The Best 106 Lawyer Jokes

We hope that our collection of lawyer dad jokes can be well used for dating on Tinder by citing dirty or short one-liners. They are presented as vampire, have fight with doctor, engineer and accountants, and while being naughty, these puns can still be said in speeches or in law school.

Top 10 Funniest Lawyer Jokes and Puns

A man in an interrogation room says I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present.

Cop: You are the lawyer.

Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A father in law

Courtesy of my youngest child - why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?

Because a cold never bothered her anyway.

My youngest son thought of this all by himself...he's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska.

A man was arrested and taken to an interrogation room

He says to the police officer, "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."

"You are the lawyer," says the policeman.

"Exactly, so where's my present?"

jokes about lawyer

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed."


Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep?

Because deep down they're good people.

If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...

would you go to lunch or a movie?

Lawyer joke, If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose...

A minister and a lawyer at the pearly gates.

A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.

"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, (to the lawyer) the keys to our finest penthouse suit."

"This is unfair!" cried the minister.

"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've seen."

2 kids arguing.

2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."

A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"

The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."

My favourite lawyer joke

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Upon receiving his drink he mutters: 'all
lawyers are assholes.'
A guy down the bar angrily yells: 'HEY!'
'Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?' The man replies.
'No I'm an asshole!'

You can explore lawyer attorney reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lawyer barrister dad jokes. There are also lawyer puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...

The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"

The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."

"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"

"Yep. What's your third question?"

A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out.

A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.

"I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he told me last week that he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"

"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you, I, too, brought up my boy in the faith, put him though university, cost me a fortune, then one day he came to me and told me he has decided to become a Chrsitian."

"What did you do?" Asked the lawyer.

"I turned to God for the answer," replied the Rabbi.

"And what did he say?"

He said, "Funny you should come to me..."

Two small boys meet on the first day of school

"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a $400/hour prostitute?

The prostitute tells you upfront that you are going to get screwed.

It was so cold out...

I was cold out today, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Lawyer joke, It was so cold out...

A lawyer was in his BMW...

...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops.

Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer.

Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well.

Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?

Why couldn't the alcoholic become a lawyer?

He just couldn't pass the bar.

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven . . .

"There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 49."

"49?" says St. Peter. "No, according to our calculations, you're 83."

"How did you figure that?" the lawyer asks.

"We added up your time sheets," answered St. Peter.


An architect, a lawyer, and a hunter were sitting at a bar.

The three men were having a debate about whose job was the oldest.

"Obviously it's my job," bragged the hunter. "Cavemen got their food by hunting, which makes my job older than civilization."

"Yes," the architect replied, "but if you read the Bible, it says God created the universe out of darkness and chaos. This technically makes God the architect of the universe."

The lawyer simply smirked. "True, but who do you think invented darkness and chaos?"

"Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?"

"I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"

"Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

My neighbour owes me Β£500 and he won't pay up...

A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me Β£500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the Β£1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only Β£500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'

A lawyer, priest, and social worker are on a ship that hits an iceberg...

The captain comes over the intercom: "Everyone please make your way to the lifeboats".
The social worker yells out: "Women & children first!"
The lawyer starts pushing his way towards the boats: "Screw the children!"
The priest responds: "Do we have time?"

What does a lawyer wear to work?

A lawsuit!

I should get a hobby...

What happens to lawyers after they die?

They lie still.

A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road

as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materialistic? Do you not realize that your entire left arm is also missing?" The lawyer quickly looks at his left arm and yells, "No, my Rolex!"

Lawyer joke, A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road

Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant...

Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant and open their briefcases, take out sandwiches, and start eating. A waitress comes up and says, "Excuse me, sirs, you can't eat your own food here." The lawyers shrug and exchange sandwiches.

A doctor and a lawyer

During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

Cr


How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

Shoot him before he hits the water.

Robert Khardasian was OJ Simpson's lawyer

And thus began the family tradition of getting black men off.

A lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand...

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background."

The witness replied, "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

What do lawyers wear to court?

Lawsuits! πŸ˜‚

Courtesy of the popsicle I just enjoyed. Had to share. Have a great day.

