Latest Jokes

141 latest jokes and hilarious latest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about latest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the latest jokes from around the world – from Facebook to Naija, Liverpool to Cairo, and from non-veg to contemporary. With plenty of laughs for any occasion, get ready to share a smile with the latest jokes.

Funniest Latest Short Jokes

Short latest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The latest humour may include short newest jokes also.

  1. Want to hear my latest joke about the Fibonacci sequence? It's as good as my previous two Fibonacci sequence jokes put together!
  2. I bought 2 Chainz' latest album, but it was the censored edition. It's easily one of the best instrumental CDs I've heard in a long time.
  3. WARNING! There is a link being sent around with a message that says "Justin Bieber's Latest Album". DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK! It will take you to Justin Bieber's latest album.
  4. I heard the latest statistic that 1 in 3 people cheat on their significant others that means either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.
  5. Reporter: Herschel Walker, what do you think of the latest abortion bill? Herschel Walker: I think we should pay it.
  6. On my way for the latest porsche presentation.. the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
    I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
    Best regards from Guantanamo.
  7. Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamp.
  8. The latest 23andMe data breach is believed to be perpetrated by the same hacker from the previous breach. It appears they're related.
  9. A painter was murdered while working in his latest painting. The police still can't see the full picture.
  10. The latest hipster music craze plays songs at a frequency of 50000 Hz. You probably never heard of it.

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Latest One Liners

Which latest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with latest? I can suggest the ones about current and nearest.

  1. The latest reviews for The Room are in... overall it's got hi marks.
  2. 42% of strippers are working their way through college According to the latest pole
  3. Why did the fencer downvote my latest submission? It was a Riposte.
  4. Who is the latest member of the X-Men? Caitlyn Jenner.
  5. My latest trick is turning big plates into small ones. It's saucery.
  6. Just saw Pixar's latest movie. Not only was it great... ... it was incredible, too.
  7. Did you see Trump's latest tweet? Neither did I
  8. I bought the latest edition of "Reading For Dummies" The pages were all blank!
  9. Latest results from the Star Wars Cup. OB - 1, R2D - 2
  10. My father is a magician and his latest magic trick was amazing! He disappeared
  11. Have you heard the latest pick up line at the gay bars? Can I push your stool in?
  12. Did you hear about Chris Brown's latest Hit? Left Hook.
  13. My latest moneymaking idea was a rubber beach shoe for one-legged people. It was a flop.
  14. I wanted to show you a new link but i can't afford the latest Zelda
  15. Memeulous Yo mama joke Memeulous hitting hard with the latest Yo mama joke

Here is a list of funny latest trends jokes and even better latest trends puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you see the latest fashion trend is adhesive based dresses and suits? From what I heard they're a bit tacky.
  • Have you heard the latest trend... Have you heard the latest trend that's blowin' up the Internet?
    It's cyber-terrorism.
  • the latest trend I hear the latest trend is to install trampolines on cruise ships - apparently everyone's jumping on board
  • Face elongation is becoming the latest trend.
  • Ever heard of the latest intermittent fasting fad trending around the world? Ramadan
  • What is the latest locker trend sweeping American schools? Bullet holes.
  • f**... elongation has become the latest trend.
Latest joke, f**... elongation has become the latest trend.

Charming Humor Latest Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about latest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean current news jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make latest pranks.

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.

It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..

I hate going through airport security...

For some reason I'm always stopped at the metal detector, even if i'm carrying NOTHING! So as you can imagine, on my latest trip, when I successfully got past the metal detector I was so pleased that I whispered "YES" to myself. As you can imagine, that didn't go down too well.

We had a big storm on the weekend, we had a b**... and you couldn't go outside. After a while the batteries on my laptop and phone had run out so I read the newspaper and finished my latest book. After that there was nothing to do so I sat down and talked to my wife for an hour or so.

She seems quite nice.

I asked my daughter's dentist for her favorite joke. Was not disappointed.

What is the latest fad among teenage mermaids in the city of Atlantis?
Taking shellfies with their shellphones.

A man is telling his friend about his latest conquest...

