Last Presenter Jokes

38 last presenter jokes and hilarious last presenter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about last presenter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Last Presenter Short Jokes

Short last presenter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The last presenter humour may include short presenter jokes also.

  1. Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...
    ...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.
  2. Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
    Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
  3. I was getting the Xmas decorations down from the attic when i found a present i forgot to give last year..... Shame, as the kids would have loved that puppy.
  4. Matt LeBlanc was just announced as the newest presenter on BBC's Top Gear It may be a challenge for him, on his last show it's like he was always stuck in second gear
  5. My wife opened one of her birthday presents early, saying that it was "practically screaming out at her" That's the last time I buy her an orphan
  6. Going through the loft and found some Xmas presents from last year A real shame about that dog for the kids...
  7. Last night was the third time a girl walked out midway a date. Something's still wrong in my PowerPoint presentation.
  8. Marvin Gaye's Last Day on Earth Marvin (holding present): Happy Birthday Dad!!!
    Dad: Marvin, if this is another tie, I'm gonna kill you.
  9. Santa Claus: "George, why are you sleeping in one of the boxes from the presents that were gifted to you last year?" George: "Because you told me to live in the present!"
  10. I forgot :( Whilst climbing in the roof space to get down the kids Christmas gifts, I found a present I'd forgotten last year.
    Such a shame - they would have loved that puppy.

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Last Presenter One Liners

Which last presenter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with last presenter? I can suggest the ones about opening presentation and lecturer.

  1. Last time I saw a belly like that, I was given a stocking full of presents.

Last Presenter Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about last presenter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean performer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make last presenter pranks.

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "

I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

Mailman's last day on the job.

After 30 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.
When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a $50 gift envelope.
At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars.
At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate s**... he has ever experienced.
When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea!"

I was in my attic yesterday looking for some old photos...

...when I came across the present that I was going to give to my daughter for her 3rd birthday last year.
It was a bit of a shame. She would have loved that kitten.

Pretty good for a joke that is a hundred years old.

A bashful cowboy, returning from the plains to civilized society
after an absence of several years, fell desperately in love at first
sight with a pretty young girl whom he met at a party.
On leaving the house that evening the young lady forgot her
overshoes, and the hostess, who had noticed the Westerner's
infatuation, told the young Lochinvar that he might return them to
the girl if he wished. The herder leaped at the chance and presented
himself in due time at the young lady's house. She greeted him
"You forgot your overshoes last night," he said, awkwardly handing
her the package.
"Why, there's only one overshoe here!" she exclaimed, as she thanked
him and opened it.
"Yes, Miss," said he, blushing. "I'll bring the other one tomorrow.
Oh, how I wish that you were a centipede!" And with that he turned
and sped away down the street.

My 89 year old Grandpa told me this one tonight... An elderly man bought his wife a Christmas present

An elderly man was trying to figure out what to buy his wife for Christmas. Knowing they already had everything they needed he decided to give his wife a Tombstone. She opened the present and thought. "OOOOKKKAYYYYY.. Sure, Thank you" She thought the gesture was nice and a little weird at the same time.
The next year the entire family was having Christmas together and the elderly man had bought great gifts for everybody but his elderly wife. His kids and grand kids were so thankful and happy.
After everything was done his wife said "Hey! What about me? You didn't get me anything?" The elderly Man replied "Why would I get you anything this year? You still haven't used what I got you last year!!"

There once was an old cathedral in rural England...

