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Last Year Jokes

144 last year jokes and hilarious last year puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about last year that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Last Year Short Jokes

Short last year jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The last year humour may include short since last year jokes also.

  1. My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
  2. I heard my son say his first words to me today... "where have you been the last 20 years?"
  3. Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
  4. Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
  5. Of all the inventions of the last 100 years... the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
  6. My 12 year old just told me a joke He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.
  7. How do you get an antivaxxer to shut up? I've been here for over fourteen years, it's been all downhill for the last ten.
    =
  8. I'm going to this year's Fibonacci convention. It'll be as big as the last two put together.
  9. Saw my ex... On my way home from work last year i saw my ex being beaten up by 3 guys, i stopped the car and ran over to help...she didnt stand a chance against 4 of us.
  10. Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but... shouldn't that be an even number?

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Last Year One Liners

Which last year one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with last year? I can suggest the ones about recently and earlier.

  1. Today is the last time I will see my 80 year old grandpa Because tomorrow he turns 81!
  2. My resolution this year is the same as last year. 1920x1080
  3. I spent the last two years trying to find my ex girlfriend's killer. No one will do it.
  4. Just heard my son speak his first words where were you the last 14 years
  5. What do you call an oil stain that lasted for 1000 years? Ancient grease
  6. Obama looks rough after the last 8 years in office. Still better than JFK after 2.
  7. I achieved my New Year's revolution from last year. I made it all the way around the sun.
  8. I'm convinced COVID couldn't have come from China… Nothing from China lasts 2 years
  9. Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
  10. GB: Brexit was the dumbest thing in the last years! USA: hold my drink!
  11. Steven Hawkings last words were probably 30 years ago.
  12. What do you call a blonde in a closet? Last years hide and seek champion
  13. It wasn't much fun last year having a broken neck. But I can look back now and laugh.
  14. Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now.
  15. Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met yet.

Since Last Year Jokes

Here is a list of funny since last year jokes and even better since last year puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Dentist: This will hurt. Patient: OK.
    Dentist: I've been having an affair with your wife since last year.
  • ..ever since an attempted mugging last year i have carried a knife. Since then my muggings have been way more successful.
  • PSA: This year, lets refrain from the 'I haven't taken a shower since last year!' jokes. Please and thank you.
  • Wow, I haven't showered since last year! Haha good one, but it's only New Year's Eve
    I know...
  • I haven't [insert] since last year. (obligatory)
  • I've been really mad at my dad since he died... ...all he's done for the last 6 years is sit on his ash.
  • This sub is empty. I haven't seen a joke since last year!
  • You guys are filthy I mean, most of you haven't showered since last year!
  • 2017 stinks Billions of people haven't showered since last year.
  • My Dad's a pro at Hide and Seek. It's been 20 years since I last saw him.

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Last Year Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about last year you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean yearly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make last year pranks.

My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.


They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

Groaned a whole store with this one.

I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:
"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"
To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."
The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.

Last year a guy took his blonde girl friend to the Superbowl

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"

Did you know too much s**... can cause memory loss

I read that in a medical journal on page 34 at 3:23 pm last year on Wednesday November the 7th.

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office

Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become s**...."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."

I felt like a fool when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year...

Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too.

Asking for a friend ............... A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl.

They are 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

I started carrying a knife after a failed mugging attempt last year...

All my attempts have been pretty successful this year.

Please stop hating on Trump, he saved my friend's life!

Earlier last year my friend had been in a coma for years. The doctors tried everything and told us to pray for a miracle.
And then one day his nurse came and switched the TV to Trump's campaign, he woke up and turned it off.

What has 2 wings and 1 Arrow ?

A Chinese telephone
Wing
Wing
Arrow?
(posted this last year got some good feedback)

I'm ready for a holiday.

p**... says to m**...,
I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant, last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant."
m**... asks,
"So what are you going to do this year?"
p**... replies,
"I'll b**... take her with me!"

