laundry Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious laundry puns

I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.

It's laundry day.

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What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your pool?

Throw in your laundry.

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Blonde walks into a...

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

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Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?

Because he wouldn't separate the whites from the blacks.

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What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub?

Throw your laundry in with them.

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I've just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear.

This can only mean one thing.

She's behind with the laundry.

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Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath?

Quickly add your laundry.

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What do you do when an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw your dirty laundry in there with some detergent.

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Got an email from boredhousewife423 saying she was looking for some action

I sent her my laundry. That'll give her something to do

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Three nuns were having a conversation.

The first one says:"Guess what I found in Father's room while cleaning it? A pile of porn under his bed!"

"So what did you do?" asked the other two.

"I ripped it up and threw it out, of course."

The second nun says:"Guess what I found while doing Father's laundry? A box of condoms hidden in his shirt!"

"So what did you do?" asked the other two nuns.

"I poked holes in all of them, of course."

The third nun fainted.

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Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry?

She had a filthy habit

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The cops in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

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Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.

The newspaper the next day reads:

"Nut screws washers and bolts."

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My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry.

We are maid for each other.

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What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after

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I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry

There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the whites.

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There were three Nuns in a house..

The first Nun says, "I was cleaning the Fathers room this morning, and guess what i found? Pornographic magazines!" The second Nun says, "Well what did you do?" "I threw them all in the trash!" The Nun replied. Then the second Nun says, " Well, i was putting laundry in the Fathers room this morning, and i found some condoms on his dresser!" "Well what did you do?" the first nun asks. "I poked holes in all of them!" The third Nun goes, "Oh, shit!"

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A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced

When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:

"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"

"Because he's considering getting married"

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Three nuns were talking...

The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"Β 

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.Β 

"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."Β 

The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."Β 

"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.Β 

"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.Β 

The third nun said, "Oh shit."Β 

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I could see she was about to fold when I put my chips on the table…

"Move them," my wife said, "I'm doing laundry."

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Retarded

Me: I just put my laundry in the fridge. Sometimes I think I am retarded.

Friend: Oh! I do that all the time.

Me: Put clothes in the fridge?

Friend: No. Think that you are retarded.

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Three nuns were talking about their chores...

Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"

"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.

"I threw them away." The first nun replies.

The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"

"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.

"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.

The third nun fainted.

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Marylou

One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" cried the husband.

"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"

"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.

Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.

"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.

"Your horse called."

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A little boy walks into his local corner store...

He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."

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Police in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen trying to have sex with the laundry machine.

Nut screws washers and bolts.

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Young couple codewords

The bashfull newlyweds decided to talk about "laundry" when one was interested in sex. A Year later, when the new was off, the Husband asked "do you want to help me do the laundry tonight?"
Wife: "No, I am too tired".
The next night: "I have a headache". Next
On the following night: "I just don't feel like it".
Finally wife says: "How about doing the Laundry tonight".
Hubby's reply: "No worries, Dear, it was just a small load and I did it by hand!"

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What was the news headline when a crazy man sexually assaulted two laundry women and ran away?

NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!

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My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the whites should be separated.

I mean, that's just basic laundry.

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God see's Adam feeling depressed, and he decides help him out.

God says, " Adam, I will make you a companion who will cook for you, clean for you, do your laundry and please you in every way you can imagine".

Adam says, "Wow! This sounds great, but what will it cost me?"

God replies,"An arm and a leg".

Adam thinks about this for a second and says, "What can I get for a rib?"

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what do you do with someone that is having a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw in a load of laundry.

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A woman is standing in line...

...at the checkout in a grocery store. She has in her cart a box of laundry detergent, some cereal, a pack of tampons, some apples and toilet paper. When it's her turn to checkout, the clerk looks at all her purchases and remarks, "Wow, you must be single." The woman exclaims, "Wow! You can tell that just by looking at what I bought?" The clerk responds, "No, you're just fucking ugly."

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This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign that says "Lars Olafsen's Laundry."

"Lars Olafsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?"

So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Lars Olafsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers "Is name of owner."

The visitor asks, "Well, who is the owner?"

"I am he," answers the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Lars Olafsen?"

The old man replies:

"Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blond Norwegian. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Lars Olafsen.' She look at me and say, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sam Ting.'

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Why do Klu Klux Klan members love doing laundry?

It's the only time they're able to separate whites from colors without getting any shit for it!

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I like to do my laundry naked so that all my clothes are clean.

Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.

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What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?

Stew.

Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

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What are the most funny Laundry jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Laundry? Well, here are the best Laundry dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Laundry pick up lines to share with friends.

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