Lawn Mower Jokes

51 lawn mower jokes and hilarious lawn mower puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lawn mower that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lawn Mower Short Jokes

Short lawn mower jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lawn mower humour may include short lawnmower jokes also.

  1. Just saw a man slumped over a lawn mower crying his eyes out. He said he'll be fine, he's just going through a rough patch.
  2. My son saw me slumped over our lawn mower, bawling my eyes out... He screamed, "Dad! What's wrong!? Are you ok?!"
    I said, "Don't worry son, I'll be fine. I was just going through a rough patch..."
  3. I put an old lawn mower out on the street, with a FREE sign next to it. Somebody came and took the sign, but left the mower.
    Guess I should have been more specific…
  4. I bought a new lawn mower for my landscaping company Mine just wasn't cutting it.
    I'm sorry
  5. What did the monkey say when he got his tail caught in the lawn mower? It won't be long now.
  6. Who makes more money? A lawn mower or a fisherman? The lawnmower... he gets grass income while the fisherman gets net income
  7. A buddy had a lawn mower accident and died after getting the ends of his feet cut off. Doctors diagnosed him as lack-toes intolerant
  8. How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
  9. I went to Home Depot and bought that new Lawn Mower they were advertising in front of the store I think his name is Jorge and I highly recommend him
  10. Why did the frog jump under the lawn mower? He wanted to kermit s**....

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Lawn Mower One Liners

Which lawn mower one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lawn mower? I can suggest the ones about mower and lawn mowing.

  1. The band static X just designed a lawn mower Yeah... you push it.
  2. I ran over ny neighbors foot with a lawn mower today... Guess I need to bury him deeper.
  3. What do you get when you cross a grizzly bear with a lawn mower? Killed.
  4. Tesla have just announced their new lawn mower E Lawn
  5. Anyone can use my lawn mower at any time Given that they don't leave my yard
  6. What do you call a lawn mower that operates on its own? Cutting-hedge technology
  7. What's grey and red and goes 100mph? A baby bunny being discharged from my lawn mower.
  8. What do you call a Mexican that doesn't know how to use a lawn mower? Unemployed
  9. What do you call a lawn mower that lets you mow grass at an angle? A protractor.
  10. What happened to the ice cream cone that got ran over by a lawn mower? it was a la mowed
  11. Why was the lawn mower kicked out of training? Unfortunately he didn't make the cut.
  12. What do you call a Mexican on a riding lawn mower? Promoted.
  13. Yo mama is just like a lawn mower: everyone gets a push.
  14. Why do they call it a "lawn mower"... When it makes the lawn less.
  15. Is elliott a lawn mower? He is really gay

Lawn Mower joke, Is elliott a lawn mower?

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Lawn Mower Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about lawn mower you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mowing the lawn jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lawn mower pranks.

Boat for sale

Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."

Gay Joke

John went to the bar, where he got chatting with another customer, his name was Adrian.
Adrian explained to John that he was a professor of Logic. John had never heard of this before so he asked for an explanation.
Well, said Adrian??Let me give you an example. Do you own a lawn mower?"
"I do," answered John.
Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a garden.â?? replied the professor. The professor continued: "Logic will also tell me that since you have a garden, you also have a house."
Impressed, John said, "Blimey your right!!"
"And since you own a house and a house is tough to take care of by yourself, logic dictates that you have a wife."
This is incredible!" said John (John is obviously catching on.)
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual rather than homosexual" said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinating
thing I ever heard. I can't wait to find out more about this logic lark."
John, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back to the table where Jim was sitting.
"So what were talking about?" Jim asked.
"Logic," replies John.
"What way, do you mean logic?"
"Let me give you an example. Do you own a lawn mower?"
"Well you're gay, then arent you?"

Hardware store

So a woman goes into a hardware store to buy a hinge for a door.
She puts the hinge on the counter, and the guy says, "Excuse me lady, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
And she says, "No, but I'll blow you for that lawn mower."

Why did the r**... take his cat to Walmart after running over it's tail with the lawn mower?

Because they're the largest re-tail-er

I hate it when my neighbor mows the lawn at 7 in the morning

This one Saturday morning I get woken up by my neighbor's mower going at 7 in the morning. I have quite a bad hangover and I just decide screw him he can cut around me. .

If a teacup holds tea and a coffee cup holds coffee then what does a peecup hold?

Three Mexicans, a lawn mower, two leaf blowers and a half dozen rakes will fit in a peecup (pickup with Spanish accent).

A blond and a redhead are talking one afternoon.

Redhead - "So how was your weekend?"
Blond - "Not to good my cat got it's tail cut off by the lawn mower."
Redhead - "That's terrible! What did you do about it?"
Blond - "Well I got the cat and it's tail and took it to Walmart."
Redhead - "Why wouldnt you take the cat to the vet?"
Blond - "Well I heard that Walmart was the larger retailer in the country."
Credit goes to my mother for this one.

When a family's lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, the wife kept hinting to the husband that he should get it fixed, but somehow, he always had something else to take care of first - the shed, the boat, making beer...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When the husband arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. The husband watched silently for a minute, went into the house and came out again with a toothbrush. He said, "Here, when you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

How does a vegan shave their p**...?

With a lawn mower.

I use to work for a hardware store.

I was being trained by this older gentlemen and he was telling me that the job was all about the up sale. I told me to watch as he went up to someone buying grass seed.
"You should buy this new lawn mower too. You don't want to be cutting your nice new grass with an old lawnmower."
So I turn around and see a guy with a box of tampons and give it a try.
"You should buy a new lawn mower. Your weekends ruined anyway, might as well cut the grass."

Yard work

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

I was out mowing my lawn...

I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.
The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.
I tried catch it, but it went racing around the block, then back into my yard and right up my tallest tree. Then fell right off the top of the tree.
Feeling bad I took the cat to the vet, the doctor gave the cat an exam and I finally asked, "Is the cat alright?"
The doctor replied, "the cat is fine, it just ran out of gas."

Lawn Mower joke, The band Static X just designed a lawn mower

jokes about lawn mower