Launch Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

The nuclear launch codes have been updated.

Now they're 281 letters long.

What's the name of NASA's launch button?

The "Space Bar"

I launched a book aimed for 9-12 year olds

And I'm proud to say I hit one of them

So the Germans were having a hard time against the entrenches Italians in WW1

Lt Rommel has an idea: "Hey, a lot of Italians are named Luigi. I say we try calling out 'hey, Luigi', and when they stick their head out to answer, we shoot them." It was decided that it was worth a try so early the next morning the Germans launch their new "offensive".

A German soldier called out, "Hey, Luigi!".

An Italian soldier stuck his head out and replied, "Ya?"


This went on for a while.

"Hey, Luigi!"



It wasn't too long until the Italians figured out what was going on. One of their officers came up with an idea. He said that a lot of Germans were named Hans, and all they had to do was call out "Hey, Hans!" and they'd be shooting Germans, too. It seemed like a good plan so first thing next morning they tried it out.

"Hey, Hans!"

"That you, Luigi?"



SpaceX to launch ten cows up into orbit

It'll be the herd shot around the world.

How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle?

Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

So there's two astronauts on a rocket...

One says to the other, "Get Ready, it's almost time for launch." To which the other says "Launch?! I haven't even had breakfast yet!"

A cow joke

Our professor started our lecture on ketosis of dairy cows by telling us about an exciting new research project at our veterinary school's dairy facility. They are working with NASA to launch some cows into outer space to orbit the earth. The title of the project is The herd shot round the world.

Trump administration is good

because its been more than 100 days and he still hasn't tweeted the nuclear launch codes

The president opens his curtains on a snowy morning when he sees that someone had urinated the words "The president sucks" on the lawn.

Furious, the president orders the FBI to launch an investigation.

Two hours later, the head of the FBI calls the president. "Sir, we have bad news, and we have even worse news. The urine was the Vice Presidents".

The President responds, "What? What could be worse than this?"

The head of the FBI says,"The handwriting was the First Lady's".

What's Elon Musk's favorite meal of the day?


What did the bully say to Nasa?

Gimmie (all) your launch money

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

To silence her critics who hail her as Satan, Hillary is set to launch a new post-apocalyptical video game after winning the election!

It's called President Evil.

When does an astronaut eat his favourite meal?

At launch time.

the fowled experiment

scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

british engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. arrangements were made. but when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab.

horrified the britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA's response was just three words, "thaw the chicken".

A vacuum cleaner company removed their latest model from stores a week after launch,

All user reviews said that it sucked.

Did you hear about the new pickle flavored bread?

So since Pickle flavor is in style now with sonics new pickle juice shake, I think I'm going to launch a line of pickle flavored pastry. I'm going to call it Dilldough.

After Peter Jackson's successful launch of World War 1 documentary They Will Not Grow, George Lucas has announced he is making a documentary of World War 2 with remastered footage.

Spoiler: France invades first.

The US Navy is starting to worry about the North Korean military.

Since all the missles they launch at Washington end up hitting the ocean, the odds are they will eventually hit a ship.

How do they launch a champagne factory?

They throw a boat at it.

I'm launching an app that reads out nihilist quotes.

It's aimed at a Nietzsche market

The Kardashians are all in a rocket set to launch, you can press a button to stop the launch.

Would you order a cheese or pepperoni pizza?

North Korea's launch code

↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

A millihelen.

A face that could launch one ship...

I saw Comedy Central launch a funny non-political TV show...

Then I woke up

I think I'm starting to see why it's a bad idea to give Trump access to nuclear launch codes...

He'll just fire them

Breaking News : Apple soon to launch their cars.

with no windows though.

I want to launch a book about constipation

But it didn't come out yet.

What do North Korea and Matthew McConaughey have in common?

Failure to Launch

I was kicked out of NASA today.

Apparently; "To Bed Bath and Beyond!" is not an appropriate quote to say during launch.

I think that the nuclear launch codes should be kept in the hands of women, and those codes should also represent the number of sexual partners they have had.

That way they will never give up the real numbers under any circumstances.

We don't have to worry about Trump having the nuclear launch codes.

His hands are too small to push the button.

To celebrate the launch of the new website we are offering one lucky winner $50 in cash or a meal for 2 at an Elvis Presley tribute.

Just comment '1' for the money or '2' for the show.

At what time in the day do rockets eat and why?

At noon because they take LAUNCH.

What happens to a rocket when it doesn't launch?

It gets fired.

Godspeed Elon Musk

I hope you successfully launch that heavy load into space.

What is an astronaut's favorite meal?


when did star wars launch

during the ray gun administration

If North Korea released a rocket launch blooper video...

It'd be a feature-length film

A conservative, a liberal and a moderate walk into a bar

The conservative orders a whisky, the liberal a white Russian. After a single sip of each they launch into a wild argument with each other.

The bartender turns and asks the moderate what he wants.

Replieth the moderate, "Nothing. I'm the one who has to drive them home."

Chuck Norris launch a bomb.

It makes 263 deaths, and the bomb explode.

A russian spy stole the last page of the code for US missile launch software.

Here's the code:


What are the funniest launch jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Launch? Well, here are the best Launch puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Launch pick up lines to share with friends.

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