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Lawn Care Jokes

7 lawn care jokes and hilarious lawn care puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lawn care that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Playful Lawn Care Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What is a good lawn care joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a j**... lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a j**... lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.

An American, German and Russian go swimming

An American, German and Russian go swimming, the Russian gets ready to jump in but the American stops him and says
"Careful i put in a chlorine tablet not long ago, you might want to wait"
The Russian responds with "Ill be fine, a little chlorine never hurt anyone"
The German on the lawn chair starts laughing.

What did Phil Collins say when his gardener asked how he'd like the lawn cut?

"I don't care; any mow."

Yard work

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

When a family's lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, the wife kept hinting to the husband that he should get it fixed, but somehow, he always had something else to take care of first - the shed, the boat, making beer...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When the husband arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. The husband watched silently for a minute, went into the house and came out again with a toothbrush. He said, "Here, when you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

Fred Durst is starting a lawn care company.

It's called Rake Stuff.

Gay Joke

John went to the bar, where he got chatting with another customer, his name was Adrian.
Adrian explained to John that he was a professor of Logic. John had never heard of this before so he asked for an explanation.
Well, said Adrian??Let me give you an example. Do you own a lawn mower?"
"I do," answered John.
Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a garden.â?? replied the professor. The professor continued: "Logic will also tell me that since you have a garden, you also have a house."
Impressed, John said, "Blimey your right!!"
"And since you own a house and a house is tough to take care of by yourself, logic dictates that you have a wife."
This is incredible!" said John (John is obviously catching on.)
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual rather than homosexual" said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinating
thing I ever heard. I can't wait to find out more about this logic lark."
John, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back to the table where Jim was sitting.
"So what were talking about?" Jim asked.
"Logic," replies John.
"What way, do you mean logic?"
"Let me give you an example. Do you own a lawn mower?"
"No."
"Well you're gay, then arent you?"

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