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Last Of Us Jokes

115 last of us jokes and hilarious last of us puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about last of us that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Have you ever heard of "Last of Us" jokes? They are funny little one-liners about a video game and now a TV series called "The Last of Us." It's an action game that tells a story about a man and a woman trying to survive in a world full of dangers and monsters. The jokes poke fun at the characters and their situations, usually in a light-hearted and witty way! These kinds of jokes are super fun, and everyone can join in on the fun. So check them out, and prepare to laugh!

Basic Ideas Behind Last of Us Jokes



The basic ideas behind Last of Us jokes is to provide some light hearted fun amid the harrowing and often dark nature of the game. They poke fun at some of the funny aspects of the game, such as how items and creatures behave in the post-apocalyptic world. These jokes range from witty one-liners to complex puns, but all rely on the player's familiarity with the game. They often reference specific characters, locations, or items in the game and can even draw upon some of the darker aspects of the game. Last of Us jokes are a great way to break the tension, add some levity to the situation, and remember the most enjoyable parts of the game.

Appreciating the Dark Humor of Last of Us Jokes



Appreciating the dark humor of Last of Us jokes is something that can be truly rewarding. It's a type of humor that is often unexpected and even shocking. Last of Us jokes often use serious topics like death and disaster in unexpected and humorous ways. The jokes can become even funnier when we remember that they are poking fun at a real-life situation. These jokes force us to take a step back and appreciate the ridiculousness of the world around us. They remind us that laughter is the greatest medicine and can be found in the darkest places.

Different Types of Last of Us Jokes



Different types of Last of Us jokes can range from light-hearted to darkly humorous—there's something for every fan of the series. For example, some people may find the virus-stricken world of the game funny in its own right. Jokes may be related to the game's iconic characters, such as Joel and Ellie, or the unique objects they come across during their post-apocalyptic journey. For those who enjoy using puns, the infected, called Clickers, can provide plenty of giggles. Finally, some people may opt to laugh at the horror elements of the game—especially considering its gory zombie-like creatures. No matter what type of joke tickles your funny bone, Last of Us jokes exist for all kinds of comedic tastes.

How to Use Last of Us Jokes in Everyday Life



Using Last of Us jokes in everyday life can be a great way to express yourself and have fun with your friends. To use these jokes, start by thinking of something humorous from the game that you can use in a conversation. Then, say the joke in a way that conveys its meaning without sounding too silly. For example, if you're talking about a difficult task, you could say, “It's like climbing an infected ladder in Last of Us”. When using these jokes, be sure to be respectful and mindful of other people's feelings. Even if the story is funny, use it in a way that isn't too disrespectful or cruel. Enjoy yourself and have fun while using Last of Us jokes in your everyday life!

Funniest Last Of Us Short Jokes

Short last of us jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The last of us humour may include short fallout 4 jokes also.

  1. My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
  2. My wife said, The Last of Us is a strange show, don't you agree? Me: Yeah, but I've seen stranger things on Netflix.
  3. Was sleeping in my girlfriend's house last night and her dad wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed I was really angry because he is actually really handsome
  4. Saw my ex... On my way home from work last year i saw my ex being beaten up by 3 guys, i stopped the car and ran over to help...she didnt stand a chance against 4 of us.
  5. British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k
  6. Met a girl in the park... Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.
    These taser guns are well worth the money.
  7. Husband: Grab some updog on your way home hon.. Wife: for the last time Greg, the kids an I are never coming back. Stop calling us, please...

    Husband: not much, what's up with you?
  8. Here's a joke my 5yo told us last night What do you call a pineapple with no yellow part?
    A cactus.
  9. It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.
  10. My father passed away last night because we couldn't remember his blood type... ...As he lay there dying he kept on insisting us to 'be positive', but it's really hard without him.

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Last Of Us One Liners

Which last of us one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with last of us? I can suggest the ones about red dead redemption and call of duty.

  1. I was asked to describe the last two us presidents in 5 words Orange is the new black
  2. Selling coffins must be a hard job. It's the last thing any of us need.
  3. What do I and Ronda Rousey have in common? neither of us can last more than a minute :(
  4. Why did the cold war last so long? The US couldn't stop Stalin.
  5. What was the last dinosaur to become extinct? The Toys R Us
  6. At least George Micheal wasn't a liar. Last Christmas he gave us his heart.
  7. I met a girl last night. I forgot her name, but it was one of the US states. Alaska

Gather Around for Fun Last Of Us Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about last of us you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dead redemption jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make last of us pranks.

The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch.


With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there.
"Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father.
"But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits.
"Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her.
And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"

Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.


