The Best 63 Laundry Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Laundry jokes. There are some laundry launder jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these laundry dishwashing puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Laundry Jokes and Puns
I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.
It's laundry day.
The husband whispers:"Honey, I'm not wearing underwear..."
Wife: let me sleep now, I'll do laundry tomorrow
What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?
Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.
what do you do with someone that is having a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw in a load of laundry.
Three nuns were talking...
The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh shit."
A little boy walks into his local corner store...
He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."
What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub?
Throw your laundry in with them.
Blonde walks into a...
A blonde goes into a laundry mat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
Marylou
One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" cried the husband.
"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"
"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.
Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.
"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.
"Your horse called."
Three nuns were talking about their chores...
Three nuns were talking about their chores. The first nun says: "I was putting away father's laundry, when i found some pornographic magazines in his drawer!"
"So what did you do?" The second nun asks.
"I threw them away." The first nun replies.
The second nun scoffs and says she can top that. "When I was making father's bed, I found some condoms underneath his pillow!"
"So what did you do?" The first nun asks.
"I poked holes in all of them!" The second nun exclaims.
The third nun fainted.
Im not racist but... I will always believe in one activity that is better off segregated into whites and colored.
Laundry.
You can explore laundry dryer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean laundry bath dad jokes. There are also laundry puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Being from the South, my mother was all about hospitality! Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and even foot rubs!
She made me do it all.
What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?
Stew.
Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.
Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?
Because he wouldn't separate the whites from the blacks.
I like to do my laundry naked so that all my clothes are clean.
Unfortunately, the patrons at the laundromat don't seem to agree.
What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common?
One protects all colors.
I love doing laundry...
It's the only time you can separate the whites from the coloreds and no one gets offended.
God see's Adam feeling depressed, and he decides help him out.
God says, " Adam, I will make you a companion who will cook for you, clean for you, do your laundry and please you in every way you can imagine".
Adam says, "Wow! This sounds great, but what will it cost me?"
God replies,"An arm and a leg".
Adam thinks about this for a second and says, "What can I get for a rib?"
Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat.
The newspaper the next day reads:
"Nut screws washers and bolts."
My girlfriend and I use "laundry" as a code-word for sex.
Her dad asked me why I couldn't do the laundry by myself so I told him "it's a big load".
What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?
When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after
I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry
There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the whites.
Why do you have to separate red shirts when you put them into the laundry?
Because red shirts die easily.
My married life is awesome. I cook for my wife and she does my laundry.
We are maid for each other.
What do you do when an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw your dirty laundry in there with some detergent.
I wish my laundry was more like my ex.
And someone else would just do it while I'm not home.
I've just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear.
This can only mean one thing.
She's behind with the laundry.
Young couple codewords
The bashfull newlyweds decided to talk about "laundry" when one was interested in sex. A Year later, when the new was off, the Husband asked "do you want to help me do the laundry tonight?"
Wife: "No, I am too tired".
The next night: "I have a headache". Next
On the following night: "I just don't feel like it".
Finally wife says: "How about doing the Laundry tonight".
Hubby's reply: "No worries, Dear, it was just a small load and I did it by hand!"
My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things in her ear...
So I leaned forward and said: "dishes, bathroom and laundry."
My ex-gf claims I dumped her for being a feminist...
Which is completely wrong! I dumped her for not doing my laundry, cleaning my dishes, or cooking my dinner.
I could see she was about to fold when I put my chips on the table…
"Move them," my wife said, "I'm doing laundry."
I was doing the laundry today and I started reading the side of the detergent and it said…
Tough on Grime.
Smashes Dirt.
Hard on Stains.
I thought, wow, that last one's a bit too much information…
Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry?
She had a filthy habit
What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your pool?
Throw in your laundry.
Retarded
Me: I just put my laundry in the fridge. Sometimes I think I am retarded.
Friend: Oh! I do that all the time.
Me: Put clothes in the fridge?
Friend: No. Think that you are retarded.
