Lass Jokes

22 lass jokes and hilarious lass puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lass that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Get ready for a laugh riot with jokes about Yorkshire lasses, dames, gals, and schoolboys! This article is packed with the best and funniest gags where you can find the one that best fits your audience. Read on and find out why everyone loves these lass jokes!

Funniest Lass Short Jokes

Short lass jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lass humour may include short ties jokes also.

  1. I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night... "You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.
    "Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.
    "Salad tastes nice."
  2. A Scottish, fedora-wearing art professor complimented his Scandinavian student. "Nice skies, Finnish lass!"
  3. A Scottish man goes to a drag bar looking for love... He thought he found it in a woman there, but a lass, he did not.
  4. Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
    He said, "
    So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
  5. Seven year old Lebron was in English class, when his teacher asked him to use dictate in a sentence. So he says,
    "Lass night I heard Daddy askin' Momma, 'how do my dictate?'"
  6. Why does a pirate prefer to drink in a bar that serves r**..., instead of gin? Because it has mo'lasses.
  7. Happy p**...'s Day lads and lasses Irish chat up line:
    Have ya got any Irish in ya?
    I don't.
    Well would ya like some?

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Lass One Liners

Which lass one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lass? I can suggest the ones about style and slug.

  1. Whats the difference beetwen a lad and a lass? The d
  2. What do neckbeards put on their pancakes? M'lasses
  3. What's a single Scottish man's favourite kind of cookie? Mo' lasses
  4. I thought I was about to get lucky in Thailand A lass it was not to be
  5. *tips fedora at two ladys covered in a hot sticky brown mess* M'lasses

Lass joke, *tips fedora at two ladys covered in a hot sticky brown mess*

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Lass Jokes

What funny jokes about lass you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean isle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lass pranks.

A Newcastle girl goes into a hair salon

The stylist says "Why aye lass, what do yee want?"
"Can I have a perm please?" says the customer. The stylist responds:
*Ah wandered lernley as a cloud that flerts on high oer vales an' hills...*

A journalist is writing an article about the trend for Scottish men to wear tights under their kilts

She walks up to an old man on the streets of Glasgow and asks 'excuse me, do you ever wear a kilt?'
'Aye, about once a week or so you'll catch me in a kilt.'
'Well when you wear a kilt, do you wear tights underneath?'
'Aye, every time I've worn a kilt for the past three years I make sure to put on tights.'
'I see, why did you only start doing that three years ago?'
'Well lass, was about three years ago that my wife found a pair of tights in the back of my car.'

So a pirate has been on a ship for 6 months...

but there are no women on the ship and being male,he had some...urges, so he asked the captain " arr its been 6 months since we've had a lass on the ship and some of the others are getting urges. what can we do about them??" and the captain responds" go down to the front of the ship and there will be a barrel, stick your privates in there and go at it." so he did as he was told and when he was done he came back. he told the captain " captain! that was great! how many times can i use it????" and the captain turned to him and said " every day except thursday." and the pirate asked " why?" the captain responded " aye, because thats your turn to be in the barrel."

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his g**... St. Patrick's Day.

He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'

Lassie runs up to Farmer Fred

What is it Lassie?
*Bark! Bark bark!*
What's that girl? Timmy fell down a well!
*Bark! Bark bark woof!*
Right! I'll say you were here with me the whole time.

Why didn't Lassie have to save Timmy on Christmas Day?

No well

George and Mildred

It was a pleasant, sunny afternoon in the park, full of Sunday revelers. George and Mildred were sitting together on a park bench, feeding the ducks. Mildred turned to George and said: "You know George, we've been together 29 years now, don't you think its about time we were getting married?"
George stared reflectively into the distance and replied, "Aye, Lass, but who would have us?"

A Scotsman is at a bar..

A woman at the bar looks on in interest at his kilt, noticing this he yells at her "You can put your hand up there if ya like!"
She can't contain her curiosity, and upon sliding her hand up his kilt she shrieks "Oh it's gruesome!"
He chuckles,
"Put your hand up again lass, It's grew some more!!"

A Scottish lass inquired to a man wearing a kilt "Is it true what that say about what's underneath a man's kilt?"

"Place your hand beneath and see for yourself' replied he. She obliged and cried out "Sir, that's gruesome!" He said "If you place your hand back again, you'll find it's gruesome more!"


There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh.
Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman.
The priests were all embarrassed and in new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. "Young lady," he began, "I would like three pickets to titsburg." Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh," he began, "and I would like the change in n**... and dimes." So, of course, he also fled.
Then came the third. "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And
I must say," he continued, "if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you."

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out last night instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Funny Lass, bit fed up of all the web developers out there though. She said she prefers those who like to live on the edge, maybe perhaps, a spy-der.

Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch ...

Bubba and Clem k**... back on their porch, wearing their overalls, chewing on a piece of grass.
Bubba: "Hey Clem, y'all 'member that Farmer's Daughter from lass week?"
Clem: "Ye-up", as a smile crosses his face.
Bubba: "Clem, you really care if'n she gets all pregnant?"
Clem: "Nah'really, and bu'now, she lon' gone, leff da county."
Bubba: "So, I'ma guess'n we'all can take off these here condoms now."
Clem: "Ye-up."

Lass joke, A Scottish man goes to a drag bar looking for love...