Laps Jokes

9 laps jokes and hilarious laps puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about laps that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Comedy Laps Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle

What is a good laps joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House...

Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".
Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".

Obama was running with a secret service member...

And he was trying to break the record on running 4 laps around the White House lawn. When he finished the Secret Service agent said We'll done sir, your time is 9:22, one of the best times we've had.
Obama then replied, One of the best? Not the best?
The agent replied No sir, Bush did 9:11

Father shark teaches the son shark how to eat human

"Look boy, when you target a swimming human go close with your fin out of the water. Take a few laps around the target then you can eat. Does it make sense?"
"Yes, father. Thank you." the son replayed.
"Now go find your lunch" said the father.
The guy went in one direction and came back after some time.
"Did you find someone?" father.
"Yes dad."
"Did you do what I said?"
"Yes, I found a human and ate him?"
"Did you show your fin and make a few laps around the target?"
"No. I just ate him"
"Oh boy. You ate the s**... with that human."

5 year old: Mommy, do you know how long a tooth paste tube lasts?

Mother: No honey?
5 year old: 2 laps around the TV table, and one around the couch

What do you get when a proctologist runs track?

r**... pro laps


One day a penguin decides to go to a party. He dresses in his usual tuxedo, and then drives over to the mansion. He eats his dinner and then it was time for dessert. Ice cream, the penguin's favorite! The penguin laps up the ice cream getting it all over his beak and face feathers. On his drive home his car breaks down and he calls for a tow. After the mechanic inspects the car he proceeds to tell the penguin "You blew a seal". To which the penguin replies "No, it's ice cream"

I once photographed a high school track team practice for the yearbook..

I guess you could call it *timed laps* photography.

Did you hear about the man who did 4 bicycle laps round Buckingham Palace?

He was awarded the pedal of honour

The day my dog died

When I was about four years old my brother had an old beater of a sports car, and one day he and my dad were draining the gas tank before they do more work. So they drain the gas into a bucket and then go inside for beer. My dog Hershey's t**... on up to the bucket and takes a nice long drink.. And then he began to run laps around our house, faster and faster until my dad came out to see all the commotion. Just as he got out Hershey's falls down on to his back and is still.
My dad frantically asked me What happened is the dog okay?!
I laughed and said Yeah he's fine, he just ran out of gas.

Laps joke, The day my dog died

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Laps joke, The day my dog died

Laps joke, The day my dog died