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Last Born Jokes

44 last born jokes and hilarious last born puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about last born that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Last Born Short Jokes

Short last born jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The last born humour may include short first born jokes also.

  1. I was tickling my brothers feet last night... ...and my mum woke up and had a right go at me. It was something about waiting until he's born first.
  2. Tickled my little sisters foot last night and mom went crazy about it… Something about waiting until she's born
  3. I was asked at my last job interview if I was a natural born citizen? I had to tell the truth: "Nope. Cesarean!
  4. My grandmother was born under the sign of Cancer, which is ironic because last week she actually got killed by a giant crab.
  5. The apostles are at the last supper... Jesus is eating like a slob and spilling wine everywhere and Judas says to him "Were you born in a barn?"
  6. Did you know: The human brain starts working the moment you're born and never stops until.. your wife asks where you were last night!
  7. Our baby was born last week.
    When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
    When the kids are in college.
  8. I find dates interesting, what I find interesting is the coincidences that can crop up. For instance, it's been 6,877 days since I was born. And it's also 6,877 days since I was last inside a women.
  9. If Hunter Renfrow has another game against Alabama like the last two championships, I've decided that I'm going to name my first born child after him. Hopefully, Jessica will adapt to the new name.
  10. Dating in your late 30s is weird. I recently dated a girl who was born the year I lost my virginity That's the last time I date someone two years younger than me

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Last Born One Liners

Which last born one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with last born? I can suggest the ones about second born and youngest.

  1. How long does the average black marriage last? Until the baby's born.
  2. Why can't you fool an aborted baby? It wasn't born last night!

Last Born Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about last born you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eldest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make last born pranks.

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a v**.... She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a v**..., lived as a v**..., died as a v**...." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a v**.... She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a v**..., lived as a v**..., died as a v**...." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

My wife is so k**..., when she was born, the doctor slapped her bottom to make her cry, and she said "Don't forget to pull my hair" I accidentally swallowed some WhiteOut last night.
Woke up with a massive correction.

A man has three daughters...

One of them goes up to him one day and says, "Daddy, why was I named Rose?" The dad replies, "Because when you were born, a rose petal fell onto your head.
A second daughter asks him, "Daddy, why was I named Daisy?" And the dad replies, "Because when you were born, a daisy petal fell onto your head."
His last daughter says, "Guuuuaaaahuuugghhhhhppoakkk!" And the dad says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

Missing some parts (not for the easily offended)

A couple are in a hospital waiting to see their newly born child for the first time, when the doctor comes in and says; "I'm afraid I've got some bad news." The couple look shocked. "Your baby seems to be missing some parts; follow me." The couple follow the doctor down the hall into a room of newly born babies. First, they approach a baby with no arms. The wife screams, "Oh God! Is this my baby?" The doctor says, "no, keep following". Next the couple approach a baby with no arms or legs. The husband asks, "Please doc, is this our baby?". Again, the doctor says, "no. Follow me" Next they get to a baby that is just a head. The wife, almost hysterical now, proclaims, "I can't take this; how am I supposed to look after a head?" The doctor, beginning to anger, says, "Please Mrs Smith. This baby is not yours; I'll tell you when it is your child." Finally the doctor reaches the last baby. He announces, "This, is your child." The baby is just an eye. The couple immediately break down crying. The doctor then says, "And I'm afraid I've got some more bad news;
he's blind."

The officer and the speeding Harley

Officer stops a Harley for speeding so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and give him a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.
When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'
The officer just walks away...

So on wheel of fortune ...

On wheel of fortune, the spokesperson interviews each person standing by their game position. the spokesperson gets to the last contestant and asks: "what is your name?"
this woman was a large, black, and chubby chick.
she replies "Treasure."
a man in the crowd whispers to his friend 'wanna know why they named her treasure?"
"sure" he replies
"because when she was born, they wanted so desperately to bury her."

Three Daughters

One day, three daughters were spending time with their father when a question arised from the first daughter.
"Father, Why is my name, Rose?", she asked.
"When you were born, a Rose dropped on your head, and so we decided to name you Rose", explained the father.
The second daughter then approached her father:
"Father, Why is my name Daisy?" - she asked.
"When you were born, a Daisy fell on your head, and therefore we decided to name you Daisy."
Lastly, the third daughter then approached her father:
"duuuuh, uh, duh, bur bur, mur duh ah"
The father then replied: "Shut up Cinderblock."

A child was born without a body...

The doctor said there was nothing they could do, but the parents cared for their child anyways.
Several years later, the parents were approached by the same doctor, saying, "I've got some good news. We now have the capability to give your child a body, would you like that?" Of course the parents were overjoyed and immediately agreed.
Another few years went by, and the parents enjoyed being able to hold their child at least, but they wanted their child to have the best life possible, so of course they accepted when the doctor offered to give their child arms.
They loved being able to play with their baby, but were sad that they couldn't teach him to walk. They prayed for the day that the doctor would come just one last time, and it finally came. The doctor asked if they would like to try a new procedure to give their child legs, and they joyfully accepted.
They enjoyed all their time running and playing with their newly whole child, until one day the child was playing in the yard and ran right in front of a cement truck and died.
I guess you could say that the moral of this story is, "stop while you're a head".

I was fired from work at school...

So, due to a minor defect at birth, I was born with Strabismus, and up until last Friday, I was happy performing my duties as a teacher.
Unfortunately, I was fired. My boss told me he couldn't have a teacher in his school that couldn't control his pupils.

A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder


They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"

Born without eyelids.

Last week a little boy was born at the hospital without any eyelids. Puzzled the doctors didn't know what to make of it. In a snap of genius, when they circumcised the boy they also replaced his missing eyelids. Only problem is now he's c**...-eyed.

A man has three daughters...

And one day his oldest daughter came up to him and asked, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
The man replied, "Because that's the first thing that fell on your head when you were born, sweetheart." The daughter thanked him and ran off.
Later, the middle daughter came up to him and said, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
The man replied, "Because that's the first thing that fell on your head when you were born, sweetheart." Again, his daughter thanked him and ran off.
Later, the last daughter came up to him, and said, "Uhhhouahhhaauma."
The man said, "Shut up, Cinder Block."

Did you hear about the kid born without eyelids?

Yeah, apparently a baby boy was born without eyelids just last week! Obviously that was a problem and the child's sight wouldn't last long unless the doctors acted quick, so they decided to take a skin graft from the boy and use it to protect his eyes. The most logical solution for the quick thinking doctor was to use the child's f**..., since he would probably be circumcised anyways.
Those are about all the details I know from the story, but I guess the baby is doing ok. The doctor said he would be fine, and should keep his eyesight, he just might end up a little c**...-eyed.

2 Brunettes and a Blonde

One dark and stormy night, 2 burnettes and a blonde escape from prison. To get out of the rain and hide from the cops they go into a barn where they find 3 sacks to hide in. One cop goes into the born and yells to other
"There's nothing in here, just 3 sacks" to which the other cop replies
"Kick the sacks and make sure they're not hiding in them"
So the cop kicks the first sack with the brunette in it and she goes "roof roof"
Oh its just a s**... dog the cop says. He kicks the second one with the other brunette in it and she goes "meow meow"
Oh its just a s**... cat.
So he kicks the last sack with the blone in it and she goes "POTATOES"

A daughters asks her mother why her name is Rose

A daughter asks her mom, "Why is my name Rose?"
The Mom replies "because when you were born the wind blew a rose onto your head
The second daughter asks her mom, "Why is my name Lilly?"
The mom replies, "Because when you were born a Lilly fell on your head"
The Last daughter goes up to her mom and goes "Blaoddttuaiweeeioosnsns"
And her mom goes "Shut up Cinderblock"

The daughter of the house walks over to her mom and asks:

"Mom. Why is my name Leaf?"
Her mother answers:
"Well, that is because when you were a new born, a leaf landed on your head."
Later the oldest son asks:
"Mom. Why is my name Feather?"
"That is because when you were a new born, a feather landed on your head." The mother answers
Lastly the youngest son walks up to his mother and says: "Ihlaadskleblaødertmakusigalabongilahaudershirp!!"
The mother says: "Please be quiet, refrigerator"

A baby boy was born last week with no eyelids.

They used his f**... to graft eyelids.
The poor kid is now cockeyed.