So I had an interview last year

The interviewer: You answers should be quick
Me: Ok
Interviewer: what is 1490/52?
Me:quick

So a Lecturer tells a joke in the class. . .

. . .and then one of the students raises his hand and says "but sir you told that joke last year" the lecturer replies "if you can repeat things then so can I"

Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...

...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.

Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but this year I've managed to turn it around.

Now I feel depressed and miserable.

I think my friend is lying when he claimed he reached the top of Mount Everest last year.

I'm not sure if…he made it up.

My dad died this day last year because we didn't know his blood type to get a transfusion..

As he was dying he kept saying be positive but it was just so hard without him :/

My mother and father separated last year

My mother and father separated last year and my father recently started seeing someone and it's been very hard for me. There are two major issues I have with his new partner.
He's black.

I tried to make a corona virus joke last year.

Nobody laughed at the time, but eventually everyone got it.

My Dad got me a thesaurus for Christmas last year

But when I opened it every single page was blank.
I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was.

How to start a fight

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

Doctor of death!

Impressively, only 2% of the people I operated on died last year. But for some reason the authorities think that's too high for a dentist.

Santa Claus will be allowed to go out and deliver presents without speading Covid-19

He has spent the last year in the North Pole in Ice-olation

Super Bowl tickets

Short notice, but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl. They are box seats that he spent $5,700 a piece for which includes transportation to and from the stadium, open bar, and a pass to the winners locker room.
What he did not realize was last year when he purchased them that this is the same day as his wedding.
If you're interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It's at St. Paul's Church on North Avenue at 3 pm. Her name is Ashley and she is 5'5 and about 110 pounds. She is a good cook and enjoys the outdoors.

When I was Young

I once caught my grandfather sprinkling gunpowder onto his grits one Sunday morning. I asked him why he would do that.
He explained, "Kid, my father did this, and his father did this. If you do this as well, every day, it'll help keep you hale and hearty well into your golden years."
It must be true, since when he died last year, he was 97, and left thirteen children, twenty-seven grandchildren, twelve great grandchildren, four great great grand children, and a fifteen foot deep crater where the crematorium used to be.

Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.


They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....

After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"

Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

A teacher asks her class

to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment.


The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...

... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."
They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"

My school did a performance last year called "The Dictionary"

Turns out it was just a play on words.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer

were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Last year I took a visual design class...

...and our final exam was to design a fireworks display.
I passed with flying colors.

Last year I entered a marathon.

The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.
The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"
I replied, "You really want to know?"
Then I dropped out of the race.

Last year, kids were eating tide pods. This year, they're getting vaccines and picking up trash.

Seems that eating tide pods makes you smart!

An engineer, a doctor and a priest are playing golf

There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?"

I was in my attic yesterday looking for some old photos...

...when I came across the present that I was going to give to my daughter for her 3rd birthday last year.
It was a bit of a shame. She would have loved that kitten.

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**

So my cousin s**... up bigtime

My cousin has two tickets for the 2017 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.
If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place... It's at St. Joseph Church, in Warwick, RI at 3 p.m. Her name is Amanda. She's 5'2, about 130 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

I was getting the Xmas decorations down from the attic when i found a present i forgot to give last year.....

Shame, as the kids would have loved that puppy.

Man goes to a job interview.

Interviewer: see you have a recent employment gap of 5 years, what have you done in that time?
Man: I spent the first 4 years in Yale.
Interviewer: that's impressive, what have you done in the last year?
Man: I've veen looking for a Yob.

Father calls little Johnny over to give him the birds and the bees talk...

Johnny starts crying uncontrollably the moment he says this.
"Whats wrong? I haven't even told you anything yet!" the surprised father asks.
Little Johnny tries to talk through the tears:
"Two years ago, you wanted to talk about Easter bunny, then told me he wasn't real...
Then last year you wanted to talk about Santa, and told me he isn't real either...
If now you tell me s**... isn't real, I have nothing left to live for!"

