The Best 69 Laptop Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Laptop jokes. There are some laptop imac jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these laptop keyboard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Laptop Jokes and Puns

I sat at the cafe today.


No cellphone.

No tablet.

No laptop.

I just sat there.

Drinking coffee.

Like a Psychopath.

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"

I said "$200 and it's yours."

Laptop joke, I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop.

It feels like I'm losing control.

What do you call a laptop in the ocean?

A Dell, rolling in the deep.


What happens when you throw a laptop into the ocean?

You have a Dell, rolling in the deep.

"You know, honey, when i'm old and very ill, i don't want to live like a vegetable..

i don't want to depend on any machine or any other fluids that are supposed to keep me alive". As i said that to her, she looked at me dearly, then she went on to confiscate my phone, laptop and flushed down the toilet all the beer i had.

Laptop joke, "You know, honey, when i'm old and very ill, i don't want to live like a vegetable..

We had a big storm on the weekend, we had a blackout and you couldn't go outside. After a while the batteries on my laptop and phone had run out so I read the newspaper and finished my latest book. After that there was nothing to do so I sat down and talked to my wife for an hour or so.

She seems quite nice.

I've just been arrested by police investigating match fixing.

They executed search warrants at my home and office, seized my computer, laptop and mobile phone, and froze my bank account.

All I did was go into my local bookies and put a £5 bet on Manchester United to win.

We had a power outage today...

...and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my phone battery was flat and I couldn't charge it.To top it off it was snowing outside. So I couldn't play golf and I couldn't fish. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power. So does the microwave. So popcorn won't happen.

So I talked with my wife for a few hours. She seems like such a nice person.

We had a outage at my place this morning...

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

You can explore laptop notebook reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean laptop adele dad jokes. There are also laptop puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So a tech support has a house call...

When he gets there a little old lady answers the door. She let's him in and tell him to sit on the couch while she gets her laptop. She steps away and the tech notices a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table and helps himself to some while he waits. When she comes back the tech says "I hope you don't mind I ate some of your nuts." The little lady says "Help yourself! I just suck the chocolate off them anyways."

The down arrow key on my laptop isn't functional. IT asked me if they should call the on-site repair guy to come in today...

I told them it wasn't pressing.

I spilled coffee on my laptop.

now it won't go into sleep mode..

As soon as I plugged in my laptop, all my files became unreadable.

I guess power corrupts.

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream while masturbating?"

Laptop joke, My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

What's the difference between chrome and chromium?

Chrome will heat my laptop to 1907 °C and still remain frozen.

Job Interview

I was at a job interview today, and my employer gave me a laptop and asked me to sell it to him. I then walked out the door with the laptop under my arm.
A few hours later, he called me at home and demanded that I give it back to him, to which I replied; "200 Bucks and it's yours."

"I've been a very bad girl. I need to be punished." She said...

"Very well.." I replied.. installing windows 8 on her laptop.


I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."

I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.

I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"

"You wanna buy it?"

Hey, are you the bottom of my laptop?

Because you're really hot and it's making me nervous.

Everytime I turn my laptop on it says hello to me

Probably because it's a Dell

What do you call a singing laptop?

A Dell

Why couldnt the laptop see?

Cause it was SoDIMM

I like my women like I like my viruses.

Safely contained on my laptop.

I threw my laptop into the ocean..

Its a Dell rolling in the deep.

My laptop said hello to me....

I think it's "a Dell"

"I've been a naughty, naughty girl" she said to me, biting her lower lip, "and I need to be punished"

So I installed Windows 10 on her laptop.

Why couldn't the laptop go to sleep?

Because it has two shifts.

please help laptop problem

I painted my laptop black in hope of it running faster, now it doesnt work at all.

What do you call a burger that merged with a laptop?

*A big mac*

I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my laptop if I leave it idle for 10 minutes...

It's my screen savior...

I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean

A dell must be rolling in the deep

My mom won't let me eat while using her laptop anymore...

Because when she caught me stroganoff I dropped my pennes on the keyboard.

I got arrested for staring at two women kissing on the train.

That's the last time I'll be taking my laptop.

LPT: Start a film on your laptop before you go to bed.

