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Last Name Jokes

118 last name jokes and hilarious last name puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about last name that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Last Name Short Jokes

Short last name jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The last name humour may include short first name jokes also.

  1. Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.
  2. There Once Was A Poet Named Bates, His poems weren't always first rate,
    His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,
    Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.
  3. I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
  4. An African American woman has 5 son's, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone. How do you tell them apart? By their last names.
  5. A police officer stopped my mom's car. Officer: First name?
    Mom: Frida
    Officer: Last name?
    Mom: Gomam
    Officer: So you're Frida Gomam?
    And my mom hit the accelerator.
  6. In class we learned that last names were determined by what your ancestors did So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson
  7. Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie? Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.
  8. Just an innocent question Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it.
    What is it?
    >!A last name.!<
  9. What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard? His last name
  10. If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors... Then I feel really bad for the boys of the "Dickinson" family tree.

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Last Name One Liners

Which last name one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with last name? I can suggest the ones about surname and letters after name.

  1. What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
  2. I've heard the canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?
  3. My friend Victor changed his last name to "E". No one knows why. He's become a Mystery.
  4. I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China" It was her made-in name
  5. What is Yoda's last name? Lay Hee Hoo
  6. How does a black mother tell her children apart? She remembers them by their last names.
  7. Had a blind date last night. Her name was ..:::.::…..:::.::
  8. My first name is Greatest, last name Ever Middle name "Mistake"
  9. Subtlety is my middle name And my first and last name too, in case they miss my point.
  10. Why does the FCC Chairman have the last name "Pai"? Because he is irrational...
  11. Alabama, the land of 5 million people... ...and 4 last names.
  12. In case you didn't know, Yoda has a last name... It's Layheehoo
  13. Met a 16 year old Asian girl last night. Her name was Tu Yung
  14. What's long and hard does polish bride get on her wedding night? A new last name
  15. What's big and long that a Polish girl gets on her wedding night? A new last name

Uproarious Last Name Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about last name you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean family history jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make last name pranks.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it?

A surname/last name

A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?

Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"
My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.
It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.

I am married to a korean wife and she told me I get to name our son's English name

We live in Korea and gave our son my wife's last name 모 (pronounced 'mo').
I got to choose his English name so I said we should call him Lester.
So when I go around and introduce my child I could say
"This is our child 모 Lester"

I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe...

I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe;
I said, "They're all named Joe?"
She said "Yeah it's great! When it's time for dinner I just have to yell "Joe! Dinner!" and they all come running.
I said, "but what do you do if you just want one of them?"
She said, "Oh then I just use their last name."

Last Names.

It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known for making barrels.
If your last name is Dickinson I wouldn't delve too deep into your family history.

Did you know the prefix Fitz in a name meant "son of"?

So when Patrick had a son, the last name would be Fitzpatrick, and Gerald's son was Fitzgerald, etc.
They had to stop though when Dickinson had a son.

Back in the day last name said something about your profession...

The Smiths would hammer away creating armor and weapons as blacksmiths. The Fishers would navigate the seas in search as fishermen. And The Dickinsons, well no one really knew what they did.

What does a German bride get from her husband on her wedding day that is long and hard?

A new last name.

What's something long and hard that every Polish woman receives on the night of her wedding?

A new last name!

A Black Woman

So there is a black woman who has four kids.
The first one is named Tyrone.
The second one is named Tyrone.
The third one is named Tyrone.
And the fourth one is maned Tyrone.
How does she tell them apart?
By their last name.

Exception to the rule

The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

You know many surnames are taken from jobs. Taylor , Smith , Cooper, etc.

Man, am I glad my last name isn't Dickinson!

A riddle for the day

A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!

Password security questions for the depressed

What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?

A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.

A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.

A man walked into McDonald's and saw a black woman with 8 children running all around her.

"Mike, stop that!" she shouted at one.
"Mike, stop bothering your brother," she yelled at another.
"Mike, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick your nose," she chided yet another.
"I'm sorry ma'am," the man said, "but... are all your boys named Mike?"
"Yes sir," she replied.
"Isn't that confusing?" he asked.
"No, they all have different last names."

A man from the Census Bureau knocks on an apartment door in the projects

A black woman answers the door and the man asks, "Excuse me, Ma'am, how many people live here?"
The woman replies, "Me and my 12 children".
"Wow" the man exclaims, "I had better go get an extra record sheet so I can write down all of their names".
"No, you won't need to" she says, "I named them all Leeroy".
The man stops for a second with a puzzled look on his face. "But Ma'am, how do you call them each to dinner?"
"I just yell 'Leeroy, time for dinner!' and they all come".
"But then how do you get them to go to bed?"
"Same thing. I just yell 'Leeroy, time for bed!' and they all get to bed".
"So what do you do when you want to speak to them one on one?"
"That's easy, I just call them by their last name."

A black woman has 5 children, all named Tyrone. How does she tell them apart?

Their last names.

