Lawn Mowing Jokes
93 lawn mowing jokes and hilarious lawn mowing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lawn mowing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lawn Mowing Short Jokes
Short lawn mowing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lawn mowing humour may include short mowing the lawn jokes also.
- Saw a black guy walking the streets carrying a tv and I thought "is that one mine"?... ... then I remembered it couldn't be mine because mine was mowing the lawn at the moment.
- I woke up hung-over to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. He'll have to mow around me. I'm not moving.
- I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water.... Got me thinking....Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?
- I drool as I watch the gyro meat getting sliced off the stick for my wrap... ... then I wonder - is that how vegans feel when they watch someone mowing the lawn?
- I mowed the lawn with my shirt off, and now my back is stiff. My wife told next time to mow with my pants off.
- I recently realised I'm gender fluid… When it's time to cook dinner I identify as a man.
And when it's time to mow the lawn I identify as a woman. - What did SpaceX's grass smell like after the drones finished mowing it? It had an E-Lawn Musk
- You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you're grilling a steak on the BBQ? I wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn.
- This just popped in my head... What's a mexican's favorite Disney movie?
Mow lawn.
Sorry. - I was mowing my lawn and I found a shallow unmarked grave and I can't stop laughing I don't know why I just found this humerus
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Lawn Mowing One Liners
Which lawn mowing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lawn mowing? I can suggest the ones about mowing grass and lawn mower.
- Today I had to fire the guy I hired to mow my lawn He just wasn't cutting it
- Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
- To save on mowing, get an emo lawn, It cuts itself.
- Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns.
- Have you found Jesus? Cause I haven't seen him and my lawn really needs a mow.
- How many dads does it take to mow a lawn? 1, he did it before you asked him
- What do you call a lawn mower that lets you mow grass at an angle? A protractor.
- What happened to the ice cream cone that got ran over by a lawn mower? it was a la mowed
- Why don't they mow the lawn at Hot Topic? The grass cuts itself
- Why is Jesus's lawn always cut? Because his neighbor mows his.
- Your mommas toenails are so long that... when she steps outside she mows the lawn
- What do you call a man mowing the lawn with a pig on his head? Mohamhed.
- Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.
- You are what you eat. Hi son, dad called. He wanted you to mow the lawn.
- why even mow the lawn? unless you rip out the roots its just going to grow back.. ha
Hilarious Lawn Mowing Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about lawn mowing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lawnmower jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lawn mowing pranks.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mowing the grass.
One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting on my porch, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
I once mowed the lawn at a battered women's shelter
if you know what i mean
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in his backyard
After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer. As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"
To which Jesus replies,"You s**... in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy things for your family to keep them happy."
The man asks,"Jesus, why is life so hard?"
To which Jesus replies,"That, no one may ever know. You have to overcome many obstacles to be successful."
The man asks again,"How was the universe created?"
Jesus replies,"I'm sorry, señor, but can you stop asking questions? I'm trying to mow your lawn."
When you marry it is important to patience to see the results....
Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....
The first man married a nice girl from Timbucktu. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Ireland . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Manual labour
My mate pointed out the window and said, "Is that your wife mowing the lawn out there?"
"Yeah, she never stops," I replied
"Call me old fashioned if you want, but I hate to see a woman doing manual labour."
"Me too," I replied, as I closed the curtains
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You've Got Blonde
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My s**... computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"
Can someone please explain this joke to me? I really don't get it.
So I was watching this stand-up comic named Anthony Jeselnik and while the rest of his show is hilarious, there was one joke I just don't get at all.
"I once mowed the lawn at a battered woman's shelter... if you know what I mean".
Yea; I'm seriously stumped.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde + Computer = ?
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied,"There certainly is!"
"My s**... computer keeps saying, **'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'**"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Mexicans does it take to mow the lawn?
Only Juan.
What's Jesus's Cell Phone Number?
1-800-MOWS-LAWN
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young lady, pregnant for the first time, visits her doctor for a check-up
After the exam, she says to the doctor, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
The doctor cuts her off and says, "I know, I know - it's normal. You can have s**... until your third trimester."