They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....

After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"

Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

My daughter learned to count!

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.
"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month."
"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"
She smiled and held up four fingers.
It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

Irish hunters

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip, The pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down. A few moments after, climbing out of the wreckage, p**... asked m**..., "Any idea where we are?" "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."?

Poor ol' Billy Smith

Last night, the barman asked, "How come every time you come in here with your wife, Billy Smith quickly finishes his pint and leaves?"
I replied, "Billy was actually the first person to introduce us."
"So?"
"So, I usually punch him when I see him."

Romney was asked about the Chinese going to the moon...

He responded that when they are up there, they will be able to see the flag we planted over 40 years ago. This is a pretty clever comeback. But the last laugh is on us. The US flags are now all beached white due to the unprotected exposure to the sun's UV radiation. This means the Chinese will think the French made it first.

drinking

A guy says to his friend "Man, I feel terrible. Last night I drank too much, came home and blew chunks."
Friend says "aw don't worry mate, that happens to all of us"
Guy says "you don't understand; my dog's name is 'Chunks'"

At my school, the cafeteria has "World Cuisine" day once a week, in which one foreign nation's traditional cuisine is on the menu. Last week, the country was Ethiopia...

...they served us nothing.

A guy escape from prision

A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants s**..., do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!
"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "

The secret to wealth

A young man once asked a rich older man how he made all his money.
The dapper old fellow smoothed his tailored jacket and said, "Well young man, it was 1932, in the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to the last penny I had."
"I took that penny and I went and bought an apple. I spent the whole day shining that apple until it gleamed like the sun, then I took that apple to the market and sold it for two cents."
"The next day I took those two cents and bought two apples. I shined those apples all day and night until they were perfect, then I sold them at the market for four cents the next day. I worked at it like this for a month, sometimes selling, sometimes not, and at the end of the month I'd amassed myself a fortune. Nearly eight whole dollars. I'd never been so proud of myself in my life."
"Then my wife's father died and left us 2 million bucks."

Polish Moose Hunt

Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**.... After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

It is Fred's first day in prison.

After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, "41!" As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter. Then another prisoner stands and yells, "123!" Again, there is laughter throughout the room.
Puzzled, Fred asks the inmate sitting next to him what's going on. "Well," the older inmate says, "Most of us have been here so long that we have heard all the jokes. So we just number them and use the number."
Fred says, "I love to tell jokes! Give me one."
"Okay," says the older inmate. "Everybody loves old 72. It always gets a big laugh"
Fred stands up, waits for the laughter to die down from the last joke, and yells, "72!" There is nothing but silence as hundreds of inmates just turn and stare at him.
Fred sits down and looks at the inmate who gave him the number.
"What happened?" he asks.
The older man shrugs and says, "Some people just can't tell a joke."

Similarity between Shahrukh khan & me.

Similarity between Shahrukh khan & me.
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Both of us can't go to Wankhede Stadium to see
Sachin's last match...

So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

A bunch of rapists take over a monastery...

... and they tell the nuns to say their last prayers as virgins because they will r**... all of them. Just then a young nun jumps out and says "do whatever you which with us, but please spare our mother superior, she's rather old and fragile". The mother nun then interrupts her and says " hush child ... all of us means all of us"

A billionaire goes for a drive

... and his Rolls Royce pulls up next to a stoplight, and he notices someone on the side of the road picking grass and eating it. He orders his driver to turn right, and park on the side of the road next to the man. He exits the vehicle and walks up to the man, and asks him, "sir, why are you eating grass?" The man says, "I am hungry, and have no money to eat with, so all I have to eat is grass." The billionaire says to the man, "well then, come with me to my mansion and I'll feed you." The man replies with, "I have children, and a wife." The billionaire replies with, "that's fine, bring them too." The man replies with, "we also live with my brother in law, his wife, and his kids." The billionaire replies, "Bring them all, I'll send to have them picked up." The man asks the billionaire, "why sir are you so kind to us?" The billionaire replies with, "my last lawn crew quit, and the grass in the front acre is nearly 2ft tall."

I saw my ex getting jumped by six guys at a party last night, so I helped out

She didn't stand a chance against seven of us!

How to get rich

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

It's my coworkers last day...

A coworker is leaving this weekend to become a firefighter. We're throwing him a farewell party and want to have a funny pun written on the wall. Something like "seeing you leave really blows" but instead have it somehow relate to becoming a firefighter.
I know you guys can help us out. Thanks!

I ate at this restaurant last night. After dinner they gave us some strange cookies. I ate that cookie right away but my friends all removed a small paper message from theirs.

