Law Jokes
149 law jokes and hilarious law puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about law that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ready for a good laugh? Check out our compilation of the funniest law jokes! Covering topics ranging from mother-in-laws to testimony to legal and unlawful actions, get ready to crack up! Get ready to enjoy some side-splitting law jokes!
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Funniest Law Short Jokes
Short law jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The law humour may include short testimony jokes also.
- I don't understand all these jokes about mothers-in-law. Mine is sweet, supportive, and a great influence on me and my wife. I can't say anything bad about her.
- My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
- What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.
- These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says " I can't stand my mother in law". The other says " so , just eat the potatoes".
- TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer." Now we wait.
- My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives... I️ said, No, in fact, I️ like your mother in law a lot better than I️ like mine
- I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
- My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives. I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
- You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's... shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
- I was walking down the street with my wife.. And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
From Les Dawson.
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Law One Liners
Which law one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with law? I can suggest the ones about legal and unlawful.
- What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law
- How do women defy the laws of physics? The heavier they are, the easier to pick up!
- What do you call a priest that becomes an attorney? Father-in-Law.
- What does a black man call a black lawyer? A brother in law
- There is a law that says you don't have to wear a mask It's called Natural Selection
- We all know Murphy's Law, but little is known of Cole's Law "Shredded Cabbage."
- What's the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
- Newton's third law of Emotion. For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
- What is a cats way of keeping law and order? Claw enforcement!
- I'm so tired of hearing Law and Order jokes. They've all been done done.
- My Mother in Law fell down a wishing well I was amazed. I never knew they worked.
- Why Did the mother in law cross the road? She thought it was a boundary.
- What do you call two pint of strict rules? A quart of law
- There are three unwritten laws of life... 1.
2.
3. - What happens to rainbow that break the law? They go through the prism system
In Law Jokes
Here is a list of funny in law jokes and even better in law puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Marital Argument A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of jackasses. The wife says "relatives of yours?" Husband says, "yep, in laws."
- Two cannibals sat around a campfire One turned to the other and said, "God, I hate my mother-in-law."
His friend said, "Well then try the potatoes." - Most black 15-year-olds are decent law-abiding citizens. It's their kids that cause all the trouble.
- "Diana!" I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door... She said, "My name's Anna."
I said, "Yeah, I know." - If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... would you go to lunch or a movie?
- My wife thinks that I don't care for her relatives. I told her that's not true. I love her mother-in-law more than I love mine.
- Have you heard of Murphy's Law? It states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Coles Law? It's thinly sliced cabbage.
- My in-laws couldn't cope when their cat unexpectedly had 9 kittens, so my wife told me to put them in a sack and throw them in the river… I did it but it broke my heart.
I quite liked her dad… - My mother in law was getting beaten up by four guys and my wife shouted "Go Help", to which I replied "four should be enough".
- My mother in law came for a visit so I asked her - How long do you plan to stay? Just until I start getting on your nerves, she replied.
Oh, so you won't even stay for a coffee?
Mother In Law Jokes
Here is a list of funny mother in law jokes and even better mother in law puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea. She won't find out until she unpacks her luggage.
- I Wasn't Too Keen On The Idea Of Gay Parenting Until I met my wife, who was raised by two dads. That's when I came to my senses and realized.. NO MOTHER-IN-LAW!
- "Where's your mother in law?" - "She's in the garden."
- "Where? I can't see her."
- "You have to dig a little." - What do you call mixed emotions? Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car
- I bought my mother in law a chair for her birthday... But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.
- My mother-in-law fell down our well last week but she is fine she stopped crying for help 2 days ago
- So I saw my mother-in-law getting beaten up by six guys "Aren't you going to do something?" My wife asked.
"Nah, six should be enough."
(Les Dawson) - Two married men are talking: - My mother-in-law is an angel - You're lucky, mine's still alive.
- Two cannibals are sitting around a campfire. One says to the other, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other says, "Then just eat the vegetables."
- My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well today... I was amazed. I didn't know they actually worked.
Law Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny law day jokes and even better law day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A husband and wife been arguing all day: They pass a herd of jackasses. He says: Relatives of yours?
She says: Yep, in-laws - "You don't look a day over fifty!" I told the mother-in-law on her birthday. Slightly ruined her 38th.
- A husband and wife had been arguing all-day They passed a herd of jackasses, she drawls "relatives of yours?"
"Yes!" he says, "In-laws" - I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.
