Lawyer In Heaven Jokes

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.
To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing.
St. Peter greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”
St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.
The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"

A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident.
The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book.
He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also.
"Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter.
They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings.
St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house.
The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like.
St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack.
St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling.
The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!"
That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion.
I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?"
St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?

A forester and a Lawyer die...

So a Forester and a Lawyer die and go to heaven. They're greeted at the gates by their guide. He motions for them to follow and leads them down a beautiful, gold washed path. At the end of the path they reach a solid gold mansion, glittering in the sun. The Guide turns to the Lawyer and says,"This is where you will spend eternity. We hope it's to your liking." The Lawyer thanks him profusely and enters the mansion.
The guide motions to the Forester and they move on down a beautiful cobble street. They keep going. They pass by giant Victorian neighborhood and still keep going. They pass a regular suburb, then a trailer park, then shacks. Finally they end up on a barely visible dirt path where they reach a lean-to. The guide says,"This is where you will spend eternity. We hope you like it."
The Forester stops the guide and says,"Why do I get the lean-to? I was good my whole life. I never did anything bad. Why does the other guy get a solid gold mansion?"
The guide looks shocked as he replies,"Sir, we get Foresters all the time. That was the first Lawyer we have ever had."

A Test For Heaven

There was a man who was only killing lawyers in a big city, and all day St. Peter was hearing excuses from them about why they HAD to do the things they did. He was sick of it.
Then, another lawyer showed up at the gates, and St. Peter did not want to deal with hearing his excuses, so he told him, "Heaven is starting to get a little crowded today, so there is now going to be a test to see if you can get in. I'll ask one question, get it right and your in."
After he finished telling the lawyer, St. Peter saw that a cop and a priest were at the gates as well and they heard everything. Knowing that he couldn't just give the test to the lawyer now that they all heard it, he thinks and finally says it's time to star the test.
First he asks the priest, "What early 20th century ship met its demise by hitting an ice berg during its maiden voyage?" The priest says, "The Titanic" and St. Peter lets him into Heaven.
Then, he goes to the cop and asks, "How many people died during the demise of the Titanic?" The cop thinks for a second before replying, "around 2000," and St. Peter says, "close enough," before letting him in.
Finally he goes to the lawyer and says, "name them."

A lawyer and a priest die and go to heaven...

When arriving at the Pearly Gates, they're let in by St. Peter. The saint leads them to their heavenly quarters. The priest receives a tiny hut, a cot, a sink, and a toilet. The lawyer receives a stately mansion, with land and cars and riches. The priest is, of course, confused by this. He goes to St. Peter and says "I devote my life to the Lord and receive this hut and the lawyer gets an entire estate! While I am grateful, I must ask why our houses are so different?" St. Peter replies," Well, we get priests in here every day, but we want to treat the lawyer special, he's our first one!"

A young religious couple is about to get married

When their car crashes, killing them both. They come to the gates of heaven and are greeted by Saint Peter. He tells them that they were both faithful in life and he welcomes them into God's Kingdom.
"Wait," says the man. "We were about to be married, but we died before the ceremony. Is it possible to get a marriage in heaven?"
Saint Peter thinks about it, but he can't think of an answer. He tells them to wait and he'll see what he can do.
While he's gone, the couple starts thinking about how final a marriage in heaven is. After all, a marriage on Earth is 'til death do us part- but a marriage in heaven would be truly eternal.
Days later, Saint Peter comes back. "It was tough," he said, "but I managed to arrange a ceremony for you two."
"That's all good and fine," says the couple, "but can we a also get a prenup, just in case?"
Saint Peter throws his hands up in the air in frustration and says, "It took me this long to find a priest up here, do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

The problem with getting married in heaven..

On their way to get married a couple gets into a fatal car accident. They are sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to turn up and register them. While they're waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.
St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone's ever asked. Let me go and
find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits around for a couple of months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all, What if it doesn ' t work out, they wonder. Are we stuck together forever?
St. Peter returns after another month looking somewhat worn out. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in heaven. "
" Great , " says the couple, " but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in heaven? "
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
"What ' s wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Christ!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to find a lawyer? "

Three guys go to Heaven.

At the pearly gates, St Peter asks the first one:
"What did you do on Earth, son?"
I was a lawyer for public interest, i helped people keep their jobs"
"Come in, son!"
"And you?" to the second guy.
"I was a doctor, i helped people be healthy"
"Please come in, son"
Third guy answers: "I was a musician"
St Peter: "Oh, there's a door in the back"

A lawyer arrives at the pearly gates...

St. Peter says "good lad! Let me welcome you to heaven! You shall live in a house made of gold, with a yard as far as the eye can see and other luxuries you can imagine!" So the lawyer went in happily.
Then, a priest arrives. He thought "for sure, I will get something better than the lawyer, as I am a man of God!"
But st. Peter says,"welcome! Make your way down the road to the left, and you'll get a standard house as the others."
Outraged, the priest asked " how come that lawyer gets a better treatment than me?"
St. Peter replies "we got plenty of priests in heaven, but this is the first time we got a lawyer!"

John dies and he meets Saint Peter.

Saint Peter: "You were indeed a good man. Come, I will walk you to Heaven."
They started walking through a long hall. On the walls, there were lots and lots of watches. Curious, the man asks:
John: "What's the deal with all these watches?"
Saint Peter: "You see, these are called lying watches. Everytime someone says a lie, the arms move. Look at this one for example. It belonged to Mother Teresa. Its arms never moved, not even once. We also have lying watches for every profession of mankind. Here are the lawyers', engineers', farmers'..."
John: "What about this empty spot?"
Saint Peter: "Oh, here it used to be the politicians' watch."
John: "What happened to it?"
Saint Peter: "Jesus uses it as a fan in his office."

A couple dies and goes to heaven

They are greeted at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. As they are being processed for admission they decide to ask Saint Peter if they can get married in heaven.
Saint peter tells them he will find out and get back to them. Finally, after 2 months he returns to the couple and tells them "yes, you can get married in heaven."
The couple then proceeds to ask him "what if it does not work out, can we also get a divorce?" To which Saint Peter tells them, "it took me 2 months to find you a priest, how long do you think it will take me to find you a lawyer?"

A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"

An engaged couple dies and goes to heaven.

They ask St. Peter, "Are there weddings in heaven?"
St. Peter tells them he'll get back to them.
Six months go by, then a year.
Finally after two years, they get a call from St. Peter asking if they still want to get married. They say yes, and get married. A marriage made in heaven!
It isn't long before they realize they weren't meant for each other. So they ask St. Peter if there is such a thing as divorce in heaven.
St. Peter responds, "It took us two years to get a priest up here. How long do you think it will take us to get a lawyer?!"

A Heavenly Wedding.

Betty and Tim die in a car accident the night before their wedding. In heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back.
Six months pass and St. Peter returns. Yes, we can do this for you.
The couple says, Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know—if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can get divorced?
St. Peter answers, It took me six months to find a priest up here—how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?