Laughter Day Jokes
30 laughter day jokes and hilarious laughter day puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about laughter day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Laughter Day Short Jokes
Short laughter day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The laughter day humour may include short workers day jokes also.
- Laughter is the best medicine. Unless they have cancer. You can laugh at them all day and they still don't get better.
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Laughter Day One Liners
Which laughter day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with laughter day? I can suggest the ones about promise day and teacher day.
- Happy St. Patrick's Day! I told an Irishman a dad joke. He was Dublin over with laughter.
Laughter Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about laughter day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean day of rest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make laughter day pranks.
My 2 year old told his first joke.
We were walking down to the car and he put his hands in his pockets. He says oh mummy what's that in my pocket.
I dont know sweetheart let's see what it is
Pulls out his hands and shouts 'my hands' and does jazz hands and kills himself laughing.
He takes after his dad. His smile and laughter made my day.
A college teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam.
Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-a**... guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head sweetly.
Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
One smart-a**... jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme s**... exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all on their way to heaven
One day, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were on their way to heaven.
God told them that there were 1,000 stairs to reach heaven, and on every stair he would tell them a joke. If they laughed, or even just smiled, they would not make it into heaven.
The redhead managed to make it to the 45th step before laughing.
The brunette reached 200 and cracked a smile.
The blonde made it all the way to the 999th step and burst out in laughter before God had even told his joke.
"Why are you laughing when I haven't even told my joke yet?" God asked the Blonde.
"I just got the first one!" she answered.
A mom buys an old parrot from a w**.....
A mom buys an old parrot in a w**... and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.
As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.
Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.
Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"
The pharmacist
Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.
The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.
Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.
Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
So did you follow him? asks pharmacist
Yup.
Where did he go?
Your house.
It is Fred's first day in prison.
After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, "41!" As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter. Then another prisoner stands and yells, "123!" Again, there is laughter throughout the room.
Puzzled, Fred asks the inmate sitting next to him what's going on. "Well," the older inmate says, "Most of us have been here so long that we have heard all the jokes. So we just number them and use the number."
Fred says, "I love to tell jokes! Give me one."
"Okay," says the older inmate. "Everybody loves old 72. It always gets a big laugh"
Fred stands up, waits for the laughter to die down from the last joke, and yells, "72!" There is nothing but silence as hundreds of inmates just turn and stare at him.
Fred sits down and looks at the inmate who gave him the number.
"What happened?" he asks.
The older man shrugs and says, "Some people just can't tell a joke."
Laughter
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day, the guy comes in again, buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Sure did," replies the assistant.
"Where did he go?" asks the curious pharmacist. "Your house."
Guy gets sent to prison. 1st night, someone yells 39, whole prison laughs. Next night, someone yells 2, prison again erupts in laughter. Guy asks lifer what gives. Lifer explains there's a joke book, been passed around for years. Dudes memorize # & corresponding joke. Guy gets book & memorizes a few
That night he yells, 24!!! Nothing...
Next night, 9!! Crickets
He asks the lifer the next day what's happening...
Lifer says: some people just can't tell jokes
What is the Roman Empire?
In the heart of the bustling Roman Empire, there was a philosopher known for his wisdom, humor, and the ability to make light of the most complex issues. One day, a curious citizen confronted him, asking "What exactly is the Roman Empire?"
The philosopher paused for a moment before saying, "Imagine a man trying to wrestle a lion. The man is strong and well-prepared, but he is, after all, merely a man. The lion is wild, ferocious, and barely within his control. Yet, the man does not back down; he dives headfirst into the tangle, figuring out how to tackle it as he goes along. That, my friend, is the Roman Empire."
The citizen blinked and asked, "So, we're the man in this scenario, right? Struggling against the fierce lion that is the vast world?"
"No, not exactly," chuckled the philosopher. "You see, the man is the Roman Empire, always seeking to overcome, control, and rule, even when the odds seem overwhelming. The lion, rather, represents the infinite sea of cultures, lands, and people that the Empire constantly tangles with."
"But what if the lion eventually wins?" queried the citizen, now intrigued.
"Well," the philosopher answered with a mischievous glint in his eye, "Then the joke's on us, isn't it?"
