Laundry Jokes

What are some Laundry jokes?

I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.

It's laundry day.

What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your pool?

Throw in your laundry.

Blonde walks into a...

A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."

Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?

Because he wouldn't separate the whites from the blacks.

What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub?

Throw your laundry in with them.

I've just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear.

This can only mean one thing.

She's behind with the laundry.

Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath?

Quickly add your laundry.

What do you do when an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw your dirty laundry in there with some detergent.

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

Got an email from boredhousewife423 saying she was looking for some action

I sent her my laundry. That'll give her something to do

Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry?

She had a filthy habit

The cops in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.

The newspaper the next day reads:

"Nut screws washers and bolts."

My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry.

We are maid for each other.

What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after

I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry

There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the whites.

A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced

When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:

"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"

"Because he's considering getting married"

Three nuns were talking...

The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"Β 

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.Β 

"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."Β 

The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."Β 

"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.Β 

"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.Β 

The third nun said, "Oh shit."Β 

I could see she was about to fold when I put my chips on the table…

"Move them," my wife said, "I'm doing laundry."

Retarded

Me: I just put my laundry in the fridge. Sometimes I think I am retarded.

Friend: Oh! I do that all the time.

Me: Put clothes in the fridge?

Friend: No. Think that you are retarded.

Three nuns were talking about their chores...

Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"

"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.

"I threw them away." The first nun replies.

The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"

"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.

"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.

The third nun fainted.

A little boy walks into his local corner store...

He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."

Marylou

One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" cried the husband.

"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"

"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.

Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.

"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.

"Your horse called."

Young couple codewords

The bashfull newlyweds decided to talk about "laundry" when one was interested in sex. A Year later, when the new was off, the Husband asked "do you want to help me do the laundry tonight?"
Wife: "No, I am too tired".
The next night: "I have a headache". Next
On the following night: "I just don't feel like it".
Finally wife says: "How about doing the Laundry tonight".
Hubby's reply: "No worries, Dear, it was just a small load and I did it by hand!"

What was the news headline when a crazy man sexually assaulted two laundry women and ran away?

NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!

My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the whites should be separated.

I mean, that's just basic laundry.

God see's Adam feeling depressed, and he decides help him out.

God says, " Adam, I will make you a companion who will cook for you, clean for you, do your laundry and please you in every way you can imagine".

Adam says, "Wow! This sounds great, but what will it cost me?"

God replies,"An arm and a leg".

Adam thinks about this for a second and says, "What can I get for a rib?"

what do you do with someone that is having a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw in a load of laundry.

This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign that says "Lars Olafsen's Laundry."

"Lars Olafsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?"

So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Lars Olafsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers "Is name of owner."

The visitor asks, "Well, who is the owner?"

"I am he," answers the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Lars Olafsen?"

The old man replies:

"Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blond Norwegian. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Lars Olafsen.' She look at me and say, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sam Ting.'

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?

Stew.

Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

I like to do my laundry naked so that all my clothes are clean.

Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.

Starch in your shorts! (Always makes me laugh:3)

Grandpa and Billy were working out in the garden.

Grandpa spies Billy trying to put a worm back into the ground.

"You'll never get that worm back in his hole," said the old man.

Suddenly, Billy had an idea. He ran into the laundry room and came back with a can of spray starch.

After a few sprays, the worm was as stiff as a board and Billy was able to slide him back into the earth.

"Billy! You're a genius," exclaimed Grandpa. He hugged Billy, gave him a dollar out of his pocket, grabbed the starch, and ran inside.
Thirty minutes later, Grandpa comes back out smiling. He gives Billy another dollar.

"Grandpa," said the boy, "You already gave me a dollar."

"No," replied Grandpa, "That dollar's from grandma!"



(Not sure if repost :( )

Laundry

A shy young couple invent a name for making love "doing the laundry." One night the husband wakes up and asks his wife if she wants to "do the laundry."She complains that she's got a headache so the husband goes back to sleep. In the morning he asks if she'd like to "do the laundry," but his wife complains she's too tired, after having a restless night. That afternoon he asks if she's ready to "do the laundry," but she's too busy with her chores. The same evening his wife snuggles up to him and asks if he still wants to "do the laundry." "No, it's okay," he replies. "It was a small load, so i did it by hand!"

Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry?

Because red shirts die easily.

What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common?

One protects all colors.

Three wives

Three women are chatting, a French, an American and a Russian.

The French says: "After we got married, I told my husband right away that I was not going to cook, do dishes and laundry or clean the house. He disappeared, I didn't see him for a day, two, three, then he came back with a housemaid. Now she does all that, and I just sit and relax all day long."

The American says: "Well, after we got married, I told my husband the same. Didn't see him for a day, two, three, then he came back with some big appliance. Now it does all that automatically, and I just sit and relax all day long."

