The Best 64 Last Wish Jokes

Following is our collection of Last Wish jokes which are very funny. There are some last wish forest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these last wish final puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Last Wish Jokes and Puns

Have you heard? Michael Jackson’s last wish was that his body be turned into Legos.

So little kids can play with him. It turns out this wish hasn’t been difficult to implement, as his body was already 99% plastic.

A man found a genie in a magic lamp and was granted three wishes.

The genie said, "For every wish you make, your wife gets two." The man asked for a car and the genie gave his wife two. Then the man asked for a house and again his wife got double. The jealous husband said, "For my last wish, beat me half to death."

A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital:

Tell me what is your last wish?

Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.

At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room.

In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry.
"I am Gina the Great," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!"
With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish.
Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need."
With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts."
With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."


The older man and his problems

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"

The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"

A Japanese Man's Last Words...

A dying Japanese man wished to be cremated. What were his last words to his son?

["Donburi me"](/spoiler)

Genie with a flaw

A guy walks into a bar. He sets a bag onto the bar, orders three shots of whiskey, and slams them all back.

The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"

The guy reaches into the bag, pulls out a little piano, then set it on the bar. He reaches back inside, pulls out a little stool, and sets it in front of the piano. He reaches in one more time, pulls out a little man, and sits him on the stool. The man then proceeds to play a wonderful sonata that fills the establishment and leaves the patrons in awe.

"Wow, that was great!" exclaimed the bartender. "Where'd you find this guy?"

The man reaches into the bag one last time and pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says "Rub it."

The bartender rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says "I shall grant you one wish, whatever your heart desires."

"I want a million bucks!" the bartender shouts.

"It shall be done." And the genie disappears.

A minute later, a duck walks into the bar. And then another duck, and then another. Soon the bar is full of ducks.

"Hey buddy," the bartender says to the man. "I think your genie is a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

"Yeah," said the man. "Do you think I really asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"

Exececution by a firing squad

A guy is about to get executed by a firing squad.
He is granted with 1 last wish.
"a sigaret please" he says
"And fire".

Two homeless men...

were sitting under a bridge watching a dog lick its crotch.

One of the men said, "I wish I could do that!"
To which the other replied, "Oh no you don't! He took a bite outta my arm the last time I tried!"

Mans dying wish

Did you hear about the guy whose dying wish was to have Dallas Cowboys as his pall bearers? He wanted to give them the chance to let him down one last time.

You can explore last wish moment reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean last wish animal dad jokes. There are also last wish puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Double Genie

A man comes across a magical lamp with a genie inside who grants him 3 wishes. The only stipulation is that whatever he wishes for, his ex-wife gets double.

The man says, "I wish for a million dollars." The genie replies, "It is done. Your ex-wife gets 2 million."

The man says, "I wish for a mansion." The genie replies, "It is done. your ex-wife now has 2 mansions."

The man says, "For my last wish... I wish you would beat me half to death."

A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder


They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:

"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"

and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"

Patriotism

A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her panties and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"

A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..

When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.

Two old couples are going for a walk.

The women are up ahead and the guys are about 50 feet behind them. One guy says "We went to a really nice restaurant last week. I wish I could remember the name of it. What's the name of that flower? Smells nice, has thorns on the stem."

"A rose?"

"Yeah, that's it. ROSE, WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT RESTAURANT?"

So an old Jewish man dies

So an old Jewish man dies and as per his last wish, his son goes to the newspaper publisher and asks, "How much for an obituary in your newspaper?"

Publisher says, "$5 per word".

The son says, "Publish 'Jacob Goldberg Dead' ".

The publisher says, "We require minimum 6 words".

So the son says, "In that case make it 'Jacob Goldberg Dead, Wheelchair For Sale' ".

A wife sits with her husband, who is on his deathbed...

The husband says, "Darling, I think it's time... I have one last wish before I pass."

"What is it, dear?"

"About six months after I'm gone, I want you to marry Joey, ok?"

She sat dumbfounded for a second. "But, I thought you *hated* that man?"

The husband grabbed her hand and with his last breath whispered "I do."