What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common?

They each have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.


A lawyer, laying on his deathbed..

... in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the Bible as soon as possible.

Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea, so she ran and got it.
As soon as she returned with the Bible, the lawyer snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting left and right.

Curious, his wife asked, "What are you doing, honey?"
"I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

A lawyer named Strange died.

His friends asked the tombstone inscriber to write "Here lies Strange, an honest man and a lawyer" on the headstone. The inscriber suggested this would confuse people, who would think three men were buried there. He suggested "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." "Whenever anyone walks by," he explained "they'll be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"

A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

A dead lawyer

lawyer dies in his sleep and arrives at the gates of heaven.
He asks St Peter "Why am I here? I was healthy, and so young!"
St Peter replies "Young? You were 103 years old!"
The lawyer says "What? No! I was 36!!"
St Peter looks at his ledger and then says "Ahh, I see the problem. We were going by hours billed."

What do a Harvard lawyer and a Yale lawyer have in common?

They both got accepted to Yale.

The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...

...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.

During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.

The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.

The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.

As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…

Husband: "I want a divorce...

My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months"

Lawyer: "Think about it once again.Wives like that are hard to find."

LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man.

WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment.

What does a black man call a black lawyer?

A brother in law

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline.

You don't have much of a case, he replied.

An old man is about to die.

While he is laying in his bed waiting to die, he said to his sons ( a rich musician, a rich doctor and a lawyer ) : When i die i want you to put in my coffin 5K $ each for my after life.

One week later the old man dies.

At his funeral the musician came and put 5k $ in his dads coffin while he's crying.
The doctor did the same thing , he left 5k $ and left crying.
Finally, the lawyer took the 10k $ and left a check with 15k$ and said : thank you dad.

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven.

Haha just kidding.

A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator

He asks, _"Do you serve lawyers here?"_

The bartender says, _"Yes, of course we do!"_

The man says, _"OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."_

What starts with M, ends with E and can bring two people eternal happiness?

Me, I'm a divorce lawyer

So, a lawyer goes to heaven...

Just kidding.

A 94 year old man decided to divorce his 93 old wife...

They went to the lawyer together. When he asked why they were divorcing at such an old age, the woman replied, "We wanted to wait until the kids were dead".

What does a lawyer wear to the courthouse?

A lawsuit.

Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up

However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

They're great at separating independent Clauses.

What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?

A senator.

An honest politician, a kind lawyer, and Santa were walking down the street...

...and they saw a Β£20 note. Who picked it up?

Santa. The other two don't exist.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

1 in 3,000,000 have a chance of becoming a human being.

A man walks into a lawyer's office...

The man says, "I can't afford your hourly rate, but if I give you $200 will you answer two questions for me?"

The lawyer says, "Absolutely - what is your second question?"

A lawyer walks into a bar

The bartender looks at him and asks The usual?
The lawyer nods. The bartender then serves a glass full of ice.
Just-ice was served...

Do you think they can bury two people in the same grave?...

I've just been wondering ever since I saw a headstone that said, "here lies a lawyer and an honest man".

Lawyer joke from my 8 year old

What do you call a crappy lawyer?

An a-turd-ney

2 lawyers are in a restaurant eating their sandwiches.

The owner walks in and says, "You can't eat your own food in here!"

The lawyers sigh and swap sandwiches.

When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin.

Just so I can say the words Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.

A lawyer, a priest and a doctor are all on a ship filled with children and it begins to sink.

They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well.

The doctor exclaims Save the children! And begins to jump out of the lifeboat.

The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating Screw the children!

The priest says Do we have time?

COP: Where were you the night of the murder?

CROW: I was with a group of friends

COP: What would you call that group?

CROW: …I want a lawyer

A priest, lawyer, and engineer are about to be executed by guillotine.

The priest puts his head in but the blade doesn't fall. He proclaims god has saved him, and is let go.

The lawyer is next, and again the blade doesn't fall. He states that he can not be charged more than once for the same crime, so he is also let go.

The engineer puts his head into the path of the blade, but the blade still doesn't fall. He looks up and says, Oh. I see your problem.

