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Larry Jokes

67 larry jokes and hilarious larry puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about larry that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover some of the funniest Larry Jokes around. Learn the meanings behind popular phrases like 'Little Larry', 'Hurricane Larry', and 'Leisure Suit Larry'. Get to know Kim Larry and Larry David. Plus, read up on Larry the Cat, Larry Bhagat Na, and Geri Prise, then finish with a laugh (or two) with some Jeffrey Larry Jokes.

Funniest Larry Short Jokes

Short larry jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The larry humour may include short tom jokes also.

  1. Four guys are hanging out. One of them says, Hey, did you know 1 out of ever 4 guys is gay?
    Larry says, I hope it's chuck because he's really cute.
  2. Larry Nassar would have gotten away with it.... if it weren't for those medaling kids!
    Showerthoughts removed my original, so going for gold here.
  3. Oh hey, Larry's sporting bling in his ears Joe: When did you start wearing earrings?
    Larry: Since the day my wife found them in my car.
  4. A screwdriver walks into a bar... The bartender sees it and shouts out, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
    The screwdriver gets excited and says, "You have a drink named Larry?"
  5. A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, Hey, we've got a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, Oh dang, you got a drink named Larry?
  6. A Grasshopper walks into a bar... He sits down and the bartender looks at him and says: Hey! Ya know, we have a drink named after you?! The Grasshopper replies: You have a drink named Larry?
  7. I actually come from a parallel universe where Earth was destroyed by Larry the Cable Guy. We called the event Arma-Git-R-Done.
  8. People are really sad about the news that Larry King has lung cancer while others are excited to hear he's alive.
  9. Larry the Cucumber was having trouble. Bob the Tomatoe walked in and said, "Sounds like quite the pickle".
  10. A man told his servant, "Call me a taxi, Larry" The servant replied, "Sure sir, You're a taxi."

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Larry One Liners

Which larry one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with larry? I can suggest the ones about bob and .

  1. My boss just told me that I'm doing the work of three men... Moe, Larry and Curly
  2. Lazy Larry walks into a bar... At least, he *said* he would.
  3. Why did Larry and Curly apply for security clearance? Because they were going to Gitmo
  4. Larry sued Mary after she banned him from using the printer It was a matter of copyright.
  5. What do you call a man who invents "PageRank"? Larry Page ..go figure? (True Story)
  6. The Tree Stooges: Moehogany, Cherry, and Curly Maple Alternate for Larry: Larchy
  7. What kind of beer does Larry Page drink? Jeem Ale
  8. Larry Nassar would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those Medaling kids
  9. What do you call a guy who knows every word in the dictionary? Vocabu-Larry.
  10. Which bird can jump the highest? Larry Bird
  11. They just named a street after Larry the Cable guy in the city I live. Not funny blvd.
  12. Hey Larry Ha, that's Hi Larryous
  13. What does a ghost say on Halloween? Hi, I'm Larry. Nice to meet you.
  14. Larry the Cable Guy is such a whiner He always plays the race car.
  15. What do Hillary's e-mails and Larry Kings Bladder have in common? They both leak

Little Larry Jokes

Here is a list of funny little larry jokes and even better little larry puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I accidentally bumped into a little person yesterday. I asked if he was OK and he said "I'm not happy". I said "well, which one are you then?" (Credit to Larry the Cable Guy)

Larry King Jokes

Here is a list of funny larry king jokes and even better larry king puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If I had more than one kid, I'd call the second kid ... ... etcetera.
    - Marilyn Manson in his 2013 interview with Larry King.
Larry joke, If I had more than one kid, I'd call the second kid ...

Great Larry Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about larry you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make larry pranks.

My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.

My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.

Tom and Larry go to the movies

Tom and Larry go see a movie that features a horse race. Tom turns to Larry and says, "I'll bet you $20 that the white horse wins." Larry responds, "No way. I'll take that bet any day." Unfortunately for Larry, the white horse won. After the movie, Tom says, "you don't have to pay me. I'd already seen this movie, and now I feel bad about making the bet." Larry, looking very confused, replies, "well, so had I, but I didn't think he could do it again."

Larry was not a good gift giver.

Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.

Frank's wife goes missing

Frank's wife goes missing and a week later he bumps into his friend Larry on the street. "Frank! How are you? You look a little worse for wear. Any news on your wife?"
"Hi Larry, I'm alright. They said I should be prepared for the worst."
"Oh god that's awful!" Larry sympathises.
"Yeah I know right. I had to buy all her stuff back from the thrift shop this afternoon."