Two 5 year old boys are in the hospital waiting to go into surgery. The first boy asks the other, "What are having done?"

"I'm having my tonsils taken out."
"Oh you're going to love it. I had that done last year and I got to eat ice cream for a week. Best week ever."
The second boy asks, "What about you?"
"Circumcision," the first boy replies.
The second boy responds, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for almost a year."

Last year Hillary got a concussion. Obama recently bumped into Clinton and asked "Bill, how is Hillary's head?"

"Not as good as Monica"

last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas....

I woke up in a box.

I got a vasectomy last year.

Turns out they don't prevent pregnancy, it just changes the color of the baby.

This guy was shopping in town with his wife on Christmas Eve.

They got separated so she called him on his phone and said: "Where are you?" The guy said, "Do you remember that little jewelry store we went to last year where you saw the diamond bracelet that you loved but I didn't have enough money to buy it?" She said "Yes! Yes! I remember!" So the guy said, "I'm in the bar next door to that place having a beer."

Got my mother in law a cemetery plot for Christmas once, and the next year didn't buy her anything. When she asked me why I didn't buy a gift for her I said.....

... because you still haven't used the one I got you last year.

60th birthday

Last year my mother should have been celebrating her , but because of drugs, alcohol and many hard years of addition. we all forgot...

The l**... next door

My lesbian neighbors wanted me to help them conceive a child and agreed to do it the old fashioned way because they are very easy going. We've been trying for three months and I haven't had the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year...

A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest.

The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"
"Last year, I shot a sixteen hundred pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.
"How'd you manage that?"
"Twelve trips."

Not to brag but I made six figures last year.

I was also named the worst employee at the toy factory.

So my dad died last year

We were in a car accident and my dad lost loads of blood. EMT came onto the scene but nobody could remember what his blood type is in time for them to give him a transfusion.
Even as he died, Dad kept telling us to "Be positive" but it's hard without you here Dad. Hope you're in a better place.

Went to buy a bouncy castle today and it cost twice as much as last year

Guess that's inflation for you

Knock knock

Who's there?
Amos.
Amos who?
A mosquito.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ana.
Ana who?
Another mosquito.
My dad died last year. These were the only two jokes he knew.

For Christmas last year I got a sweater.

This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter.

One Christmas Eve, a man and his wife were shopping in town and became separated...

The woman called him on her cell phone and said, "Where are you?" The guy said, "Remember that little jewelry store we went into last year and you found that diamond necklace that you wanted, but I couldn't afford to buy it for you?" The woman was overcome with emotion and said "Yes, yes ... I remember." And the guy said "I'm in the bar next door to that store having a beer."

A blonde bought some water skis last year but has yet to try them out.

She's still looking for a lake with a hill.

People say the first year of marriage is the hardest

Trust me, the last year is way, way harder.

The medium is the massage...

Last year, I wrote a book on penguins. In retrospect, paper would have been much easier.

My dad died last year...

My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for the paramedics to give him a transfusion.
As he was dying he kept insisting "be positive," but it's hard without him.

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

Last year's winner of hide and seek

Last year, 7th grade students were forced to clean the entire school.

This year, the principal said, "Last year, the 7th grade student did the cleaning. This year, let the 8th grade students do it."

Why did it take up until last year for Volkswagen to finally manufacture electric cars in the United States?

Because it took them awhile to get the bugs worked out

Anyone available??

I'M ASKING FOR A FRIEND............... A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl, 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

It would take approximately 42,000 no. 10 parties for Rishi Sunak to pay the amount his wife dodged in taxes last year

RIP uncle

My great uncle passed away last year when we couldn't remember his blood type in time for him to get a blood transfusion that would save his life.

As he was dying he kept yelling 'Be positive! Be positive!' but it's so hard without him.

I totally understand why two year olds are always crying

I would cry too if I looked twice as old as I did last year

I was in an o**... last year

It was strange, but my family has always had weird thanksgivings

jokes about last year