The Best 74 Law Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Law jokes. There are some law lawyer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these law inlaw puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Law Jokes and Puns
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law
Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?
It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.
A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics
His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.
I stayed up all night trying to think of something that would refute his claim, and then it dawned on me.
A new law
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."
TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."
Now we wait.
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
Iļø said, No, in fact, Iļø like your mother in law a lot better than Iļø like mine
I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law
Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.
Who the fuck's going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?
You know Murphy's Law. It's "If something can go wrong, it will", but do you know Cole's law? It's...
shredded cabbage, mayonnaise, maybe some carrot.
I was walking down the street with my wife..
And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
From Les Dawson.
What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful means against the law, while the other is a sick bird
You can explore law unlawful reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean law courthouse dad jokes. There are also law puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Cole's Law
"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"
"Yeah."
"What is it?"
"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."
"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"
"No, what is it?"
"Thinly sliced cabbage."
(I remember hearing this from my dad, and to this day it makes me giggle like an idiot.)
I took my mother in law out today
I love being a sniper
Anagram of "mother in law"
Woman Hitler
Two men are walking down the street
When they see 3 guys across the road beating up an older woman. Fred turns to George and says
"Hey, isn't that your mother in law over there?"
"So it is." replies George
"Well aren't you going to help?!" Fred asked.
"Nah," George replied, "I think 3 should be enough"
What does a black man call a black lawyer?
A brother in law
Have you heard of Murphy's Law? It states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Coles Law?
It's thinly sliced cabbage.
My mother in law was getting beaten up by four guys
and my wife shouted "Go Help", to which I replied "four should be enough".
My mother in law came for a visit so I asked her - How long do you plan to stay?
Just until I start getting on your nerves, she replied.
Oh, so you won't even stay for a coffee?
The police seem to be making up the law as they go along
I got into a fight with a white man last month, the police intervened and I was charged with assault.
Last night I beat up a black guy, they intervened again and they charged me with impersonating a police officer.
Cross-examination of a coroner
"Did you check the victim's pulse?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check if the victim's breathing had stopped?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check for any signs of brainwave activity?"
"No, I did not."
"Then how do you even know the victim is dead?"
"Well, his brain is in a jar on my desk right now, but for all I know he might be out practicing law somewhere."
A man named Eric Cole...
... discovered that there was a direct correlation between the amount of mayonnaise on his cabbage salad and how good it tastes.
He's calling this correlation Cole's Law.
There is a law that says you don't have to wear a mask
It's called Natural Selection
We all know Murphy's Law, but little is known of Cole's Law
"Shredded Cabbage."
"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law
"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law
How five Jews changed the way we see the world:
Moses: "The Law is everything"
Jesus: "Love is everything"
Marx: "Money is everything"
Freud: "Sex is everything"
Einstein: "Everything is relative"
Dad Knowing the Laws...
Dad: Have you heard of Murphy's Law?
Son: Yes, if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.
Dad: Yes! Have you heard of Cole's Law?
Son: Actually, no. What's that?
Dad: Thinly sliced cabbage.
"Where's your mother in law?"
- "She's in the garden."
- "Where? I can't see her."
- "You have to dig a little."
Newton's third law of Emotion.
For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
What is a cats way of keeping law and order?
Claw enforcement!
A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.
The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest was let go.
Next up was the fisherman. Seeing what had happened with the priest, he also prayed to God to have his life spared. Once again, the guillotine failed, and the fisherman was let go.
Finally came the engineer. He spends his last moments looking at the guillotine. Oh, I see the problem...
I'm so tired of hearing Law and Order jokes.
They've all been done done.
My Mother in Law fell down a wishing well
I was amazed. I never knew they worked.
How to do Business
Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No!
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: Ok then.
Dad goes to Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No!
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Ok then.
Dad goes to the president of the World Bank
Dad: Make my son the CEO of your bank.
President: No!
Dad: He is the son in law of Bill Gates.
President: Ok then.
Why Did the mother in law cross the road?
She thought it was a boundary.
What do you call two pints of strict rules?
A quart of law
Five guys in an Audi Quattro...
...arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs officer stops them and says,
"It'sa illegal to puta five people in a Quattro."
"What are you talking about?" the driver asked.
"Quattro meansa four, and you are five-a people."
"Quattro is just the name of the car."
"Don'ta think you can fool me! Quattro meansa four and you are five-a people, you are breakinga the law."
"You idiot! Call your supervisor, I need to speak with someone with more intelligence!"
