Lawyer Jokes
141 lawyer jokes and hilarious lawyer puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about lawyer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
We hope that our collection of lawyer dad jokes can be well used for dating on Tinder by citing dirty or short one-liners. They are presented as vampire, have fight with doctor, engineer and accountants, and while being naughty, these lawyer puns can still be said in speeches or in law school.
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Funniest Lawyer Short Jokes
Short lawyer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lawyer humour may include short attorney jokes also.
- A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present. Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present? - Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes Me: I wish for a world without lawyers
Genie: Done, you have no more wishes
Me: But you said 3
Genie: Sue me. - A lawyer, comedian and a war hero walk into a bar. The bartender says, what can I get for you, Mr Zelensky?
Credit to u/DrDerpberg - I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline. You don't have much of a case, he replied.
- A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer. Honest? the woman asks.
No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied. - "Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?" "I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"
"Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'" - Husband: "I want a divorce... My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months"
Lawyer: "Think about it once again.Wives like that are hard to find." - When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin. Just so I can say the words Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.
- Let's all take a moment to Thank Amber Heard's team of Lawyers for their efforts and hard work to prove Johnny Depp's innocence.
- What's a quality you look for in a good lawyer? Lie-ability
(Just getting started in comedy and want to test a few of my jokes here).
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Lawyer One Liners
Which lawyer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lawyer? I can suggest the ones about law firm and law student.
- What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law
- Why are lawyers buried 12 feet under? A: Because deep down they're really good people.
- What do you call a divorce lawyer's file cabinet? The Ex Files
- What does a black man call a black lawyer? A brother in law
- So, a lawyer goes to heaven... Just kidding.
- What happens to lawyers after they die? They lie still.
- How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? The jury's out on that one.
- What pronouns do Amber Heard's lawyers prefer? Hear/say
- What does a lawyer wear to the courthouse? A lawsuit.
- I've heard that U2 has never paid legal any legal fees Their lawyers all work pro-Bono.
- How do you stop a lawyer from bleeding out? Attorney kit.
- What does a lawyer wear to work? A lawsuit!
I should get a hobby... - Why couldn't the alcoholic become a lawyer? He just couldn't pass the bar.
- The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order. I said alphabetically or by age
- When does a lawyer make coffee? When he has sufficient grounds
Lawyer Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny lawyer bar jokes and even better lawyer bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A lawyer walks into a bar The bartender looks at him and asks The usual?
The lawyer nods. The bartender then serves a glass full of ice.
Just-ice was served... - Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.
- A lawyer, a spy, a money launderer, and a mob boss walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "you must be here to talk about adoption".
- My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer. But he could never pass the bar.
- A lawyer and a doctor walk into a bar The doctor takes a look around and says, Wait, I'm at the wrong board exam!
- What's the hardest thing about becoming a lawyer in Ireland? Passing the bar.
- A new lawyer walks into a diner. Where's the bar? she asks. A waiter responds, You passed it before you got here.
- What does a lawyer and a recovering alcoholic both do? Pass the bar
- A Presbyterian, a lawyer, a blonde, and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"
- Four lawyers walk into a bar Two pass and two have to try again next year.
Doctor And Lawyer Jokes
Here is a list of funny doctor and lawyer jokes and even better doctor and lawyer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs... ...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.
- A lawyer walks into a doctor's office with a huge tumor on his face.
Why didn't you come sooner? asks the doctor.
To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house, the tumor says. - What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer? Someone who can sue you to death, bring you back to life, and sue you some more.
- I went to the Jail doctor who told me (age 62) that I had the body of a 30 year old... I told them that I wasn't saying anything until I talked to my Lawyer.
- I've once fooled an entire class filled with future Doctors, Lawyers, and scientists... Of course they were all in Kindergarten so it wasn't hard
- Job choices for Asians 1. Doctor
2. Lawyer
3. Engineer
4. Shame of family - Some joke my dad told me a long time ago What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?
Barbers. - My doctor said "You need to get rid of 130 pounds of unhealthy fat"... .. So I called a divorce lawyer.
- A doctor, a lawyer, and a Marine go into a bar And they fall asleep
- Studies have shown that children of doctors are 30% more likely to become doctors. Studies have also shown that children of lawyers are 30% more likely to become doctors
Lawyer Doctor Jokes
Here is a list of funny lawyer doctor jokes and even better lawyer doctor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers? Because they both "practice" their professions.
- A man was involved in an auto accident. A policeman ran up to the car and asked, "Are you seriously injured?" The man said, "How should I know? I'm a doctor not a lawyer."
Humorous Lawyer Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about lawyer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean defense attorney jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lawyer pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore t**... and cough?
Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...
would you go to lunch or a movie?
There were three friends...
There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.
The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."
The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."
The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with either of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A minister and a lawyer at the pearly gates.
A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, (to the lawyer) the keys to our finest p**... suit."
"This is unfair!" cried the minister.