- A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note: Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave. - Assistant and Boss Assistant: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"
Boss: "Certainly not!"
Assistant: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding." - Today is a historic day: US lawmakers on both sides actually agreed to pass a new piece of legislature. Unfortunately, they now have to figure out the process of making it an official law.
- The doorbell rings... A man opens the door and there's his mother-in-law on the front step.
She asks, "Can I stay here for a few days?"
The man says, "Sure you can." And shuts the door. - I don't think I'll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother's Day – a doctor for a son-in-law.
- What do you do when your mother-in-law comes crawling to your front door? Reload and shoot again.
Happy Mother's day!
Daughter In Law Jokes
Here is a list of funny daughter in law jokes and even better daughter in law puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have a daughter named after my mother in law Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week
- My daughter asked why she can't just quit school I told her it's against the law and they'll put me in jail.
My sweet sweet child looked me in the eye, and said: I'll visit you . - My father in law said he felt so lucky that his daughter met such a great guy. But that relationship didn't work out so she settled for me.
- I told my father in law we have something in common. "What's that?"
"Your daughter calls me Daddy too." - I was surprised when Kim Jong Un agreed to let me marry his daughter Cause now I get to call him my father-un-law
- My Daughter In Law She's a manager at a post office. I threw her a party for getting promoted in a mail dominated industry.
- My dream is to marry into a family of lawyers, Open a law firm with my husbands mom, and call it Mother and daughter in law
- "I'd like to have a toast" said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding "Add some jam on it," he continued
- We have mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, sons-in-law and daughters-in-law, but what is the wife? The law.
- My baby girl graduated law school today I am so proud to finally call her my daughter in law.
Cheeky Law Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about law you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lawyer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make law pranks.
Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?
It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.
A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics
His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.
I stayed up all night trying to think of something that would refute his claim, and then it dawned on me.
A new law
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."
TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.
Who the f**...'s going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?
What's the difference between unlawful and i**...?
Unlawful means against the law, while the other is a sick bird
Cole's Law
"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"
"Yeah."
"What is it?"
"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."
"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"
"No, what is it?"
"Thinly sliced cabbage."
(I remember hearing this from my dad, and to this day it makes me giggle like an idiot.)
I took my mother in law out today
I love being a s**...
Anagram of "mother in law"
Woman h**...
Two men are walking down the street
When they see 3 guys across the road beating up an older woman. Fred turns to George and says
"Hey, isn't that your mother in law over there?"
"So it is." replies George
"Well aren't you going to help?!" Fred asked.
"Nah," George replied, "I think 3 should be enough"
The police seem to be making up the law as they go along
I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.
Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.
Cross-examination of a coroner
"Did you check the victim's pulse?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check if the victim's breathing had stopped?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check for any signs of brainwave activity?"
"No, I did not."
"Then how do you even know the victim is dead?"
"Well, his brain is in a jar on my desk right now, but for all I know he might be out practicing law somewhere."
A man named Eric Cole...
... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.
"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law
"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
How five Jews changed the way we see the world:
Moses: "The Law is everything"
Jesus: "Love is everything"
Marx: "Money is everything"
Freud: "s**... is everything"
Einstein: "Everything is relative"
Dad Knowing the Laws...
Dad: Have you heard of Murphy's Law?
Son: Yes, if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.
Dad: Yes! Have you heard of Cole's Law?
Son: Actually, no. What's that?
Dad: Thinly sliced cabbage.
A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.
The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest was let go.
Next up was the fisherman. Seeing what had happened with the priest, he also prayed to God to have his life spared. Once again, the guillotine failed, and the fisherman was let go.
Finally came the engineer. He spends his last moments looking at the guillotine. Oh, I see the problem...
How to do Business
Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No!
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: Ok then.
Dad goes to Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No!
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Ok then.
Dad goes to the president of the World Bank
Dad: Make my son the CEO of your bank.
President: No!
Dad: He is the son in law of Bill Gates.
President: Ok then.
Five guys in an Audi Quattro...
...arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs officer stops them and says,
"It'sa i**... to p**... five people in a Quattro."
"What are you talking about?" the driver asked.
"Quattro meansa four, and you are five-a people."
"Quattro is just the name of the car."
"Don'ta think you can fool me! Quattro meansa four and you are five-a people, you are breakinga the law."
"You idiot! Call your supervisor, I need to speak with someone with more intelligence!"
"He can'ta come."
