Great Laxative Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
Lunch theif
At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.
Cough Medicine
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
c**... advice
The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
He asks the clerk:
"What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him a bottle of laxative."
The pharmacist said:
"You can't treat a cough with a laxative!"
The clerk responded, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough!
Mary nursery rhyme
Mary had a little watch,
she swallowed it one day.
Then Mary took a laxative
to pass the time away.
Well, time went on and time went on,
and time still wouldn't pass.
So, if you want to know what time it is,
just look up Mary's ^brother ^in ^Omaha. ^He's ^got ^a ^Rolex.
I have invented a new game.
You lock yourself and 9 other friends in a house that has 2 bathrooms. You all then take a load of laxative and fight over the toilets.
I call it 'Game Of Thrones'
A Pharmacist goes out for lunch
A pharmacist goes out for lunch and leaves his assistant to tend the customers. An hour passes and he returns and sees a man sitting awkwardly. He asks his assistant about the man and his assistant told him the man came in with a bad cough and that he had given him a powerful laxative. The pharmacist yelled "laxatives aren't for coughs!" The assistant replied, oh yea? He hasn't coughed anymore, He's scared to.
A man comes to a doctor and says...
— Help me, please, I can't fall asleep. Every time I go to bed there are a million thoughts in my head...
— I see, — replies the doctor, — I'll prescribe you a laxative.
— Will it help me fall asleep?
— Probably not but there sure will be only one thought on your mind.
A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall
He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'
Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'
The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'
The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'
Two kinds of people..
There's two kinds of people who google 'How long does a laxative take to kick in?' Those who plan and those who wish they did.
What happened to the Marine that took a laxative?
He was relieved of doodie.
How does a Trumpie become a smooth talker?
Takes a laxative.
You can explore laxative vitamins reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean laxative imodium dad jokes. There are also laxative puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The best cure for dry coughing.
Take some laxative. You will not cough, trust me.
What laxative did the constipated man ask for?
p**...-ease
I tried this new laxative with goose feathers
But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.
This laxative I just bought is really effective.
It's really giving me a run for my money.
What do laxatives and gentrification have in common?
Both tend to displace brown populations.
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor
A patient with insomnia goes to a doctor. (Russian Joke)
P: "Doc, I just can't fall asleep. Thousands of thoughts enter my mind and I stay awake through the night."
Doc: "here take (MiraLax - or alternative strong laxative) and it should help you"
P:" will this help me fall asleep?
Doc: "No, but you will only have one thing on your mind"
Sorry, translated this from Russian, may not be as funny in English
Don't ever take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.
But if you do, you will sleep like a baby.
Your mamma's so ugly...
They put her picture on a laxative box and sold it empty.
Why is a fruit tree like a laxative?
They both make a mango!
A Walmart pharmacist walks in to relieve her co-worker and sees a man leaning against the shelves.
She asks her co-worker , "What's with that guy over there leaning against the shelves?" He says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. We're out of cough syrup, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative."
"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
"Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
I'm going to invent a super laxative for the military.
I think I'll call it Dishonorable Discharge.
What Do You Call It When A Person With Low Self-Esteem Takes A Laxative?
Self-Defecation.
Best medicine
Patient approached a doctor for incessant cough and doctor prescribed laxative.
Assistant to doctor. Sir, you gave him laxative for cough.
Doctor: Yes, and now he'd think twice before coughing.
What is the medical term for a laxative?
A relaxative.
Last night I took a sleeping pill and a laxative before bed..
I slept like a baby
Soup
I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it Letter Rip
Marriage is a tummy ache
Divorce is a laxative
I just invented a new soup.
Its alphabet soup mixed with laxative. I call it Letter Rip.
Doctor to assistant: I said to give the patient something for his cough! Why did you give him a laxative?!
Assistant: Well he's not coughing anymore, is he?
Doctor: ..I guess he wouldn't dare..
Why do laxatives always say they 'Work gently, over night?'
What if I want something that works violently right now?!?
Apple came out with a new laxative.
They're calling it the iBM.
Just washed down a laxative with holy water
Im about to start a religious movement.
A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup
Three days later the patient comes for a check up and the doctor asks Well? Are you still coughing?
The patient replies No. I'm afraid to.
What is a good pill to take when you need to relax?
A laxative.
The pharmacist said they only have the generic version of my laxative medication.
I said "I guess I'll have to make doo with that".
A doctor made a mistake and unknowingly prescribed his patient a powerful laxative instead of cough drops.
At the end of the week the patient comes back for a check-up. The doctor asks him: *So how's it going, Mr. Kowalski? Do you still cough a lot ?*''
The patient, who's been sitting there very rigidly, looks at him with wide eyes, *No. I'm afraid to*.
What do you call a going out of business sale for a laxative store?
Liquidation.
What do you call a l**... that doubles as a laxative?
Easy Come, Easy Go
I once read a laxative horror story...
It scared the s**... out of me.
I sold some baby laxative to a j**... and told him it was c**......!!
The next day he told me that was the best s**... he ever had!!
Sago Palm fronds, dried and ground, make an excellent, all natural laxative. The best part?
With fronds like these, who needs enemas?
Just got this in a text from my dad.
"I've just combined laxative and alaphabet soup... I call it letter rip!"
Pharmacy
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once. " "Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily. "Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough. "
I asked for the cheapest contraceptive.
They gave me a laxative.
Never take viagara and a laxative at the same time.
You won't know if you're coming or going.