There once was an old cathedral in rural England. It was near a small village and most of the people that lived there attended church every week. This was a sad time for the people of this village, as the much beloved bell ringer for the church had fallen ill and died.
The head minister of this cathedral had taken the death quite hardly, as he had been good friends with the man. Reluctantly, he put up a notice in the village square that they would be needing a replacement bell ringer. He knew that a man for the job was needed before the f**... of the old ringer.
Now, the day after notice was posted, the minister was in his study reading when a young man no older than 20 walked in. The minister looked up and asked, "What can I do for you, young man?"
The man, visibly eager to speak, replied, "I'm here about the posting you've made. I want to be the next bell ringer." There was an enthusiasm on this man's face that caught the minister's attention.
The minister, somewhat recognizing this enthusiasm, inquired, "Well that may be something we could discuss. But first, I must know, have I seen you here at the church or around town? You seem rather familiar."
"No, sir, I don't believe we've met before," the man replied.
"Ah, well then, it's very nice to make your acquaintance," said the minister. He reached out to shake the young man's hand, when he noticed something very out of the ordinary. The man had no arms! The minister pulled back his hand and apologized for the gesture.
"It's no problem, sir, I've been without them for my whole life, I'm quite used to that." The man redirected the conversation back to the job. "Now, I'd really like to talk about becoming the next bell ringer!"
The minister, slightly taken aback, wondered whether the armless man was serious. "My dear boy, surely you must be joking. You've got no arms! I mean no offense, but there is no way you could pull those heavy ropes to ring the bells."
The young man still had an eagerness about him, insisting that the minister give him a shot. "I can do it, let me show you! Please sir, I know I can do it. Come with me up the bell tower and I'll show you!"
At this point, the minister was wondering whether the man had some sort of brain damage as well. There was absolutely no way a man with no arms could ring those bells. But, being the generous man that he was, the minister decided to at least humor the man and go up into the bell tower with him.
Once they reached the top of the tower where the bells were held, the minister asked how the young man was going to ring them. "Like this," he simply replied with an odd smile on his face. The man took some step back towards one open arches that made up the bell tower, disregarding the ropes that hung next to him. He began walking slowly, then burst into a sprint, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell.
The minister couldn't believe it. This armless man had just mad the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard come out of that bell. Astounded, he turned to the man and exclaimed, "Dear boy, did you really just do that?"
Unfazed, the young man responded excitedly, "Yes sir! Would you like me to do it again?" Without waiting for an answer, the man once again stepped back to the arch, took a running start, jumped, and smacked his forehead against the bell.
Now, the minister was truly speechless. Although his previous thoughts about brain damage were almost certainly proven, he simply could not believe how beautiful the sound was that the bell made. He looked at the man, seeing no sign of harm to his head, but only a smile that showed how confident he was. The minister then made the final decision to make this young man the next bell ringer.
A few days had passed, and it was time for the f**... for the former ringer. Nearly the entire village showed up to mourn his passing. As the f**... dragged on as only funerals can, the newly appointed ringer made his way up the tower to give the bells a good BWONG-ing after the final eulogy had ended. This was his biggest break, his chance to show the entire village that he could be a great ringer. The excitement from that first day had swelled up until this point.
He listed for the sound of the last "Amen" from the congregation. It was his time now. The armless man closed his eyes to take it all in. After a deep sigh, he took some steps back, broke into a run, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell. Then, to his surprise, he tripped on a large old nail as he landed, stumbled toward one of the arches, and, unable to balance himself, fell out of the tower to his death.
The f**...-goers heard this strange sound and all rushed outside to see what was the matter. To their surprise, they found the newly appointed ringer dead on the ground. The crowd began talking among themselves, wondering who knew this man and whether any of his family was present. One man thought he had recognized the deceased man earlier with a family, but couldn't quite put his finger on it whether it was him or not. Everyone could agree that this man looked familiar.
As the minister finally reached the body through the crowd, he knelt down and wept beside him. A woman in the crowd asked, "Father, did you know who this man was?"
"No," he solemnly answered, "but his face sure rang a bell."

The Resurrection

While the priest was presenting a children's sermon.
He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial,
but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

In response to the question, a little boy raised his hand.

The priest called on him and the boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that
lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor".

It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue

A favorite joke of the Swiss (although any country combo will do)

A group of Austrians, embarrassed of the Swiss engineers, approach them with a request to build a bridge in the Sahara. "We want to build the most beautiful bridge, with perfect precision, workmanship, and quality to last a thousand years".
The Swiss Engineers, intrigued by the challenge, go to work. Six months later, they present the Austrians with their timeless bridge in all its glory!
"Hahaha, you dumb Swiss, there's no water in the Sahara, we made you build a useless bridge", teased the Austrians with great fervour. "Now tear it down"
Reply the Swiss engineers: "We would, but there's a group of Austrians fishing off it".