'It was the weirdest thing. I looked out my window last night and saw a woman tied to the train tracks'
'Woah,' replied his friend, 'did you save her?'
'Yeah, I went out, untied her, then made love to her all night long.'
'Sweet! Was she cute?'
'I don't know, I couldn't find her head.'

Have you heard the latest Unitarian Universalist miracle?

Someone saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla.

Latest reserch shows, that women with extra weight...

Live longer, than the men, that mention it.

Describe your latest laid with a movie title!

"The Lone Ranger"
"Home Alone"
"Bend It Like Beckham"
Now it's your turn!

My friend was in his garden...

My friend was in his garden, hanging out his washing and telling me about his latest trip, when all of a sudden he picked up a pair of pruning shears and started trimming his hedge. It was a real non secateur.

Yesterday I was playing football for the first time in a year after suffering from a serious illness.

"You've still got it!" said somebody in the crowd.
Unfortunately it was the doctor with my latest test results.

President Obama visits the Pentagon...

President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.
A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"
Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."

Latest jokes 2015 i have perfect son

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Latest news from the FIFA corruption scandal:

Shock announcement from FIFA's Ethics Committee:
"FIFA has an Ethics Committee"

America is finally getting around to banning some dangerous weapons after the latest mass shooting

Its a shame nobody was killed by a flag

Why did the maniacal chemist drop a rancher into his latest concoction?

Because the rancher was a cattlist.

Michael Jackson's latest autopsy report states that he didn't actually die at home.

He died in the hospital - he was found in the children's ward having a s**....

What do you call an award ceremony for the latest and greatest software developments?

The Programmys

Have you heard who's playing the lead role in Hollywood's latest fairytale movie?

China's GDP numbers.

Did you hear about the latest innovation in french tanks?

Rear view mirrors so they can see the battles going on.

I went shopping for the latest iPhone.

Unfortunately, the Apple Store had sold out, so I didn't end up 6sful.

Few days ago an US Marine and a Russian General were talking at the beach

The Marine says to the General: "we have the greatest submarines on earth. We can last under water for several weeks."
The Russian interrupts:"no way our latest submarines last for 6 months without seeing any daylight."
The both stop talking as they are surprised by a submarine approaching the beach. A soldier jumps out raising his arm straight in the sky, yelling:"Hail h**... we need Diesel!"

Did you hear about the latest Calvin Klein Lawsuit?

Yeah - but it wasn't much of a suit. It was actually a brief case.

Did you hear the latest news from black holes?

​Nothing has come out

In the latest federal North Korean election, Kim Jung Un won 100% of the vote.

A landslide victory against his sole competitor: "*Or else*".

Gordon Ramsay rejected all the photos taken to showcase his latest menu ...

... they were formatted RAW

We've updated Skype so you have the latest version...

it includes performance improvements and general fixes.

Disney is releasing an alternate version of its latest film for the Indian audience where Nemo's father starts looking for a bride for his son.

It's called Finding Dowry.

How did the Americans know the latest s**... b**... was perpetrated by a Canadian Islamic extremist?

Because, at the center of the detonation site, they found a moose-limb.

They say Trump isn't appealing to minorities...

...but according to the latest polls, he's winning 100% of the Naive American vote

Did you hear the latest pickup line at the gay bar?

Excuse me, can I push in your stool?

Disney's latest movie features a giant bird crashing into a city

It's a big budgie block buster.

Jeremy Clarkson beat Richard Hammond in the latest episode of the Grand Tour a race due to the downforce on the back of his car

Sorry, should've said it was a spoiler

You can't say America isn't inclusive and progressive

The Current president is a black man and latest election was between a female and a mentally handicapped person.

Fans around the globe are rockin' out to Mariah Carey's latest hit single ...

"*The Monitors Are Down ...*", performed live for the first time today in downtown New York City, has been praised for a unique nihilistic style and pertinent statements regarding the internet-induced apathy of today's youth.

Did you hear about the dyslexic politician?

Yeah, apparently he caused a bit of an uproar at his latest rally because he was kissing peoples' hands and shaking their babies.

They didn't take too well to my latest AR videogame sales pitch...