That cost me a fortune

Little Johnny was in School

When the teacher asked the class "What is the chemical formula for Water?"
Johnny raised his hands and shouts "H I J K L M N O"
The teacher looks confused and asked Johnny if he was even listening in last weeks class.
Johnny Replied "Well you told us it was H to O last week"

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer

were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a s**.... He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."

A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy

Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this is?
After a moment of silence an elderly specialist sitting in one of the front rows gets up and says "wedding cake"

An old man was in hospital. Lying in bed, he leaned over to the pretty young nurse attending to him and whispered in her ear "Give us a kiss, luv!"

"No!", replied the nurse
"Oh go on!", said the man
"No!", replied the nurse again
"Please!", begged the old man, "Just a quick p**... on the cheek?"
"For the last time, no!", said the nurse, "I shouldn't even be w**... you off!"

So I asked my wife, were you faking it last night?

She said: no I really was asleep.
(I heard this from Gazzo on Penn & Teller: Fool Us)

Few days ago an US Marine and a Russian General were talking at the beach

The Marine says to the General: "we have the greatest submarines on earth. We can last under water for several weeks."
The Russian interrupts:"no way our latest submarines last for 6 months without seeing any daylight."
The both stop talking as they are surprised by a submarine approaching the beach. A soldier jumps out raising his arm straight in the sky, yelling:"Hail h**... we need Diesel!"

The US can't rely on Hillary Clinton to create jobs

The last meaningful job Hillary had was outsourced to Monica Lewinsky...
...and Monica blew it!

Joke my scinence teacher dropped on us

A lithium atom walked into a bar and said
"Hey I think I left some electrons in here last night, have you seen any?"
The bar tender replied, "No, are you sure you lost them?"
The lithium atom replied "Yes I'm positive..."

A Soviet official visits the US

Part of his visit is about free media. His guides show him around the country. They visit different media outlets, they show him excerpt of media, to show how free the media is.
At the end of the visit, the official is impressed. Before leaving he asks his guides one last question.
'How do you do it?' He asks.
'Do what?'
'Make them all say the same thing'

There was a b**... in my neighborhood last night

The police told us to stay inside until they shot him

Dining Out

A waiter approached our table and asked us if we enjoyed our meal.
It was absolutely delicious, I ate every last bit! said my wife.
And Sir? said the waiter. How did you find the pork belly?
Oh, about six years ago, we met at a sales convention.

Not sure if this is the right place to post, but after the US election results from last night, I need help creating a new dating website. It will help desperate American men and women find love in Canada.

It'll be called ehHarmony

I walked into my sisters room and tripped on a bra...

It was a booby trap!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Stolen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^from ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^The ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Last ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Of ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^us

Milk joke

Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."
First post hope you like it. :)

A first grade teacher was trying to teach her students about animals

She said "What does the fat Cow give us?"
Her students shouted out "Milk!" Unanimously.
She then said "Well done! Now, what does the fluffy chicken give us?"
Her students responded with "Eggs!"
She then said "Good work! Now for the last question. What does the big pig give us?"
Her students paused for a moment and they all shouted "Homework!"

I'm so embarrassed, I got caught getting a b**... by my mum last week..

The worst thing is it was my dad who caught us

A rabbi is on his deathbed...

...and a friend asks him if he has any last requests. The Rabbi asks his friend to find him a Catholic priest, so that he might convert.
Confused, his friend asks, "Rabbi, why? You have been a great teacher and leader of your followers, and you have led a good and honorable Jewish life. Why would you want to become a Catholic now, before you die?"
He says, "Eh, better one of them than one of us."

My wife and I were driving home last night, both of us feeling h**...…

We couldn't wait to get home, so I pulled into a quiet road and we got down to it.
Then a cop on a motorbike came round the corner and gave me a ticket.
I said "What the f**...'s this for?"
He replied, "That's for doing 69 in a 30 zone."

Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau run a 100-meter race...

Trudeau easily overtakes Trump and wins.
Minutes later, the White House tweets a press note:
"President Trump won prestigious silver in US-Canada race. The Canadian showed up second-to-last."

I remember my first kiss.....

it was during recess, by the swings. Her name was Liz, she was in 4th grade. We were talking, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed her face and kissed her. It lasted about 10 seconds, we both awkwardly kissed each other, it took us both by surprise.
That night, it was all I could think about. Apparently, that night, she told her parents.
And that's why I can't teach in New York State anymore.

History teaches us that people developed their last names in ancient times for doing what they were known for in a village.

If, for example, your last name is "Smith" then chances are your family line had some artisan blacksmiths to boot.
I wonder what the last name "Dickinson" meant for people back in those days?

Me and my friend robbed a chemical plant last night.

We stole all their Alkaline.
Now all their base are belong to us.

My friends and I wanted to get Indian food last night

My friends and I wanted to get Indian food last night, but none of us could decide where to go. After asking around for good places to get Indian food, we finally decided to go get sandwiches at that New Delhi everyone kept talking about.

Two Irish woodsmen are looking for a job.

"Look here Gary. It says, 'Builders wanted'. But we're not builders!"
"What about that one?"
"It says, 'Looking for Painters'."
"But we don't paint!"
"Times are tough eh? Here's one last job offer; it says, 'Looking for Tree Fellers'."
"But, there's only two of us!"

Finally

I'm no longer a v**.... Last night I finally had s**... for my first time! I experienced a m**...! We performed great, all three of us: Me, Myself, and I.

I took my son to the space museum last weekend.

They charged us $5.50 to stand in an empty warehouse.

Folks with the last name Takei out there: you did us a solid, now it's our turn. When you need to tell people your full name, you can use the word Gay instead

Nice guys always finish last.

Which makes us really good in bed. Come on ladies..give us a try.

Please stop hating on Trump, he saved my friend's life!

Earlier last year my friend had been in a coma for years. The doctors tried everything and told us to pray for a miracle.
And then one day his nurse came and switched the TV to Trump's campaign, he woke up and turned it off.

I lived how Steve Jobs told us to live

"If you live each day as it was your last,… "
And I have no money left!

I texted my American friend and asked him to send a stable genius our way as we were fresh out.

He said that last stable genius the US had was Secretariat in 1973.

I was playing golf last weekend

There were two women ahead of us playing very slowly.
After 5 holes, I'd had enough, and went ahead to ask if we could play through.
I soon came back with a look of t**... on my face, and said it was my wife and my mistress and there was no way I could approach them and ask to play through, would he do it instead?
He went ahead, then returned and said "it's a small world, isn't it?"

I was staying at my girlfriends house last night and her dad wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed.

Old Soviet joke.

Reagan and Gorbachev run a marathon.
Reagan won.
Next day US newspapers: Reagan won. Gorgachev lost .
Soviet newspapers: Gorbachev finished second. Reagan finished next to last .

Revamped Reagan/Churchill-Gorbachev marathon joke.

Trump, Hillary, and Putin ran a marathon.
Trump wins, Putin finished last.
US newspapers: Hillary finished second.
Russian newspapers: Putin won.

Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.

Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd

A man jumps into a lion's cage to save a 5 year old boy by punching the lion in the nose

Soon, reporters are on the scene.
"Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself"
"Well, I'm currently a stockbroker, but I got out of the Army only two years ago"
"What do you do for fun"
"I'm an avid fisherman, and I teach rifle safety classes for the NRA"
"Who'd you vote for in the last election"
"Trump."
The next day, the headline reads:
*GUN TOTING RIGHT WING CRAZY REPUBLICAN CRAZED VETERAN CAPITALIST PUNCHES AN AFRICAN IMMIGRANT IN THE FACE, STEALS HIS LUNCH*

As I got into the operating room, my surgeon said it was a big day for the both of us...

He said, "Congratulations! This is my first surgery and your last!"

My grandpa died last year

My grandpa died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him..

As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive", but it's hard without him.

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen....

.....Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was,
'Hurry up, for Pete's sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

Saw an old man getting beat up by 3 younger men last night, so I decided to jump in and help

Against four of us, he didn't stand a chance

My dad died last year because my family couldn't remember his blood type

His last words were "be positive" but it's really hard to do that when he's not here with us.

Yo Mama: Walking Dead edition

Yo mama so fat... when she walked into Terminus, Gareth said, "We have enough food to last us a year."

My dad died last year. among the things he left us in his Legacy :

were some jump leads,
a tartan blanket
and the original subaru owners manual.

Last night in Jail they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be g**... but they were actually pretty good.

Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected.

My Grandpa died last week,because we couldn't figure out what was his blood type.

But he was strong man,who never gave up and he kept telling us to be positive till the last moment.

My friend has a f**... and his crush asked him out last night

She told him to meet her on Sunday but he already had plans with me and some friends
He decided to come with us and told us you know I wouldn't ditch you, bros before toes!

Went to a restaurant last night

I was a little worried because of it being so soon after the reopening. Sure all the sat tables were pretty well spaced out, but I was still nervous.
The waitress came over and gave us the standard greeting and asked us we wanted anything to drink, but I was still thinking about my health
I asked her if she had Covid-19
She said, Is Hep-C ok?

Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

jokes about last of us