Laundry Jokes
135 laundry jokes and hilarious laundry puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about laundry that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out the funniest jokes about laundry! From clever laundry detergent puns to hilarious jokes about laundry machines and the laundry room, we've got the best jokes to brighten up your day. Don't forget to check out our laundry up jokes and our favorite darks laundry puns. Read on to find the perfect joke to make your next trip to the laundromat or laundry room more enjoyable.
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Funniest Laundry Short Jokes
Short laundry jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The laundry humour may include short laundromat jokes also.
- I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It's laundry day.
- Got an email from boredhousewife423 saying she was looking for some action I sent her my laundry. That'll give her something to do
- My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry. We are maid for each other.
- What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine? When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after
- You can never just do a little laundry. You always have to do loads of it.
Just came up with this while doing laundry. I'm sure it's not original though. - I could see she was about to fold when I put my chips on the table… "Move them," my wife said, "I'm doing laundry."
- what do you do with someone that is having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry.
- Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry? Because red shirts die easily.
- I wish my laundry was more like my ex. And someone else would just do it while I'm not home.
- My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things in her ear... So I leaned forward and said: "dishes, bathroom and laundry."
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Laundry One Liners
Which laundry one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with laundry? I can suggest the ones about washing clothes and laundering.
- What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your pool? Throw in your laundry.
- Why was Billy Joel's laundry still wet? Because he didn't start the dryer
- Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath? Quickly add your laundry.
- How much does the combined laundry of everyone in the White House weigh? A Washington.
- Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry? She had a filthy habit
- What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common? One protects all colors.
- What kind of jokes do laundry like? Dry Humor
- What does the ocean use for laundry? Tide!
- There was a robbery in the laundry room. Two clothespins held up a pair of pants.
- What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room? You washer and dryer.
- What did the Viking say when hanging out his laundry? "Today is a good day to dry."
- What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in the bathtub? Toss in your laundry!
- You know what the terms "no mercy" and "dirty laundry" have in common? No quarters.
- What US state has a lot of dirty laundry? Washington
- What do you call laundry that loves ICP? A juggaload
Laundry Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny laundry up jokes and even better laundry up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Last night my wife and I argued for hours as to whose turn it was to do the laundry. This went on but eventually I folded.
- I was doing the laundry today and I started reading the side of the detergent and it said… Tough on Grime.
Smashes Dirt.
Hard on stain.
I thought, wow, that last one's a bit too much information… - What happened to the guy who mixed up his Epilepsy tablets with his laundry tablets? His clothes don't fit anymore!
- The husband whispers:"Honey, I'm not wearing underwear..." Wife: let me sleep now, I'll do laundry tomorrow
- I really need to find a way to finish my laundry. I always start off strong but halfway through I throw in the towel.
- My ex-gf claims I dumped her for being a feminist... Which is completely wrong! I dumped her for not doing my laundry, cleaning my dishes, or cooking my dinner.
- Being from the South, my mother was all about hospitality! Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and even foot rubs! She made me do it all.
- Yesterday, the Laundry Pressers Union walked off the job in the middle of their shift. They wanted to strike while the iron was hot.
- Did u just stand there while I fell over and dropped all the laundry? Yes I watched it all unfold
- Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as. Mount Wash More.
Laundry Detergent Jokes
Here is a list of funny laundry detergent jokes and even better laundry detergent puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- God grant me the FOOD to sustain my body, the LAUNDRY DETERGENT to wash the stains from my clothes,
and the WISDOM to know the difference. - Life isn't all about laundry detergent... It's what's in Tide that counts!
- I was buying some laundry detergent the other day... While I was paying, the cashier slapped me hard.
"What was that for!?" I exclaimed.
She told me "No pain, No Gain" - What do a special ed student and laundry detergent have in common? They're both a little downy.
- I was terrified when I accidentally used bleach instead of laundry detergent
- Why did the teen eat laundry detergent as a snack? He just wanted something to Tide him over til dinner.
- I don't use laundry detergent anymore It made my dishwasher explode :(
- I spilled laundry detergent on my rug! It really tide the room together.
Laundry Machine Jokes
Here is a list of funny laundry machine jokes and even better laundry machine puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl? The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back
- What's a laundry machine's favourite chocolate? Lindt
- Did you hear about the laundry machine at the gym? It has washboard abs.
- My dishwasher and laundry machine broke today. We had to rush her to the hospital immediately.
- I'm going to do you like I do the laundry... and leave it all to a machine.
- What does your grandma and a washing machine have in common? When I drop my load in them they both do my laundry after.
- It was hard work, but I finally fixed the laundry machine The wife beater is nice and clean again :)
Quirky and Hilarious Laundry Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about laundry you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean housework jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make laundry pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three nuns were talking...
The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh s**...."
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
Marylou
One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" cried the husband.
"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"
"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.
Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.
"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.
"Your horse called."
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Im not racist but... I will always believe in one activity that is better off segregated into w**... and colored.
Laundry.
A tourist in Chinatown sees a sign advertising "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"
He goes inside to check it out, and there's an old Asian man in the corner.
"How did this place get named 'Hans Olafsen's Laundry'?" he asks.
"It's named after me, Hans Olafsen." said the man.
"That's an unusual name for a Chinese man" observed the tourist.
"When I was in the immigration center, I followed a man named Hans Olafsen. When they asked my name, I told them 'Sam Ting'".
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I do laundry I tell people I'm going to 1943
Cause I got to separate the w**... and colors
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What do you call a l**... in a jacuzzi?