Larry at the police station

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

There once was a man named Larry


Whose stomach detested dairy
He had ice cream
Harmless it seemed
But next afternoon he was buried

Larry is a biologist who prefers to observe his deep-sea specimens up close in the field

He works well under pressure

Baseball

A man, Tom was with his friend, Larry, Larry was about to die. "Let me know if there's baseball in heaven". said Tom. The next day as Tom was sleeping he woke up to Larry's voice.
"Tom, I have good news and bad news." "What's the good news"?
asked Tom. "There is baseball in heaven". explained Larry. "What's the bad news"? asked Tom "You're pitching Tuesday". said Larry

Today's Top Joke

Tom was at the hospital visiting with his best friend Larry who was dying. Tom asked, "If there is baseball in heaven will you come back and tell me?" Larry nodded yes just as he passed away. That night while Tom was sleeping, he heard Larry's voice in a dream, "Tom..." "Larry! What is it?!" asked Tom. "I have good news and bad news from heaven." "What's the good news?" "There is baseball in heaven after all, but the bad news is you're pitching on Tuesday."

It's no surprise that Trump is here, just look at all the movies where there is a black President and something comes to destroy the earth.

All credits go to Larry Wilmore. ;)

I walked in on my best friend Larry b**... my wife.

I said "Larry, I gotta', but you?"

Larry La Prise, the creator of the hokey pokey died this week....

Every thing went well with the f**... except putting the body in the casket
They put the left leg in....
And then the trouble started

I hopped in a cab after work and said to the cabbie

"My wife won't put out any more. Take me somewhere I can get an easy chick that won't say no"
10 minutes later he dropped me off at my house and said
"Just tell her Larry sent you"

"I don't want to be remembered. I want the nice words when I can hear them."

- Larry Lewitz

A husband's last request to his wife

*on my death bed*
Me: One thing I want you to do for me...
Wife: Name it?
Me: I want you to marry Larry.
Wife: (pause)You sure? I thought you hated Larry?
Me: I do.

William left his hair-piece at my house.

I decide I'll give it to him when I see him next time. However, my friend Larry came over to borrow some money.
I told him I cant.
"Why?" he asked.
"I got Bill's toupee."

What question do you think Larry Nassar asked all those women that he'll be asked in prison?

How does it feel when I do this?

Kim Jong Un, Martin Shkreli, Donald Trump, and Larry Nassar are put into an arena forced to fight to the death. Who wins?

Society

A mule walks in to a bar...

And sits down. The bartender sees him and says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!!"
The mule says "You have a drink named Larry?"

Can't cook

Two bachelors, Larry and Frank were out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking.
I got a cook book once said Larry. But I couldn't do anything with it.
Too much fancy stuff in it, huh? asked Frank.
You said it, Larry replied, nodding.
Every one of those recipes began the same way: Take a clean plate…

If I write with the wrong hand that I've lost a limb to Lefty Loathin' Larry...

Then the right hand is my left hand, and my right hand is what's left!

Tony calls his buddy Larry and asks him what he's going to do tonight.

Larry tells Tony, "I'm gonna be layin' linoleum."
Tony says, "Oh yeah!! You think she can get a friend for me?!!"

After days of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, Larry finally confronted her.

"Admit it," he said. "The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me a million dollars."
"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back. "I don't care who left the money with you."

A man walks in to a bar

And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.
How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender
No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire
Okay - so he must be extremely charming?
Larry is actually a man of very few words
Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??
I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, l**... his eyebrows..

Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.
Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

A census enumerator is working out in the country when he knocks on the door of a farmhouse.

A woman opens the door, and the man explains he's with the census and she agrees to do the interview. Eventually he gets to the part where he asks if she has children.
Let's see, says the woman, There's Timmy and Tammy; they're 4. There's Molly and Holly; they're 8. There's Terry and Larry; they're–
The census worker cuts her off, wide-eyed. You mean to tell me, he says, that you got twins EVERY time?!
The woman laughs and says Oh goodness, no! There was hundreds of times we didn't get anything!

THE crowded restaurant had a sign reading

Not Responsible for Personal Items , so Larry kept checking on his belongings.
Finally his friend said, Larry, you're driving me nuts. Stop watching our coats.
I'm only watching mine, Larry said. Yours was stolen half an hour ago.

A little boy came home from the playground with a b**... nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"

Three old guys are sitting around in the park.....

discussing whose memory goes back the farthest. Says Larry, I remember being taken to the church, all dressed up in this scratchy white stuff, and having people standing around and someone splashing water on me.
Aww, that's nothing, says Irv. I can remember this nice, dark room, and then being squeezed something terrible, and coming out into this big bright room and being spanked—it was awful.
I got you two beat by a mile, says Fred. I remember going to a picnic with my father and coming back with my mother.

Larry is having his performance evaluation and his boss is showing his disappointment.

He said, Larry, you used to be a great worker, but for the past few months I never seem to see you working when I come by your office. What happened?
Larry looks at the boss and said, Well, in August they carpeted the hallway…

Larry joke, Larry is having his performance evaluation and his boss is showing his disappointment.

jokes about larry