A lawyer wakes up after surgery

He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn. She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

Four men are at a bar bragging about how successful their sons are

One says"my son is a successful brick layer and he bought his friend a Lamborghini just because"...the second man says"my friend is a successful real estate agent and he bought his friend a yacht just because"the third man says"my son is a great lawyer and he bought his friend a mansion just because"....their was a minute of silence and the second man asks the fourth man what his son does ...the fourth man replies"he's a gay stripper"..the third man says"oh you must be ashamed I'm sorry"which the fourth man says"not really his three boyfriends bought him a Lamborghini,a yacht,and a mansion just because"

One day, a lawyer finds a genie's lamp.

The lawyer rubs the lamp, and the genie comes out.

"You have three wishes," the genie says. "The only rule is that you can't wish for more wishes."

After thinking for a while, the lawyer finally says, "I wish the word *splork* were interchangeable with the word *wish*. Next, I wish your initial injunction pertained only to the concept of wishing paired with the particular word *wish* as opposed to the concept itself, which you were merely signifying with that word. Aaaaand I splork for infinite splorks."

The genie sighs and says, "This is why nobody likes lawyers."

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.

The Devil told the lawyer, ''I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.''

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, ''So, what's the catch?''

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

β€ŸOn what grounds?

β€ŸGrounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.

β€ŸNo, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?

β€ŸYes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.

^(getting exasperated) β€ŸDoes he beat you up?

β€ŸNo, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.

β€ŸWHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

β€ŸWe just can't seem to communicate.

A man meets an attractive woman in a bar and tells her, You know, I'm a lawyer.

Honest? the woman asks.

No, no. Just the regular kind, he replied.

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Man, that sentence was way too long.

A lawyer dies and appears in front of the golden gates of heaven...

He finds himself at the back of a long queue of Popes.

Suddenly, St. Peter grabs him and takes him straight through the pearly gates.

I don't understand" the lawyer said puzzled. There's hundreds of Popes waiting in line and you've let me in before them. Why?"

Sir, said St. Peter. We've had lots of Popes here. But, you are our FIRST lawyer.

A hundred year old couple seeks a divorce.

A hundred year old couple enters a lawyers office. After inviting them to sit he asks what he can do for them. They tell him they are seeking to divorce. The lawyer is puzzled and asks how long they've been married for. 79 long years the woman replies. The man adds that they've been deeply unhappy and disinterested in each other for many decades.

The lawyer is a bit shocked and asks why after all this time have they chosen to get divorced.

The ancient couple exchange a glance and the man says well...we just thought we should wait till the children were dead.

An elderly couple in their 90s go to a divorce lawyer.

They tell him they'd like to file for divorce. He looks at them and asks, "Why would you get a divorce at your age?" The husband replies, "Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were dead."

Each year, a lawyer takes his holidays at an out of the way, country hotel.

With each visit, he continues his affair with the hotel owner's daughter.
On his visit this year he finds out she has given birth to twin boys.
Why on earth didn't you tell me? said the astonished lawyer.
You know I would have married you and provided for the babies.
The woman replied, That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of bastards in the family than a lawyer".

An irate woman bursts through the doors of a bar, angrily screaming, "All lawyers are assholes!" This enrages a patron at the end of the bar, who stands up and shouts, "Hey! I take offense to that!"

"Why?" she asks, sneering at him, "You a lawyer or something?"

"No," he retorts, "I'm an asshole!"

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ below 70?

A politician.

A drunk walks into and says

All lawyers are assholes! A guy at the other end of the bar says, I resent that! The drunk says, Why, are you a lawyer? and the other guy says, No, I'm an asshole!

It's true women do make less money than men.

But it's their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Where women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

A Doctor, a Lawyer, and a Meteorologist are at a bar.

At some point later that night they reached a 2nd bar. The meteorologist turned and looked at the doctor and lawyer saying; this is too much pressure for me right now.

A lawyer dies, and somehow manages to go to heaven

When he gets there, he's greeted by St. Peter himself. The lawyer says, "What happened? I wasn't in an accident and I'm too young to die. I'm only 52!"