That way, the NSA will have something to watch while you sleep. ^_^

A guy goes in for a job interview...

A guy goes in for a job interview.

The manager hands the guy his laptop and says, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So the guy puts it under his arm, walks out of the building, and goes home.

Eventually, the manager calls the guy and says, "Bring it back here right now!"

The guy says, "$200 and it's yours."

Why couldnt the laptop take off his hat?

He had caps lock on.

Last night my parents found S&M videos on my laptop.

"What should we do?" My mom asked.

"Well we can't spank him!" My Dad replied.

I went in for a job interview today...

The manager, looking for a great salesperson, picked up a laptop and said "sell me this laptop".

I proceeded to stick it under my armpit and walk out.

A few minutes later, the manager called my cellphone upset saying "bring it back!!!"

I said "i'll sell it to you for $200 bucks!"

What's the worst part about jerking off in the shower?

When your laptop breaks.

It recently came out that ISIS was developing a bomb disguised as a laptop battery to take on airplanes

They must have been taking Notes from Samsung

So I painted my laptop black.

I thought it would run faster. But now, it doesn't work.

I dated a kleptomaniac once

She stole my heart, and my laptop.

New technology uses bacteria to power a laptop

I guess you could say the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the dell

Someone stole my Microsoft office from my laptop. I will find you and I will get you.

You have my Word.

I like my woman like I like my Laptop

On my lap , turned on ,Virus free

Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy.

Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket

The other day I saw a black guy walking near my house carrying a laptop...

I panicked a little, thought it could be mine – so I ran home quickly. I was relieved as I saw mine was still there.

Wiping the floor.







I hope this doesn't get banned as^you ^know ^it's ^kinda... ^^dark

My 6-Year-old came up to me While I was paying thetaxes on my laptop

6yr: What game are you playing?
Me: Paying the taxes.
6yr: Are you winning?
Me: No, In fact I lost 6 Years ago.

I heard about the One Laptop Per Child program and I have questions.

1) Where do I get the laptop?
2) Where do I turn in the child?

How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...

So I took the laptop and left...

Left... ?? Then what ??

Nothing...

30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....

So I asked him:

Will you buy it ??

My wife wants a baby, she asked how motile my sperm is.

I replied "I'm not sure, but I've seen it leap over a laptop"

I had an interview for a position as a car salesman.

The interviewer handed me his laptop and said, Here, sell this to me.
I took the laptop and stuck it in my bag and left. Three hours later he called and asked for his laptop back. I said, You want to buy it back?

A man is telling a story to his friend.

He says:

- So last night I was at that sexy girl's place, and we were talkin' dirty. And at one point she blindfolded herself and said "Do what you want!". So, y'know, I grabbed her phone and laptop and walked out...

At that point, his friend starts laughing. The first guy replies:

- What you laughin' at? If you were there, we could have taken the TV!

I'm so white









... my laptop screen dims as I sit in front of it.

Why do laptops weigh more in the UK compared to the US?

The keyboard adds an extra pound.

I once dropped my laptop into the lake

Now it's just a dell rolling in the deep

I threw my laptop into the sea last week...

It's a dell, rolling in the deep

The oldest laptop can be traced back to Adam and Eve

An Apple with very limited memory (1 Byte), single core and OS written in Python.

What does a spoiled brat need to break a laptop in 1 minute?

1. Laptop
2. One minute

Real life story.

Which laptop brand is the best for music production?

Asus

What does a homeless guy do first when he finds a laptop?

He searches through the Recycle bin.

The Beastie Boys bought a cheap, Korean laptop...

But Windows wouldn't work on it because it was licensed to Kim jong ill.

I SAID IT WAS LICENS....oh never mind.

My laptop beat me at chess

I guess I'm just really bad at chess

I bet y'all were expecting me to beat it at kickboxing.

Me: I am sorry I am late. I was having computer issues.

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.

Italian Computer Repair shop

Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop, the computer explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it brief" so I said "Bad-a-Bing, Bad-a-boom!"

What laptop does an astronaut use?

Macbook. 'Cos you can't open windows in space. Ciao Bella ciao

I was having trouble with my laptop, so I called Apple support.

They asked, 'Have you tried disabling cookies?'

I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the laptop tablet jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working laptop macbook piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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