The Best 69 Laptop Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Laptop jokes. There are some laptop imac jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these laptop keyboard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Laptop Jokes and Puns

I sat at the cafe today.


No cellphone.

No tablet.

No laptop.

I just sat there.

Drinking coffee.

Like a Psychopath.

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"

I said "$200 and it's yours."

Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop.

It feels like I'm losing control.

jokes about laptop

What do you call a laptop in the ocean?

A Dell, rolling in the deep.


What happens when you throw a laptop into the ocean?

You have a Dell, rolling in the deep.

"You know, honey, when i'm old and very ill, i don't want to live like a vegetable..

i don't want to depend on any machine or any other fluids that are supposed to keep me alive". As i said that to her, she looked at me dearly, then she went on to confiscate my phone, laptop and flushed down the toilet all the beer i had.

Laptop joke, "You know, honey, when i'm old and very ill, i don't want to live like a vegetable..

We had a big storm on the weekend, we had a blackout and you couldn't go outside. After a while the batteries on my laptop and phone had run out so I read the newspaper and finished my latest book. After that there was nothing to do so I sat down and talked to my wife for an hour or so.

She seems quite nice.

I've just been arrested by police investigating match fixing.

They executed search warrants at my home and office, seized my computer, laptop and mobile phone, and froze my bank account.

All I did was go into my local bookies and put a £5 bet on Manchester United to win.

We had a power outage today...

...and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my phone battery was flat and I couldn't charge it.To top it off it was snowing outside. So I couldn't play golf and I couldn't fish. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power. So does the microwave. So popcorn won't happen.

So I talked with my wife for a few hours. She seems like such a nice person.

We had a outage at my place this morning...

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

You can explore laptop notebook reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean laptop adele dad jokes. There are also laptop puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So a tech support has a house call...

When he gets there a little old lady answers the door. She let's him in and tell him to sit on the couch while she gets her laptop. She steps away and the tech notices a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table and helps himself to some while he waits. When she comes back the tech says "I hope you don't mind I ate some of your nuts." The little lady says "Help yourself! I just suck the chocolate off them anyways."

I spilled coffee on my laptop.

now it won't go into sleep mode..

As soon as I plugged in my laptop, all my files became unreadable.

I guess power corrupts.

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream while masturbating?"

What's the difference between chrome and chromium?

Chrome will heat my laptop to 1907 °C and still remain frozen.

Laptop joke, What's the difference between chrome and chromium?

"I've been a very bad girl. I need to be punished." She said...

"Very well.." I replied.. installing windows 8 on her laptop.

I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."

I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.

I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"

"You wanna buy it?"

Hey, are you the bottom of my laptop?

Because you're really hot and it's making me nervous.


Everytime I turn my laptop on it says hello to me

Probably because it's a Dell

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell

I like my women like I like my viruses.

Safely contained on my laptop.

I threw my laptop into the ocean..

Its a Dell rolling in the deep.

Why couldn't the laptop go to sleep?

Because it has two shifts.

please help laptop problem

I painted my laptop black in hope of it running faster, now it doesnt work at all.

What do you call a burger that merged with a laptop?

*A big mac*

Laptop joke, What do you call a burger that merged with a laptop?

I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes...

It's my screen savior...

I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean

A dell must be rolling in the deep

My mom won't let me eat while using her laptop anymore...

Because when she caught me stroganoff I dropped my pennes on the keyboard.


LPT: Start a film on your laptop before you go to bed.

That way, the NSA will have something to watch while you sleep. ^_^

A guy goes in for a job interview...

A guy goes in for a job interview.

The manager hands the guy his laptop and says, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So the guy puts it under his arm, walks out of the building, and goes home.

Eventually, the manager calls the guy and says, "Bring it back here right now!"

The guy says, "$200 and it's yours."

Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat?

He had caps lock on.

Last night my parents found S&M videos on my laptop.

"What should we do?" My mom asked.

"Well we can't spank him!" My Dad replied.

I went in for a job interview today...

The manager, looking for a great salesperson, picked up a laptop and said "sell me this laptop".

