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Lasted Longer Than Jokes

95 lasted longer than jokes and hilarious lasted longer than puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lasted longer than that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lasted Longer Than Short Jokes

Short lasted longer than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lasted longer than humour may include short lasted jokes also.

  1. How many of Trump's cabinet members does it take to change a light bulb? I dunno, none of them have lasted longer than a light bulb.
  2. My wife told me her period was lasting several days longer than normal. I said, Sounds more like an ellipsis...
  3. What did the waitress say to the man who wouldn't stop staring at her while she refilled his glass? Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!
  4. Have you heard of the TV show about kamikaze attacks? It didn't last longer than the pilot
  5. FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. excellent condition $1,000 or best offer.
    No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.
  6. My wife asked me to get something that would give me bigger, harder, longer lasting erections. Apparently she didn't mean "a 23-year-old girlfriend".
  7. I hate having to keep going to the kitchen to fill my glass of water. Take a pitcher it will last longer
  8. Last night my wife told me, "That was entertaining. I wish it was longer..." "Now I have to wait another year until stranger things season 3"
  9. What's the difference between YouTube and Redtube? My YouTube experience lasts longer than 10 seconds.
  10. Why do hospitals have air conditioning that makes it so cold? It's because vegetables last longer when kept chilled.

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Lasted Longer Than One Liners

Which lasted longer than one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lasted longer than? I can suggest the ones about longest lasting and lasting longer.

  1. Don't stare at a glass of water Take a pitcher it'll last longer
  2. The best part of getting covid Milk lasts longer
  3. Wanna last longer in bed? Forget to set an alarm
  4. LPT: How to last longer in bed Don't set an alarm.
  5. I wish I lasted longer in bed Right now I'm feeling so sleep deprived
  6. Try this one trick to last longer in bed! Throw out your alarm clock.
  7. I crashed a party last night I'm no longer a party-bus driver
  8. Which lasts longer? ...a White House Communications Director or a Wine Gum?
  9. [Dark] You know why the youtube shooting lasted longer than 10 minutes? Ad revenue
  10. Humans are like candles... they last longer if you don't ignite them.
  11. Those who sleep more... ...last longer in bed.
  12. How long does a carbon monoxide intoxication last? Longer than you think.
  13. Troy Barnes no longer visits motels. The last room didn't have Abed.
    :)
  14. My girlfriend calls me Duracell Because I last up to 10 times longer
  15. Nice guys finish last Which means I last longer in bed ;)

Lasted Longer Than Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about lasted longer than you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean longer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lasted longer than pranks.

Genuine advert. In New York Newspaper
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia.
45 volumes.
Excellent condition.
$1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.

A old man was sitting in the front row at a town meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a long speech.
Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience what he has ever done for the good of the city."
"Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice. "I voted against you in the last election."

The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.

An elder couple goes to restaurant in Paris

An elder couple goes to a restaurant for the man's 100th birthday. Upon entering a favorite restaurant of his, they found out it is fully booked.
In an attempt to seal a table still, the woman starts explaining how her husband fought in World War II for his country, that he came to this particular restaurant with his army friends. He probably wouldn't live much longer than this, and though his army friends were long gone, he wanted to dine here one last time.
Moved by his story the manager fixed them a table and gave them the best possible service he could. After a wealthy fine dinner, with some really great wines the couple proceeds to check out.
When paying the manager asked the man, who had been rather quiet so far, if everything was ok. To which the man replied: Das Essen war sehr gut, vielen Dank!

At the drop of a hat

I recently had s**... with my woman for the first time, and apparently she was impressed. She said, "You last so much longer than the last guy I was with! He would come at the drop of a hat!" I just smiled and said thanks but all I could think was "That's a really weird f**...."

A naughty child

A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York.
At last one man could stand it no longer.
"Hey kid," he shouted.
"Why don't you go outside and play?"

A man walks into a bar....

...sits down, orders a beer, and begins to gaze longingly at the barmaid. The barmaid hands him the beer, returns the stare and says...
"Take a pitcher, it'll last longer."

A mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon are watching TV...

When the parents announce they are ready for bed, but the baby balloon is OK to stay up a little while longer. They head off to bed, and an hour later, baby balloon finishes his show, and goes to the bedroom.
As they are balloons and have no real sources of income, they live in a 1 bedroom apartment, and have to share a bed. The baby balloon tries to get into bed, but mummy balloon and daddy balloon are just so big that he can't squeeze in. So, he goes to daddy balloon, unties his knot and lets out a little air, and tries getting into bed again: Still not enough room. He then goes to mummy balloon and unties her knot and lets a little air out: A little better, but still not enough. So, he unties his own knot, lets out some air, and is able to fit comfortably into bed.
The next morning, baby balloon wakes up to find his parents are not there. He goes into the kitchen to find mummy and daddy balloon sitting at the table looking pretty angry.
Daddy balloon says, 'Son, we are pretty upset about what you did last night. You let me down, you let your mother down, but worst of all, you let yourself down.'