"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've seen."
2 kids arguing.
2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."
Lawyers and Engineers
Three lawyers and three engineers are at a train station on their way to a conference. The lawyers line up and buy three tickets, but the engineers only buy one ticket between the three of them. The lawyers are confused, and ask how the engineers plan on taking the train with only one ticket. The engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So they all board the train. The lawyers each take a seat, but the engineers all crowd in to a bathroom. The train starts moving and the conductor comes around punching tickets. He punches each of the lawyers' tickets, and then knocks on the bathroom door and says "Ticket please!" The engineers crack open the door and slide out the one ticket, which the conductor punches and then slides back through the door.
The lawyers think this is pretty clever, so on the return trip, they buy one ticket for the three of them, but then the engineers don't buy any tickets at all. The lawyers ask how the engineers plan on taking the train without any tickets, and the engineers just tell them to wait and see.
So once again they board the train. The three lawyers crowd into one bathroom, and the three engineers crowd into another bathroom. Once the train starts moving, one of the engineers exits the bathroom, knocks on the door of the lawyers' bathroom, and says "Ticket please!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My favourite lawyer joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Upon receiving his drink he mutters: 'all
lawyers are a**....'
A guy down the bar angrily yells: 'HEY!'
'Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?' The man replies.
'No I'm an a**...!'
A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...
The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"
The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."
"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"
"Yep. What's your third question?"
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out.
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.
"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"
"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought up my boy in the faith, put him though university, cost me a fortune, then one day he came to me and told me he has decided to become a Chrsitian."
"What did you do?" Asked the lawyer.
"I turned to God for the answer," replied the Rabbi.
"And what did he say?"
He said, "Funny you should come to me..."
Two small boys meet on the first day of school
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a lawyer and a $400/hour p**...?
The p**... tells you upfront that you are going to get s**....
It was so cold out...
I was cold out today, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
A lawyer was in his BMW...
...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops.
Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer.
Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well.
Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?
Insurance
A lawyer and an engineer were discussing insurance.
"You need fire insurance, burglary insurance and flood insurance." says the engineer.
"The fire and theft and burglary I can understand," said the lawyer,
"but the flood insurance? How do you start a flood?"
An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.
The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.
"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."
"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."
The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"
Four old guys go golfing...
And they start bragging about their sons.
The first says "My son is a lawyer, and he is doing so well, he just gave his friend a new car!"
The second says "My son is a doctor, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new boat!"
The third guy says "My son is an executive, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new house!"
The fourth guy says "Well, my son is a stripper at a gay club, but he must be doing pretty well because he just got a new car, a new boat, and a new house..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The f**...
One day a man dies and in his will, he leaves $300,000 to his stock broker, financial adviser and his lawyer, each one receiving $100,000. In the will he also states that he wants all 3 of them to to leave half of the money they received ($50,000) in his coffin after the f**....
The day of the f**... comes and each man approaches the coffin to do what was asked of them and once they're all done, they meet up at the bar.
After a few drinks, the stock broker speaks up "I gotta be honest with you guys. I only left $10,000 in the coffin. But I mean, it's not like he'll be able to spend it, right?"
To which the financial adviser admits "Hey, don't feel bad. I only left $5,000 in the coffin. I mean, is he really expecting us to throw away that much money?"
At which point the lawyer speaks up and says in a disapproving tone "I can't believe you guys would be so greedy! I'll have you know I left a check for the full $50,000 in his coffin like he asked!"
50% of being a lawyer is the ability to use latin phrases that people don't understand
the other 50% is *ad hoc ergo propter hoc*
My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up...
A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only £500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'
A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road
as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materialistic? Do you not realize that your entire left arm is also missing?" The lawyer quickly looks at his left arm and yells, "No, my Rolex!"
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant...
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant and open their briefcases, take out sandwiches, and start eating. A waitress comes up and says, "Excuse me, sirs, you can't eat your own food here." The lawyers shrug and exchange sandwiches.
A doctor and a lawyer
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
A lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand...
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background."
The witness replied, "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits! 😂
Courtesy of the popsicle I just enjoyed. Had to share. Have a great day.
A lawyer named Strange died.
His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.
"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"
What do a Harvard lawyer and a Yale lawyer have in common?
They both got accepted to Yale.
During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.
The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.
The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.
As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…
LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man.
WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man is about to die.
While he is laying in his bed waiting to die, he said to his sons ( a rich musician, a rich doctor and a lawyer ) : When i die i want you to put in my coffin 5K $ each for my after life.
One week later the old man dies.
At his f**... the musician came and put 5k $ in his dads coffin while he's crying.
The doctor did the same thing , he left 5k $ and left crying.
Finally, the lawyer took the 10k $ and left a check with 15k$ and said : thank you dad.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead
...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator
He asks, _"Do you serve lawyers here?"_
The bartender says, _"Yes, of course we do!"_
The man says, _"OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."_
What starts with M, ends with E and can bring two people eternal happiness?