I proceeded to stick it under my armpit and walk out.

A few minutes later, the manager called my cellphone upset saying "bring it back!!!"

I said "i'll sell it to you for $200 bucks!"


What's the worst part about jerking off in the shower?

When your laptop breaks.

So I painted my laptop black.

I thought it would run faster. But now, it doesn't work.

I dated a kleptomaniac once

She stole my heart, and my laptop.

New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop

I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

Someone stole my Microsoft office from my laptop. I will find you and I will get you.

You have my Word.

I like my woman like I like my Laptop

On my lap , turned on ,Virus free

Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy.

Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket

My 6-Year-old came up to me While I was paying thetaxes on my laptop

6yr: What game are you playing?
Me: Paying the taxes.
6yr: Are you winning?
Me: No, In fact I lost 6 Years ago.

I heard about the One Laptop Per Child program and I have questions.

1) Where do I get the laptop?
2) Where do I turn in the child?

How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...

So I took the laptop and left...

Left... ?? Then what ??

Nothing...

30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....

So I asked him:

Will you buy it ??

My wife wants a baby, she asked how motile my sperm is.

I replied "I'm not sure, but I've seen it leap over a laptop"

I had an interview for a position as a car salesman.

The interviewer handed me his laptop and said, Here, sell this to me.
I took the laptop and stuck it in my bag and left. Three hours later he called and asked for his laptop back. I said, You want to buy it back?

A man is telling a story to his friend.

He says:

- So last night I was at that sexy girl's place, and we were talkin' dirty. And at one point she blindfolded herself and said "Do what you want!". So, y'know, I grabbed her phone and laptop and walked out...

At that point, his friend starts laughing. The first guy replies:

- What you laughin' at? If you were there, we could have taken the TV!

I'm so white









... my laptop screen dims as I sit in front of it.

I once dropped my laptop into the lake

Now it's just a dell rolling in the deep

Italian Computer Repair shop

Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop, the computer explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it brief" so I said "Bad-a-Bing, Bad-a-boom!"

What laptop does an astronaut use?

Macbook. 'Cos you can't open windows in space. Ciao Bella ciao

I just made money for the first time as a programmer

I sold my laptop

I was at a job interview today...

When the manager handed me a laptop and said,

I want you to sell this to me.

So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.

Eventually he called me and said, Bring my laptop back now.

I said, £200 and it's yours.

So much nudity online these days . . .

. . . sometimes I just sit in front of my laptop shaking my fist.

Which laptops do Taliban use?

infiDELL

Today I made my first money as a Programmer.

I sold my laptop.

If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again,

Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years

Had my full Office 365 package stolen from my laptop. I'll find you

You have my Word

I just checked my documents on my Laptop to find they are all gone

Who let the docx. out?

(This is my friend's joke)

Don't be worried about your iPhone and laptop spying on you

Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

I thought i saw a spider on my laptop

It turned out it was just a bug.

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I replied, "£100 and it's yours."

Drunk Son

The son arrived home drunk. To avoid being punished, he pretended to open his laptop and begin reading.

Dad: Did you come in drunk today, too?
Son: No, Dad, as you can see, I'm studying.
Dad: What are you studying by opening the suitcase, you moron?

My daughter just walked into the living room and said

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Lakers"

Not looking forward to one day having to buy a Quantum Laptop Computer...

I *still* haven't even finished paying the last bill from my Quantum Mechanic!

Me: Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues.

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: The commute was fine. It's my laptop.

I interviewed for a job today when the manager handed me his laptop and asked, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked straight out of the building and went home.

Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I replied, "$300 and it's yours."

I need to get a new friend

I've been trying to develop a website on my laptop but needed help as I only know basic coding. I asked my friend, a computer programmer, for advice and he told me to get Python

After about a week, the snake arrived. It then proceeded to wrap itself around the computer now it doesn't work at all. Seriously wtf? I should have just dumped coffee onto my keyboard because JavaScript is clearly better

I love this time of year, the lead up to Christmas

When your partner walks into the room you can slam your laptop shut and you don't get any disgusted looks.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the laptop tablet puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working laptop macbook piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes