Larger Jokes
105 larger jokes and hilarious larger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about larger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Larger Short Jokes
Short larger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The larger humour may include short bigger jokes also.
- My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data. I guess the N's justify the means.
- Everyone has heard of the King David Hotel in Jerusalem... ...but nobody has heard of the Goliath Hotel, even though it is much larger and only a stone's throw away.
- I never knew why a Frisbee became larger as it got closer... Then it hit me. . .
^^^I'm ^^^sorry - Pandemic fun CUSTOMER: why has your colleague got a larger plastic face covering than you?
SHOP ASSISTANT: that's the supervisor. - In statistics, a larger sample size results in more reliable averages. The Ns justify the means.
- I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
- iPad Apple will be unveiling a larger iPad.
Proctor & Gamble is set to file suit over trademark infringements over Apple's new Max iPad. - I was standing in the park today, and I was wondering why a Frisbee appears larger, the closer it gets..... Then it hit me.
- To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ... Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!
- Standing in the park I was wondering Why does the frisbee get larger when it gets closer?
And then it hit me.
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Larger One Liners
Which larger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with larger? I can suggest the ones about smaller and longer.
- What gets larger every single time I see my girlfriend? My crippling debt.
- I was wondering why the frisbee was getting larger and larger. And then it hit me.
- I wondered why the frisbee was getting larger every second Then it hit me.
- Yo mama so FAT She can't store files larger than 4 GB.
- I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets… then it hit me.
- Your mother is so FAT She can't even recognise files larger than 4 gigabytes.
- I couldn't figure out why the basketball kept getting larger and larger Then it hit me.
- What's the difference between a fox and a dog? About 8 pints of larger.
- Your mom is so FAT.... She can't save files larger than 4 gigabytes!
- Most recent obesity study was inconclusive They needed a larger test group.
- Impotence Impotence is when Earths gravity is larger than your wifes
- I was wondering why the basketball kept getting larger and larger Then it hit me
- Max wondered why the ball was slowing growing larger.... and then it hit him.
- Why do guys like cars? Because objects in mirror are larger than they appear.
- What's a Zebra? 26 sizes larger than an A bra.
Charming Humor Larger Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about larger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean greater jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make larger pranks.
Two brothers on Christmas day
So there are two brothers, Jimmy and Timmy
They both run down stairs to see what Santa had brought them
The presents are divided into two piles, with Jimmy's pile being larger
Jimmy say, " Haha, my pile is bigger!"
Then Timmy says," Well, atleast I don't have cancer."
So there's a little guy sitting at a bar....(heard this years ago, hope it isn't a repost)
...when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. "That's boxing, from Las Vegas."
The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goes back to his drink. The big guy also sits back down, but after a few minutes he gets back up and kicks the little guy who slides all the way to the end of the bar. "That's karate, from Japan."
Again, the little fellow just quietly gets up, goes back to his seat, and resumes drinking. A few more minutes go by and the big fella gets up a third time, grabs the little dude, and throws him right into the door of the bar. "That's kung fu, from China."
This time, however, the little guy gets up and just walks out. After some time he walks back in, right up behind the big guy, and cracks him over the head, laying him unconscious in the floor. The little guy looks at the bartender and says "You tell that s**... when he wakes up that that was crowbar, from Sears and Roebuck."
Half full, Half empty.
Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.
Neutralists decline to comment.
The Vicar's Salary
At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.
Whales
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!
Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....
...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for something larger, and he finds an old railroad tie. He lifts up the railroad tie and chucks it down the hole. Still no sound.
Then out of NOWHERE, Harry sees a goat charging at him full speed from behind. Harry dives out of the way, then watches as the goat charges strait down the hole.
Harry is sitting there, perplexed, when a farmer approaches Harry and asks
Farmer: "Hey son, you haven't seen a goat around here have you?"
Harry: "Actually, Yes I did! It was the strangest thing, a goat just charged me full speed! I was just able to get out of the way. THEN the goat ran strait down that hole over there" as Harry points to the hole.
Farmer: "That's impossible, I tied that goat to a railroad tie"
A Pirate Captain Spots a Naval Ship On The Horizon
... He turns to his first mate and says "Get me my red shirt!". The first mate asks why and the captain replies, "If I get injured in battle I wouldn't want my crew to worry about me". The first mate nods and fetches the shirt.
The pirates engage the naval ship but soon discover it was a the flagship of a much larger naval fleet that was heading in their direction.
The captain turns to his first mate and says "Fetch me my brown pants!"
Need help: looking for parade jokes. (I know, right?)
I was asked to announce the 4th of July parade in my small hometown. Was wondering if anyone here has been at a parade and heard something funny.
The only thing to work off of right now is that Josh Duhmel is announcing the 4th of July parade in a larger town about 20 minutes away.
Thanks
So there were two larger girls at the bar...
I went to the bar and overheard two heavy girls talking with an odd accent.
I asked them, 'Are you two ladies from Scotland?'
One turned to me and said, 'It's Wales, you idiot!'
'Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?'
Jon was excited about his new rifle..
... and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear. The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have s**...." Jon decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him. The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough s**...." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there. The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
An American visiting the U.K .......
has had a little too much to drink one particular night. He noticed two larger females sitting in the corner of the pub so he walks over to spark up a conversation and he says, hello ladies, I couldn't help but notice your accents. ……Are you both from Ireland?
They sneer at him and the one says it's Wales!
So the man says my apologies. ….Are you whales from Ireland?
worst day
A small man sits in a bar with his beer when another, larger man comes into the bar walks up to the small one, hits him on the shoulder grabs his beer and drinks it in one shot. The small one then starts crying horrible. The other man starts to feel sorry for him and says: "Hey man, it's just a beer, i'll get you another" The small man continues crying and replies:
"Just a beer? Then listen to what happened to me today. I got fired, my wife left me, got thrown out of my house, my bank account got closed. I decided to take my life. I want to cut my wrists, knife blunt. I lay on the railway, dead track. I want to hang myself, rope tears. Now I buy some beer with the little money I have left, pour poison in it, and you drink it!"
I was in a bar when...
I was in a bar in London throwing back brewski's when these two larger women walked in. They both had strong accents so I asked.
*"Are you two ladies from Scotland?"*
One of the ladies turned to me and said,
*"It's Wales you idiot"*
I must've been so drunk that I didn't notice so, I immediately apologized and said,
*"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"*
Don't remember much else.
I was with some friends and we started talking about movies.
One of my friends mentioned that the sets in old Westerns were often built slightly smaller than normal to make the leading man appear larger. I said that that would make sense because I heard that John Wayne, while filming a scene with his co-star, complained that the town wasn't big enough for the two of them.
So the other day I went into a local shop with a sign that read "Therapist"
They should really put a larger space between the "e" and the "r"
Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical m**... store
I'll call it glazed and confused
My first job was a dishwasher at the National Radar Company
Turns out the dishes were a lot larger than I first thought
Today I was wondering "why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets?"...
... And then it hit me.
- Steven Wright
Do you know why one side of the V Is slightly larger when birds fly together?
Because there are more birds on that side.
A team of computer scientists just announced their discovery of the new largest prime number.
Apparently it's 5x larger than the last one!
I was looking at the baseball, trying to figure out why it was getting larger.
Then it hit me.
So MotherTeresa is in heaven, but...
she notices that Princess Diana has a bigger halo than her. So Mother Teresa goes to God and asks why Princess Diana has a larger halo. God laughs and responds, "Oh, that's not a halo, that's the steering wheel."
My grandmother told me this joke, all credit to her.
Having s**... is like you're doing fractions
it is improper for the larger one to be on top
How do the chinese name their children?
They take a metal bucket (larger for boys, smaller for girls), and roll it down a set of stairs, then take notes of the sounds it makes.
Why do drugs for small dogs have to be tested on larger ones first?
All canine drugs must be lab tested before their public release.
Procrastination is similar to m**...
The longer you wait the larger the load
Is your business interested in reaching a larger and wider audience?
Pm me for my ex wife's email address
I was standing in the middle of a park...
Pondering about why a frisbee was growing larger and larger...
And then, it hit me
Doing laundry is a lot like m**...
the longer I wait the larger my load
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.
It read… MAIN ENTRANCE.
Why did Jeffrey d**... move to a larger apartment?
He needed more leg room.
What's a small black dot between two larger white ones?
A flea with cotton wool in its ears.
My girlfriend asked me, "what are we going to do with your eyesight?"
"we're going to have to buy a larger hearing aid."
Recently, a group of scientists discovered...
a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.
TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants
Cashier: You can't pay with this Fifty. We don't accept bills larger than a Twenty.
Me: I'm pretty sure they're the same size.
