Lasted Jokes
81 lasted jokes and hilarious lasted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lasted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article will provide you with the most lasted and longest jokes so that you can last longer than 5 mins at your next standup show. See if you can match the longest joke ever recorded, the Custer Last Stand!
Funniest Lasted Short Jokes
Short lasted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lasted humour may include short lasts jokes also.
- Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate! The Voyager probe, flying away from earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.
- Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg
- Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
- My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
- I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home. My lighthouse, my rules.
- My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam for the surface.
- My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila. You're coming home now! she screamed.
No, I'm not, I laughed.
She said, I'm talking to the kids. - I heard my son say his first words to me today... "where have you been the last 20 years?"
- I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
- Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were: "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
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Lasted One Liners
Which lasted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lasted? I can suggest the ones about longest lasting and stayed.
- Today is the last time I will see my 80 year old grandpa Because tomorrow he turns 81!
- Last night I was attacked by a gang of mime. They did unspeakable things to me.
- A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night. Oof
- When you die what body part dies last? The pupils, they dilate
- Who won the presidential debate last night? People who didn't watch
- I'll never forget my dog's last words "You've taken too much acid."
- My last girlfriend said I was unnecessarily mysterious. Or did she?
- A robber broke into my house last night looking for money So I woke up to look with him.
- TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
- Reposting this one because it didn't get enough upvotes last time. 1
- The last four letters in "queue" are not silent They're just waiting their turn
- My wife and I have an open relationship Found out last night
- What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
- Last night my wife started calling me Jeb Bush. I also pull out way to late.
- My dentist asked me the last time I flossed I replied, "You remember.. You were there.."
Lasted Longer Than Jokes
Here is a list of funny lasted longer than jokes and even better lasted longer than puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Don't stare at a glass of water Take a pitcher it'll last longer
- How many of Trump's cabinet members does it take to change a light bulb? I dunno, none of them have lasted longer than a light bulb.
- My wife told me her period was lasting several days longer than normal. I said, Sounds more like an ellipsis...
- What did the waitress say to the man who wouldn't stop staring at her while she refilled his glass? Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!
- Have you heard of the TV show about kamikaze attacks? It didn't last longer than the pilot
- The best part of getting covid Milk lasts longer
- FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition $1,000 or best offer.
No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything. - Wanna last longer in bed? Forget to set an alarm
- My wife asked me to get something that would give me bigger, harder, longer lasting erections. Apparently she didn't mean "a 23-year-old girlfriend".
- I hate having to keep going to the kitchen to fill my glass of water. Take a pitcher it will last longer
Quirky and Hilarious Lasted Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about lasted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lived jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lasted pranks.
Paris Hilton recently did a signing for her new autobiography that lasted almost 4 hours.
To be fair she was a bit quicker with the second book.
The Italian spy
A german, French, and Italian spy get captured. The French spy is tied with his hands strapped behind his back, a d is tortured and interrogated. He confesses after one hour. The German spy lasts two hours before confessing. The Italian spy lasts hours before his captors give up on him. The German and French spies ask how he lasted so long without talking and he says "I wanted to talk, but I couldn't move my hands."
Did I ever tell you about the time I had a f**... that lasted for an entire minute?
It's a long-winded story.
Just lasted over an hour in bed...
Thank you day light savings
I lasted an hour and 15 seconds in s**... yesterday.
thanks you daylight savings
Roller coasters are like your first time having s**....
for the amount of time it takes to get there, you wish it lasted longer.
I lasted 1 hour and 30 seconds while having s**... last night...
Thank you daylight savings!
Why did Jesus Christ go to the doctor?
His resurrection lasted more than four hours.
I spent over an hour at my wife's grave yesterday...
whew, that was the longest I've ever lasted
I gave my girlfriend a birthday celebration that lasted only half a minute
After all, it was her thirty second birthday.
Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true romantic love...
But only if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic...
Did you know that AC/DC made the longest song ever?
It lasted 12 albums
Why do they call them the minute men?
Because they lasted a minute in battle
What do you call an oil stain that lasted for 1000 years?
Ancient grease
Thanks to Daylight Saving Time
My girlfriend totally thinks I lasted an hour and two minutes!
I lasted 62 minutes in bed
Thanks daylight savings
my first time having s**... was like the Holocaust
I just wish it would have lasted longer
I remember my first kiss.....
it was during recess, by the swings. Her name was Liz, she was in 4th grade. We were talking, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed her face and kissed her. It lasted about 10 seconds, we both awkwardly kissed each other, it took us both by surprise.