Last Names

Back in olden days, people got their last names by their profession or something they were known for. For example, if your last name is smith, your ancestor was a black smith. If your last name is Carpenter your ancestor was a carpenter. And if your last name is Dickinson I have some bad news

What do Polish men give their wives on their wedding day that's long and hard?

Their last name.

What did the black lady name her 5 children?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did they know when she was talking to them?
She called them by their last names.

My vietnamese friends just got married. They have the same common last name, so neither of them needed to change anything.

You could say it's a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

A black mother has five kids: Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone. How does she tell them apart?

By their last names

A woman had five sons.

She named them Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone and Tyrone.
How did she tell them apart?
She just called them by their last names.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Donald Trump's is short, and madonna doesn't have one. What is it?

A last name

Women who marry Polish men get something long and hard on their wedding day.

A new last name.

The most common name in Vietnam can be used as both a first and a last name

I guess for them, it's a Nguyen Nguyen situation

A black mom has six kids all named Leroy.

She tells them apart by their different last names.

This Vietnamese couple I knew got married...

Luckily for them they shared the same last name so it wasn't a big hassle for either of them. It was a Nguyễn-Nguyễn situation.

Your spy name is

Your last name, followed by a brief pause and then your first and last name.

"You have a weird last name!"

....is what she said to him. He replied,
"Well, it's pretty common in my family"

A woman from the ghetto is in the grocery store with a whole crew of kids...

She yells out, "Billy!" and nine boys come running and line up by the door.
A passer-by laughs to himself and asks, "Did you name all your sons Billy?"
"Yup. Makes calling them for dinner a lot easier."
"What happens when you only need to talk to one of them?"
"Then I just call them by their last name."

A black woman named Latisha has three boys all named LeSean. How does she tell them apart?

Their last names!

There was this one lady, she named all her kids Leeroy. Another woman at the park asked her why. She said cause when I want them to do something I just say "Leeroy you better clean this up" or "Leeroy come to dinner" and they all do it. But what if one is in trouble the woman asked?

Why, then, I just use his last name.

What is Yoda's last name?

Layhehoo

What long and hard thing does a Norwegian wife get on her wedding night?

A last name

Why did Napoleon and his wife sleep with other people?

Because their last name was Bonaparte, not Bonetogether.

What is Yoda's last name?

LeHehu

Today I met a guy who's last name was Rapier.

I thought it was an awesome name, until he told me people sometimes think it's pronounced "r**...".
I guess his name is a double-edged sword.

To be quite frank,

My first name would have to be Quite, and my last name would have to be Frank.

I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding

My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.

What did the black woman name her five children?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone
How did she tell them apart you ask?
She just called em by their last name.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it?

Last Names

My Vietnamese friends just got married, but by coincidence share the same last name so there was no hassle...

It was a Nguyễn-Nguyễn situation.

"Edward, I gave you scissors for hands, but don't let that define who you are"

Ok. BTW what's my last name?
"Scissorhands"

A lad named Jack confronts his alcoholic father

You s**... old man, our last name is Inoff you did this on purpose!
His father replies Nah I named you after Jack Daniels. But that's pretty d**... funny too!

A black woman has five kids all named Jamal, how does she tell them apart?

By their last names.

My family's last name is 'Expectation'

The entire family is currently in the hospital because of my stepdad, he started with me and said that for once in his life he'd beat all expectations

Is your last name Ghandi?

Because you're Mah Hot Ma

Teacher to a 4 Year old kid: What's your Mom's name?

Kid: Mom's last name must be "Darling" because that's what Daddy calls her every time....
Teacher: That's so sweet. What's her first name then?
Kid: I think it's "Sorry"....

Can you beat my top 3 Polish jokes?

>What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name
>Did you hear about the Polish carpool?
They meet at work in the morning
>Did you heal about the Polish t**... that tried to blow up the bus?
He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe

My middle name is Consistency

So are my first and last names.

"My last name is Smith, because my dad was a blacksmith." "My last name is Fisher, because my dad was a fisherman."

"My last name is Dickinson, and I dont like this game"

The polish bride.

[Might be a repost, but c'mon, I'm pretty sure there would be atleast one person who wouldn't have heard this one]
What is long and hard, that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A new last name.

J-Lo's new nickname

Jennifer Lopez is called J-Lo. She dropped the last 3 letters of her last name. She got rid of them. Dispensed with them.
Doesn't that make her a pez dispenser?

Did you know Yoda had a last name?

It was Layheehoo.

A man calls the IRS office

"Hi, my last name is Sweady, but on the cheque you sent me for my tax return, you've written it as cyirwu."
"I'm sorry about that, could you spell it out for me?"
"Sure, S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u, and Y as in you."

A Polish girl got married

On her wedding night, she received something long and hard from her husband.
It was his last name.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one,

Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it?
A last name you pervert.

Jimmy had five sons named Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy and Rudy. How did he tell them apart?

He called them by their last name.

jokes about last name