Silly Laughing Matter Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
Little Johnny came in from the backyard sobbing.
His mother asked "What's the matter?" "Dad was fixing the fence and hit his thumb with the hammer," he said through his tears. "That's not so serious," his mother said, "and a big boy like you shouldn't cry about that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did!" cried Johnny.
You're lucky mirrors don't talk, or laugh for that matter.
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?"
"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer," said little Johnny through his tears.
"That’s not so serious," soothed his mother.
"I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?"
"I did!" sobbed Johnny.
One day, Bob came home from school very happy and that got his mother suspicious;
"What’s the matter Bob? How come you’re that happy?"
"You can’t even imagine-..! Today at school, I planted a bomb on the teacher’s chair and we all laughed sooo hard!"
The mother upset: "Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Don’t you know that you’re going to be suspended? How you think you’re gonna show up in the school again tomorrow?"
And Bob, with a stupid smile on his face: "School? What school?"
Jokes for drinking, when censorship doesn't matter..... I'll start.
Post your jokes, The ones you share with your mates who don't give a toss about all the PC carry on these days. The ones that truly make you laugh when your having a beer or two.
My friend's dad confused the cashier
My friend and I were with her dad at the store buying groceries. When asked by the cashier "paper or plastic?" her dad immediately responded with: "Doesn't matter, I'm Bi***sack***tual"
The cashier looked extremely puzzled and started bagging everything in plastic bags, and then placing those into paper bags. We had a good laugh about how fluttered the cashier appeared to be after hearing that response.
Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?
I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.
The absolute value of 0 is no laughing matter
lol
Menstruation is NOT a laughing matter.
Period.
Nitrous Oxide abuse...
It's not a laughing matter.
No laughing matter.
Some people think it's funny when you're nose is wet and runny, but it's snot.
You can explore laughing matter jokes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean laughing matter hysterical dad jokes. There are also laughing matter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The only way to know if a jokes is actually funny is to tell it to an African-American.
Black laughs matter.
Why is black comedy important?
Because black laughs matter
A man and his son were at the grocery store today...
They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,
Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you doing?! Stooop!
Kid: Daaaad?! We're not going anywhere! What are you doing?
The dad finally stops after a minute, looks his son straight in the eye and says, as a matter of fact,
Dad: "I don't know son, you're the one who's driving."
I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. Happy Saturday!
Why are atoms so serious?
Because they're no laughing matter.
What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?
It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.
I told my girlfriend some puns.
No matter how much I wanted them to make her laugh, no pun in ten did.
P.S. You may be asking if I was trying to be cheesy. Nope, unintended.
Obesity is no laughing matter.
Because laughing burns calories.
Suicide is no laughing matter
Everyone has memory problems and they are no laughing matter.
I can't remember who isn't a laughing matter, but I think it's someone we shouldn't be laughing at.
Did you hear about the atom without a sense of humour?
It's no laughing matter.
I have been studying German humour.
This is no laughing matter.
Gay sex is no laughing matter.
I take it, seriously.
I'm agelastic.
It's no laughing matter.
At what frequency does laughter become painful
Doesn't matter how often it is, it still hurts when they laugh at you
Scientists in Germany Have Discovered a New Particle That Can Only Exist By Absorbing Joy
It's no laughing matter
3 kids are in class Atom, Molecule and Matter. Atom turns to molecule and tells him a joke. Molecule laughs so hard and asks why don't you tell Matter the joke.
Atom: he wouldn't get it, he's too dense.
I found a lot of Helium particles in a cave
It was no laughing matter, however
Two women were caught running a child care center fight club. This is not a laughing matter.
Because they forgot the one rule. You don't talk about fight club
Helium excimers are no laughing matter...
Even if their formula is HeHe
As a new rule here can we not do any Russian humour?
It's not a laughing matter.
A clown and an antimatter clown annihilate each other.
No laughing matter...
Why did the atom not laugh at his friend's joke?
It was no laughing matter...
Why are atoms selfish?
Because they're all that matter!
...Courtesy of my witty wife after my 11 year old asked the "Why should you never trust atoms? - because they make up everything" joke.
I thought surely the joke already existed, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Doesn't entirely work, but it got a laugh out of me!
I love German humor
It's no laughing matter.
