lars Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious lars puns

This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign that says "Lars Olafsen's Laundry."

"Lars Olafsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?"

So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Lars Olafsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers "Is name of owner."

The visitor asks, "Well, who is the owner?"

"I am he," answers the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Lars Olafsen?"

The old man replies:

"Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blond Norwegian. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Lars Olafsen.' She look at me and say, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sam Ting.'

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Diesel Fitter

Ole and Lars who worked together were both laid off, so off they were to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week unemployment pay.

Lars was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave him $600 a week.

When Ole finds out he is furious. He stormed back to find out why Lars, his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor." "What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls on it and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"

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If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to Kermit and his friends

He'd be a pastor of muppets

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21st Birthdays

A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink.

So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July."

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Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes

Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. "Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?" Lars asked. "Vell, I yust don't have any clothes to vear, dat's why," answered Lena. "Vat you talking about," said Lars as he opened the closet door and began counting: "Vun dress, two dress, tree dress, four dress... Oh, hello Ole... Five dress...

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An elderly Norwegian named Lars decided to March to the alter at the ripe old age of 85 with a shapely miss who was only 35. His friends cautioned him about the health hazard involved, saying that the exertion of amour could prove to be fatal. "Vell, dat's the chance I'll have to take," said Lars. "If she dies...she dies."

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The nurse told Ole to strip to the waist. So he took off his pants.

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Lars and Lena and two other couples were being considered for membership in the Trinity Church. The minister explained that one of the requirements was for the couples to abstain from relations three weeks prior to final approval. "When you demonstrate self control, you will be welcomed to membership in Trinity Church," explained the minister.

Two of the couples indicated compliance, so the minister said, "You are now welcomed to the Church."

However, Lars and Lena admitted that on the last day of the three week period, they had succumbed after Lars became aroused when his wife Lena leaned over to pick up a spool of thread that had dropped to the floor.

"I'm extremely sorry," said the minister, "but I have to say that you now cannot be welcomed into the Trinity Church."

"Vell," said Lars, "Ve are not velcome at Sears anymore eeder.."

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Swede: When is your birthday?
Norwegian: March 21st.
Swede: What year?
Norwegian: Every year.

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Ole made a visit to the church on the corner near his home, found a priest and proceeded to make a confession. "Father, I got some tings to tell you about. I had an affair vith da vidow on Oak street last veek. And this veek I been getting togedder vith a coupla married vomen in my apartment."

"Well," said the priest, "for penance you better go home and say 40 Hail Marys."

"Oh, I ain't Cat'lick," explained Ole.

"You're not Catholic?" Exclaimed the priest. "Then, why are you telling ME?"

"Becoss," said Ole, "I'm telling EVERBODY!"

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A swede was sympathizing with a Norwegian who lost three wives in less that a year. The swede asked how they died.
"Vell, da first vun died from poisoned mushrooms," explained the Norwegian.
"And the second one?" Asked the Swede?
"Same ting...poisoned mushrooms."
"How about the last?"
"Oh her," said the Norwegian, "Fractured skull."
"How?"
"Wouldn't eat her mushrooms."

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Judge: You've been brought here for drinking.
Dane: Swell! Let's get started.

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Ole and Sven get called into the morgue....

Lars's house had burned down and a charred body was found among the wreckage. The sheriff, knowing that Ole and Sven were good buddies of Lars, called them down to identify the body. Ole goes in first and the sheriff asks him "So is this Lars?" and Ole says "Well I'm not sure now. Could ya flip him over on his belly?" So he does and Ole says "No dat ders not Lars." Next the sheriff calls Sven in and asks him "Is this Lars?" Sven replies "Well his face is pretty gosh darn charred, why don'tcha flip em over?" So he does and Sven says "No sir dat ain't Lars." The sheriff then asked "Why the heck did both you and Ole ask to flip him over?" Sven replied "Well everywhere we went people would say There goes Lars with them two assholes."

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Why is the video of a guy playing "Enter Sandman" with dildos such a big deal?

Kirk has been playing it with Lars and James for 27 years.

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I'm guessing that the Banksy painting was from Lars Ulrich's collection.

Seeing as how it was Hardwired to Self-Destruct.

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Wes Anderson is also known as

Lars von Geometrier

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Lars, from Holland, and Maria, a Filipino, got married...

...and had three little Hollapiños

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What are the most funny Lars jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Lars? Well, here are the best Lars dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Lars pick up lines to share with friends.

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