St. Peter says, "Nope, by our records, you are 84, and that's a pretty good life."

The lawyer yells, "84! How did you figure that?"

St. Peter responds, "We added up your client billing time sheets."

A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.

On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, "what are you doing?". The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, "looking for a loophole."

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

If There's Hell Below …

As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.

A lawyer is out for a drive when he gets violently sideswiped, seemingly out of nowhere.

A police officer arrives at the scene to take his statement, but the driver keeps ranting on and on about the damage to his car.

"My beautiful BMW! The god-damned door was torn right off!"

The police officer rolls his eyes and says "You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. Here you are, going on about your precious car, and you didn't even notice your left arm was torn off in the crash."

The man looks down at the bloody stump, and with mounting horror, exclaims, "*My Rolex!*"

So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.

So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.

A lawyer, comedian, and a soldier walk into a bar

Zelensky is his name

A lawyer, comedian and a war hero walk into a bar.

The bartender says, what can I get for you, Mr Zelensky?

Credit to u/DrDerpberg

A priest, a lawyer, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank...

... and the nurse asks, "what types are you?"

The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O."

All the proof you need.

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer.

"But it's only $500," replied the man.

"Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!"

My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him, "If you tickle a man to death by accident..."

"Is it manslaughter?!"

C'mon guys don't make fun of Amber Heard's lawyer

He probably gets enough abuse from her as it is

Neighbor: I'll have you know our lawyer has a $50,000 retainer!

Me: Wow, how bad are his teeth?

A lawyer, an environmentalist and a teacher were going the bathroom.

The lawyer gets done, washes his hands and uses the entire roll of tissue paper to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be thorough.", he said.

The environmentalist washes his hands and uses his own kerchief to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be environment friendly.", he said.

The teacher walks out without washing his hands. "I was taught not to piss on my hands.", he says.

The Lawyer

Satan appears before a lawyer and says, "I will make a deal with you. You will become the most successful attorney who has ever lived. You will be rich beyond imagination, and known to everyone on the planet. You will be appointed to the Supreme Court, and your rulings will be read and studied for decades to come. All I ask in return is the souls of your wife and your three children."

The lawyer sits with his head in his hands, thinking for several minutes. Finally he says, "Okay, what's the catch?"

What's a quality you look for in a good lawyer?

Lie-ability

(Just getting started in comedy and want to test a few of my jokes here).

A personal injury lawyer was on vacation in a small rural town. While walking through the streets, he spotted a car that had just been involved in an accident. As expected, a large crowd gathered

Going by instinct, the attorney was eager to get to the injured, but he couldn't get near the car. Being very clever, he started shouting loudly, Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim. The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.Β 

A man asked a lawyer what his cheapest service was

"For $100 I answer three questions," the lawyer replied.

"Don't you think that's a bit ridiculous?" the man asked.

"Yes. What's your last question"

2 plus 2

A business man asks his doctor what 2 plus 2 is and is told 4. He then asks his lawyer what 2 plus 2 is and gets the same answer 4. Finally he asks his accountant what 2 plus 2 is. The accountant replies 'what do you want it to be',

What do you get if you cross a doctor and a lawyer?

Someone who can sue you to death, bring you back to life, and sue you some more.

How do lawyers sleep?

They lie on one side then proceed to lie on the other

Someone Opened the Cages in the Reptile House at the Zoo

The keeper tried everything but couldn't get the snakes back in their cages.

Frantic, he yelled to his assistant, Call a lawyer!

A lawyer? Why?

We need someone who speaks their language.

Insurance Proceeds

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera ran into an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, Remember that run down industrial building I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.

"What are you doing here? Inquired the lawyer.

Remember multi-family housing I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.

Puzzled the lawyer asked, how'd you start the flood?

Two lawyers are standing in line at the bank

Two lawyers are standing in line at the bank when a gang of armed men burst in. Some of them start threatening the cashiers while two more go along the line of customers collecting watches, wallets, phones, everything.

As they get closer to the two lawyers one turns to the other and presses a wad of cash into his hand.

"Hey man, here's the $300 I owe you."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lawyer dead lawyer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lawyer doctor and lawyer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes