laptop Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious laptop puns

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

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I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"

I said "$200 and it's yours."

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I like my woman like I like my Laptop

On my lap , turned on ,Virus free

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What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell

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Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy.

Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket

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My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"


I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream while masturbating?"

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I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."

I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.

I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"

"You wanna buy it?"

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I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes...

It's my screen savior...

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I was in a job interview today. The interviewing manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." ...

So I put the laptop under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I said, "$200 and it's yours."

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I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean

A dell must be rolling in the deep

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Job Interview

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me".

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I said, "$200 and it's yours".

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I was in a job interview when the manager handed me his laptop and says I want you to try to sell this to me

So I closed it, put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called me and said, You bring it back here right now I said, $100 and it's yours .

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A guy goes in for a job interview...

A guy goes in for a job interview.

The manager hands the guy his laptop and says, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So the guy puts it under his arm, walks out of the building, and goes home.

Eventually, the manager calls the guy and says, "Bring it back here right now!"

The guy says, "$200 and it's yours."

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Last night my parents found S&M videos on my laptop.

"What should we do?" My mom asked.

"Well we can't spank him!" My Dad replied.

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Someone stole my Microsoft office from my laptop. I will find you and I will get you.

You have my Word.

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Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat?

He had caps lock on.

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Hey, are you the bottom of my laptop?

Because you're really hot and it's making me nervous.

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We had a big storm on the weekend, we had a blackout and you couldn't go outside. After a while the batteries on my laptop and phone had run out so I read the newspaper and finished my latest book. After that there was nothing to do so I sat down and talked to my wife for an hour or so.

She seems quite nice.

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Me to Doctor: I've hurt my penis in a surfing accident. Doctor: Did you fall off your board?

Me:

No I slammed my laptop shut when the Wife walked in.

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New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop

I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

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So I painted my laptop black.

I thought it would run faster. But now, it doesn't work.

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How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...

So I took the laptop and left...

Left... ?? Then what ??

Nothing...

30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....

So I asked him:

Will you buy it ??

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Everytime I turn my laptop on it says hello to me

Probably because it's a Dell

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Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop.

It feels like I'm losing control.

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A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, "All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don't know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars."

"No," she says, "I just want to sleep."

He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says if he gets it wrong he will pay her five hundred dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.

"What is the distance from the earth to the moon?" he asks.

She gives him 5 dollars. "What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?" she asks.

He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn't got an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her, "So what is the answer?"

She hands him 5 dollars.

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She actually said that?

A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night... My daughter walked into the living room and said, 'Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.' "

"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that, she actually said... 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend - Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary's election campaign!'

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What do you call a burger that merged with a laptop?

*A big mac*

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This is how marketing works.

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!" I said, "£100 and it's yours."

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How did your interview go yesterday?

\- Well, I entered the office and found the interviewer sitting on a large black leather chair. He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to go outside with it and then come back and try to sell it. He thought himself as Leonardo DiCaprio from the Wolf of Wall Street.

\- So what did you do?

\- Well, obviously I obliged. I took the laptop and left the room.

\- Then what?

\- Nothing. 30 minutes later he called me up. Begging me to return it cause all his important documents were in it. So I asked him: will you buy it?

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"Doctor, I've badly bruised my penis in a surfing accident".

Doctor: "Did you fall off your board?"

Me: "No, I had to slam my laptop shut because the wife walked in!!"

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I like my women like I like my viruses.

Safely contained on my laptop.

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I was playing Football Manager on my laptop when I was offered the Milan job.

I knew it was a shit squad with no future, so I declined the offer.

I then put the phone down and got back to Football Manager.

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I heard about the One Laptop Per Child program and I have questions.

1) Where do I get the laptop?
2) Where do I turn in the child?

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We had a outage at my place this morning...

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

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LPT: Start a film on your laptop before you go to bed.

That way, the NSA will have something to watch while you sleep. ^_^

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What are the most funny Laptop jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Laptop? Well, here are the best Laptop dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Laptop pick up lines to share with friends.

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