Me, I'm a divorce lawyer
A 94 year old man decided to divorce his 93 old wife...
They went to the lawyer together. When he asked why they were divorcing at such an old age, the woman replied, "We wanted to wait until the kids were dead".
Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
A senator.
An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street...
...and they saw a £20 note. Who picked it up?
Santa. The other two don't exist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do lawyers and s**... have in common?
1 in 3,000,000 have a chance of becoming a human being.
The angel of death appears before a lawyer and says "Your time has come". The lawyer starts crying and wailing "But I'm only forty"
Angel of death says "Not according to your billable hours"
A man walks into a lawyer's office...
The man says, "I can't afford your hourly rate, but if I give you $200 will you answer two questions for me?"
The lawyer says, "Absolutely - what is your second question?"
I'm proud to announce my dream of being a criminal lawyer is halfway complete!
I'm just working on the lawyer part right now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lawyer joke from my 8 year old
What do you call a c**... lawyer?
An a-t**...-ney
A lawyer, a priest and a doctor are all on a ship filled with children and it begins to sink.
They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well.
The doctor exclaims Save the children! And begins to jump out of the lifeboat.
The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating Screw the children!
The priest says Do we have time?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
COP: Where were you the night of the m**...?
CROW: I was with a group of friends
COP: What would you call that group?
CROW: …I want a lawyer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four men are at a bar bragging about how successful their sons are
One says"my son is a successful brick layer and he bought his friend a Lamborghini just because"...the second man says"my friend is a successful real estate agent and he bought his friend a yacht just because"the third man says"my son is a great lawyer and he bought his friend a mansion just because"....their was a minute of silence and the second man asks the fourth man what his son does ...the fourth man replies"he's a gay stripper"..the third man says"oh you must be ashamed I'm sorry"which the fourth man says"not really his three boyfriends bought him a Lamborghini,a yacht,and a mansion just because"
One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.
The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.
"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."
After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."
The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.
The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''
A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."
‟On what grounds?
‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.
‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?
‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.
^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he beat you up?
‟No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.
‟WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
‟We just can't seem to communicate.
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.
A lawyer dies and appears in front of the golden gates of heaven...
He finds himself at the back of a long queue of Popes.
Suddenly, St. Peter grabs him and takes him straight through the pearly gates.
I don't understand" the lawyer said puzzled. There's hundreds of Popes waiting in line and you've let me in before them. Why?"
Sir, said St. Peter. We've had lots of Popes here. But, you are our FIRST lawyer.
A hundred year old couple seeks a divorce.
A hundred year old couple enters a lawyers office. After inviting them to sit he asks what he can do for them. They tell him they are seeking to divorce. The lawyer is puzzled and asks how long they've been married for. 79 long years the woman replies. The man adds that they've been deeply unhappy and disinterested in each other for many decades.
The lawyer is a bit shocked and asks why after all this time have they chosen to get divorced.
The ancient couple exchange a glance and the man says well...we just thought we should wait till the children were dead.
An elderly couple in their 90s go to a divorce lawyer.
They tell him they'd like to file for divorce. He looks at them and asks, "Why would you get a divorce at your age?" The husband replies, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Each year, a lawyer takes his holidays at an out of the way, country hotel.
With each visit, he continues his affair with the hotel owner's daughter.
On his visit this year he finds out she has given birth to twin boys.
Why on earth didn't you tell me? said the astonished lawyer.
You know I would have married you and provided for the babies.
The woman replied, That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of b**... in the family than a lawyer".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ below 70?
A politician.
A Doctor, a Lawyer, and a Meteorologist are at a bar.
At some point later that night they reached a 2nd bar. The meteorologist turned and looked at the doctor and lawyer saying; this is too much pressure for me right now.
A very wealthy man on his deathbed
Called his lawyer. He told him to give all he had, down to the last dollar to his wife. But he had one condition, that his wife must remarry within 30 days. "Why? ", asked the lawyer. The man told him, "There should be atleast one person that regrets I died".
A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.
On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, "what are you doing?". The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, "looking for a loophole."
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lawyer is out for a drive when he gets violently sideswiped, seemingly out of nowhere.
A police officer arrives at the scene to take his statement, but the driver keeps ranting on and on about the damage to his car.
"My beautiful BMW! The g**... door was torn right off!"
The police officer rolls his eyes and says "You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. Here you are, going on about your precious car, and you didn't even notice your left arm was torn off in the c**...."
The man looks down at the b**... stump, and with mounting horror, exclaims, "*My Rolex!*"
So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.
So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.
My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him, "If you tickle a man to death by accident..."
"Is it manslaughter?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
C'mon guys don't make fun of Amber Heard's lawyer
He probably gets enough a**... from her as it is
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Neighbor: I'll have you know our lawyer has a $50,000 retainer!
Me: Wow, how bad are his teeth?