A bus full of ugly people crashes

A bus full of ugly people crashes and everyone inside now stands at the gates of heaven. St. Peter announces to them "Before you enter heaven, I will grant unto each of you one wish." He approaches the first ugly person and the man says "I wish I was beautiful." Right as he says this the last ugly person in line starts to chuckle. So one by one St. Peter goes down the line, each person wishes "I wish I was beautiful", and every time someone wishes that, the last person laughs harder and harder. Finally, St. Peter reaches the last man, who at this point is on the ground crying he's laughing so hard. St. Peter asks him "Well, what is your wish?" to which the man replies, "Make them all ugly again!"


[Joke Prompt] My hotel shampoo 'flavors' are more exciting than the food served on the airline trip.

I wish I were a funny man - I'm not - so I've got to throw this out there for you funny people to run with...

Checked in to a Hilton Hotel last night, and noticed that the shampoo / conditioners sound better than most of the food offered on the airlines.

* Honey & Coriander Shampoo
* Basil & Mint Conditioner

Got to be a joke in there - run with it.

A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie.

''You're a kind lady, so I'll grant you one wish,'' the genie tells her.''See this cat? I'd rather have a strong, handsome man,'' she says.The genie agrees and – poof! – the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.''Do you have anything to say before we make love?'' she asks.''Yes,'' he says. ''I bet you wish you hadn't had me neutered last week.''

I've never wished death on anyone. It's the absolute *last* thing anyone should have to go through.

Old Sandy McPherson was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked, 'Anything I can get you, Sandy?' No reply. 'Have ye no' a last wish, Sandy?' Faintly, came the answer ... 'A wee bit of yon boiled ham.' 'Wheesht, man,' said Maggie, 'ye ken fine that's for the funeral.

Farrah Fawcett's last wish

Farrah Fawcett's last wish was for all the children in the world to be safe, then Michael Jackson died.

Criminal on the electric chair. The officer ask: Any last wishes?

The criminal: Please hold my hand...

Roller coasters are like your first time having sex.

for the amount of time it takes to get there, you wish it lasted longer.

A genie gives a man three wishes...

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."

So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.

For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.

Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

I wish my girlfriend went down as much...

as the pound did last night.

swimming pool wishes

At a swimming pool: Three guys climb a high-dive tower and meet a good fairy who offers to fulfill a wish for each of them. One jumps and says, "Beer!" - and the pool is full of beer. The other one jumps, says, "Money!" and the pool is full of money. The last one starts to jump but slips and, falling, yells, "SHIIIIIIT!!!"

My wife told me to take all of her clothes off last night

I was so embarrassed. I really wish she'd tell me when she was coming home early

An old Jewish man dies.

His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.

He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".

Last night I witnessed my dad having a stroke

I really wish he would lock the door when he does that.

Last requests

After I die, I have 2 requests on what shall happen to me.

1) I want my remains spread around Disney world.

2) I do not wish to be cremated

my first time having sex was like the Holocaust

I just wish it would have lasted longer

I wish you had lasted longer.

One of the things you can say both during sex and during funeral.

Last night my wife told me, "That was entertaining. I wish it was longer..."

"Now I have to wait another year until Stranger Things season 3"

A Vampire met a genie

"I'll give you three wishes, no more, no less" Said the Genie to the Vampire.

"I want to have wings. It's weird to be able to fly without wings." Said the Vampire.

"It shall be done, what about the second wish?"

"I want virgins! Lots of virgins!"

"It shall be done, and the last?"

"I want blood! Lots of blood!"

"Abracadabra hocus pocus" The genie casted the spell.

****Poof****

.

.

.

.

.

And the Vampire turned into a sanitary pad.

I wish my last name was Wong

Because when I get married and have a kid I can name them Right to say that 2 Wongs do make a Right

An Englishman, an Scotsman and an Irishman...

are by a slide when a genie appears.
He grants the three men a wish each, as long as they say the wish going down the slide, in which they land in it.

So the Englishman goes first. As he's going down he says Money! And he lands in a pot of money.

The Scotsman goes next. He slides down and he shouts Naked women! And he lands in a pot of naked women.

Lastly, it's Irishman's turn. He pushes himself down the slide and screams Weeeee!