Got an email from boredhousewife423 saying she was looking for some action
I sent her my laundry. That'll give her something to do
A lunatic seduced the laundry woman ...
A lunatic seduced the laundry woman to get her keys, and promptly escaped from the asylum.
Next day, the headlines read *Nut Screws Washer and Bolts!*
What was the news headline when a crazy man sexually assaulted two laundry women and ran away?
NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!
A man brings his friend home after work for dinner unannounced
When he tells his wife, she starts screaming:
"I've not done my makeup, I've not dressed up nicely, the house is a mess and I haven't had time to wash the dishes! I'm too tired to cook for both of you, and I haven't done the day's laundry yet! Why on Earth would you bring him here?"
"Because he's considering getting married"
My parents taught me from birth that the coloreds and the whites should be separated.
I mean, that's just basic laundry.
Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath?
Quickly add your laundry.
Did you see the story in the newspaper about the sex attack at the laundry?
The headline read "Nut screws washers and bolts"
The cops in my town are looking for a crazy man. He was last seen having sex with a laundry machine.
Nut screws washer and bolts.
I really need to find a way to finish my laundry.
I always start off strong but halfway through I throw in the towel.
My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.
I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.
A wife is shouting at her husband about not helping her with chores
- I'm cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, while you are sitting all day, waiting for me to bring you a beer. What kind of a husband are you?
- A patient one.
My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.
She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.
Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks Do you want to have sex before she gets back?
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
Did u just stand there while I fell over and dropped all the laundry?
Yes I watched it all unfold
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but then I realized she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
Bless you son!!!
(Perhaps a repost, but I heard it for the first time. So here it goes)
A small boy talking to his mother while his dad sits nearby.
Boy: Mom, I want to marry 3 girls when I grow up.
Mom: 3 girls!! But why son?
Boy: One to cook food for me, one to do my laundry and one to clean my home.
Mom: Ohh ok... But which one will sleep with you?
Boy: (innocently) But of course you mom. I never want to sleep with anyone other that you.
Mom: Ohh bless you my son!!! You love mommy so much. But what will happen to the 3 wives of yours.
Boy: They can sleep with Dad.
Dad: Bless you son!!!
A wife approaches her husband - fuming.
She says to him "I've done the dishes, done the laundry, ironed ALL the clothes and cleaned the house. Meanwhile, you've done NOTHING but wait for me to bring you a GOD DAMNED BEER! What does that say about you??"
The husband replies: "It says I am very patient".
This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
How much does the combined laundry of everyone in the White House weigh?
A Washington.
Last night my wife and I argued for hours as to whose turn it was to do the laundry.
This went on but eventually I folded.
Finally got my daughter to admit I can make good dad jokes... occasionally.
My 10 year old was putting away her laundry, and I noticed that she had a large pile of unfolded socks. I asked her why she hadn't put them away yet, and she said, "I can't because these are all single."
I said, "I know why they are single. They haven't found their sole mates yet."
She literally snorted, and told me that I finally made a good one.
I just can't seem to get along with people who obsess over and think about laundry all the time….
They're just so clothes-minded.
did my laundry, and at the bottom of my basket were a couple of crumpled $1s
As I smoothed them out for folding, my wife looked over at me, so I said "laundered money"
True story
Our teenage boy just volunteered to do his own laundry for the first time…
I guess he doesn't want mom to touch his socks.
What happened to the guy who mixed up his Epilepsy tablets with his laundry tablets?
His clothes don't fit anymore!
A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry.
Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of panties on the floor that do not belong to her!
Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry, the maid does!"
The wife calms down and says, "Oh! So maybe these belong to the maid, could be she was doing her laundry here."
"Nah," said the husband musingly, "she doesn't even wear panties.
You can never just do a little laundry.
You always have to do loads of it.
Just came up with this while doing laundry. I'm sure it's not original though.
Why was Billy Joel's laundry still wet?
Because he didn't start the dryer
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the laundry washboard jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working laundry clean piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.