Lass Jokes
20 lass jokes and hilarious lass puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lass that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for a laugh riot with jokes about Yorkshire lasses, dames, gals, and schoolboys! This article is packed with the best and funniest gags where you can find the one that best fits your audience. Read on and find out why everyone loves these lass jokes!
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Funniest Lass Short Jokes
Short lass jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lass humour may include short style jokes also.
- A Scottish, fedora-wearing art professor complimented his Scandinavian student. "Nice skies, Finnish lass!"
- A Scottish man goes to a drag bar looking for love... He thought he found it in a woman there, but a lass, he did not.
- Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses." - Seven year old Lebron was in English class, when his teacher asked him to use dictate in a sentence. So he says,
"Lass night I heard Daddy askin' Momma, 'how do my dictate?'"
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Lass One Liners
Which lass one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lass? I can suggest the ones about slug and isle.
- What do neckbeards put on their pancakes? M'lasses
- What's a single Scottish man's favourite kind of cookie? Mo' lasses
- I thought I was about to get lucky in Thailand A lass it was not to be
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Lass Jokes
What funny jokes about lass you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean layer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lass pranks.
A Newcastle girl goes into a hair salon
The stylist says "Why aye lass, what do yee want?"
"Can I have a perm please?" says the customer. The stylist responds:
*Ah wandered lernley as a cloud that flerts on high oer vales an' hills...*
A journalist is writing an article about the trend for Scottish men to wear tights under their kilts
She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'
'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'
'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'
'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I make sure to put on tights.'
'I see, why did you only start doing that three years ago?'
'Well lass, was about three years ago that my wife found a pair of tights in the back of my car.'
Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred
*Bark!*
What is it Lassie?
*Bark! Bark bark!*
What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well!
*Bark! Bark bark woof!*
Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time.
Why didn't Lassie have to save Timmy on Christmas Day?
No well
George and Mildred
It was a pleasant, sunny afternoon in the park, full of Sunday revelers. George and Mildred were sitting together on a park bench, feeding the ducks. Mildred turned to George and said: "You know George, we've been together 29 years now, don't you think its about time we were getting married?"
George stared reflectively into the distance and replied, "Aye, Lass, but who would have us?"
A Scotsman is at a bar..
A woman at the bar looks on in interest at his kilt, noticing this he yells at her "You can put your hand up there if ya like!"
She can't contain her curiosity, and upon sliding her hand up his kilt she shrieks "Oh it's gruesome!"
He chuckles,
"Put your hand up again lass, It's grew some more!!"
A Scottish lass inquired to a man wearing a kilt "Is it true what that say about what's underneath a man's kilt?"
"Place your hand beneath and see for yourself' replied he. She obliged and cried out "Sir, that's gruesome!" He said "If you place your hand back again, you'll find it's gruesome more!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pittsburgh
There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh.
Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman.
The priests were all embarrassed and in new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in n**... and dimes." So, of course, he also fled.
Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And
I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend told me to take a spider out last night instead of killing it.
We went and had some drinks. Funny Lass, bit fed up of all the web developers out there though. She said she prefers those who like to live on the edge, maybe perhaps, a spy-der.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch ...
Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch, wearing their overalls, chewing on a piece of grass.
Bubba: "Hey Clem, y'all 'member that Farmer's Daughter from lass week?"
Clem: "Ye-up", as a smile crosses his face.
Bubba: "Clem, you really care if'n she gets all pregnant?"
Clem: "Nah'really, and bu'now, she lon' gone, leff da county."
Bubba: "So, I'ma guess'n we'all can take off these here condoms now."
Clem: "Ye-up."
A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party...
A young lady in New Orleans is having her 16th birthday party when she runs up to her uncle and firmly tells him: "When you gonna take me to Florida or don't you remember your promise?" Her uncle seem a little confused, and as he gazed down at her quizzically, and a twinkle in his eyes and stated- "I never said I was going to take you to Florida" The young lass, shocked he didn't remember said- " Yes you did. You said when I turn 16, you were going to Tampa with me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meeting the Irish Mother
A young Irish lad takes the girl he loves to meet his family.
The matriarch of the family asks the girlfriend, "So, tell me, lass, what is your occupation?"
The girl hesitantly says, "Well, Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a p**...."
Immediately, the lad's mother faints. After regaining consciousness, she asks again, "Forgive me, dearie. I don't think I heard you correctly. What is your occupation?"
Again the girl says, "Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a p**...."
The mother laughs, "Oh my, dearie, for a moment there I thought you said you were a Protestant!"
Have you ever lassoed a bear?
No, but I'm shootin ropes in my shorts just thinking about it!
A woman is marrying a sailor
Before the wedding night her father warns her
"Now lass, when you get to bed tonight he might demand it 'the other way around'"
"What do you mean" she asks but he tells her she'll find out soon enough.
The wedding night comes and goes without the groom asking for it the other way around and through 10 years of marriage still no request. Finally the woman can contain her curiosity any longer and says to her husband
"Would you like it 'the other way around' tonight?"
To which he replies
"What - and risk you getting pregnant?"