The lady says, "No, that's not it. He wants to know how much longer can I can keep mowing the lawn."
Wife's Duties
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home.
The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was cleaned and the dishes were done, and food was on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL
The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees......;)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Angry Neighbor [90's kids will remember]
A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his neighbor storms out of the house straight to the mailbox, opens it, slams it shut and storms back in.
A little later the neighbor storms out and does the exact same thing again, before storming back in even more red-faced.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, out the neighbor comes again, marches to the mail box, opens it before slamming it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by the neighbor's actions the man asked, "Is something wrong?"
"There certainly is!" the neighbor replied. "My s**... computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
Contagious
Had my grandmother mow my lawn, it took that contagious.
I saw a black man carrying a TV...
so I was worried that mine had been stolen, but when I got home I found it was still mowing the lawn.
Two Cajuns were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf.
Boudreaux said, "I'm a'gonna do dat when I win da lottery!"
"What's dat?" asks Thibodeaux.
"Send da lawn off to be mowed."
I agree
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold soda.
The day was really quite beautiful,
and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about the age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another soda, and some heavy deductive thinking,
I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby;
and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,
"It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say,
"You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.
He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?"
The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option."
The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house."
The man, very grateful, replies, "Yes! That would be nice. Thank you so much, sir." He points at the end of the road and says, "There's another family of 5 there. They also haven't eaten in a long time! Would you mind if they come along as well?"
The businessman says, "Sure, as long as they can fit in my car. My house isn't far down this road so it shouldn't be a problem. Besides, I haven't mowed my lawn in months."
What did God say to Jesus?
This lawn ain't gonna mow itself.
The sign said
The sign said, "Call Jesus for help."
The next day I had a Mexican guy mowing my lawn.
How many of my parents does it take to mow the lawn?
None. They pay me to do it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in his backyard....
After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer. As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"
To which Jesus replies,"You s**... in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy things for your family to keep them happy."
The man asks,"Jesus, why is life so hard?"
To which Jesus replies,"That, no one may ever know. You have to overcome many obstacles to be successful."
The man asks again,"How was the universe created?"
Jesus replies,"I'm sorry, señor, but can you stop asking questions? I'm trying to mow your lawn."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Donald Trump do before criticizing i**...?
He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
I need 6 to 8 vegans...
...to mow my lawn. Plenty of food here, just bring your own drinks please.
How does Chuck Norris mow the lawn?
He doesn't, he stares it down.
What happened to the Spanish girl when she fell on the freshly mowed lawn?
She got a gracias.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A h**... is lying on a hammock in his backyard drinking a beer while his wife mows the lawn.
His neighbour leans over the fence and says, "That's disgusting. You let your wife do all the work while you just lie there and drink beer. You should be d**...-well hung!"
"I am," replies the h**.... "That's why she mows the lawn for me."
Why is the sky blue?
Son: Dad..Why is the sky blue?
Dad: Because if it was green, we wouldn't know where to stop mowing the lawn.
As a paramedic, I've learned that there is something you can never say with a straight face:
I'm having a s**....
A Blonde Checks Her Mail
A man was outside mowing his lawn, when the blonde next door came out and looked in her mailbox. She frowned and went back in.
After a few minutes the blonde came back out and looked in her mailbox again. She had the same reaction and then went in once more. The man was a little confused but he minded his own business.
A few minutes later the blonde returned once more, and now the man was curious. 'What are you doing?' he asked her, 'You've checked your mailbox three times now. Nothings going to change in a few minutes.'
The blonde replies, 'Yes, but my computer keeps saying "You've got mail !" '
I read this on a joke site a couple years ago. Thought it belonged here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 2.5 year old's joke
**Grandma to kids:** Are you Jack? Are you Harry?
**Kids**: nooooo (laughter)
**Grandma to 2.5 year old grandson**: Are you Mo?
**Grandson**: I mow the lawn!
So a Man's VERY Liberal Neighbors Adopt a Young Child.