A Plane Full Of Ugly People Crashes

A plane full of ugly people crashes and everyone on board dies. The peoples' souls then go to heaven, where they are greeted by God at the gate. God tells them that he will grant each person one wish. The first person says, I want to be beautiful . God snapped his fingers and it happened. Then the second person wished for the same thing. This continues as each person in line wishes to be beautiful. God notices the last man in line laughing hysterically. When it came to be the man's turn he laughed and said, I wish all those people were ugly again.

A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office.

A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each

The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the funeral, each person placed an envelope into the casket.

Later that night, the three started talking. The minister said he needed to confess. He only put $5000 into the grave and gave the rest to the church. The United Way executive said she also needed to admit something. She withheld $8000 for the benefit of several charities. The lawyer couldn't believe the others didn't follow their friend's last wishes, for the lawyer had put in a check for the full $10,000.

A Couple having sex in the garden at night....

He says "I wish i had a torch" she says "So do I, you've been licking that slug on the grass for the last ten minutes"

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower of meat all over the place."
Again the genie clicks his finger and it begins showering small chunks of meat which the second T-Rex begins snatching up.

The third T-Rex, not satisfied, roars
"Make the same as the last one, but make it a MEATIER SHOWER!"

Ever heard about the hybrid of a goldfish and a shark?

It grants you three last wishes.

My dying laptop's last wishes

(Coughing) Marvin im dying and before I die (cough intensifies)
I want you to promise me something...you'll take my hard disk and put it in your next computer
I want my memory to live on

A priest was breathing his last on his deathbed. He was asked by his family if he had any last wishes...

After a deep, troubled breath, he muttered, "nun".

My sister was diagnosed with a terminal disease affecting the lungs...

The doctor said she only had 5 more years to live. Her last wish before she died was to go to Berkeley University. I thought it over for a while and said To Berk You Go Sis!

A genie is granting my last wish

Me: I wish for more-
Genie: No wishing for more wishes.
Me: I wish for more genies

Kids who are visiting Disneyland for the first time get a button that says It's my first time at Disneyland!

Do Make-a-Wish kids get a button that says It's my last time at Disneyland! ?

I gave someone an existential crisis last night.

How?

I confessed my love, and now they wish they never existed.

I was playing video games last night while my son was sitting next to me watching. He said, "dad I wish real life was more like video games."

So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC.

Husband tells wife he saved his boss from certain death today...

" I pulled him off the street the last moment before a car came by! The boss was very thankful and said he'd do anything I wanted!"

" So... what did you wish for...?" asked the wife.



" I said... please don't tell the lads at the office it was me that saved you!"

My grandfather's last wishes was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That's a lot of pressure.

I wish my sex life was like my work schedule

If that were the case I'd always finish last.

Gang banger's last wish.

Why did the gang member from the Bloods wish to be cremated?

He hated crypts.

Liverpool just won the league and the government are paying people without doing work

Somewhere out there, there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp deciding what to do with his last wish

Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work....

Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish

A man has been ill for some time. Fearing that his end is near, he calls his wife to his bedside.

"I have a last wish," he says to her. "Promise me that 2 months after I die, you'll marry our neighbor, Ken."

The wife is perplexed. "But, my dear, I thought you hated Ken," she asks him.

"I do," says the man.

Before he died, my grandfather's last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That's a lot of pressure.

3 men in a nursing home are sitting and reminiscing.

First man says, I wish I could just go pee as easily when I was younger. It's getting harder and harder to do so as the years pass.

The second guy says, I can pee just fine but I would give anything to be able to poop with no trouble. It's getting more difficult even with fruits and veggies.

Last guy says, Oh, I have no problem with that. Every morning at 8:00 I just go like the Nile. Then at 8:30 I crap till everything's out. Now if only I could wake up before 9:00.

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish these time zones.

"Why?", Putin asks him.

"Ah, I can't find myself with these times."

"I fly to another city, call home and everybody's asleep."

"I last woke up 4 in the morning, but thought it was only evening."

"I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday, and she tells me she had it yesterday"

"I wish the Chinese President a Happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."

"Well, these are just minor issues", Putin answered him.

"Minor issues? Do you remember when that Polish plane crashed with the President? I call them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!"

David killed a man by accident...

Yet, they still sentenced him to death. when asked what was his last wish was, he asked for a banana. the jail man said sorry, its not banana season yet . I'll wait said David.

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the last wish magical jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working last wish eyes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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