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Lawn Chair Jokes

9 lawn chair jokes and hilarious lawn chair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lawn chair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Howlingly Hilarious Lawn Chair Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What is a good lawn chair joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Grandpa's 100th birthday party was not a huge success.

The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he started tilting forward. This time his other son caught him and tied a pillow around his waist.
A few minutes later, his grandson arrived. He said, Hey, Grandpa! How's life treating you?
Terrible, he said. They won't let me f**....

What do you call an Irish guy who sells lawn chairs?

Patty O'Furniture

An American, German and Russian go swimming

An American, German and Russian go swimming, the Russian gets ready to jump in but the American stops him and says
"Careful i put in a chlorine tablet not long ago, you might want to wait"
The Russian responds with "Ill be fine, a little chlorine never hurt anyone"
The German on the lawn chair starts laughing.

Saturday afternoon

I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my pregnant wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from
across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me:
"You should be hung."
I took a drink from Corona, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor and then calmly replied:
"I am, that's why she cuts the grass."

What do you call an object used as seating that can fly?

A rocket lawn-chair.

Q: Why did the blond layout on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?
A: She wanted to get a dark tan.

Indian who remembers everything

A man was driving on his way to a business meeting amd had free time. He seen a billboard that said "Indian who remembers everything. Take next right."
The man decides to a pulls up. He sees and old Indian man sitting in front of a camper in a lawn chair. He walks up to him "how" and raises his hand
The Indian rolls his eyes and said "what would you like to know?"
"What did I have for breakfast ten years ago?"
"That's easy. Eggs."
"No, anyone could have guessed this. This is bull." And the man drove off.
Ten years later he's driving by and sees the sign. He can't believe the old man is still alive. He pulls up and walks over. "How"
"Scrambled."

The UFO landed in the trailer park...

...in front of Mr. and Mrs. Willfart, relaxing in their lawn chairs. They all started talking about their cultural differences etc. until they came to s**.... Offering to swap "wives", the woman was lead off by the male alien. After starting, the alien asked "Is it good?". Mrs. Willfart replies "I wish it was just a bit longer". The alien says "Just tug on my right ear until it's as long as you like". She does so, and miraculously, his shlong grows to 8 inches. He then asks if it's satisfactory. "Can you make it thicker?" she asks timidly. The alien says "Just tug on my left ear, it'll get as thick as you like". She does so, and she's in heaven. After the aliens leave, Mr. Willfart asks his wife "How did you like the alien s**...?". "It was fantastic!", she replied. "How did you like the s**... with the alien woman?". He looked downcast, and said "It was OK, I guess, but she kept trying to rip my ears off!".

Senior Driver

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, "you appear quite elderly to be driving."
"Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore !! "The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license.
I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and
left!"

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