"Why not?"
"He'sa busy witha two guys in an Uno."
Moore's law states that the density of transistors doubles every two years.
This is usually done by making them smaller.
Therefore, less is Moore's
In law school...
Professor: What is fraud?
Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.
Professor: (surprised) how so?
Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.
You guys ever heard of Murphy's law?
Murphy's law states that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.
You guys ever heard of Cole's law? Its thinly sliced cabbage with a vinaigrette, salad dressing.
Some people say I have my mom's eyes...
but since they can't find them they've never been able to prove it in a court of law.
A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton"
"I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"
"Ok tell the last part"
"... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton
What are the names of the first two men to get married under the new Irish gay marriage law?
Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
What's the difference between i**... and unlawful?
Unlawful is the act of breaking the law. i**... is a sick bird.
Pay me what I'm worth!
I once asked my boss for a raise.
He asked me how much I wanted.
"Just pay me what I'm worth," I said.
He replied, "I can't. There's a minimum wage law."
The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law
Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.
What do you get when you cross a policeman with a skunk?
Law and odor.
I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with l**... himself on how to be even more vicious.
I've no idea what kind of fees she's charging him.
I've just been reading that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.
And I'm thinking,
"Who the f**...'s going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?"
If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?
Three men are standing before a judge.
The judge asks the first man why he was arrested. " I blew bubbles in the park.", the man said.
"That is not a crime. You are free to go.", the judge replies. He then asks the second man why he was arrested.
"I also blew bubbles in the park.", he said. The judge said that he didn't break the law and was free to go. The judge then ask the third man why he was arrested.
"I'm Bubbles."
100 Law Students walk into a bar...
...About 50 of them pass.
What are law enforcement officers called in Vatican City?
The Pope Po
I'm planning on starting a s**... club....
... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.
I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.
The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".
The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.
There was a man who claimed that, by putting mayonnaise on any food no matter how bland you could make it better.
They decided to name it after him and call it Cole's Law.
Why was schrodinger's cat in trouble with the law?
I don't know, but he was wanted dead and alive.
The lawyer
A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
And the guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
My uncle's wife...
My uncle's wife used to stay awake at night planning how to take the law into her own hands.
She was my vigilauntie.
Psychology vs Law
A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."
My dad loves telling this joke to women
Robert is walking down the street and sees two hearses followed by hundreds of men walking. At the front of the line, one man is walking his dog.
Robert walks up to the man and asks,
>"What happened?!"
The man- "My wife and mother in law died."
Robert - "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did they die?"
The man - "My dog bit them."
Robert - "Your dog bit them and they died?!"
The Man - "Yup"
Robert - "...Can I borrow your dog?"
The man simply smiles and says, "Get in line."
What do me and Rudy Giuliani have in common?
Neither of us are allowed to practice law in New York.
A man finds his best friend crying.
He asks "what's wrong?"
His friend responds, "I got in a fight with my mother in law. She said she won't speak to me for a month."
"Sounds like a good deal to me!"
Dejected, his friend friend replied, "that was a month ago."
Mr. Smith is Dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
Murphy's law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A. A good lawyer knows the law but a great lawyer knows the judge.
You're surely familiar with Murphy's Law, but do you know what Cole's Law is?
It's a cabbage salad, often served as a side dish at a BBQ.
Just helped a cop sweep up some broken glass.
That was my first brush with the law.
Surely you have heard of Murphy's Law?
Murphy's Law is simply "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". But have you ever heard of Cole's Law?...
No? Well, cole's law is simply thinly sliced cabbage and carrots served cold with mayonnaise.
What's the difference between i**... and unlawful?
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!
An engineer, a lawyer and an accountant are at a job interview
The interviewer asked, what's 1 + 1.
The engineer draws up a plan and does some measurements and says. It appears that 1 + 1 is 2 .
The lawyer takes out his law book, checks all the rules then says according to the law, 1 + 1 is 2 .
The accountant takes out his book and calculator. Does a few calculations then whispers to the interviewer, What do you want the number to be?
Why is the alcoholic law student sad?
Because he couldn't pass the bar.
Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
So Hawaii recently made a new law in regards to noise and the increase of noise complaints due to an uprising in loud laughter.
They now have to use a low ha
Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.
-Cole's Law
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.
It's my P.S. de resistance.
If a tiger was attacking your wife and mother in law at the same time and you could save one, who would it be?
The tiger of course. There are only a few left 🐯