Frogger Live, Ultimate Edition

I dated a greek girl during my latest archeology expedition

Radioactivity measurements of her remains confirmed she lived around 700BC

Have you heard the name of Chris Brown's latest album?

Chris Brown's Greatest Hits ft. Rihanna

Local gay man contracts h**... while filming Livestream

Latest reports say he is now going viral

My girlfriend and I just watched the latest episodes of Game Of Thrones back to back

unfortunately my side wasn't facing the tv

Why did Apple call their next latest phone iPhone X...

...when they really should have called it the iPhone $999.

Newest t**... slogan

Did you hear the latest slogan for tampons?
"We're not #1 , but we're right up there "

Had an issue with how the latest season of Game of Thrones ended:

Bit of an auntie c**... don't you think?

Soviet Economics

1980s. Soviet Economy minister is making speech at Communist Party session:
- According to latest statistics, our incomes rose 20%, our quality of life rose 30% and our buying economic power rose 40%
From the audience: That's great that YOURS did, but what about OURS??

As an amateur dermatologist detective this latest case has me stumped...

I'm not too worried though alopecia it all together in the end.

Caitlyn Jenner just became the latest to expose another s**... harasser.

She is alleging Bruce Jenner groped her about 10 years ago.

I love the latest version of Firefox

"Now with 85% more RAM usage!"

A vacuum cleaner company removed their latest model from stores a week after launch,

All user reviews said that it s**....

There was this guy who asked me, "how do I open this jar?!"

"Install the latest version of the Java Runtime Environment", I said. Silly guy, now he's all confused. People these days... SMH.

I subscribed to a weekly email about the latest watches...

I now know that's I'm on somekind of watch list

i can't believe the latest celebrity s**... scandal involving jim henson...

apparently he was f**... his co workers for years and everyone just watched!

Did you hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger's latest business venture - teaming up with the police to help protect kids on internet dating sites?

Guess you'd expect nothing less from a Tindergarten cop.

I missed the latest episode of Rick & Morty

Boy, do I feel s**... now.

A coworker is showing a new hire around.

A coworker is showing the latest company hire around the office. How long have you worked here? the new hire asks.
Ever since they threatened to fire me, the coworker answers.

I bought a new toilet paper.

It give me all the latest news on toilets.

Did you hear about the latest advocacy group? It's called DAM

Mothers Against Dyslexia

The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere

Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.
(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning. Along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)

Spy intels

A hot Russian spy reported back to her boss: i got the latest classified intels from the general and also captured his son.
Boss replies: excellent! so where's the boy?
'gotta wait another 9 months before you can meet him' says the Russian spy.

Introducing Dwayne Johnson's latest rival, The Hard Place!

Don't get between them.

"The 12 boys stranded in a flooded cave system in Thailand have started diving lessons in the latest step in efforts to bring them out alive."

I think they've hired Naymar.

The Darknet is not depraved and nefarious as most people make it out to be...

It's all just hype... now excuse me while I go play daddy with my latest purchase

A lot of people in Iran think that president, Hassan Rouhani went way over the line when he threatened the US with the mother of all wars in his latest speech.

In fact they are so concerned about the angry Twitter response from president Trump that they are going to set up their own 'Mullah investigation' to look into the matter.

50 Cent is a very insightful person. Wherever he goes, he tailors his shows to be inoffensive to local cultures and customs.

At his latest gig in Harare he performed under the name "4 Billion Dollars".

A boss just hires yes-men...

He's also a nepotist; his latest hire, he raised from a oui lad.

NASA's latest shuttle failed to lift off...

They had projectile dysfunction.

I took a photo of my neighbour's field with the latest galaxy note nine.

The Rice fields appeared too Grainy. Disappointed.

Joseph Stalin goes to visit one of the farming collectives outside Moscow

He wants to see their progress with the latest Five-Year Plan.
'Tell Me Comrade,' he asks one farmer. 'How did the potatoes do this year?'
'Very Well, Comrade Stalin. If we piled them up, they would reach God.'
'But God does not exist, Comrade Farmer'
'Nor do the Potatoes, Comrade Stalin'

Latest joke, Joseph Stalin goes to visit one of the farming collectives outside Moscow

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