The gathered crowd erupted into laughter, appreciating the wit and wisdom tied into the punchline. After all, understanding the Roman Empire didn't just involve historical facts and figures; sometimes, it was just about appreciating the irony!
A friend of mine died last friday, while drinking his martini
It's on that day I learnt an important lesson:
Though laughter is the best medicine, in certain situations the Heimlich maneuver may be more appropriate.
Grandfathers have the purest sense of humor.
My grandfather is close to 90 years old and has to take medication. One day, my aunt gave him his pills, and the cogs in his brain began to turn.
Grandpa after being given his medication: Tell everyone I'm on the pill.
Aunt:.....
Grandaunt: \*Howling with laughter when hearing the story over a phone call\*
A teacher at a college reminded her pupils of the next day's final exam...
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' she said.
A smart-arsed kid at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and s**....
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'
My 5 year old always begs me to take her to the dog park...
She loves playing with them and giving them treats. But the whole time I'm filled with dread. My hands start sweating. I feel anxious and nauseous. That despite her laughter and joy my whole day will be utterly ruined. I finally saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD.
Pooon Tennis Shoe Disorder
The other day during lunch break I saw one of my colleagues playing some kind of war game on his smartphone. As I poured my coffee I asked him about the game he was playing and we started small talking. Few minutes into our small talk he stated that so far he'd spend $700 in in game purchases.
I bursted into a loud laughter while shouting how that was the stupidest thing and biggest waste of money I've ever heard of!
Man, I was still laughing out loud in disbelief walking off and even still chuckling as I entered the smoking room
A university professor was preparing...
A university professor was preparing her students for the next day's final:
Other than a life-or-death emergency involving you or your family, you must be here tomorrow at taking this test. Your grade depends on it. No excuses!
One wise guy in the back asked, But what if I'm suffering from severe s**... exhaustion?
After the laughter died down, the professor looked at him and said, In that case, you'll just have to take the test with your other hand.
The best days of my life.....
An Inspirational speaker said:
"The best days of my life were the days I spent with another man's wife".
Audience were in shock and silence.
He added: "and she is my mother".
A big round of applause and laughter followed.
One Man who listened to the speech decided to crack this at home.
At dinner, he said to his wife: the best days of my life were the days I spent with another man's wife....
After a moment he tried to recall the second line......
By the time he regained his senses, he was on hospital bed, recovering from burns of hot soup poured by his wife.
MORAL LESSON: Don't copy if you cannot paste.
Holy Water
One day St Peter chose three distinguished individuals in Heaven and gave them a free pass to commit whatever sins they would like back on Earth for one whole day.
The next day, when the three sinners returned, St Peter asked them what sins they committed.
St Peter asked the first sinner and he said that he spent the day sleeping with a bunch of women. St Peter congratulated him and told him to drink from the Holy Water to be forgiven of his sins.
The third sinner snickered.
St Peter ignored the third sinner asked the second sinner. She said that she sent a swarm of killer bees to wipe out an African village. St Peter paused in shock, but then told her to drink from the Holy Water to be forgiven of her sins.
The third sinner tried to hold back his laughter, but failed.
St Peter then asked the third sinner what was so funny. The third sinner replied, "I s**... in the Holy Water"
A group of hunters gathered in the woods..
A group of hunters gathered around the campfire after a long, hard day in the woods. *"3"*, said one of the hunters, and the rest laughed.
*"8"*, another said, and they laughed even more.
Now, for one of the hunters, these numbers weren't very fun. He asks, *"Why is this fun?"*. The hunters look at each other, and the leader explained, *"Well, you see son, instead of having to say the jokes to each other we've assigned* numbers *to them."* He looks at the hunter and says, *"Why don't try one?"*
The young hunter thinks for a moment, and then he says; *"42"*.
And this time, the hunters burst out in an e**... of laughter, som even falling to the ground.
Puzzled, the young one asks, *"Tell me, tell me, why was this fun?"*
The leader dries his tears with his hand, and says;
*"We hadn't heard that one before."*
I heard a great dad joke in the emergency room the other day at work.
So the nurse and I walk into the room and there's a nice middle aged gentleman
He seemed nervous so the nurse asked what the matter was:
"well did you hear about the guy that died at this hospital last week?"
