Large Jokes
154 large jokes and hilarious large puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about large that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for hilarious jokes on a magnitude of varying sizes? Look no further! Here you’ll find jokes exploring everything from large foreheads and heads to immense feet, noses and mouths, and even jokes about the massive Large Hadron Collider! See how these large jokes can make your day bigger and brighter!
Quick Jump To
- Short Large Jokes
- Large One Liners
- Large Head Jokes
- Large Family Jokes
- Large Sums Jokes
- Large Feet Jokes
- More Large Jokes
Funniest Large Short Jokes
Short large jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The large humour may include short huge jokes also.
- Im surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount; a large gap in number had never bothered him before. Get it?
- Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.
- My sense of humor is a lot like COVID Tasteless, not good for large groups, and anyone who gets it is pretty sick.
- Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party. Lady: Do you mean a choir?
Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group? - I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.
- A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day... ...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.
- How do you make a small fortune from investing in Bitcoin? Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.
- A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."
- Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn
- In order to make a relationship work, you have to make a lot of sacrifices…. Which is why I keep a large number of goats in my garden…
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Large One Liners
Which large one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with large? I can suggest the ones about size and medium.
- I searched google for "how to start a large fire" 52,000 matches
- I know how to make a small fortune from gambling start with a large fortune
- If a psychic dwarf is evading the police... Does that make him a small medium at large?
- Why does Ariel wear seashells? Because B were too small and D were too large
- How do the Lanisters make large beds? They put two twins together to make a king.
- What's large, grey, and doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
- What is the fastest way to get a small fortune? Start with a large one
- I recently came into a large sum of money. Now it's all sticky and no one will accept it.
- What do you call an area with a large amount of poor Italians? The Spaghetto
- What do you call a 4 foot psychic that got away with robbery? A small medium at large
- A large hole appeared outside the local police station. They're looking into it.
- A large hole was found in the middle of the city. Officials are looking into it.
- Hey girl, are you a large concrete structure forming an artificial lake? ...because dam.
- What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail? A small medium at large
- What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A large fortune
Large Head Jokes
Here is a list of funny large head jokes and even better large head puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are the two biggest lies when working for a large corporation? "Hello. I'm from the head office and I'm here to help you"
"Welcome. We're glad to have you" - a district administrator was offered a large bribe to fire some of the heads of his local schools but he stuck by his principals
- A man who was hit over the head with a large seasoning mill has died... The pepper-trator remains to be found.
- Every woman is wild about it... It's hard...
It has a large purple head...
It's stiff...
It's about 5 inches long...
WHAT IS IT?
((cot death)) - What do you call someone with a large head? The headmaster.
- How do Africans carry Ebola? In large baskets balanced on top of their heads.
Large Family Jokes
Here is a list of funny large family jokes and even better large family puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An Asian woman brings her large Irish boyfriend to meet her traditional parents Her mother says:
"You bring great Shamus to this family." - What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an English degree? The pizza can feed a family of four.
- My great grandma couldn't stop giggling at our large family barbecue... I asked her what she found so funny?
"Everyone here is alive, because I got laid." she said. - What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a family of 4.
- What's the difference between a degree in gender studies and a large pizza A large pizza can feed a family of four
- What's the difference between a professional drummer and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
- What's the difference between you and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed an entire family.
- What is the difference between a arts graduate and a large pizza ? Pizza can feed a family of four
- What'd the difference between an aspiring musician and a large Pizza? The large Pizza can actually feed a family of four.
- Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family... ... in another city!
Large Sums Jokes
Here is a list of funny large sums jokes and even better large sums puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I recently came into a large sum of money... ...and then the cashier wouldn't accept it.
- I came into a large sum of money recently... Which is weird, because I normally just use paper towels.
- I recently came into a large sum of money Now all the bills are sticking together
- I recently came into a very large sum of money so they fired me from my job at the bank.
- What did they call the guy who sold several fashionable hat companies for an incredibly large sum of money? A multi-milliner.
- I recently came into a large sum of money. It was great until the shopkeeper said he wouldn't accept my sticky bills.
- Kentucky Fried Chicken just donated a large sum of money to a hospital I heard they are calling it the Chicken Wing
- I recently came into a large sum of money Most of which was used to pay my court fees for when I was charged with jacking off in a bank vault.
