Laptop Jokes
136 laptop jokes and hilarious laptop puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about laptop that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you in search of some hilarious jokes related to laptops? Then look no further! This article contains a collection of puns and funny one-liners about laptop chargers, broken laptops, Dell laptops, USBs, cursors, and notebooks. So grab your device and get ready to laugh!
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Funniest Laptop Short Jokes
Short laptop jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The laptop humour may include short notebook jokes also.
- My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing... Probably because it's a Dell
- Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy. Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket
- I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes... It's my screen savior...
- I just checked my documents on my Laptop to find they are all gone Who let the docx. out?
(This is my friend's joke) - If you think that your computer, laptop and phone spying on you is scary then think again, Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years
- Hey, are you the bottom of my laptop? Because you're really hot and it's making me nervous.
- New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell
- Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop. It feels like I'm losing control.
- I'm so white
... my laptop screen dims as I sit in front of it. - I heard about the One Laptop Per Child program and I have questions. 1) Where do I get the laptop?
2) Where do I turn in the child?
Share These Laptop Jokes With Friends
Laptop One Liners
Which laptop one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with laptop? I can suggest the ones about smartphone and computer keyboard.
- What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell
- Today I made my first money as a Programmer. I sold my laptop.
- I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean A dell must be rolling in the deep
- Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat? He had caps lock on.
- So I painted my laptop black. I thought it would run faster. But now, it doesn't work.
- What do you call a burger that merged with a laptop? *A big mac*
- Which laptops do Taliban use? infiDELL
- Why couldn't the laptop go to sleep? Because it has two shifts.
- I thought i saw a spider on my laptop It turned out it was just a bug.
- What do you call a laptop in the ocean? A Dell, rolling in the deep.
- I dated a kleptomaniac once She stole my heart, and my laptop.
- why did the blonde use her hair dryer on the laptop? It was frozen
- Had my full Office 365 package stolen from my laptop. I'll find you You have my Word
- How do McDonald's employees protect their laptops? They use McAfee
- I threw my laptop into the sea last week... It's a dell, rolling in the deep
Dell Laptop Jokes
Here is a list of funny dell laptop jokes and even better dell laptop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was wondering why my laptop saying Hello And Hello And then I remembered.... It's a dell
- I lost my laptop on the beach yesterday Now it's a dell, rolling in the deep
- What kind of laptop calls you a thousand times? A dell
- My laptop got left outside during a storm. I tried turning it on and the screen blew and the keyboard started smoking. That's the first time I've seen the rain set fire to a Dell.
- Which laptop has the most pleasant speakers? A Dell
- I smashed Adele last night Yeah, so I got really mad and smashed up A DELL laptop last night,
- I just dropped my laptop I just dropped my laptop of a boat,
it was A dell, Rolling in the deep.
Laptop Charger Jokes
Here is a list of funny laptop charger jokes and even better laptop charger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many chargers does Mark Zuckerberg carry when he travels? Three. One for his laptop, one for his phone and one for himself.
Gather Around for Fun Laptop Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about laptop you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean computer hardware jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make laptop pranks.
I sat at the cafe today.
No cellphone.
No tablet.
No laptop.
I just sat there.
Drinking coffee.
Like a Psychopath.
I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said
"I want you to try to sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"
I said "$200 and it's yours."
I'd rather have a laptop than an iPad.
At least you can slam it shut when your lady walks in.
The world didn't end today because...
Chuck Norris just bought a laptop with a 3 year warranty.
"You know, honey, when i'm old and very ill, i don't want to live like a vegetable..
i don't want to depend on any machine or any other fluids that are supposed to keep me alive". As i said that to her, she looked at me dearly, then she went on to confiscate my phone, laptop and flushed down the toilet all the beer i had.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We had a big storm on the weekend, we had a b**... and you couldn't go outside. After a while the batteries on my laptop and phone had run out so I read the newspaper and finished my latest book. After that there was nothing to do so I sat down and talked to my wife for an hour or so.
She seems quite nice.
I've just been arrested by police investigating match fixing.
They executed search warrants at my home and office, seized my computer, laptop and mobile phone, and froze my bank account.
All I did was go into my local bookies and put a £5 bet on Manchester United to win.
We had a outage at my place this morning...
We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a tech support has a house call...
When he gets there a little old lady answers the door. She let's him in and tell him to sit on the couch while she gets her laptop. She steps away and the tech notices a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table and helps himself to some while he waits. When she comes back the tech says "I hope you don't mind I ate some of your nuts." The little lady says "Help yourself! I just s**... the chocolate off them anyways."
The down arrow key on my laptop isn't functional. IT asked me if they should call the on-site repair guy to come in today...
I told them it wasn't pressing.
As soon as I plugged in my laptop, all my files became unreadable.
I guess power corrupts.
A man visits the doctor to get treatment for his asthma.
The doctor recommends that having better ventilation within the man's house could potentially cure his condition, and tells him to sleep with his windows open.
A few days later, he visits the doctor again.
"Ah, I see you're back. How's your asthma? Is it gone?"
The man shakes his head and replies:
"No, but my TV, cellphone, and my laptop are."
A man is getting prepared to go on vacation
A man is getting prepared to go on vacation, his wife writes him a checklist of everything he needs
He starts to read it out
"Pack clothes? Check"
"Pack toiletries? Check"
"Grab electronics? Check"
"Laptop? Check"
"Know where you're going? Czech"
My father asks my mother if the laptop has any battery life
Mother: "total Buenos no charge"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Told by my 11yo son.