That night, it was all I could think about. Apparently, that night, she told her parents.
And that's why I can't teach in New York State anymore.
A woman once gave her husband the silent treatment
It lasted for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, Hey, we're getting along pretty great lately!
My parents only had one argument in 45 years
It lasted 45 years.
I wish you had lasted longer.
One of the things you can say both during s**... and during f**....
I ran into a NASA scientist one day...
...and I say to him, "Your job seems so tough. I'd love to traverse the solar system, but I wouldn't even know where to begin..."
He says, "It's easy... you just planet."
So I took his advice and went on a trip around the Sun. It lasted a year and I had a pretty good time. But if I had to rate it, I'd only give it one star.
The Great Wall Of China Is Famous
Because it's the only Chinese product that lasted this long.
The Great Wall is famous
It's the only Chinese product that lasted more than a year
My girlfriend thinks Conor Mcgregor and I are the same.
Boy did he proved her wrong last night. Lasted way longer than 90 seconds.
Went on a date with a girl. The date lasted until I found out she had lost all of the toes on her left foot in a horrible accident.
I guess you could say that I'm lack toes intolerant.
The flu is kinda like my last girlfriend
Lasted for 2 weeks and got it from my best friend
I got into Cambridge university today!
But only lasted 5 minutes until security caught me.
I used to think I was a boy trapped in a girl's body
Lasted bout nine months, I'm fine now.
[Dark] You know why the youtube shooting lasted longer than 10 minutes?
Ad revenue
I gave a speech about time management
It lasted seven hours
I tried being a fruitarian
I tried being a fruitarian, it is where you only eat things that have fallen from trees. I only lasted one day. All I ate was 3 apples and an owl. (Joe Lycett)
Well my checkup at the ADD/ADHD clinic went well today and I didn't have to miss any work!
Thank goodness it only lasted two minutes.
We just had this giant storm that lasted a really long time
It kept everyone in their houses for days... but now its reign is finally over!
I recently tried the fruitarian diet, where you can only eat things that fall from trees
I only lasted a day. All I had was 3 apples and an owl.
I called my doctor because I had an e**... that lasted for more than four hours.
I said Help! I've gotten up & I can't get down!
A kid was sent to a French summer camp program that lasted three weeks.
It was called Vingt In the Sun
Well that was quick
A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds! Good, replied his wife. Now you know how I always feel.
Remember Vine? It's ok if you don't
It lasted about six seconds
Last night I had a Tupperware party that went on till 4 in the morning.
Might have lasted even longer but the cops came round and we had to put a lid on it.
A couple were talking after having s**....
You know, that was a really nice time. You lasted a lot longer than usual babe. The woman said. What's your secret? Can I expect this every night from now on? She continued.
The man replied Well, we were sexting earlier so I knew we'd be having an interesting evening, so I might have masterbated earlier today. You could say I... Came prepared
Mars Opportunity rover was meant to last 90 days, but the fact that it lasted around 15 years shows that ..
Oppy was OP
I just lasted 61 mins in bed a new record!
Thanks Daylight savings time...
Just ended a relationship that lasted 5 long years
Luckily it wasn't mine though
I've got an Ikea bookcase that's lasted me 30 years.
Granted, it was in pieces for 29 of those.
Thanks to Daylight Savings Time...
My girlfriend thought I lasted 1 hour and 3 minutes!
After contemplating the idea for a while, I decided to turn myself into the police.
It was fun while it lasted pulling people over and taking their drugs and stuff, until I got busted for impersonation.
The longest I've lasted in bed is one hour and two minutes
Thanks day light savings
I only lasted two minutes with my girl last night
Technically it was 14 minutes because we did it d**....
Do you know why the communist takeover of russia lasted more than a year?
It took more than one revolution.
I wish I lasted longer in bed
Right now I'm feeling so sleep deprived
One single day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was handed a letter and thought to myself..
.. this isn't for me.
Everybody's so up in arms about Covid, but I see it as progress.
Nothing else made in China has ever lasted this long.
Me wow you barely lasted 2 minutes!
Him well it was d**... so that's 14 in dog minutes
Imagine if your cell phone battery was on ten percent and it lasted for eight days..
Congratulations. You understand Hanukkah.