The suavest save

One day, a handsome young fireman was on duty and was called to a burning home. He was told upon arrival that the house was only going to remain standing for another couple of minutes and that a young woman was trapped on the upper floor of the house. Without wasting a moment, he bravely made his way to the top floor, after quickly rushing through a sea of flames and sprinting past an inferno that was fueled by the skeleton of what used to be a staircase. Upon finding a beautiful young lady upstairs, seemingly his own age, he exclaimed, "come quick! The roof won't last much longer! We've got to go!" She revealed that her ankle was hurt and she told him he had to carry her. He hoisted her up, carried her towards the front door and tells her, "you know, you're the first pregnant girl I've ever rescued." The young lady was surprised and somewhat offended at this, replying, "but I'm not pregnant?" And the fireman, with a wink, suavely replied, "well you're not rescued yet."

One of my favourite jokes. Might take a minute to sink in...

I saw a guy having an epileptic fit in a nightclub. Everyone was just standing around watching, pointing at him and talking about it. "Look!! That guy's having a fit!!" etc...
I said "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

Old couple at the carnival

An elderly couple John, and Janice go to the carnvail where John spots a helicopter ride.
He runs over and says to his wife "Janice I've always wanted to go on a helicopter ride and look its only ten dollars".
Janice then says "John why would we pay money to go on a ride ten dollars is ten dollars". They end up not riding and finish up walking around the carnival until they go home.
A year later when the carnival comes back they go again and John sees the helicopter ride again and runs over to it.
He says to Janice "honey I've wanted to go on this helicopter ride for a while now can we just go"?
Janice says to him "John I'll tell you the same I told you last year, ten dollars is ten dollars".
This happens a few more years until the pilot is tired of them bickering about it and comes up with a solution.
He says to John and Janice "I'll take you both up for free but the catch is, if anyone of you talk I'll charge ten dollars".
Satisfied with the compromise Janice agrees, so they go up and the pilot is trying every maneuver possible to try to get them to scream or talk, but without fail neither talk.
When they land the pilot sees Janice is no longer in the helicopter and asks John "what happened to Janice"? John then exclaims "she fell out about 5 minutes into the ride ". "well why didn't you say anything"? Asks the pilot.
And without missing a beat John says "well ten dollars is ten dollars".

There was a contest to see who can...

...stand in a room with a decaying goat carcass the longest. There were 4 contestants representing their respective countries: an American, an Englishman, a Russian and a Chinese man.
The contest was held in front of a capacity crowd of 500,000 people of different nationalities and all walks of life. The minimum time was 5 hours and the goat carcass has been in that room for 2 weeks, without any proper ventilation.
The American went in first and was able to stay for 1 hour and 12 minutes. The Englishman went in and stayed for a bit longer, 1 hour and 15 minutes. The Russian beat them both with 2 hours and 35 minutes. The Chinese man went in and retreated after 27 minutes. The judges were hoping for someone to at least last the 5 hours so they asked for random volunteers from the audience. And Indian man stood up and accepted the challenge.
The Indian man went in the room and after a few seconds, the goat went out of the room.

Did you know that camels can last longer without water than s**...?

They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a h**....

Did you ever realize that almond milk lasts four times longer than regular milk?

That's nuts, right?

A man walks into a barbershop...

...and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."
The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."
The man replies, "Why not? It's what you did last time."

The instructions said if my e**... lasts longer than four hours to see a doctor...

My calculus professor was no help at all.

Late last night I was trying to summon a d**....

After many hours in my basement drawing pentagrams, chanting voodoo and performing spiritual dance I had failed to conjure any demons from the dark depths of Hades.
Defeat was in my mind and I had no choice but to admit the ways of old no longer held any sway with the dark lord. I reluctantly slid the Iphone from my bathrobe's inner pocket and activated the voice command:
"Siri, would you please summon me the darkest, most malevolent d**... that Satan himself would be pleased with."
Siri:"Ok, Contacting Comcast Customer Support"

Sometimes peeing feels better than s**....

It lasts longer too.

A man contemplates if it's worth m**... now so he can last longer in bed later.

It will come in handy.

Roller coasters are like your first time having s**....

for the amount of time it takes to get there, you wish it lasted longer.

My wife complains I can't last longer than 21 seconds without collapsing.

Well at least I last longer than Aldo.

I am going to stay up tomorrow and watch the election results...

But all the commercials say "If your election lasts longer than four hours, please call your doctor."

As I stared at my grandpa on his deathbed not knowing what to say, he turned to me and mumbled "take my picture...

it'll last longer."

What's the difference between a teenager and a radioactive element?

Radioactive elements last longer.

What is the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer.

A bad lawyer can make a case drag out for several years.
A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

What do Tom Brady and Rhonda Rousey have in common?

Both struggle to last longer than a minute with a Brazilian woman.

