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Laser Jokes

65 laser jokes and hilarious laser puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about laser that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out this collection of jokes about lasers! From laser eye surgery to laser tag to laser guns and moons to photons, there’s something for everyone to laugh about and relate to. Whether you’re an expert or novice, these laser related puns and jokes will leave your friends and family in stitches!

Funniest Laser Short Jokes

Short laser jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The laser humour may include short ultrasound jokes also.

  1. I got banned from laser tag today.... I guess they didn't like it when i used a knife to save ammo.
  2. There are hundreds of features on a brand-new BMW; heated seats, bluetooth audio, laser-headlights, etc... Which among them goes completely ignored? The turn signals.
  3. What do children and tattoos have in common? Both are pretty permanent, but can be removed with lasers.
  4. My cat freaked out when I told him he was adopted. Granted, I spelled it out on the floor with a laser pointer.
  5. A Burglar broke into our house last night. I didn't shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead. Our three cats did the rest.
  6. How did Marjorie Taylor Greene find out about the secret Jewish Space Laser? It Torah hole in the atmosphere!
  7. Tattoos are like children... You think they are permanent, but they can easily be removed with a laser.
  8. In my spare time I'm helping blind children. This is a lot of fun, especially since I got my new 3W blue laser pointer.
  9. Got laser eye surgery last month Still can't fire lasers out of my eyes. Am I doing it wrong? Should I get a refund?
  10. So now I'm banned from going to the laser tag fun center They said I'm not allowed to use melee attacks

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Laser One Liners

Which laser one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with laser? I can suggest the ones about radar and razor.

  1. I got banned from laser tag today. Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
  2. Why don't cats make good burglars? They can't get past the laser defenses
  3. So...I got banned from laser tag today Apparently you can't use a knife to conserve ammo
  4. What do you get when you cross a church with a laser tag arena? Pew! Pew! Pew!
  5. How is a church like a laser gun? Pew! Pew! Pew!
  6. A laser and a microwave got into an argument I heard it got pretty heated.
  7. What sounds do TIE Fighter lasers make? P2W! P2W!
  8. Scientists created the first white laser. They were fired for racism and hate speech.
  9. Finally getting laser eye surgery next month Very excited to have laser eyes.
  10. Why did the cat cross the road? The chicken had a laser pointer
  11. Who's gonna win the Euro 2020 finale? Depends on how many lasers the crowd brings
  12. What sounds do lasers make in a church? Pew pew pew!
  13. Hello, Tech Support? How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  14. Cats and girls A cat chasing lasers is like me chasing girls.
    I never get em.
  15. Opening a laser eye clinic. Going to name it CircumVision... SEE what I did there?

Laser Pointer Jokes

Here is a list of funny laser pointer jokes and even better laser pointer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A police man stopped a man with a laser pointer. Policeman: Sir, what's the power on that laser you have there?
    Man: 75.
    Policeman: 75 what?
    Man: Yep.
  • I love helping blind people in my spare time. Especially since I got my new 3 watts laser pointer.
  • Someone used a cane to point out stuff instead of a laser pointer during a presentation today. He asked for feedback on his presentation.

    I said it was fantastick
  • My 3 watts blue laser pointer finally arrived and I played with it over the weekend. I can no longer see why people say these devices were so dangerous.

Laser Tag Jokes

Here is a list of funny laser tag jokes and even better laser tag puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where do the boats go when they're sick? The doc.
    (I worked at a laser tag arena for 6 years and have been relayed dad jokes by offspring a many a times, this one was 4 years old)
  • Nobody wants to play laser tag with me… They always say I get too into it when I start p**... whipping everyone.
    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Laser joke, Nobody wants to play laser tag with me…

Laser Eye Surgery Jokes

Here is a list of funny laser eye surgery jokes and even better laser eye surgery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Finally got round to booking my laser eye surgery for the 1st January Can't wait to have 2020 vision.
  • I just got laser eye surgery and I can't help but feel cheated Because I still can't see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch
  • If Superman was a doctor, what would he specialize in? Laser eye surgery.
  • What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do?
    Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
  • Why did Xmen's Cyclops go to the doctors? Because he needed laser eye surgery!

Laser Gun Jokes

Here is a list of funny laser gun jokes and even better laser gun puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The guns in Star Trek didnt actually shoot lasers... They were faux-ton guns.
  • Where does a laser gun sit in church? On a pew pew
  • Why is a laser gun Vladimir Putin's weapon of choice? Lasers are always straight.

Laser Hair Removal Jokes

Here is a list of funny laser hair removal jokes and even better laser hair removal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I wanted to get rid of my body hair through laser hair removal But it grew on me
  • I recently got laser hair removal on my groin... It was a combo hair removal and health foods facility. I left with Brazilian nuts.
  • What is laser hair? And why do I need it removed?
Laser joke, What is laser hair?

Giggle-Inducing Laser Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about laser you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean x ray jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make laser pranks.

As the patient recovers from laser eye surgery, the surgeon comes in asks if they want the good news or the bad news first.

The patient excitedly replies, I'll take the good news first.
The surgeon tells them, Well, you're about to get a new dog!

I was worried if my laser eye surgeon was going to be any good.

But I can't see any problem now.

A burglar broke into our house last night…

I didn't fight back, I just put the red laser dot on his forehead and the 3 cats did the rest.
(Copied from a comment I saw to funny not to share since this whole sub is reposts)

My friend works for the telephone company, repairing fiber optic cables. I've told him he should wear eye protection when working on lit cables, because the laser energy can cause permanent eye injury.

He said he would look into it.

My town has a large epilepsy hospital

Today, I wanted to do something nice for the kids: they're always so sad about not being able to do normal things. It was a $1200 investment for all of them total, but...
Who's ready for laser tag!?

While defending the relevance of his laser experiments, the scientist shouted,

"Photons matter!"

What did the laser say when it entered the church?

Pew pew pew!

What does a laser in a church sound like?

Pew pew pew!

I have the laser focus of a cat

But I just can't catch the d**... thing

Laser joke, I have the laser focus of a cat

jokes about laser