine now.
Assistant replies: Sure, he does. I gave him a box of the strongest laxatives on the market. Now he won't dare cough!
A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup
Three days later the patient comes for a check up and the doctor asks Well? Are you still coughing?
The patient replies No. I'm afraid to.
A pharmacist comes back from his lunch break
He finds his assistant standing by a customer who seems very tense.
What's wrong with this man? The pharmacist asks his assistant.
He has a terrible cough! The assistant replied. And there was no cough medicine so I prescribed him laxatives instead.
The customer gives a soft groan as the pharmacist looks horrified.
You can't prescribe laxatives to treat a cough!
Well of course you can, replied the assistant. Look at the customer, he's far too scared to cough
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm thinking of starting a business with focus on laxatives.
It just gets s**... done.