Stew.
Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.
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Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?
Because he wouldn't separate the w**... from the b**....
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I like to do my laundry n**... so that all my clothes are clean.
Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.
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I love doing laundry...
It's the only time you can separate the w**... from the coloreds and no one gets offended.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My grandpa used to say that dating was like doing laundry.
Never mix the w**... with the colors.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My girlfriend and I use "laundry" as a code-word for s**....
Her dad asked me why I couldn't do the laundry by myself so I told him "it's a big load".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today, my wife found a pair of her sister's p**... in our room.
They were in my laundry pile, next to my boxers.
Now she's mad, because I told her it was only a brief affair.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My wife called me a "p**... dropper."
She said to be more careful with the laundry next time.
Three things in the universe are constant.
The speed of light, gravity, and laundry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry
There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the w**....
My wife threatened to call the cops if I didn't start checking the pockets of our clothes when I did laundry.
I asked "And what exactly do you expect them to charge me with?"
She said, "Money laundering."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Yo momma is like cheap laundry detergent
Not as soft, doesn't smell as good, but gets way more loads
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Doing laundry is a lot like m**...
the longer I wait the larger my load
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Young couple codewords
The bashfull newlyweds decided to talk about "laundry" when one was interested in s**.... A Year later, when the new was off, the Husband asked "do you want to help me do the laundry tonight?"
Wife: "No, I am too tired".
The next night: "I have a headache". Next
On the following night: "I just don't feel like it".
Finally wife says: "How about doing the Laundry tonight".
Hubby's reply: "No worries, Dear, it was just a small load and I did it by hand!"
A man and his wife were thinking of a code name for when, when they're around their kids.
The husband says, "let's call it laundry."
His wife replies, "why laundry?"
Husband says, "Because if it's a small load. I can do it by hand."
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The Ku Klux k**......
It's worth joining just to find out the name of the brilliant laundry detergent they use.
I prefer having poker players do my laundry
They know when to fold
It's okay, laundry
Nobody is doing me either
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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j**... hated doing laundry.
So he threw in the towel.
:D
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r**...
Me: I just put my laundry in the fridge. Sometimes I think I am r**....
Friend: Oh! I do that all the time.
Me: Put clothes in the fridge?
Friend: No. Think that you are r**....
Why aren't the people eating laundry soap injecting it instead?
Seems like it'd be a little Tidier
A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced
When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:
"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"
"Because he's considering getting married"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the w**... should be separated.
I mean, that's just basic laundry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Every time I fold laundry I contemplate becoming a nudist...
...then I remember what I look like n**... and keep folding.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Did you see the story in the newspaper about the s**... attack at the laundry?
The headline read "Nut screws washers and bolts"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The cops in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen having s**... with a laundry machine.
Nut screws washer and bolts.
A man went to a laundry service
He drop his set of pants for dry cleaning.
As he was leaving, the clerk says "come again"
He turns around and said "Nope, this time its mayonaisse"
A man goes to the police to call his wife missing.
"When have you seen your wife for the last time?"
- "About a month ago"
"And why are you coming to the police only now?!"
- "I have no more clean laundry..."
How is it, that the capital city of USA is also the place of most successful laundry bussines?
Because they're washing tons.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What's the difference between w**... and b**...?
They require different laundry machine settings.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.
I got such a fright I almost wet her p**....
Came to me while folding laundry (bad nerd pun incoming).
What was the name of the first Protozoa to circumnavigate the globe?
Flagellan
A wife is shouting at her husband about not helping her with chores
- I'm cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, while you are sitting all day, waiting for me to bring you a beer. What kind of a husband are you?
- A patient one.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.
She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.
Out of nowhere, her s**... sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks Do you want to have s**... before she gets back?
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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My wife challenged me to a game of s**... poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I never knew laundry could be so racist...
They're always telling you to separate the w**... from the coloured???
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A wife approaches her husband - fuming.
She says to him "I've done the dishes, done the laundry, ironed ALL the clothes and cleaned the house. Meanwhile, you've done NOTHING but wait for me to bring you a GOD d**... BEER! What does that say about you??"
The husband replies: "It says I am very patient".
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy has a dream about p**... into his laundry bin.
The man wakes up, startled to find out that he has in fact p**... himself in his sleep. Frustrated, he cleans himself up. As he throws his dirty clothes and sheets into the laundry bin, he thinks to himself: "well there's a silver lining. Dreams DO come true."
My neighbour always seems to hang up his laundry on sunny days, but never on rainy days.
One day I decided to ask him how he always knew which days to hang his laundry.
"Well," he explained, "if I wake up and my wife is lying on her side, I know it's going to rain and I shouldn't hang my laundry. If I wake up and she's lying on her front, I know it's not going to rain and I should hang my laundry."
"That's a very interesting method," I replied, "but what if she's lying on her back?"
"Ah, those days," he said, "I have better things to do than laundry!"
I created a new gig-economy app for laundry called Laundr.
Unfortunately, the only thing anyone seems to use it for is washer-dryer hookups.
I needed to do the laundry, but then I realized I was out of detergent,
so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink. When I went to toss all the junk, I saw that the trash was full but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of old food in the fridge. That's when I realized a juice jug had leaked so I needed to clean it up but when I went to grab a rag, I saw that the pantry closet was a nightmare so I started organizing it.
And that's how I ended up on the floor looking at my old photo albums from 1990s and not doing laundry.
