Laundry Up Jokes
121 laundry up jokes and hilarious laundry up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about laundry up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Laundry Up Short Jokes
Short laundry up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The laundry up humour may include short laundry jokes also.
- I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It's laundry day.
- Got an email from boredhousewife423 saying she was looking for some action I sent her my laundry. That'll give her something to do
- My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry. We are maid for each other.
- What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine? When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after
- You can never just do a little laundry. You always have to do loads of it.
Just came up with this while doing laundry. I'm sure it's not original though. - I could see she was about to fold when I put my chips on the table… "Move them," my wife said, "I'm doing laundry."
- what do you do with someone that is having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry.
- Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry? Because red shirts die easily.
- I wish my laundry was more like my ex. And someone else would just do it while I'm not home.
- My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things in her ear... So I leaned forward and said: "dishes, bathroom and laundry."
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Laundry Up One Liners
Which laundry up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with laundry up? I can suggest the ones about laundry machine and laundry room.
- What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
- Why was Billy Joel's laundry still wet? Because he didn't start the dryer
- Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath? Quickly add your laundry.
- How much does the combined laundry of everyone in the White House weigh? A Washington.
- Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry? She had a filthy habit
- What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common? One protects all colors.
- What kind of jokes do laundry like? Dry Humor
- What does the ocean use for laundry? Tide!
- There was a robbery in the laundry room. Two clothespins held up a pair of pants.
- What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room? You washer and dryer.
- What did the Viking say when hanging out his laundry? "Today is a good day to dry."
- What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in the bathtub? Toss in your laundry!
- You know what the terms "no mercy" and "dirty laundry" have in common? No quarters.
- What US state has a lot of dirty laundry? Washington
- What do you call laundry that loves ICP? A juggaload
Laundry Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about laundry up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean folding laundry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make laundry up pranks.
The husband whispers:"Honey, I'm not wearing underwear..."
Wife: let me sleep now, I'll do laundry tomorrow
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three nuns were talking...
The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh s**...."
Wife's Duties
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home.
The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was cleaned and the dishes were done, and food was on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
Marylou
One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" cried the husband.
"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"
"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.
Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.
"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.
"Your horse called."
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Im not racist but... I will always believe in one activity that is better off segregated into w**... and colored.
Laundry.
Being from the South, my mother was all about hospitality! Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and even foot rubs!
She made me do it all.
A tourist in Chinatown sees a sign advertising "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"
He goes inside to check it out, and there's an old Asian man in the corner.
"How did this place get named 'Hans Olafsen's Laundry'?" he asks.
"It's named after me, Hans Olafsen." said the man.
"That's an unusual name for a Chinese man" observed the tourist.
"When I was in the immigration center, I followed a man named Hans Olafsen. When they asked my name, I told them 'Sam Ting'".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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When I do laundry I tell people I'm going to 1943
Cause I got to separate the w**... and colors
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What do you call a l**... in a jacuzzi?
Stew.
Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?
Because he wouldn't separate the w**... from the b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I like to do my laundry n**... so that all my clothes are clean.
Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I love doing laundry...
It's the only time you can separate the w**... from the coloreds and no one gets offended.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My grandpa used to say that dating was like doing laundry.
Never mix the w**... with the colors.
What does laundry day and the 1950's have in common
Color separation
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My girlfriend and I use "laundry" as a code-word for s**....
Her dad asked me why I couldn't do the laundry by myself so I told him "it's a big load".
I've got washboard abs.
But unfortunately there is a load of laundry sitting on the washboard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Today, my wife found a pair of her sister's p**... in our room.
They were in my laundry pile, next to my boxers.
Now she's mad, because I told her it was only a brief affair.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My wife called me a "p**... dropper."
She said to be more careful with the laundry next time.
Three things in the universe are constant.
The speed of light, gravity, and laundry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry
There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the w**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A black person is walking down the street carrying a 4K TV
I thought, 'that looks like mine!'.
But then I remembered, my black person is at home doing laundry
My wife threatened to call the cops if I didn't start checking the pockets of our clothes when I did laundry.
I asked "And what exactly do you expect them to charge me with?"