- I've recently come into a large sum of money. The horrified Royal Mint staff called the police.
Large Feet Jokes
Here is a list of funny large feet jokes and even better large feet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do ducks have webbed feet? To put out fires.
Why do elephants have large, flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks. - I FINALLY opened my shoe store that only sells large sizes. Let me tell you, that was no small feet.
- Police are looking for an escaped convict who is 4 feet tall and can communicate with ghosts. He is a small medium at large.
- What to do when you step on a landmine Jump fifty feet in the air and spread yourself over a large area
- You know what they say about men with large feet... They have large shoes
- We're told men with large feet have large d**... and men with big cars have small d**... You would almost think these stereotypes were conceived by clowns.
Happy Large Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about large you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tiny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make large pranks.
Street Performance
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."
I was in a pub...
I was in a pub last Saturday night, drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's pretty much the last thing I remember...
A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area
As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
A woman in her twenties sees a large black man walking by and decides to flirt with him. So is it true what they say about black guys?
He responds, Sure is. Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.
Single Ladies.
A woman was once buying a very large cucumber, some condoms, and some Vaseline. She gets up to the checkout counter and the cashier says, "I can tell you're single." The flirtatious woman replies, "Oh really, how can you tell that?" The man looks at her with a stern face and says, "Because you're ugly."
So there were two larger girls at the bar...
I went to the bar and overheard two heavy girls talking with an odd accent.
I asked them, 'Are you two ladies from Scotland?'
One turned to me and said, 'It's Wales, you idiot!'
'Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?'
A man with a wooden eye is at a dance..
During a slow dance, he can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and is frank with her, asking "Would you dance with me?"
Filled with excitement, she yells "Would I?!"
Without missing a beat, the man retorts: "BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!"
A priest and a taxi driver die and go to heaven.
St. Peter greets them. He takes the taxi driver to a large mansion. St. Peter than takes the priest to a slightly less nice house. "Wait," said the priest,"Why does the taxi driver get a nicer house than me?" St. Peter looked at his book and said,"It says here that when you preached, people slept, but when he drove, people prayed!"
Willpower
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
A man was drinking in a British pub
...when he noticed two very large women with strong accents. "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?" he asked.
"It's Wales, you idiot" one answered.
"I'm sorry" the man replied. "Are you two whales from Ireland?"
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
A groaner just for you...
Q. What do you have if you are holding a mothball in your right hand and a mothball in your left hand?
A. A **VERY** large moth...
Two old ladies are outside smoking a cigarette
It starts raining and without hesitating one of the ladies pulls a c**... out of her purse and covers the cig to keep it from getting wet.
The other lady thinks this is genius and walks to the nearest pharmacy.
She grabs a pack of extra large condoms and proceeds to check out.
The cashier says," ma'am, are you sure you need these in extra large?"
The old lady replies, "well I'm not sure, do you think they'll fit a Camel?"
A Blonde and Condoms
The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."
2 nuns were smoking when it started to rain...
The first nun takes out a c**... and cuts off the end and slides it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
The second nun notices that it is keeping the first nuns cigarette dry and asks "where'd you get that?"
"From the Pharmacy" replied the first nun.
So the second nun heads down to the pharmacy and asks the clerk for a pack of condoms.
"What size do you need" asked the clerk.
The nun replied - "Large enough to fit a Camel"
Was walking by a mental hospital when...
I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
I have an irrational fear of large intricate corporate buildings.
You could say I have a complex complex complex.
Sean Connery was in his private library.
He was sat down reading a book when a large encyclopaedia fell and hit him on the head. "Ouch!" He said. "What was that? Who is responsible for this?" He then looked down at the book and noticed what it was. "Oh well" he said. "I guess I've only got myshelf to blame".
I failed my Health and Safety Test today
apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer
A blonde woman walks into a library
A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."
The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."
The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."
(Credit goes to my dad for this one. He had another one that I can't remember but once I do I'm coming back to post it)
Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
A man from out of town walks into a bar...
he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.
An American walks into a swiss bank with two large bags
He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"
The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."
I was sitting in church when a guy walked in and said hi to me.
He then walked up into the tower of the church and hit his face against the large bell a few times.
#b**... b**... b**...
He then walked back down the stairs and said "See you later mate" and walked out. As he left a few fellow church goers said to me, "Do you know that guy?"