A woman gets a brand new laptop and is excitedly setting it up. The machine asks her to set her password. Husband tells her to use "mypenis". So she does, but the computer responds "ERROR. Not long enough."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream while m**...?"
What's the difference between chrome and chromium?
Chrome will heat my laptop to 1907 °C and still remain frozen.
Job Interview
I was at a job interview today, and my employer gave me a laptop and asked me to sell it to him. I then walked out the door with the laptop under my arm.
A few hours later, he called me at home and demanded that I give it back to him, to which I replied; "200 Bucks and it's yours."
How do you catch a runaway laptop?
With an Internet.
"I've been a very bad girl. I need to be punished." She said...
"Very well.." I replied.. installing windows 8 on her laptop.
Why couldnt the laptop see?
Cause it was SoDIMM
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my viruses.
Safely contained on my laptop.
A duck and a laptop go to a bar and, after a while, the bartender asks the duck if he'd like the drinks on his bill
The laptop scolds the bartender for making such an assumption and insists that the drinks be put on his tab
I was told water cooling a computer would make it faster
So I threw my laptop into a pool, and now I never have to see a loading screen again!
"I've been a naughty, naughty girl" she said to me, biting her lower lip, "and I need to be punished"
So I installed Windows 10 on her laptop.
Mr.Bond caught pants down
"Ah, Mr Bond, I-"
*closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers*
"-wasn't expecting you."
please help laptop problem
I painted my laptop black in hope of it running faster, now it doesnt work at all.
A man sits in a coffee shop sipping from a cup of coffee
A man sits in a coffee shop sipping from a cup of coffee, no laptop, no tablet or no phone, he just sits there, like a psychopath ..........
What's an emo's favourite laptop?
A "Razer Blade"
A boyfriend and a girlfriend are taking on New Year's Eve
Girlfriend: What'cha doin'?
Boyfriend: Watching the ball drop on my laptop.
Girlfriend: Cool. What's your New Year's resolution?
Boyfriend: 1080p
Victim gets beat up, laptop stolen
But that's not the whole story so if you see "charged with battery" don't buy it!
My mom won't let me eat while using her laptop anymore...
Because when she caught me stroganoff I dropped my pennes on the keyboard.
I got arrested for staring at two women kissing on the train.
That's the last time I'll be taking my laptop.
LPT: Start a film on your laptop before you go to bed.
That way, the NSA will have something to watch while you sleep. ^_^
Nickelodeon - Casually ask your daughter who that actress' is...
Then take your laptop to the bathroom.
What do Justin Bieber and an AMD laptop have in common
The fans are going wild
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last night my parents found s**... videos on my laptop.
"What should we do?" My mom asked.
"Well we can't s**... him!" My Dad replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst part about jerking off in the shower?
When your laptop breaks.
Grandma weighs a lot
A friend forgot his laptop on the floor of my room. My grandma thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950.
It recently came out that ISIS was developing a bomb disguised as a laptop battery to take on airplanes
They must have been taking Notes from Samsung
Husband goes home drunk
To avoid trouble, he takes out his laptop and pretends to be busy.
His wife went close to him and asked, "You are drunk again, right"
Husband: No!
Wife: Then why are you typing on your briefcase?
Stephen Hawking
If you lose Stephen Hawking, do you report a missing person or a stolen laptop?
That 'One Laptop Per Child' thing...
Where do I drop off the child and when do I get my new laptop?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey baby are you the bottom of my laptop?
Cause you're hot and I'm getting nervous
I just installed TempleOS on my old laptop, and that divine touch has brought it back to life.
The battery charge alone lasts five years.
I always have the hardest time seeing laptop RAM
It's just that the sticks are sodimm.
Why are laptops always wanted by the police?
Because they are charged with battery.
What do you call a shirt you wear on your knees?
A Laptop.
Which parts of a laptop are best suited for laying siege?
The battery and ram.
The other day I saw a black guy walking near my house carrying a laptop...
I panicked a little, thought it could be mine – so I ran home quickly. I was relieved as I saw mine was still there.
Wiping the floor.
I hope this doesn't get banned as^you ^know ^it's ^kinda... ^^dark
Gramma and laptop
My gramma thought my laptop was a scale
She weighed 300$
My 6-Year-old came up to me While I was paying thetaxes on my laptop
6yr: What game are you playing?
Me: Paying the taxes.
6yr: Are you winning?
Me: No, In fact I lost 6 Years ago.
I took my laptop on the fishing boat one day when it fell in...
It was Adele, rolling in the deep.
What is a Guitarist's preferred laptop?
Asus
How was your job interview yesterday?
Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....
He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...
He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...
So I took the laptop and left...
Left... ?? Then what ??
Nothing...
30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....
So I asked him:
Will you buy it ??
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife wants a baby, she asked how motile my s**... is.
I replied "I'm not sure, but I've seen it leap over a laptop"
Did you know there's a spider on your laptop?
Yeah. He's looking for a website.
Libraries have really expanded in terms of what they can help with - I just saw a man bring his laptop to the help desk asking how he can check the weather
The librarian had to show him how to use windows
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is telling a story to his friend.
He says:
- So last night I was at that s**... girl's place, and we were talkin' dirty. And at one point she blindfolded herself and said "Do what you want!". So, y'know, I grabbed her phone and laptop and walked out...
At that point, his friend starts laughing. The first guy replies:
- What you laughin' at? If you were there, we could have taken the TV!
I've protected my laptop by placing several alcoholic fruity beverages on top of it.
I guess I misunderstood when people told me to focus on cider security.
Why do laptops weigh more in the UK compared to the US?
The keyboard adds an extra pound.