The Russian says: "After we got married, I told my husband that I wouldn't do all that either. I didn't see him for a day, two, three. On the fourth day I was finally able to see something with my right eye."

My girlfriend and I use "laundry" as a code-word for sex.

Her dad asked me why I couldn't do the laundry by myself so I told him "it's a big load".

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

I wish my laundry was more like my ex.

And someone else would just do it while I'm not home.

My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things in her ear...

So I leaned forward and said: "dishes, bathroom and laundry."

Im not racist but... I will always believe in one activity that is better off segregated into whites and colored.

Laundry.

Did you see the story in the newspaper about the sex attack at the laundry?

The headline read "Nut screws washers and bolts"

So there's this married couple...

They've been married for many years, and like a lot of married folk, they have a few inside jokes that they've come up with while married. A special one of these was calling sex, "doing the laundry."
So, one night, the husband, Fred, says to his wife Joanne, "Hey, lets do some laundry," while giving her a sly look. She says oh, my back hurts, I have a headache, etc. And Fred just shrugs and continues. Joanne calls back to Fred a few minutes later, "You know what, I'm feeling better. Let's do some laundry." Fred replies, "It was a small load, I did it myself."

I'll be here all night

I was doing the laundry today and I started reading the side of the detergent and it said…

Tough on Grime.

Smashes Dirt.

Hard on Stains.

I thought, wow, that last one's a bit too much information…

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman ...

A lunatic seduced the laundry woman to get her keys, and promptly escaped from the asylum.

Next day, the headlines read *Nut Screws Washer and Bolts!*

I really need to find a way to finish my laundry.

I always start off strong but halfway through I throw in the towel.

The husband whispers:"Honey, I'm not wearing underwear..."

Wife: let me sleep now, I'll do laundry tomorrow

I love doing laundry...

It's the only time you can separate the whites from the coloreds and no one gets offended.

My ex-gf claims I dumped her for being a feminist...

Which is completely wrong! I dumped her for not doing my laundry, cleaning my dishes, or cooking my dinner.

How does this name fit?

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, Hans Olaffsen's Laundry.
Hans Olaffsen?, he muses. How in the world that name fits in here? So he decides to walk into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.
The tourist asks, How did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?

The old man answers, Is name of owner.

The tourist asks, Well, who and where is the owner?

Me...is right here,replies the old man.

You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?

Is simple, says the old man. Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, What your name? He say, Hans Olaffsen. Then she look at me and go, What your name?

I say... Sem Ting.

Sharing a washing machine in college

I was going to the college laundry room to wash my clothes and noticed someone left their clothes in the dryer that I had booked.

Naturally I just went to take it out, but just as I did, a girl walked in, and saw me with my arms full of her towels and underwear.

She gave me a very weird look, so I tried to explain, that I had booked the machine and such, and that I'm not a pervert.

But she just took her stuff and left, without saying anything.

I don't think she believed my explanation.
Or maybe she just couldn't understand what I was saying because I still had her panties in my mouth.

The mother of the bride and her daughter were packing for her honeymoon night.

The daughter asked her mother to pack her black nightgown. The mother looked everywhere but couldn't find it. Time was running short so she grabbed her daughter's pink negligee from the laundry hamper and stuffed it into the suitcase.

After the wedding, the newlyweds went to their hotel room. The groom was very shy so he asked his bride to change in one corner of the room and promise not to peek as he changed in another. Agreeing, the bride went to her corner, opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in. "Oh my God," she yelled, "it's short, pink and wrinkled!"

"Honey, you promised not to look!" said the groom.

Newly Weds Morgan and Adam have just moved into their new house....

and Morgan looks out the window and sees the neighbor's laundry hanging up to dry. "They need some new detergent, that laundry is still dirty!" The next morning Morgan wakes up and notices that the laundry is still dirty. This happens for the next couple of months, until one day she wakes up and sees that the laundry is clean. "She finally got new detergent!" Adam walks up behind her and says "Oh no, I just woke up early and cleaned the windows."

Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as.

Mount Wash More.

The Ku Klux Klan...

It's worth joining just to find out the name of the brilliant laundry detergent they use.

Being from the South, my mother was all about hospitality! Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and even foot rubs!

She made me do it all.

A man went to a laundry service

He drop his set of pants for dry cleaning.

As he was leaving, the clerk says "come again"

He turns around and said "Nope, this time its mayonaisse"

Cinderella

My wife told me: "I'm sick of you, since I got married i work, cook, I'm doing laundry..."

I respond: "I told you if you marry me you will live like Cinderella!"

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won't separate the whites from the colours…

Dirty things

Wife: Honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear !

Husband: Kitchen, living room, laundry, dining room...

How to make Laundry jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Laundry to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Laundry? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Laundry pick up lines to share with friends.

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