I replied, "I don't think so, but his face rings a bell"
English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.
The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"
The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"
The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"
A Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer juggle.
The juggler notices the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands on a large wooden box and calls out can you see me now?
Yes
Oui
Si
Ja
Last night I ate 3 large spicy curry rolls while watching Westworld.
These violent delights have violent ends.
Looking for his wife...
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Why?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
I went to a large bookstore ...
... and asked the lady at the counter, where the self-help section was. She said if she would tell me, it would defeat the very purpose of it.
Two men are lost in the desert
Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.
He turned to the man behind him and said, "I guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination."
What is the difference between a raven and a crow??
Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3.
So if you think about it, it's just a matter of a pinion
A beautiful blonde woman approaches a pharmacist and asks, "Do you have extra large condoms?"
The pharmacist replies, "Yes, isle 11."
The blonde goes to the isle. But about 30 minutes later she is still looking at the condoms. The pharmacist calls over to her, "Do you need some help?"
The woman replies, "No, I'm just waiting for somebody to buy some."
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples
Two blondes meet on a village road.
One of the blondes was carrying a large gunny bag over her shoulder.
'Hey there,' hailed second blonde, 'what is in the bag?'
'Chickens,' came the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?'
'You can have both of them.'
'OK.. five?' Said the second blonde.
My local cinema was robbed last night of £754.
The thieves took a bag of maltesers, a pick n mix and a large drink...
I recently failed out of military school when I was asked what steps I would take to ensure my safety during a t**... attack.
Apparently, 'Fucking large ones' wasn't the right answer.
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, s**..., but it's not your turn."
A man has lost his wife in a supermarket...
And while looking for her, he sees a stunning brunette. The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Why?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.
Why did the army sergeant only accept fat recruits into his squad?
He wanted to say he had large privates.
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the cashier "do you have extra large condoms".
the cashier says "yes, second aisle to the left. You wanna buy some?"
the woman says
"No, but would you mind if I wait here until someone else does"
A wife went to the beach and didn't return. A husband called the police.
The police came in a week.
- We have 3 news for you: good, bad and great.
- Let's start with the bad one.
- Your wife drowned - we pulled her out of the water.
- And what is the good news?
- We have picked up a bucket of large c**... from her body.
- And what is the great news?
- We'll pull it out again tomorrow. Let's go for a beer!
Two Blondes....
Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"
2nd blonde: "Chickens."
1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"
2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"
1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."
Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater
But thank God I have a few twix up my sleeve
A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going...
The wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.
The husband replies, It looks like he's still celebrating.
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"
A man goes to the movies and sees a large dog sitting next to a woman watching the film
He says to her "I am surprised your dog is enjoying this movie"
The woman replies "Me too, he hated the book"
The first night in prison and not sleeping next to my wife, I wrestled uncontrollably with a large and throbbing e**....
I just wish it had been mine.
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.
A man approached a very beautiful woman
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...
The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
What's the largest export of Great Britain?
Independence days
Two pieces of Road walk into a bar
They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.
15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.
The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:
You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path
Misinterpretation
I was in a pub last Saturday night, drank quite a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland ?"
One of them snapped back saying, "It's WALES , you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland ?"
That's pretty much the last thing I remember...
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.
A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.
The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".
Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious.
Now, we all know that Mahatma Gandhi didn't wear shoes when he walked, so he had rather large calluses on his feet. He also did not eat much, making him rather frail, and due to his diet, his breath was unpleasant, to say the least.
He was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.
You can't take it with you
A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does as asked and soon after the man dies.
A few months later the wife is cleaning out the attic and finds the suitcase. "s**... idiot" she says "I knew I should have put it in the basement."
A Japanese business man living in nyc goes into the bank to exchange a large amount of US dollars into Yen....
He does the transaction with the teller, offer a polite bow accompanied by an 'ah so', and leaves.
He comes back in a week with another large amount of usd to exchange. This time he gets much less yen. He looks quizzically at the teller and she says to him, 'fluctuations'!!
He angrily grabs the cash and storms out. As he's leaving the branch he comes back in and yells at the top of his voice: 'fluc you Americans too!!!'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs. The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the hot dogs."
I have tried all my life multiplying really large numbers by zero.
That amounted to nothing.
Not all construction work is equally enjoyable.
For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.