Cemetery Plot for Christmas

One Christmas time, an elderly woman opens her present from her son-in-law and discovers a cemetery plot inside. Despite the confusion, she thanks him very much for the gift.
The following Christmas, she approaches her son-in-law and asks where her present is. He simply replies that he didn't get one for her.
"Why not?! You always get me a gift..."
"Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!!"

The magic Dog

A man goes to a casting show for talents with his dog.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I present: Gizmo the magic dog! I ask him a question and he answers it correct!"
The jury laughed, but he asked:"Gizmo, what is on top of this house?"
"Roof! Roof!", Gizmo said. The audience went quiet.
"Gizmo, what can sink ships?"
"Reef! Reef!", the dog said. One from the jury asked:"Is this a joke? This dog is just barking!"
"Wait! One last question! Gizmo, name one famous composer!"
"Orff! Orff!", Gizmo said.
Man and dog were thrown out of the building. On the street, Gizmo looked up to his owner and said:"I know, Frank. I should have said Mozart..."

Husband send a text to his wife

Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve

They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a c**..., so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, 'How do these represent Christmas?' Answer: 'They're Carol's.'

In the South Pacific...

Many years ago, in the South Pacific, there was a small island kingdom that was ruled by a kind and benevolent King. Each year, on the King's birthday, the residents of the island gave the King a new throne as token of their love and respect for him. And each year, the King would put last years gift up in the attic of his small house. After many years of ruling the island, the weight of the large number of birthday presents stored up in the attic became too heavy and caused the house to fall down.
The moral of the story is that people in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Son, I have good news, and bad news.

The good news is that I found a forgotten Christmas present from last year!
The bad news is that it was a puppy...

How long should you wait to regift a Christmas present?

Last Christmas, this girl gave me her heart, and the very next day I gave it away. I haven't heard the end of it since.

I remember last Christmas we were sharing stories from the previous years. My sister had skipped the past and went right for the present. The whole family noticed the mistake.

It was intense.

Just found an unopened Christmas present from last year.

Imagine giving someone a dog skeleton!

It's my wife's birthday tomorrow.

Last week, I asked her what she wanted for her birthday present.
Oh, I don't know, she said. Just give me something with diamonds.
That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

Thinking outside the box

Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, so she phones him, furious.
"What are you complaining about?" he fires back. "You still haven't used the present I gave you last year."

A m**... breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep...

A m**... breaks in to a Republican couple's house while they're asleep.
He turns on the lights and begins tying them each to a chair.
Before he can grab the wife, the husband yells: "Honey, my birthday presents! Use them!"
The woman nods in agreement and rips open her top to reveal a pair of enormous, symmetrical plastic h**....
The husband yells: "No! I meant the golf clubs from last year!"

Guys, I need a favor.

I want you to recommend me a present with a cost of 200 bucks to give to my girlfriend.
I also want you to find me a girlfriend to give her the present.
Last thing..
I need 200 bucks.

I visited a flower garden

Last week I visited a flower garden in my city. There is a lot of exotic and rare plants. The rarest of the plants are all in one part, behind locked gate. You can go there only with a guide or a presenter. Unfortunately, when I came, there was no guide available. I peeked in and saw a gardener tending to the plants. I asked him if he could let me in and show me around. He said, he cannot do that, only a presenter can do that. I really wanted to see those plant so I asked him why it cannot be him. He said "Well, I am a grower, not a shower.''

Unused Christmas present.

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift,The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
She asked me: Why,?
I replied. "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

No present for your mother in law

At Christmas, a man just opened presents from his mother in law and she asks, "where's mine?"
He says, "I didn't get you anything this year."
Visibly upset, she asks why.
He says, "you never used what I got you last year."
She yells, " it was a burial plot!"

Bob forget his wife's wedding anniversary

His wife was mad and demanded that there be something in the driveway the next morning that will go 0-200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE.
So the next morning comes around and there was a massive box in the driveway.
His wife unwrapped the present excited, to find a set of bathroom scales.
Bob hasn't been seen since last Friday.

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment.

The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"