*Nurse and I glance at each other nervously
"No? well he had to be rushed to emergency surgery the moment he showed up!"
*More nervous glances
"Well when they sewed him up they left a sponge in him by accident"
"....and he died of thirst the next day"
*cue peevish laughter from ultimate dad.
Vacation in Jamaica
Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black
man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What
is your name?'
'I can't tell you,' the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his
name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her
last night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?'
'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me.' says the black man.
'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,' the lady says.
'Fine, my name is Snow!' the black man replies. And the lady bursts
into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says, ' I knew you
would make fun of it'.
The lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of
my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I enjoyed 10 inches
of Snow every day in Jamaica.💃🗻🍆
School Punishments
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny,Pat?"
"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
Language Lessons
Two restaurants face each other across a city street. Every day the owner of the Greek restaurant, Nick, brings out his specials board, looks across the street at the Chinese restaurant and calls out to the owner:
"Hey, Chan! What comes with your specials today?"
"Flied lice!"
Just as it has done for years, this sends Nick into paroxysms of laughter, and makes Chan feel ashamed of his English skills. Chan's daughter signs him for ESL classes, and Chan works hard at improving his diction:
"Flied lice, flied lice, fried lice, fried lice, fried rice, fried rice, fried rice!"
So, Chan waits for Nick to come out the next day, and carries out his board just as Nick looks up, and as always, Nick is ready to taunt him.
"Hey, Chan!", he shouts, "What you serving with your specials today?"
Gathering himself, Chan shouts confidently across the street:
"FRIED RICE, YOU GLEEK PLICK!"
There was a stand-up comedian notorious for his
practical jokes.
So one day, during a performance, he asked that anyone from the audience come on to the stage. A blond girl walked up. He asked her, "Can you tell us a joke?". The blond girl was well aware that the comedian was trying to pull some prank. She had decided that, no matter what, she would not fall for any of his tricks. So she took the mike from him, and proudly announced to the audience: "I'm not s**...!".
It took a whole minute for the uproar of laughter to settle.
Tickle me Elmo
There is a factory in Northern Ireland which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning
to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the
little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you
yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
Old fighter pilot goes to his great-grandchild's 7th grade class
Old fighter pilot goes to his great-grandchild's 7th grade class to talk about his experiences. He tells the class, "I remember one time, me and my squadron was comin' back from escortin' some B-17 and we're almost over the Channel, when one a dem Fokkers come out of a cloud..." A few kids chuckle at this but the old guy keeps going. "Me and my wingman took care of him right quick, but then two more Fokkers show up..." There's more laughter and the teacher's starting to look annoyed; the pilot doesn't care: "...and it's a real dog-fight, all of us shootin' every which way and we got 'em just about handled when outa nowhere four more Fokkers..."
The class just bursts into laughter and the teacher interrupts. "Now, children. I know you're all enjoying your little jokes, but you should know that many of the German fighter planes were produced by confiscated factories belonging to the Dutch aeronautics firm Fokker."
The pilot is nodding along to all this. "That true, ma'am, but the day I'm talking about, those Fokkers were Messerschmitts."
Three high school jocks are constantly annoyed
by a mentally challenged classmate. Since he has no concept of coolness, he's always talking to them as if they're his friends and laughing heartily at their attempted putdowns.
Finally they decide to really stick it to him. His father has bought him a new BMW, which only increases their ire. One day as he is cheerfully driving home from school, three cars are blocking the road. It's the bullies, eager to teach him a lesson and get him out of their hair for once and for all.
As he stops, they get out of their cars, all holding a baseball bat. One of them draws a circle in chalk on the road away from the BMW. "Get in the circle," he growls to the poor confused fellow, "and don't let me see you step out of it until we're done."
"OK," he chirps, and steps into the circle.
The bullies start swinging away at his car, busting a few windows and badly denting every side of it. "Now," one of them says, turning to him, "you understand what we think of you. Stay away from us, please!"
The victim hasn't fully comprehended the extent of the damage. In fact, as they turn to him, he's collapsing in laughter. He's snorting and nearly falling over.
"And what's so funny about it?" the angriest guy asks.
"Because while you guys were all busy with that, I stepped out of the circle three times!"