One day, the man goes to their house with a warming gift, and says to the little girl-
"What would you like to do when you grow up?" The child responds that she would like to help the homeless. So the man says-
"Alright, how about this. You mow my lawn a and ill give you $12. You can give that to a homeless man."
The Child thinks for a second, and says to the man-
"Why can't you get the homeless man to mow your lawn?" To which the man smirks, and replies-
"Welcome to the Conservative side."
-Sry i'm new this is my first and favorite joke so ya thx.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call two call two women mowing a lawn?
Garden h**....
I hate it when my neighbor mows the lawn at 7 in the morning
This one Saturday morning I get woken up by my neighbor's mower going at 7 in the morning. I have quite a bad hangover and I just decide screw him he can cut around me. .
Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot.
Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot.
He woke up one day when they were having a heat wave.
As he stepped out of the shower he complained to his wife saying, it's just too hot to wear any clothes on a day like this. What would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn with no clothes.
That I married you only for your money.
There were five distinctive wet little thuds against the garden fence....
That told me mowing the lawn in my flip flops may not have been a great idea.
What did Phil Collins say when his gardener asked how he'd like the lawn cut?
"I don't care; any mow."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde got a mail.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the
mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back
into the house. A little later she came out of her house again,
went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut
again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was
getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched
to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder
than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, Is something wrong? To which she replied, There certainly is! My s**... computer keeps saying, You've got mail!
How much do you get paid?
The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes one Saturday morning and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned out the garage, pruned the hedges, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a woman pulls up and yells out her window, Say, what do you get for yard work?
The homeowner thought for a moment, then answered, The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Woke up at 6 o' clock this morning ...
...with a b**... hangover listening to my neighbour mowing his lawn , was going to get up and throttle the sod , but then thought "To Heck with it , he can mow around me."
Your grandpa used to mow the lawn all the time, but now he's...
Son: dad please don't
Dad: lawn gone
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I visited a doctor about my low l**..., and he said don't worry I will help you
According to my neighbor, the doctor came to my place and mowed my lawn when I was at work, What a nice guy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My s**... computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does Santa mow his lawn?
With a h**... h**... h**....
Mowing the Lawn
I was planning to mow the lawn the other day but instead decided to but a keg of beer. I poured it on the lawn and after 30 minutes it was half cut!
A new employee on his first day working at Walmart.
A new employee is being trained on the first day of his job. His supervisor explains to him how to do his job.
The trick is to lead customers to products based on what they want. Let me demonstrate.
A customer approaches and explains that he needs something for his garden, and the trainer recommends him a lawnmower.
See? Just like that. Now you give it a try!
Another customer approached the new employee. The customer explains how his girlfriend is on her period, and the new employee recommends him a lawnmower.
Why would I need a lawnmower? The customer asks.
Well, it's not like you're gonna get laid, so you might as well mow the lawn.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two h**... were sipping shine on the front porch
When a truck went passed loaded up with rolls of sod.
I'm a-gonna do that when I win that there lottery announced h**... #1.
Do wuuuut? Asked h**... #2.
Send my lawn out to git mowed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We've been having really nice weather lately.
Today my neighbor with the big t**... was mowing the lawn t**.... I just wish his wife would do the same.
I was out mowing my lawn...
I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.
The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.
I tried catch it, but it went racing around the block, then back into my yard and right up my tallest tree. Then fell right off the top of the tree.
Feeling bad I took the cat to the vet, the doctor gave the cat an exam and I finally asked, "Is the cat alright?"
The doctor replied, "the cat is fine, it just ran out of gas."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hall pass
My wife is really not too bright. We have this system where we have what's called a "hall pass" where you get to have s**... with any two people in the whole world, as long as your spouse agrees to it.
Now, I picked Angelina Jolie and Christie Brinkley. But my wife, she picked the Mexican guy that mows our lawn and his brother! Out of all the people in the world.
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"