After several drinks last night, I had a great Buzz.

Unfortunately I was no longer able to get a w**....

my first time having s**... was like the Holocaust

I just wish it would have lasted longer

I got bit by my dog last night so I had to dog-proof my bedroom.

My wife no longer sleeps with me.

My girlfriend left me because I couldn't last longer than 10 seconds in bed.

She just couldn't overlook my shortcomings.

A joung Jew loved to read books

He loved to read so much that he read all of the books in the library in his town. So one day he went to a bookstore and asked if they had a book that he haven't read yet. An old Jew that worked there said yes and handed the boy a strange, covered in dust book titled "DEATH". He said to the boy:
"Here is the book that you've probably never heard of. I can sell it to you for $10 if you promise me to never, ever open it at the last page."
The boy agreed and bought the book. He read it and liked it very much, but, as promised, he didn't open it at the last page. One day he could bear it no longer and checked the last page. "Suggested Retail Price: $5".

My wife and I had a competition of who could hold their breath longer under water.

I lasted a minute, but my wife has been down there for ten years and counting.

An obese woman walked by me and winked.

I shirked, so she gyrated and told me to "take a picture it will last longer."
I retorted, "I don't doubt it."

I wish you had lasted longer.

One of the things you can say both during s**... and during f**....

The solar eclipse is the most exciting thing in my entire life!

Because it lasts longer my s**... life...

My girlfriend thinks Conor Mcgregor and I are the same.

Boy did he proved her wrong last night. Lasted way longer than 90 seconds.

Finally

I'm no longer a v**.... Last night I finally had s**... for my first time! I experienced a m**...! We performed great, all three of us: Me, Myself, and I.

Ex's meet after a month of divorce

ExHusband: Hey can i still think of you when i have s**... with my girlfriend?
ExWife: Why? Is it because im hotter than her?
ExHusband: Nope, i just wanna last longer.

Thanks to The Last Jedi...

I am no longer the biggest disappointment in my fathers life anymore

How do you know your woman is from Venus

Coz a day on Venus is longer than a year and your lady said she would be ready tonight itself last year.

I hurt my back last week but now I no longer need my cane

It was really only a crutch anyway

A man walks into a barbershop

He tells the barber, "Could you give me a haircut, where you cut one sideburn is longer than the other, you use the razor to make several baldspots on the front of my head, and you make clear zigzags down the back of my head?"
The barber responds, "That's terrible! I can't do that."
The man retorts, "But that's what you did last time!"

Once a woman said

If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace.

Two stingy people make a bet on...

... who would last longer with their head underwater.
Their bodies have been found by the caretaker.

A man walks into a bar, orders a glass of beer, and stares at the bartender for a long time making her uncomfortable.

The bartender says, Why don't you take a pitcher? It'll last longer.

A boy was at a lemonade stand.

He was deciding between a glass or a full pitcher. He told the seller he was really thirsty, to which they replied, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer".

Keeping the dishwasher clean...

Today someone told me that keeping your dishwasher clean makes it last longer
So I went back home and gave a good bath to my wife

I'm no longer an 18 year old v**...!

I met my uncle for the first time last night :(

Icecream companies these days

They don't even follow regulations or have concern for consumer's health !!!
They have started adding Dihydrogen Monoxide to it for making it last longer

Last night I had a Tupperware party that went on till 4 in the morning.

Might have lasted even longer but the cops came round and we had to put a lid on it.

I bought a pack of condoms and on the front it said, "Longer lasting."

Which is just as well, because they've been in my wallet for years.

A couple were talking after having s**....

You know, that was a really nice time. You lasted a lot longer than usual babe. The woman said. What's your secret? Can I expect this every night from now on? She continued.
The man replied Well, we were sexting earlier so I knew we'd be having an interesting evening, so I might have masterbated earlier today. You could say I... Came prepared

Why is Jonny Depp's second wife no longer suing him?

In the last couple months he developed Heard Immunity

People dream of mind bending shower s**...

and I just dream of the hot water lasting longer than him

I been going to the same office since a little kid, so I feel obligated to keep goin, but lately the prostate exams are getting longer and more painful. Last time he even rubbed my shoulders during the exam...

I think I should look for a new dentist....

One Bill Gates' divorce

According to Melinda Gates, Bill just didn't Excel at his marriage. Apparently he had no Power Points while arguing, but he always had to have the last Word. And now that he no longer had Access to her heart, the Outlook was not looking good for them. They couldn't work together as Teams. On the Surface they were a perfect couple, but deep down there was hardly any Kinect. He kept everything hidden like an X-Box and she never found it re- Azuring Finally she realized there was no Window of opportunity to stay together.

The wife says I'm no longer allowed to help in our search for a new apartment as my suggestions are always "disgusting".

In my defence, the last place I found was in a great location in the centre of town and it did say "TO LET".
How was I supposed to know the "I" had fallen off?