How did the heckawii indians get their name?
They split off from a larger tribe and fallowed a river, they walked for weeks and months until finally coming to a great plain, the Indian chief looked at the medicine man and said "where the heck are we?"
A blond and a redhead are talking one afternoon.
Redhead - "So how was your weekend?"
Blond - "Not to good my cat got it's tail cut off by the lawn mower."
Redhead - "That's terrible! What did you do about it?"
Blond - "Well I got the cat and it's tail and took it to Walmart."
Redhead - "Why wouldnt you take the cat to the vet?"
Blond - "Well I heard that Walmart was the larger retailer in the country."
Credit goes to my mother for this one.
Germany has a vegan party that consist of nearly 1% of its votes.
Its not going to grow much larger though. It's hard for them to get much work done. They never meet.
I was staring at a tennis ball, wondering why it was getting larger and larger.
And then it hit me.
A Butcher is Selling Meat and Has One Chicken Left
A butcher is selling meat at his shop and is down to his last chicken.
A woman comes into the store and approaches the butcher. She asks the butcher for a chicken.
The butcher goes into the freezer and pulls out his only remaining chicken. He returns and puts it on the counter.
The woman takes a look at the chicken and asks the butcher if he has any larger chicken.
The butcher takes the chicken and puts it back in the freezer. He waits a minute, pulls the same chicken back out of the freezer, and returns. He puts it in front of the woman and says this is a bigger chicken.
Great! Says the woman, I'll take them both!
A New Yorker visits a Texan
The Texan shows the New Yorker around his place. "Howd'ya like it?", he asks.
"It's not bad", answers the New Yorker, "but I'll be honest, I expected you Texans to have larger places. The living room's too small, the master bedroom is small too, there is only one bathroom, and there isn't even a balcony."
"Hold your horses!" says the Texan. "We haven't even gotten outta the elevator yet!"
What do people having s**... and improper fractions have in common?
It's improper for the larger one to be on top.
I have a lot of big dreams for my future, in 10 years I hope to see myself
in a larger, more luxurious mirror.
There were three restaurants
There were three restaurants on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."
The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."
On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."
Ants can float on water using their toes. But why can't larger ants float on milk?
Because they lack toes in taller ants.
They say families were larger in the past due to higher child mortality rates....
but as it turns out, your great-great-great-GREEEEAAAT-Grandma really just loved her some D
Sat on a park bench wondering why a frisbee appears larger and larger the closer it gets..
Then it hit me
Why did the pirate store their loot in an arid area?
Because desert tends to make the b**... larger.
The wall
Why trump wants to build a wall around the us mexico border?
To defeat china by building a larger wall.
What do the Twin Towers and number of genders have in common? [Updated]
There were two of them that got most of the attention but they were actually only a subset of a larger group.
I couldn't figure out why the cricket ball kept getting larger
Then it hit me.
Why do midgets only buy larger size track shoes?
Because they run small.
You see the number in your bank account grow larger and larger.
It also dashes in the front.
Standing 2 steps from my wife I took a step towards her and asked, "Did you feel that?"
The force of attraction between us just got four times larger.
A larger-than-life character, Big Tony, walks into a bar.
Big Tony orders a drink. He bellows out, "when Big Tony drinks, everybody drinks!" The patrons of the bar all rush to get served their favorite tipple.
Then he orders some food. "When Big Tony eats, everybody eats!" Suddenly the kitchen is overwhelmed.
He places a twenty on the bar, and as he walks out, he bellows "When Big Tony pays, everybody pays!"
My girlfriend tells me she admires the fact that I have the body of a 20 year old
I know that she's just being nice because in reality, she has a much larger collection and a lot of them are younger than 20
two big pieces of tarmac walk into a bar...
the pieces of tarmac walk up the counter and begin to order their drinks, but as they do, a small piece of pink tarmac walks in.
the two larger pieces of tarmac say to the bartender: "please. let the pink tarmac order first."
the bartender replies: "why, are you two big lads scared of a small piece of tarmac like that?"
they reply: "of course. she's a cycle path."
My wife was showing me a really unique houseplant she was growing. When she first planted it, it was a male, and it produced pollen.
After a while, it stopped producing pollen and started making seeds. It had outgrown its p**..., so my wife wanted me to help her put it in a larger one. I said, Sure, I can help you transplant the transplant.
Wouldn't plants that d**... keep growing larger?
Since they soiled themselves