"He can'ta come."
"Why not?"
"He'sa busy witha two guys in an Uno."
Moore's law states that the density of transistors doubles every two years.
This is usually done by making them smaller.
Therefore, less is Moore's
You guys ever heard of Murphy's law?
Murphy's law states that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.
You guys ever heard of Cole's law? Its thinly sliced cabbage with a vinaigrette, salad dressing.
In law school...
Professor: What is fraud?
Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.
Professor: (surprised) how so?
Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.
I bought my mother in law a chair for her birthday...
But my wife wouldn't let me plug it in.
Some people say I have my mom's eyes...
but since they can't find them they've never been able to prove it in a court of law.
A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton"
"I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"
"Ok tell the last part"
"... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton
What are the names of the first two men to get married under the new Irish gay marriage law?
Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?
Unlawful is the act of breaking the law. Illegal is a sick bird.
Pay me what I'm worth!
I once asked my boss for a raise.
He asked me how much I wanted.
"Just pay me what I'm worth," I said.
He replied, "I can't. There's a minimum wage law."
What happens to rainbows that break the law?
They go through the prism system
The principle difference's between Murphy's law and Cole's law
Murphy's law postulates that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
Cole's law primarily consists of thinly shredded cabbage, carrot and mayonnaise.
What do you get when you cross a policeman with a skunk?
Law and odor.
I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.
I've no idea what kind of fees she's charging him.
I've just been reading that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it's raining in Sweden.
And I'm thinking,
"Who the fuck's going to let me know when it's raining in Sweden?"
If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?
Three men are standing before a judge.
The judge asks the first man why he was arrested. " I blew bubbles in the park.", the man said.
"That is not a crime. You are free to go.", the judge replies. He then asks the second man why he was arrested.
"I also blew bubbles in the park.", he said. The judge said that he didn't break the law and was free to go. The judge then ask the third man why he was arrested.
"I'm Bubbles."
100 Law Students walk into a bar...
...About 50 of them pass.
What are law enforcement officers called in Vatican City?
The Pope Po
I'm planning on starting a strip club....
... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.
I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.
The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".
The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.
There was a man who claimed that, by putting mayonnaise on any food no matter how bland you could make it better.
They decided to name it after him and call it Cole's Law.
Why was schrodinger's cat in trouble with the law?
I don't know, but he was wanted dead and alive.
My uncle's wife...
My uncle's wife used to stay awake at night planning how to take the law into her own hands.
She was my vigilauntie.
Have a daughter named after my mother in law
Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week
Psychology vs Law
A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."
What do me and Rudy Giuliani have in common?
Neither of us are allowed to practice law in New York.
My daughter asked why she can't just quit school
I told her it's against the law and they'll put me in jail.
My sweet sweet child looked me in the eye, and said: I'll visit you .
A man finds his best friend crying.
He asks "what's wrong?"
His friend responds, "I got in a fight with my mother in law. She said she won't speak to me for a month."
"Sounds like a good deal to me!"
Dejected, his friend friend replied, "that was a month ago."
Mr. Smith is Dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
My dad loves telling this joke to women
Robert is walking down the street and sees two hearses followed by hundreds of men walking. At the front of the line, one man is walking his dog.
Robert walks up to the man and asks,
>"What happened?!"
The man- "My wife and mother in law died."
Robert - "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How did they die?"
The man - "My dog bit them."
Robert - "Your dog bit them and they died?!"
The Man - "Yup"
Robert - "...Can I borrow your dog?"
The man simply smiles and says, "Get in line."
Operation successful
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....
Murphy's law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Q. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A. A good lawyer knows the law but a great lawyer knows the judge.
You're surely familiar with Murphy's Law, but do you know what Cole's Law is?
It's a cabbage salad, often served as a side dish at a BBQ.
Just helped a cop sweep up some broken glass.
That was my first brush with the law.
Surely you have heard of Murphy's Law?
Murphy's Law is simply "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". But have you ever heard of Cole's Law?...
No? Well, cole's law is simply thinly sliced cabbage and carrots served cold with mayonnaise.
What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!
An engineer, a lawyer and an accountant are at a job interview
The interviewer asked, what's 1 + 1.
The engineer draws up a plan and does some measurements and says. It appears that 1 + 1 is 2 .
The lawyer takes out his law book, checks all the rules then says according to the law, 1 + 1 is 2 .
The accountant takes out his book and calculator. Does a few calculations then whispers to the interviewer, What do you want the number to be?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the law tenths puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working law mother in laws piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.