She said, "Money laundering."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Yo momma is like cheap laundry detergent
Not as soft, doesn't smell as good, but gets way more loads
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Doing laundry is a lot like m**...
the longer I wait the larger my load
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Young couple codewords
The bashfull newlyweds decided to talk about "laundry" when one was interested in s**.... A Year later, when the new was off, the Husband asked "do you want to help me do the laundry tonight?"
Wife: "No, I am too tired".
The next night: "I have a headache". Next
On the following night: "I just don't feel like it".
Finally wife says: "How about doing the Laundry tonight".
Hubby's reply: "No worries, Dear, it was just a small load and I did it by hand!"
What do you call A man doing Laundry?
Non-existent
What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl?
The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back
A man and his wife were thinking of a code name for when, when they're around their kids.
The husband says, "let's call it laundry."
His wife replies, "why laundry?"
Husband says, "Because if it's a small load. I can do it by hand."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The Ku Klux k**......
It's worth joining just to find out the name of the brilliant laundry detergent they use.
My ex-gf claims I dumped her for being a feminist...
Which is completely wrong! I dumped her for not doing my laundry, cleaning my dishes, or cooking my dinner.
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My grandpa always told me that cooking and cleaning was a woman's job, so I was surprised when he confessed he does his own laundry...
I guess he's really passionate about separating w**... from coloreds.
I prefer having poker players do my laundry
They know when to fold
It's okay, laundry
Nobody is doing me either
I was doing the laundry today and I started reading the side of the detergent and it said…
Tough on Grime.
Smashes Dirt.
Hard on stain.
I thought, wow, that last one's a bit too much information…
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"Honestly son, it's all about separation of the w**... and the colored with some strategic hanging thrown in...
Other than that, there's not really much more I can teach you about doing laundry."
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j**... hated doing laundry.
So he threw in the towel.
:D
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r**...
Me: I just put my laundry in the fridge. Sometimes I think I am r**....
Friend: Oh! I do that all the time.
Me: Put clothes in the fridge?
Friend: No. Think that you are r**....
God grant me the FOOD to sustain my body,
the LAUNDRY DETERGENT to wash the stains from my clothes,
and the WISDOM to know the difference.
Why aren't the people eating laundry soap injecting it instead?
Seems like it'd be a little Tidier
A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced
When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:
"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"
"Because he's considering getting married"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the w**... should be separated.
I mean, that's just basic laundry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Every time I fold laundry I contemplate becoming a nudist...
...then I remember what I look like n**... and keep folding.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Did you see the story in the newspaper about the s**... attack at the laundry?
The headline read "Nut screws washers and bolts"
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The cops in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen having s**... with a laundry machine.
Nut screws washer and bolts.
I really need to find a way to finish my laundry.
I always start off strong but halfway through I throw in the towel.
A man went to a laundry service
He drop his set of pants for dry cleaning.
As he was leaving, the clerk says "come again"
He turns around and said "Nope, this time its mayonaisse"
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What does a young white female pornstar and my laundry have in common?
We're both doing a load of b**...
A man goes to the police to call his wife missing.
"When have you seen your wife for the last time?"
- "About a month ago"
"And why are you coming to the police only now?!"
- "I have no more clean laundry..."
How is it, that the capital city of USA is also the place of most successful laundry bussines?
Because they're washing tons.
What's a laundry machine's favourite chocolate?
Lindt
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What's the difference between w**... and b**...?
They require different laundry machine settings.
Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as.
Mount Wash More.
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My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.
I got such a fright I almost wet her p**....
Came to me while folding laundry (bad nerd pun incoming).
What was the name of the first Protozoa to circumnavigate the globe?
Flagellan
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Where does Frozone put his laundry?
Down his super c**....
A wife is shouting at her husband about not helping her with chores
- I'm cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, while you are sitting all day, waiting for me to bring you a beer. What kind of a husband are you?
- A patient one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.
She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.
Out of nowhere, her s**... sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks Do you want to have s**... before she gets back?
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
Did u just stand there while I fell over and dropped all the laundry?
Yes I watched it all unfold
Whenever I get a sock from the laundry without the other sock, I keep this sock in the hopes of finding the partner in the future.
I call these socks lost soles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My wife challenged me to a game of s**... poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I never knew laundry could be so racist...
They're always telling you to separate the w**... from the coloured???