A man with three daughters

Was sitting on his couch one day when his oldest daughter comes up to him and asks, dad why did you rose? He replies, well when you were born me and your mother took you to the park and a rose petal fell on you forehead, so we decided to name you rose. She accepts this and goes on her way. A little while latter another daughter comes to him and asks " dad why did you name me daisy"? The man replies " well when you were born we took you to the park and a daisy petal fell on your forehead so we named you daisy" she accepts his answer and leaves. Time goes by and his last daughter come to him and asks " Daud wha oo mam meeee cebernok"? Confused the man asked "what did you say cinder block"

Why is my name...?

The little boy comes in to his mother, and says:
"Mum, why is my name Feather?"
"That is because son, when you were born, a feather fell on your head."
Her daughter then comes in, and asks:
"Mum, why is my name Leaf?"
"That is because when you were born, a leaf fell on your head."
Then her last child comes in, and says:
"Hymacttmmdrerrr?"
"Be quiet, Tumbledryer."

Maria is a devoted wife.

She gets married and has 17 children.Soon after the last child is born,her husband dies.A few weeks later she remarried and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.After the last child is born her second husband also dies.Within a month Maria is engaged to be married for the third time.Unfortunately,she becomes very ill and dies.At her f**... the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in coffin.He looks up to heaven and says"At last they are finally together".A man standing next to the priest asks,"excuse me Father,but do you mean Maria and her first husband or Maria and her second husband?The priest replied"I MEANS HER LEGS" Sorry for the grammar mistakes.

A father-to-be was waiting anxiously outside the labour ward where his wife was delivering a baby.

A nurse came up to the man and said, 'You have a girl, but there's another one on the way, so come back soon.'
'Twins,' he thought, a little shakily. He went away and came back an hour later to be told that the second baby had been born, but there was still another on the way.
'Good grief,' he thought.
He went to the pub down the street, and after a beer he phoned in and was told a fourth one was on the way. He started to drown his sorrows. A few stiff whiskies later he called the hospital again, but was so drunk he dialled the wrong number - and got the recorded cricket score. Crying in agony, he collapsed on the floor, a poor, devastated, shuddering and weeping mess.
As the barman struggled to pick him up, he heard the voice from the phone say, 'The score is 88 all out. And the last one was a duck.'

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.

Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.
After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time.
Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in
her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
"At least, they're finally together."
A man standing next to the priest asks,
"Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband,
or Maria and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."

A bottle of Scotch

An old Scotsman is lying on his deathbed, and he gasped out one last request. He says to his friend who's at his bedside:"Remember that fine old bottle of Scotch me father bought on the day I was born, that I've saved all these many years?". His friend shakes his head "yes". The old man says:"Would ya do me a great favor, and pour it over me grave when I'm gone?". His friend replies:"Surely lad, but do ya mind if I strain it through me kidneys first?".

There was three brothers: Little Tear, Little Feather and Little Brick

One day, Little Tear asked their mom:
— Mommy, why I'm called 'Little Tear'?
Then Mom said:
— That's because when you were born, a tear dropped in your head.
......
So Little Feather asked:
— And why I'm called like that?
— That's because a feather fell on your head when you were born, son.
......
Lastly, Little Brick asked:
— *ANNNNNNNNNNHHHHAOAOAOOA*

There was a boy born without eye lids last week!

Doctors were able to make him eye lids out of the f**... from his circumcision.

They think he will be alright, but he is going to be a little c**...-eyed.

There were three sisters and all were wondering how they got their names

So the first one goes, mommy, why is my name rose? Mom says, because a rose fell on your head when you were born second sister says, mommy, why is my name tiara? Mom says, because a tiara fell on your head when u were born . The last sister goes, BLAHWARADURGABAAAA!! And the mom says, shut up BRICK!!

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...

...I think I've really improved the delivery!
(True Story: Today is baby number four, and this is basically the same lame joke I told/posted when our last child was born. Dad jokes 4TW!)

I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.

Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:
"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."
For f**...'s sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!

Two 5 year old boys are in the hospital waiting to go into surgery. The first boy asks the other, "What are having done?"

"I'm having my tonsils taken out."
"Oh you're going to love it. I had that done last year and I got to eat ice cream for a week. Best week ever."
The second boy asks, "What about you?"
"Circumcision," the first boy replies.
The second boy responds, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for almost a year."